Author: hopelesscauseatelier

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Closer To Fine

I’m trying to tell you something ’bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It’s only life after all, yeah

Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

If you know me you know I’m like the Energizer Bunny, always going. In my professional life, I am a self-identified high functioning Expressive (according to the Merrill-Wilson Personality Type) and underlying Driver. Expressives are outgoing, multitaskers, storytellers–turning disasters into humor, and while others may see them as disorganized they know exactly where everything goes. At work and through the Atelier, I keep myself involved in multiple projects, with a series of goals to achieve. While most people’s idea of a vacation is going to a mountain retreat or a beach getaway…I am drawn to places like NYC where the energy frequency is sooo high; it’s soothing to me. When I’m stressed, I retreat and and my interactions become short if not non-existent.

It’s been a month and a half since my surgery, and oh boy, the first couple of weeks I was figuring out how to walk, sleep, and not sneeze, laugh, or cough, so I wouldn’t pop stitches. I was unable to drive for myself until I got my doctor’s okay around the third week and still can’t lift more than 10 lbs, do repetitive motion, nor exercise beyond walking and stationery cycling. In the mornings, I almost feel human, but by the end of the day I feel like Violet Beauregarde, from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, ballooned and ready to pop.

Because of lingering winter weather, my only out of the house activities were being chauffeured to doctor appointments, short grocery shopping trips, and afternoon walks with Isaiah and Coco…I tease him when I ask if he’s coming over, saying, “are you walking Coco and me today?”

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
And I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores

Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

I have continued a small routine which includes morning mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral via YouTube, practicing French on Duolingo, reading The Gift of Influence, by Tommy Spaulding, working on Fashion Design Management coursework. On days that Isaiah came over, it pushed me to make sure I showered, dishes were washed, and I had meals ready to prepare. His visits have given me purpose more than getting sucked into binge tv. Although, I have him hooked on Ted Lasso.

https://www.tiktok.com/@phoebe_n_cece/video/7223834114917403946?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7126301120275990059
“Because when you find beauty you find inspiration” -Ted Lasso, Season 3, Episode 6 – Sunflowers

Around week four, I struggled. I opted to not participate in the fashion show for Locker #505. I came to the realization that I wouldn’t be able to schlep the garments to the event and back home. I wouldn’t be able to do the the steaming (up and down repetitive motion) and help the models with the outfits. Plus during that time in my recovery, standing for more than a half hour meant major adominal pressure and swelling. So a week and half before the show, I reached out to the producer, explained my situation and gave my regrets. I was bummed because I love this organization and have enjoyed participating in the past. My struggles weren’t only physical but also mental because creating and showcasing my art raises my endorphins.

On top of that I was dealing with my denied FMLA/LOA and trying to get the corrected dates from my surgeon and was hitting automated systems and lack of urgency from both sides (finally, at week six I was able to get it approved). I received my medical statement of benefits and was stopped in my tracks, when I read the claim for two of the days I stayed at Lovelace ICU wasn’t medically necessary and was denied. This mean’t I would be responsible for the $25,000 bill. No joking here. I called my insurance to see what I needed to do to get it paid. The insurance representative stated the denied claim was sent back to the hospital to resubmit. However as back up, I have it on my list of questions for my surgeon at my next appointment. And the cherry on top, was stress related to me not being at work and a sense of FOMO…not so much a fear of missing out on fun but instead of opportunities for sales. It’s a reality check when you are at home seeing the world move on without your presence. Depression is no joke and isolation feeds it…“darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear”

Brave Enough, Cheryl Strayed

Before having surgery, I joined a Facebook group, Tummy Tuck & Cosmetic Surgery Support Group and it was great in helping me prepare for surgery and in some ways in what to expect after. However, after surgery I found what I needed was different. The women in this group were electing to have their tummy tucks, boob and butt lifts, liposuction and muscle repair. It made me think back when I had decided that I was going to use my own belly fat for breast reconstruction rather than implants. I had several friends joke, offering their own tissue if I needed it, or commenting how I’d have a flat stomach and new boobs on the flip side. I know it wasn’t mean-spirited, but those coments have impacted me. I did not choose cancer. I have been cut up and stiched back together. While this type of reconstructive surgery was my choice, I wouldn’t have chosen it if this wasn’t my journey, So, I slid down the slippery slope of body dysmorphia, not feeling flat on the otherside, instead looking like Sally from A Nightmare Before Christmas, Sponge Bob or a balloon about to pop–just feeling so swollen, boxy, and unappealing, I became more reclusive, opting to say, “no” to visits or going out to see people, because I didn’t feel comfortable in anything other than my yoga pants and sweats, I couldn’t make a meal for visitors, or even clean my house beyond hitting DJ Roomba to quickly sweep the floors. I questioned what was going on and didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone in my immediate circle in detail because I knew they wouldn’t understand. How could they?!? Luckily, I found another Facebook Group specifically for women in their DEIP Flap journey. Things I was feeling and thinking were commonplace here.

And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine, yeah

Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

Being reflective and trying to understand why I was in this place, I started digging deeper and found that depression can be a side affect of surgery, so I started acknowledging my feelings. I remembered something a friend told me. Maria texted to check on me and stated, that I should accept the offered help of everyone around me because it is their way of showing love and is just as meaningful for them. So I started saying, “yes” when friends asked me to go out. A change of scenery and some vitamin D really does a body good.

@darasophia13

Thanks Kristen for including me in this Saturday get-away to Santa Fe and Altar Spirits. 💜 Check it the ecelctic space space and the fabulous crafted cocktails. #altarspirits #santafe #mixology #msadventures @kristen.olguin

♬ Summer – Instrumental – Devinney

Eventhough I easily tire, walks with Isaiah have helped tremendously. I’ve had a weekly standing dinner date with Cathy to watch the new episodes of Ted Lasso. I needed to do something creative, so when More Than Turquoise blogger and friend, Jamie, asked to video segments for her new ambassador campaign, I jumped at it. Anyone who has been a loyal reader, or just knows me, knows how important travel is for me. You have no idea how much a recent train ride and the day in Santa Fe planned by Kristen was good for my adventurous soul and when we missed our original train back, well it just added my Ms. Adventures. Getting out for lunch or happy hour and saying, “yes” to my gracious friends and family who wanted to bring over a meal and have a conversation, has helped to provide some excitement to fill those monotonous days. I appreciated, the “hope you are well” or “hope you are healing” but especially when I was asked how I was doing text messages. However they hit differently. The former are closed ended texts, while the later message prompted a conversation.

Not having dozens of things going at once was hard for me. I pulled out my calendar and set deadlines. I had been comissioned to create A’s prom dress with a deadline the week of April 22nd. My mom’s annual memorial scholarship awardees were due before April 13th and the last of Fashion Design Coursework was due by April 18th. I needed some purpose and some patience with myself. Plus looking at the calendar helped me realize what day it was…I know sad. I looked at my first week back at work and how I could drive some immediate support while ensuring that I made work-life balance a priority (I know my body will remind me). I booked a couple of group shopping events. I receached out to the producer at KRQE and pitched a few ideas. She loved theam and I have segments booked for the next three months. I’ve got another commissioned dress to work on and I’m studying to take an insurance licensing exam. I co-lead Macy’s Coronado’s Colleague Resource Group. Reading, The Gift of Influence, has given me so many ideas for programing when I return because influence is not how you get someone to buy or go somewhere you promote, but instead how you positively impact everyone you meet.

My friend, Leola, had hosted a pre-op gathering for a few friends and it really helped get me in the right mindset before surgery. She offered to host another one before I returned to work and a few weeks ago, another friend, who works for Heading Home asked if I could host a drive for new/gently used handbags filled with goodies like toiletries, beauty products, candies, candles and/or jewelry to be gifted on Mother’s Day to mother’s experiencing homelessness. I asked Leola if we could incorporate it into the evening and she was as excited by it as I was. Because I know my clients have bags in excellent condition that they no longer use, I decided to continue the collection drive into the first few days that I’m back at work.

There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine

Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls

I return to work in two weeks. I’m not feeling myself physically but closer to fine mentally. I know I still have 6 to 12 months of physical healing, and I’m hoping the return to work will help me socially and mentally, but I am truly grateful for all the love and support during this time. And, if you are looking for binge worthy tv programs, I have become the expert. Here are my choices: Ted Lasso (you can join Cathy and me for our weekly dinner and an episode meetup), Shrinking (I may or may not have used the 15 minutes method), The Chosen (great balance for the trash tv I watch), Vanderpump Rules (said trash tv), Jack Ryan, Marvel movies and Tiny Beautiful Things. TBT included a version of Closer to Fine by Ingrid Michaelson, that inspired this blog. I won’t lie. You will cry, but it may be cathartic, as it was for me. It is loosely based on Cheryl Strayed’s, book with the same title (and one of my favorites, it was SO good).

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

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Always Open

If you’ve followed my Ms. Adventures from the beginning, then you know the influence my material grandmother (lovingly aka known as my “gram”) has not only had on my passion project, Hopeless + Cause Atelier, but most importantly on my life. Growing up, I couldn’t imagine a time I wasn’t with her or she was in my corner when I was bumping heads with my mom. She taught me how to sew out of necessity when I was young and when I returned to the craft decades later, she pulled out her sewing machine and once again gave me guidance as I started to design and create.

She recently turned 93 and she lives at home with my aunt. Her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren take turns staying with her and provide care during the day while my aunt works. I’ve talked about my time with her in past posts but a couple months ago, I had an epiphany of sorts. Tuesday afternoon we were at the kitchen counter–she, with her cookies and coffee and I across from her chatting, when I realized that her hair was standing up in the back from her most recent nap. I went into her bathroom and grabbed her brush. I went back to the counter and started combing her hair. Her coos of excitement from this simple gesture threw me over with emotion. We went on that afternoon talking about family members. She told me how beautiful my dress was and she had a mixture of frustration and sadness when she couldn’t remember things. The next Tuesday, when she was enjoying her afternoon snack at the breakfast bar. I decided to pull out a deck of cards and start playing “Solitaire”. This is a game she would always play when we were at the ranch or she was in the kitchen waiting for the timer to go off on a meal she was cooking in the oven. I thought this simple act would jog her memory from the past as she watched intently as I played and showed her excitement when I made the cards work for me. Another Tuesday, she was sitting up in her bed rubbing on her finger nails trying to clean off the chipped nail polish. I grabbed my aunts tools, remover and polish and sat in front of her to give them a fresh look. Her happiness fed into mine. She has had her good days: remembering me, where she is and what she’s doing, eating, getting up to walk and holding a conversation, and she has had her not so good days: chanting prayers when she’s in pain, disoriented and upset when she can’t remember, and not really eating.

Either way, I am really grateful for this time and while it’s hard to see this fiercely independant and strong motherly figure so fragile, I am blessed that I am able to be there for her in this way. I also realized it was an epiphany on two fronts. The first was the realization was that as much as we think we are indedpendant and can do it all on our own, at sometime in our life we NEED others. The second was the hardiness and the value of time or making the time.

I set goals every year. I have learned in order to be successful I need to be realistic and specific in creating them. I also lean on a word to help guide me on my path. I opened with “opportunity” because I knew this was the year that I could take advantage with my health in check and the world opening up….but then it hit me. Opportunity is ALWAYS around you just have to be open to it. So “open” became my guiding word.

I finally set a date for breast reconstruction and it excited me that I would finally be able to shelve this chapter (plus have a new bangin’ bod). I took advantage of my company’s free educational benefits. I applied and was accepted into “Fashion Design Management” certificate program. I understand the creative side but wanted to learn more about the business side. I reached out to friends I hadn’t seen for years because of the pandemic and set dates to visit with them. I decided visiting NYC only once in 2022 was not good enough and this was the first REAL Autumn/Winter fashion season since 2020. I had points so I booked my flight.

When I opened up to the universe, I found abundance, even when obsticles blocked the way. I almost canceled my NYC trip. I really wanted to go but I started thinking about my next medical proceedure, corresponding leave of absence and short term disability pay (60% vs.100%) and I felt a little uneasy about spending the extra money. I decided to be open and just like that, I received a text from my friend, Evelyn, asking when my next trip was. I filled her in on the dates and she asked if I’d like company. So we made a plan and February 9th couldn’t get here quick enough. There were 6 things I had to do and the rest of the time was free for what ever. Those things were: 1) check out a NYFW production that also produces in Paris, 2&3) schedule time with Amanda (whom I hadn’t seen since 2020) and Sal (whom I hadn’t seen since 2018), 4) go to mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, 5) get some work done at at Louis Vuiton and Gucci and 6) visit the Museum at the FIT .

We arrived after a full day of travel and checked into the hotel, freshened up and headed down to the hotel bar for happy hour. We had reservations for a speakeasy in the East Village. I knew I’d be recovering from surgery for her March milestone birthday so I wanted to take her to someplace fabulous to celebrate. And it was! The front was a pawn shop that opened to a sweeping staircase with beautiful chandler that welcomed you to the hostess station and bar. We celebrated our arrival with a cocktail before we were escorted to our table.

@darasophia13

First night #nyc #nyfw

♬ HMU for a Good Time – Tinashe & Channel Tres

The next day I had nothing scheduled and the only thing Evelyn wanted to do was to visit the Guggenheim. The weather was unseasonably mild and beautiful for February so we decided to walk from our midtown hotel, along 5th avenue and then through Central Park to the museum. It was my first visit to this museum it was a lovely afternoon for art. We walked about half way back until Evelyn asked if we could jump on the subway. We had walked 8 miles so I gave in and if you know me, you know riding the subway is a big compromise for me (HUGE). We opted to stay in that evening grabbing pizza and a bottle of wine from neighborhood establishments (I did have to send Isaiah a photo with the caption $2 pizza).

@darasophia13

Culture and a beautiful day #nyc #nyfw #guggenheim

♬ Beat Goes On – The All Seeing I

The next morning, I had an appointment with the Louis Vuitton team to try make some sales while I was in town and then my plan was to stop by Gucci to pick of a repair order. Evelyn would meet me after the store opened. We had little bit of time to look through the latest at Herald Square before meeting Amanda for brunch. I hoped we’d hit the Museum at FIT for “Fifty Years of Hip Hop Style” before returning to the hotel for a little R-N-R. I got to work–I just love entering from Macy’s Herald Square employee entrace–and chatted with the team before I started taking photos of the latest bags and accessories. I got to work and made a few purchases on behalf of my clients. We strolled through the contemporary lines but realized we had about a 20 minute walk through Chelsea, so we decided if we had time after, we’d come back. We arrived in sync with Amanda. I gave her a big hug and made introductions. We were escorted to our chalet, or quaintly decorated outdoor eating space, that was probably built in 2020. We had a lively convesation about our lives from the past three years. After brunch, we walked over to FIT and caught the exhibits, continued on to Macy’s to do a little shopping and then returned to the room to freshen up before heading to the shows. The first one was near the Flat Iron Building and was produced by Small Business Fashion Week. They produce throughout the USA and in Paris so I really wanted to see their show and attendees. We arrived right at 6pm and almost didn’t make it in, but I’ve learned to be a pushy New Yorker and was able to get us. The show was smaller than what I am used to, but it was fun to see the varying type of designers from swim to street. The next show was in the East Village and one I’ve attended over the years. It’s a bigger production company, Art Hearts Fashion. We jumped in an Uber and headed south. As we arrived, I noticed a line wrapping around the building which I had never seen at that venue before. As we got in line, we started talking to attendees when one mentioned the type of ticket I had meant go to front of the line. We walked to the interest and I checked in with the press table. I had sent in requests for me and Evelyn. However, there was a screening process and Evelyn wasn’t on the list. Unfortunately, I couldn’t talk my way through this one so we opted to just head back to the hotel. We finished the evening watching movies and munching on Cava (one of my go-to’s in NYC).

@darasophia13

50 Years of Hip Hop and a little NYFW but first, brunch #nyfw #sbfw #museumatfit #50yearsofhiphopstyle

♬ Express Yourself – Remix – N.W.A.

Sunday, I got ready and headed out early to Mass. It’s so peaceful walking 5th Avenue on Sunday morning. I know it’s unbelieveable to discribe the City as peaceful but it really is before 10am on Sundays. I got my fill of St. Patrick’s and because brunch with Sal was at Pier 17, I had to take the subway (yes, it may start snowing as you read this). I arrived to the Brooklyn Bridge. Since Evelyn, didn’t go to mass, we were going to meet their and walk over to the restaurant together. We were all running late, so I informed the party to check in as they arrived. Evelyn could not find me so we headed over separately. Sunday was the coldest of the days with the weather dreary but at least it wasn’t raining. However being so close to the water made for some bone chilling cold. Brunch was wonderful. I hadn’t seen Sal since she stayed with me in 2018 for our friend, Jennifer’s celebration of life. We met when she was a reporter with Albuquerque Business First and developed an incredible friendship over the years. She left Albuquerque and returned to her home town, Denver, before landing a job in D.C. and in the past year was scooped up by the Associated Press in NYC. We wrapped up brunch and headed back to Macy’s to work on another purchase from Louis Vuitton. Then plan was to find a pub to watch the superbowl but after the chilly afternoon we decided to have a superbowl room party. Evelyn was craving Canolis so we hit the neighborhood, picked up dinner, wine and sweets and turned on the game. I think everyone should experience a superbowl room party.

@darasophia13

NYC work fun 🤩 #nyc #nyfw #louisvuitton #gucci #macysownyourstyle #brooklynbridge

♬ Up Beat (Married Life) – Kenyi

Our flights on moday were early afternoon, and I had another order for Gucci. I had also received a request to create a prom dress for someone i love dearly, so I wanted to hit Mood for fabric ideas. I tooks swatches and photos with the Gucci bag in tow. We got back in time to check our bags and hit a pub across the street for lunch before heading to the airport. We got on our planes and made the treck back. On my flight, I had the option to watch movies when I came accross a new release that, after the recommendation from aunt, has become my favorite, “Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris”. It is a sweet movie about an everyday woman who has profound impact on those around her. It’s about loss and enjoying life to the fullest. It was totally relateable to me.

“We need more dreams now more than ever.”

-Ada Harris

I returned to Albuquerque inspired. I’m always inspired by NYC but this is a milestone year for me and I was so grateful I took this trip. I had a little less than a month before my surgery and I wanted to get so much in before. I got back to work on outfitting the local The Go Red for Women Fashion Show for the American Heart Association. This is a such a full circle event for me. In 2014 and 2015, I actually attended the Macy’s NYFW version with celebrities models like Zendaya, Thalia Sodi, and Giada De Laurentiis. So when was hired at Macy’s, I was excited to outfit the real superheroes in our community. I also planned to host a Galentine’s soiree to thank all those that have supported me in my business throughout the years. I continued my Tuesdays with gram. Made time with my minis, my friends and to volunteer. I celebrated several friends incredible accomplishments and just enjoyed life at community events. I started my course work. I opted for a Dry Lent and found that it hasn’t been difficult to follow even when going out with friends.

I had my pre-op appointment scheduled for March 1st. I woke that morning after feeling so many different emotions over the past couple of weeks. I knew the intensity with a hospital stay involved and assumed a 6-week leave of absence. My plastic surgeon had moved from her private practice to UNM Cancer Center, so when I had planned to have reconstructive surgery last year, I’d have to wait until late summer but because of my time away from work for my ankle surgery, I knew I couldn’t take another 6-weeks off, so late last year, we planned it for March 10th. I arrived at my appointment on time and after going through the maze of the cancer center I was taken to an exam room. I had a busy day but I had planned the appointment early enough that I wouldn’t be too stressed about spending the time for the appointment. However when my doctor arrived 45 minutes late, I lost it. The emotions bubbled up and I explained how it is not professional or courteous to make someone wait that long. She apologized profusely and we got to work talking about my care pre-op, the surgery and the recovery. It was overwhelming and I wish I had an extra pair of ears but I tried to take copious notes. I was to give up caffiene immediately (which resulted in several days of fun headaches). My surgery call time was 6am and the surgery would be anywhere from 6-9 hours long. I would be admitted into an ICU room and would be released 5 days later. The room would set at balmy 75 degrees so the newly constructed veins and arteries would be expanded enough to feed the new tissue enough blood to sustain life. The final big change to what I was expecting was the fact that I would be out for 8 weeks. Eight weeks of minimal movement and 8 weeks of reduced pay. But at the end of the day, I knew that on the flip side I would be able to shelve this chapter of my life and have a banging bod (If you’re reading this, I hope you’re laughing along with me).

“When she woke the next morning she felt no longer sad but only eager and excited as one who is about to embark upon a great and unknown adventure.”

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

I got back to work. Set up our store’s Bag Hunger Activies, saw as many clients as I could. Cleaned my casita since I’d have my minis staying with me and got as far as I could in my class assignments. I planned a team volunteer project the day before my surgery because I knew I’d be out of commission for the rest of the projects that month. A group of 12 from Macy’s Coronado headed to St. Felix Pantry on Thursday March 8. I think what made this even more special is that one of my coworkers mentioned that he had utilized the food pantry’s services years ago so he was compelled to go and help others now that he was at a place where he could. That made me smile. We packaged fresh veggies and sorted non-perishable foods for two hours.

As I was leaving, my phone rang. I answered knowing the number was coming from Lovelace, the hospital where my surgery was taking place. The woman on the other end introduced herself as the financial consultant and asked to speak to me. I responded and she continued to discuss the financial costs of the surgery and my responsibility. I think I was in shock because it all became jumbled besides the following: Lovelace was no longer contracted with my insurance carrier. The surgery would cost $330,000 and my patient responsibility would be $150,000. While I was hoping the surgery was in-network because it would be free because I had already met this year’s $3,900 in network out of pocket maximum, I knew there might be a possibility that it could be out of network and my out of pocket maximum would be $11,000. So when I explained that to this woman, she responded saying since Lovelace wasn’t contracted they could charge whatever they wanted. I then proceeded to ask why they waited until the day before to inform me of this. My heart sank thinking how much longer I’d have to wait. She said she’d reach out to the CFO to see if there is anything they could do, but it might require me bringing a few thousand dollars with me…again, I thought you request this a day before my surgery?!? I asked whom the CFO she was referring to, so when she responded with the name of one of my clients, I said, “tell her it’s for Dara, her Macy’s Personal Stylist”.

I hung up the phone and tears streamed down my face and I’m sure my blood pressure was through the roof. I took a deep breath and reached out to my friend, Serena, whom is an executive at Lovelace. I explained what happened. She was astonished to hear what I told and said she’d get on the phone with the CFO. With in minutes I was given the number for the head of admissions with a time to call her. I promptly did so and talked through the financial responsibility and she agreed that the max out of pocket I’d experience would be the $11,000. As a friend told me, it’s like I received a $139,000 gift. I was lucky because I have friends in high places, but I couldn’t help but think what if I didn’t?

The next morning, Isaiah drove me to the hospital. We checked in at 6:00am and after going through the admission process we were taken to the surgery area. The nurse came to get me within minutes and after taking all the preliminary vitals, got me prepped for surgery. My surgeons came in and marked my breast and abdomen surgery site. The anesthesiologist came in started the process as they rolled me into the operating room. About 8 hours later, I woke up in my ICU room connected to oxygen, IVs, drains, a pain ball, blood pressure cuff, catheter, oxygen sensor and dopler wiring to read the blood flow. Later, Cati admitted to me that she was scared after seeing all the machine connections. Initially, I had two nurses attending to me. They stayed with me in the room checking vitals every 15 minutes until the shift change at 7pm. That first day I could only have ice chips (it was ok–Friday’s during lent are for fasting–okay, I know bad joke). The room was so hot that I asked for ice packs behind my neck and under my feet. I found out that my lungs had partially collapsed from the time spent in the operating room, so they gave me a spirometer to exercise my lung. It was difficult to initially get to the level I was challenged to, but the bigger problem happened after the first day of using it and the coughing that ensued. I prayed that I didn’t cough, laugh or sneeze and of course all these actions occured. I’ve never held my stomach tighter.

I’m not going lie; the first 48 hours were probably the hardest I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I straddled the line of modesty and vanity with my own vanity pushing me through. My faith, my family and friends who checked in and said prayers on my behalf, the incredible nursing team from the ICU unit and little things like watching Friends on Nick at Nite, Harry Potter Marathons and trash tv from Bravo were my saviors. The ICU nurses went above and beyond in my care. I had one nurse, Michelle, who was so concerned when my temperature spiked to 101.8 degrees that she called the doctor for advice and did everything to keep me comfortable. I knew it was because I was living in an oven, but soldiered on following instructions to make sure that the tissue had a healthy start. I also kept my sense of humor, welcoming my visitors to my tropical paradise.

Tuesday morning I was doing well enough to be released home. Brianna took off of work and picked me up. Isaiah met us at my casita and stayed with me until Cati got off from work. Isaiah is working remotely for the next month so he’s been with me during the day all week and Cati has been staying overnight with me. I am truly blessed by my three kiddos. Family and friends have checked in to see what I need and how I’m doing. I am incredibly grateful. I know this was the path I chose for reconstruction and I am so thankful that it is going well but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t intense. And it brought me back to my epiphany from my grams. I’m a tough, independent woman, who’d rather focus on others than ask for help.Yet again life reminded me that we all need help sometimes. Right now, it’s hard for me to welcome visitors because I’m carrying my painball and two drains. I walk hunched over with the aid of a walker and I’m living my best life in pj’s. I’ve always been teased because I have monkey toes, but my prensile feet have aided me as I can’t bend down. And to not welcome someone into my home when I can’t make them a meal or even clean my house, is trying. It’s not that I don’t want to see loved ones but instead because I don’t want them to see me in this manner. I’m at the start of road to recovery and I can’t wait to write about what’s happening next…and down the road.

I know 2023 is going to be a big year with milestone celebrations, travel and quality time with loved ones. My first couple of projects are to complete the Fashion Design Management Certificate Program, loan looks for the Locker #505 Fashion Show in April and get back to work reviewing Paris Fashion Week production companies. My journeys are never straight lines, but it’s in those difficult paths and off road adventures that I learn so much about myself and the world around me. This journey continues to reveal to be open and to take advantage of every opportunity that is set forth.

“Life is not all moonlight and movies.” – Andre Fauvel “Why can’t it be? I’ve spent too long on my own, wishing my life away.” – Ada Harris

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

P.S. I can have coffee again after March 25th and a glass of wine after April 9th.

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It REALLY Is A Wonderful Life

It’s December 26, 2023 and I hope you are taking some time to breathe and just be. It has been incredibly busy in my world and even with the bah humbugs I have to reflect on how wonderful life has been in the past month.

It was kind of a blur since I returned from Austin Fashion Week. However I intended to continue my tradition of a 36 hour trip to NYC for a holiday recharge. It had been a year since I was last there and I wasn’t going to let 2022 go by without visiting my soul place, but there was so much to do before I could escape (and because I’m unable to take PTO in December, it really is 36 hours).

If you’ve ever worked retail during the holidays, you’ll completely understand the craziness of goals and shopping trends but going into this season I had myself organized to meet them to the best of my ability while making sure I had built in self-care and enjoying the season too.

My role at Macy’s is a Personal Stylist (aka personal shopper). It is a specialized selling position (and I loathe the sales component but it’s the necessary evil that I achieve to get to do the things that I love). Every year I sign a contact. I have two goals: meet a minimum sales goal and have a percentage of that in return sales (FY22: $500K and 15% return client sales). It is not taken into consideration if you are out on medical leave, as I was for 6 weeks when I broke my ankle. Going into the Black Friday sales event I was $150K off my annual goal, however I had over 50% of sales coming from return clients. I didn’t focus on it knowing it would be what it would be and focused instead on the customers in front of me, marketing and planning internal and external community events, which are the best parts of my job!

It was our last year partnership with Make-A-Wish letter writing campaign with Santa so I wanted to make sure it was truly successful. I organized for our customers to donate to Toys for Tots. I asked for another grant for Locker #505’s shopping event that was met with a match from the local ice hockey team, the Ice Wolves, Western Skies Community Health and the extremely generous owner operators, Steve and Patricia Aragon. We almost doubled the number of kids outfitted from last year and I am so fortunate to have such wonderful family and friends (about two dozen showed up to be personal shoppers for an early Sunday morning shopping event). Macy’s has a new partnership with Big Brothers Big Sisters, so I asked for a grant to support their Holidazzle party. The funds provided covered the gingerbread houses (activity for the Bigs and Littles to do together), decor, prizes and other needs. My friends Carla and Allen sponsored outfits again for the kids at the Ranches and I got to personally style many of them. Our last project was to internally sponsor preschool kids from a Youth Development Inc headstart project. The community relations component isn’t officially part of my job, but something I intentionally seek out. Our store doesn’t have a large budget so most of the projects we support are based on sweat equity. I don’t think I’ve ever worked in a role that I’ve had a large marketing or philanthropic budget, but instead learned ways to make impact from whatever I’ve been dealt…I always think of Mark 12:41 when I think of my approach to community giving and engagement. I always ask, knowing the answer will possibly be, “no”, but incredibly grateful for the “yesses” and giving all I’ve got.

I kicked off the season with my annual Swanky Sweater Soiree. I focused on an Italian holiday with entertaining, fashion and gift ideas. I was fortunate to pitch segment ideas to the KRQE team and was on twice a month in November and December talking about everything from fashion trends to last minute gift ideas and a client and friend invited me to her radio program to talk about holiday trends. Since the week before Thanksgiving through Christmas week, I was working an average of 50 hours. I was feeling it–from my “new” ankle to my muscles to my mindset, but I made the conscious decision to schedule time and make memories with friends and family and I was going to enjoy NYC to the fullest and get recharged (and really test my ankle with all the walking).

Unfortunately, Jet Blue suspended their non-stop redeye flight from late October through mid-March so there was not quick flight, so I’d be flying out early Sunday morning, meeting my friend, Leola, once again for our quick holiday adventure. We’d have Sunday night, all day Monday and Monday night and fly back early Tuesday so I could make it to work Tuesday afternoon.

@darasophia13

“I can say I was there” #200trunks200visionaries

♬ Louis Vuitton – Aitch

The plan (and prayer there were no delays) was to make it to mass at 5:30pm (my flight was scheduled to arrive at 4:05pm, then head over to the Louis Vuitton trunk show that I had got us tickets to a month prior then head over to Serendipty for dinner that evening.

@darasophia13

Holiday windows #nyc #bloomingdales #macys #bergdorfgoodman #holiday2022

♬ Windows – Christtt

The next day I would go in to see the Louis Vuitton team (hopefully drum up some orders), do some shopping at Macy’s, head over to Bryant Park and take a photo of the tree and find The Truffleist (for my Christmas meal ingredients), go to Rockefeller Center to see that other tree and shop the Nintendo store (because that is a request of my son everytime I go-lol!). We had reservations for another one of my favorite restaurants, Dante. And then we’d stroll around to see all the fabulous holiday windows.

Windows from Bergdorf Goodman and Bloomingdales

What I really loved is that I had “thread” on my mind and the universe conspired to show me the beauty of that word. I really wanted to make it to Dyker Heights, but that will have to be another trip where I can enjoy the city for more than a day and a half. I’m really like Ralphie at the Higby’s window in “A Christmas Story” when it comes to the holiday windows at Macy’s, Saks, Bloomingdales and Bergdorf Goodman.

We did all that I wanted to accomplish and more and I made it to work by 12:30pm that Tuesday. I know it sounds exhausting, but I really do get recharged. People ask me about my crazy trips all the time, and how going to NYC during the busiest time of the year recharges me when I work retail, but I try to explain that it’s a different type of crowds and energy…it’s just vibing in all the right ways. But I also try to have that vibe back here at home.

@darasophia13

Nob Hill Shop n Stroll 2022 in the books

♬ Christmas Wrapping – Long Version – The Waitresses

I attended Nob Hill Shop and Stroll with Ang and Lee (it was good to see the crowds out again).

I went to the movies to see holiday classics, “Elf” and “Love Actually” with my minis and watched other new releases, “The Chosen” and “Ticket to Paradise” with Cathy and Ang, respectively. I focused on an Advent meditation to start my days through the Hallow App (check it out, it’s pretty awesome) and did lots of yoga to aid in my physical state of mind.

@darasophia13

Happy birthday mom 🕊

♬ Merry Christmas Darling – Single Version – Carpenters

I invited my brother, his family and my kids to join me for a train ride to Santa Fe for dinner at Tomasitas for what would have been my mom’s 70th birthday. I invited friends for a couple of occasions for dinner, conversation and laughter. I planned Christmas Eve dinner this year inviting Ang and her husband to join us (making it a new tradition) with all my mini’s favorites, challenged my niece with our holiday joy shenanigans photo and spent time enjoying some family at my grams on Christmas night.

I am off today (well except to go in to do the final counts to raise money for Make-A-Wish) and just reliving the season’s memories as I write this blog and watch Christmas movies. That I hope I have explained why you received a 2-for-1 blog this month. Well because of all the flurry and because I didn’t get the photos from Austin Fashion Week until the begining of December. I share these Ms. Adventures, not to brag, and maybe you’re thinking I document and post too much, but I love sharing moments and experiences with those I love. I know this time of year isn’t always jolly and good for everyone. AND, I know I can be annoyingly optimistic. It’s not because I haven’t had hardships or been handed adversity, but instead because I choose to look for the good in everything I experience. Years from now I can reflect that It’s REALLY A Wonderful Life. I hope can find a nugget of truth in that. I also hope you are having a wonderful holiday season and enjoying it to the fullest whether near or far.

With light and love and a wonderful New Year,
Dara

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Thread

Traveling with me is not glamorous. I’m usually traveling on a tight budget and staying near the venue. Usually the day before, I’m holed up in the hotel room sewing and there might be fitting appointments with the models. And sometimes, there are midnight runs to a 24-hour Wal-mart in the next state for a sewing machine needle. There’s always some hiccup because to be honest I live the life of Ms. Adventures. But there’s always a story and and when someone goes with me, I am incredibly grateful for the company and help.

This time was no different and I was happy Ang offered to join me to Austin Fashion Week. I was excited to return to this event. I specifically returned to Austin because after my first show with the team, back in May 2017, I found that the production company Fashion by Events was so incredibly organized, communicated well and the event went off flawlessly.

Two weeks before my showing date (Sunday, November 13th) I received the model comp cards. I was to create 7 designs for the show. If you’ve been reading along, I had chosen my color palette, Harvest–oat, olive, blueberry, raspberry and pumpkin. My design aethestic is edgy-demure. It’s everyday wear with an unexpected twist. This collection was no different. It was a matter of finalizing designs based on the models.

My day job was hopping! I was invited to lead a few conversations on event execution and holiday gift ideas. I was planning several give back events and trying to see as many clients as possible, so my sewing time was over the evening hours and on days off. And as I’ve said before, I suffer from creative blocks…meaning, I can’t create properly unless I’m in the right mind set which sadly, sometimes it’s just days, and in extreme cases, hours before a show. Things were coming along though. As the co-chair of employee resource group, I lead the team on an activity about “bringing your amazing self to work”. One of the questions was, to describe yourself in one word. I have been often told that I am a connector of sorts. As I prepared for this activity, I gave that descriptor some thought, but found that I strive not to be just a connector, and not that there is anything wrong with that. Bringing people together is a wonderful trait, but I truly attempt something more. And it brought me back to the creative process of fashion. I described myself as, “thread”. The thread creates a bond and when done properly, is pretty tight and strong. I love that I have woven lives together through my everyday and fashion encounters and have always tried to create inclusion in everything I do, but specifically in my designs.

I took the week off before the show to provide ample time for necessary changes, but because I fly by the seat of my pants, I found out Jane’s Addiction was going to Denver the weekend before Austin. As one of my favorite bands, I hadn’t them since the early nineties. And the fun thing about it was, I was seeing them with the person I had seen them with decades ago. So after a quick trip to Denver I got back to work: cutting, sewing, buying last minute embellishments. We were leaving on Friday. I packed my sewing machine and garment bag filled with finished and semi-finished looks. It was definitely going to be a sewing in my room kind of trip.

I was on a budget for this trip. The cost to be in the show was $500, materials $300 and airfare another $250 so I planned on $700 for hotel, food and transportation. I had shopped and shopped for the right priced hotel near the venue. We checked into the hotel and after some issues on figuring out how to split the bill, we dropped our things and walked over to Pappadeux’s for dinner. It was unseasonably cold in Austin. I was planning to show a spring/summer collection and the town was blanketed in a cold front with rain. It was going to be lots of fun for an outdoor venue.

After a day of traveling, we hit the hay. The next day, I set up my atelier at the room desk. Ang relaxed watching movies. I sewed sewed and sewed. We decided to go to the fashion week venue, the Domain, for dinner for the purpose of finding the exact location of the show and to see what the area had to offer. We found a fun Mexican restaurant: cheered to our adventures, had a good meal and after wandering through the local Macy’s, we headed back to the hotel.

The next morning I had an 8:30am call time to do fitting with the models. Waking to freeze warnings, I once again felt bad for my warm weather designs, but as the models came through, they shared after day one they were fully prepared with UGGs and robes that they shook off just before hitting the runway. I was scheduled to show at 3:30pm. While I was bummed that I wouldn’t have my friend, and local, Carmen walking for Hopeless + Cause Atelier. I enjoyed out the looks I created meshed for the models assigned to me. I did have one last minute change but the line up was complete and ready to go.

I always enjoy when I have the time to talk with other designers. It’s wonderful to hear about their backgrounds and creative process. Events like Austin Fashion Week are filled with locals and there is such a big and supportive community locally. I shared a space with a swimsuit designer, Atlantia Swimwear. We shared our love of creating sustainable fashion and building a space for all body types.

Ang arrived about 1pm and I met her so we could get checked in. We did a customary usie and found some seats that she would have a close view of the show. I stayed around for half of the first round of designers. Then headed back upstairs to start dressing the models. I was second on deck for the 3:30pm show. I lined up with the models in an indoor hallway within the building we were working out of because it was so flippin cold to be outdoors until we received instructions to head out to back of house. Ang had asked me if I was going to walk out with the models when the end the show with their carousel walk. Ugh—if you know me, you know I hate that. I like for my designs to speak for themselves.

As we were instructed to head out to line up the models danced, ran in place and bundled closely to the ground to try to stay warm. A minute before we started, I pulled them together a took a photo then they lined up and hit the runway. The songs I chose for the show were: Nelly Furtado x Quarterhead All Good Things (Come to an End) and “Dreams” version by Borelli (thanks for all the inspiring suggestions they provided my motivation while I was creating).

I’m often asked how I find success after a show. Of course if I get an order for a design after a show, that is one measure. But another for me is how I feel after the show and how the audience reacts. I used to want to get picked up by a department store like Macy’s or Bergdorf but really I like being part of the major event in my client’s lives: a wedding, a gala, a special occasion that they have a one of a kind look for. I ended the show coming out to the ruway videotaping the models do their final walk and curtseying.

PC: Fashion By Events

How lucky am that I get to travel to show case my creations for communities all over to see and get to write about it. Once again I’m that woven thread to new places and experiences that I tie together with loved ones who travel with me. Thanks Ang for joining me and for having to deal with my Ms. Adventures…

@darasophia13

Hopeless + Cause Atelier at Austin Fashion Week | PC: Fashion by Events

♬ All Good Things (Come To An End) – Nelly Furtado x Quarterhead – Nelly Furtado & Quarterhead

What’s next…New York in February is booked and I plan to see shows that also produce in Paris. Stay tuned and I hope you will join me.

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero

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Existential Crisis, Maybe

From Science of People

I don’t know what it has been…maybe this fucking pandemic, maybe it’s the fact that I turned 49 a few months ago, maybe I’m feeling stuck and it’s time for me to switch things up, but I’ve really been pondering my life’s purpose and I believe it’s been since my bout with breast cancer, or the course of the past year. So much so, that every time I sit down to write, design, cook, anything that draws from my creative side, it falls flat and I end up binging on something mindless. Part of my problem is my physical barriers, working 8 hours per day in retail wrecks havoc on my legs. I’d love to say it’s because of my injury, but that’s only part of the problem…but blah, blah, blah. We all have our own issues and get stuck or wonder if there’s something more.

About a month ago, I woke from a dream. It was wild. In this dream, I stood leaning on my friend’s deck overlooking his incredible view of the neighborhood park that is reminiscent of a rocky mountain plain with a stream running through it. As I enjoyed my coffee, taking in the suburban Denver air, I looked down below and saw a brown bear attacking his dog. In that instant, my maternal instincts (fur momma) kicked in and I ran down the ramp to the ground below. Not thinking of anything, but to get that sweet dog’s leg out of the mouth of the aggressor, I punched the bear in the nose. It opened it’s mouth in shock and let go. The pup and I ran up the ramp into the house safely. I woke. A couple of things came to mind, besides the obvious, “what did I eat before I went to bed?”

In that dream, I was mad fit taking on a bear…but even more than that, I was walking–NO, RUNNING–without a limp (I call it my gangsta limp) or limited ability. Also, I had no fear, but instead, complete instinct (as dumb as it might be in real life) to jump into action. The biggest question I had, was “where did this bear come from?” As I always do, I took to the Google and asked, “what does it mean to dream about a bear?” And of course, there were so many interpretations: from needing to find inner peace, to aggression, to a threat in your life. However what resonated most was this, “seeing a grizzly bear means you are able to face your biggest fears. It may be the time for a positive transformation and resolving problems that have been bothering you for a long time,” from DreamingAndSleeping.com

After that dream, I knew I needed to get unstuck, but what did I want to do? I love that my day job affords me the opportunity to do what I love, assisting people feel comfortable, confident and beautiful. I am grateful that it gives me the opportunity to pursue my passion project, Hopeless + Cause Atelier, and have financial stability and health care, so I struggle when I complain about the constant sales goals, pressured stretch goals and working weekends/holidays. I started reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK”, by Mark Manson, again. The premise is not to give up caring about everything, but instead fine tuning and honing in on what you care about. Focus on that.

So…

A couple of weeks later, I applied to Austin Fashion Week. I showed Hopeless + Cause Atelier in May 2017 and with the craziness in my personal life at the time, I was so grateful how well they seamlessly produced this show that it eased my stress and as you can see for yourself in the link below how flawless the runway looked.

I decided I’d create a small capsule collection of seven looks to ease my way back into the circuit but really because of my budget and lack of time with my work load. Usually, my design aesthetic is influenced by what’s happening around me either personally or worldly. This hasn’t been the case until last week, I took off some time from work to start designing but I had no ideas about fabric, cohesive theme, or even color scheme.

Last Sunday, I had lunch with my friend Denise. We opted to go to El Pinto, a staple in the North Valley and just down the road from where I grew up. It was the ending day for Balloon Fiesta and it was filled with tourists and families enjoying brunch. As the restaurant takes pride in growing their own ingredients, it made me think about growth and harvesting our own fruits (talents, dreams, whatever you’d like to fill in the blank with).

After our lovely conversation and meal, I decided to stop by my local JoAnn’s fabric shop, since I would be unable to get to NYC or LA for fabric before the show. And just like that, inspiration hit. I would play with a palette of harvest colors.

In my Hopeless + Cause Atelier garden, I am harvesting blueberry, olive, oat, pumpkin and raspberry. And as with all my designs, look out for the unexpected details

I will be showing Hopeless + Cause Atelier in Austin, TX on Sunday, November 13, 2022 and I’m excited that Ang will be joining me. I hope you will following along in this journey via Instagram: HopelessCauseAtelier. And if you’ve got a great upbeat song (your “up-to-bat” or “strut down the runway” song), I need some new songs in my sewing repertoire, and you never know which might make it to the runway (thanks to those of you who already contributed). You can contribute or hear them HERE.

This is my first step on the path of Paris Fashion Week, September 2023 for SS24. I am tired of life getting in the way. I have booked another 36 hour trip to NYC in December because I couldn’t get through the year without visiting my soul place. I’ve started a 30-day yoga program to hopefully help with the muscle strength and flexibility especially going into the retail holiday season. I’ve started looking and applying for positions that draw on my creative skills, unless I can an incredible book deal on my crazy life…LOL!

It’s been too long since I’ve written, and boy did it feel good to get back to it. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and hope to see you in person soon. Here’s to existential crisis helping us to fine tune our focus.

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero

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From the Side

“When God took Eve from Adam, He did not take her from his head to be lorded over him, nor from his foot to walked upon by him. He took her from from his side to walk with him, from beneath his arm to be guarded by him, and from near his heart to be loved by him.”

Fr. Mike Schmitz, The Bible in a Year Podcast, Spotify

Hi everyone, it’s been about a month and a half since I last wrote, and so many people have told me how much they enjoyed and have missed my blog, so that encouraged me to talk about what’s been happening lately. It’s rarely a dull moment around here…so here I go again (“I don’t know where I’m goin’, But I sure know where I’ve been, Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday, And I’ve made up my mind. I ain’t wasting no more time. Here I go again.” Whitesnake…and I know I just dated myself).

I received the much anticipated “return to work notice” for Tuesday, April 12th and even before my first day back I already I had appointments scheduled to support the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women luncheon and fundraiser and a backlog of appointments from friends and clients who had been patiently awaiting my return (thank you!). For a couple of weeks prior, I had been slowly getting out of the house, doing my own grocery shopping, and visiting with loved ones. I can’t tell you how hard it was to not be independent and reliant on so many people to get my basic needs met, but boy, am I blessed by the support I received.

I had planned to see the rescheduled Helmet concert on Saturday, April 9th with one of my BFFs, Kristen. However, after much consideration and the fact that it was at the Sunshine Building downtown (dealing with downtown parking, a dark space and drunken folk around me, I opted not to go, sorry Kristen and sorry uncle Kent). I instead decided to go out of town….because I’m a travel addict who needed her fix and I wasn’t sure when I’d get out of town again in the near future. I chose Denver because I absolutely love the scenic drive between Albuquerque and Denver, because it was an opportunity to spend some time with my cousin Tana and celebrate her March birthday, and to maybe catch up with my friend, Storm. I had a free hotel stay, so my only concern was having to put gas. My car’s gas tank is on the passenger side and I’d have to pull out my scooter to put gas (since I was still in a cast which meant hopping on one foot without the scooter), but I convinced myself to not let that be a barrier.

I arrived at the hotel about 5pm. The plan was to have Tana meet me there and we’d head out to dinner. I originally booked a fun place I had patronized, when Lee and I visited back in October. After thinking about it, I suggested something a little closer, and made a reservation at a place she had been wanting to try. She arrived to my hotel room about 6:30pm and we headed out. We had a great evening filled with food, wine and conversation. I invited her to join me in going over to Storm’s, but she already had a long day so she politely declined.

When I arrived at Storm’s and saw him looking for me out the window while I searched for his home and he greeted me outside, Storm took me to the backyard (because he knew I wouldn’t be able to navigate his multilevel home in my cast and scooter), and once I reached the back, Bear was there anticipating my arrival. When I saw him and his friend Luna, I said, “Hi Bear” and he whined and his 120+ body jumped 2″ off the ground. That made me so extremely happy! It also made me realize, I only want people in my life that are that excited to see me…life is short and WAY TOO FLEETING to be greeted any other way. It was even better when we went indoors. I scooted in, greeting Storm’s roommate and feeling horrible, interrupting their scheduled evening. I sat down on his loveseat and Bear sat right next to me, not giving anyone else the opportunity to do so. I asked if I was invading his territory and when told, “no”, I sat back. As the night progressed, Bear moved in and snuggled close while resting his head on my thighs. I learned finally (after how many years?!?), exactly how I wanted and deserved to be treated by a beautiful six year old. If and when I fall in love, it will be because I feel this excitement, comfort, closeness and protection. It was the awakening I needed. I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the company of Storm and his daughter and of course, Bear. I drove back to Albuquerque the next morning.

I had my follow up podiatrist appointment that Monday, and the cast came off. The Imperial Storm Trooper boot came on. The x-ray showed that I was healing as expected so I could return to work. I knew this would be difficult, but I was excited to get back. Upon my return, I had event after event, starting with Go Red for Women, the annual fundraiser for the American Heart Association. I had planned a Sip and Shop with the United Way’s Women United affinity group before my accident so I rescheduled it for my return. I had also committed to help with the Family Friendly Business Awards, plus TV and radio segments. All this while trying to fit in as many client appointments as possible, since I had missed out on six weeks of sales. But the most important thing happening during this time, was Brianna and Isaiah’s wedding. It seemed like so far away and yet only a couple of weeks after I returned.

I was fortunate to get into Physical Therapy (aka Pain and Torture) right away. On my first day, I was asked my goals. After thinking about it, I stated them. My first goal would be the mother-son dance on April 30th. Second, I have a deep need to return to NYC soon, so I want to be able to walk my city again (3 to 11 miles daily). Third, I want to hike my mountain again and if I can get over the mental barrier, run again (don’t get it twisted; I still hate running). So we got to work, at the facility and I continued that work with exercises at home. I definitely had a check off list between what was happening at work, my PT, and preparing for a wedding. I had this beautiful red dress planned for the wedding, but sadly because of my sedentary recovery period, it didn’t fit, so I was on a hunt for a new dress. When working with my clients, I make sure they are outfitted beautifully weeks if not months in advance…when outfitting myself, it’s typically the day of or day before. All that matters, is that I found the one, right?!?

Soulmates come from friends too, it’s not just about romance. Sometimes it’s your best friend that makes you feel whole and understands you most when the world doesn’t understand you at all.

Sylvester McNutt III

My friends reminded me again that soulmates don’t always come from romantic relationships but instead those who envelope you into their arms and walk side-by-side with you. A few of my dearest ones, showed up in support of the wedding festivities and helped me get through those days. We had an incredible time celebrating the groom and bride. I danced, awkwardly of course, laughed and cried. I even shared a few words of advice. I had dinner alone with my son the Thursday before the wedding. I am blessed that we have a good relationship and I know that won’t change, but was that moment when my son is leaving to become one with his wife so I needed time just the two of us to relish what an incredible gift my baby is to me and the bride he has chosen to bring into this family.

And just like that, I went from enjoying such a joyous few days to having a heavy heart. If you have not heard or read, Northern New Mexico is experiencing an unprecedented event with the Hermits Peak/Calf Canyon fire. I have been watching the fire maps continuously over the past week, reaching out to family members to understand what they’ve heard and to friends who have family that live in the Las Vegas/Mora areas. Many have reached out to me asking about my family ranch. While no one lives there full time, it is our family historic home. The Ranch house is over 150 years old. My mom and grandpo are buried hillside and it simply is God’s country. I have written about it here, www.hopelesscauseatelier.com/everlong, if you’d like to read for yourself. I know structures can be rebuilt and the flora will grow again, but still it hurts my heart to think of the history and beauty lost.

After hearing the weather reports, stating that winds would be up to 60 mph, I checked the fire maps periodically on Mother’s Day. The fire line was about a mile away from the Ranch. When I awoke this morning, I had a text from my aunt which had been relayed from my uncle stating the fire did pass over the ranch and is headed east. I jumped onto the fire map and cried at the realization. In that moment, it made me think of all the wonderful memories…birthdays, family reunions, picking out Christmas trees, and most recently a snowy February…but I think my favorite memories are when working side-by-side next to my family building bridges and structures, working, laughing and feeling like a bad ass creating something. We may have a lot of rebuilding ahead of us, but for now I am praying feverishly that it was spared, and I hope I will be able to out in a few weeks, walking on my own to survey the land.

The red is the fire line—images are less than a day apart 🙁 Evacuation Map

Sometimes I feel helpless, like I’m on the sidelines…then I remember you can do SO much from the side. Hope and love is found there. I guess I’ve learned a lot about love in the past month and a half. How love is born from the side, near your heart and under your protective arm to be by your side…from a six year old, from soulmates, from familiar and romantic love and love of the life given to you. I hope all is wonderful in your world. Until next time, I hope you will enjoy this version of Purple Rain by Eddie Vedder & the Earthlings, it’s the melancholy goodness needed right now.

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero

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Solitaire

Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

Dreams, The Cranberries

A month and a half ago, I decided to escape to my family ranch in Mora, NM. It is the place I retreat to if I can’t get away to NYC. Believe it or not, it has the same powers of NYC in recharging my spirit. This time I decided to invite a high school friend that I had recently reconnected with. As I awaited his arrival, I sat in the kitchen trying to get a fire started when I saw the decks of cards. One of the ways we, as children, learned to pass the time, especially in the evenings when there was no tv, was to play solitaire. As I waited for the kitchen to warm up, I pulled a deck of cards, shuffled them and started laying out the game: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, 2-3-4-5-6-7, 3-4-5-6-7, 4-5-6-7, 5-6-7, 6-7, and 7. If you’ve never played, I was taught to set up the game this way with each column’s end card facing up. Then you take the remaining deck and flip over every third card to try to use it. The premise on the main game board is to build back and forth black and red (or vice versa) from king to ace. Then to win you build on top of the game ace to king in the same suite (ie: diamonds, spades, clubs and hearts). It had been a few years, so I was quite rusty and I found myself restarting a few times before he arrived and I put it away.

It’s been quite some time since I sat down to write about the happenings within the Atelier. When I last wrote, I was on a high after the Hispano Chamber of Commerce’s business event that included some new designs from Hopeless + Cause Atelier. This year has already been an eventful year, personally and professionally. As I recover from one more surgery, I thought it was the perfect inspired moment to share what’s happening in this fashioned life.

I last wrote about my participation in the Albuquerque Hispanic Cultural Center’s fashion show, the exhilaration of being inspired to create again and especially to showcase that work to a local audience. The following Monday after the show, I had an email from a writer with Albuquerque the Magazine. I was intrigued thinking she saw my work that that show, to my surprise, she hadn’t. Instead she subscribes to the same FB group I do, and when a fellow creative tagged me on a post, she researched my work, was curious to learn more and pitched the idea to her editor for the creatives section of the magazine.

I also received an email from one of my favorite non-profits, Locker #505, to showcase my designs in their fashion fundraiser. Since the event was scheduled for mid-January and it wasn’t possible for me to create 10 new looks during the height of retail season (November-December), I decided to use past designs in a cohesive story. I reached out to some of my favorite collaborators to model for the event. It had been the first time in a couple of years, that I’d be participating in a full-fledged fashion show. It was also the place my career and passion project would collide as I would be styling the Prom segment with Macy’s fashion.

Albuquerque Journal, Monday, January 24, 2022, PC: Adolphe Pierre-Louis

This was such a fabulous event. I was on a high again. One of the photographers from Albuquerque the Magazine was there, and while I didn’t want photos of me, just of the models wearing the fashion, he did get a number of behind the scenes shots. I think I was feeling so good because it was a hint of the world opening up again and the hope of a return to some sort of normalcy. Oh but life has other ideas.

On Wednesday, February 2, 2022, I had my follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon. I had it in my mind that I’d have reconstruction scheduled sometime in March so I’d be healed in time for Isaiah & Brianna’s wedding at the end of April. I was both nervous and excited going into this appointment. Instead of opting do have reconstruction via implant, I chose to use my own tissue which entails a longer recovery period and a few days in the hospital. As I sat down with my doctor, she informed me that she is merging her practice with UNM Cancer Center. She mentioned that this move may make it easier for my insurance to approve this surgery. However, she couldn’t schedule my surgery until after the June move, so sometime in July or August. All I heard was, “another summer I’d be missing out on.” I left a little bummed.

Later that afternoon, I had a zoom call with my family and the doctors taking care of my grandma, who had been admitted to the hospital weeks before. Her medical team wanted to talk about the next steps whether rehabilitation center, hospice or home healthcare. This was a result of a fall just a few weeks before caused by a stroke. It was hard to hear and I was grateful I was in my cave and that my microphone on my tablet didn’t work because I was bawling. The family decided she needed to be in her home so agreed for home healthcare. I went on with the afternoon and had a long planned dinner date with Ang when the snow came down. It quickly turned to ice so we canceled. Four hours later, I made it home.

I was so excited to head to the ranch that weekend. I just needed to escape work, social media, everything around me. There was fresh snow, clear skies and deep conversations around the fire. I cooked and cooked and cooked. We went on walks. We made it up the hill to where my mom and grandfather were buried. I told the history of my family and this place and when I returned home, resolved that it wasn’t time for me to have surgery and I needed to get back to planning life. I needed that weekend…I needed my family home…I needed my mom to remind me of that.

I got back to Albuquerque and got back to work. Macy’s was the designated outfitter for the annual La Noche Encantada gala and I was the official stylist. Which means appointments and a prerecorded TV segment. I was planning a shop and sip event for Women United members and my clients. I started making the plan to outfit the community models for Go Red for women. I was planning to attend an event for Make-a-Wish with my store manager, and had an important birthday to celebrate, when after another February snow, I decided that Coco and I needed to go for our morning walk in the winter wonderland. I bundled up, plugged in my earphones into my iPhone, put on Coco’s lease and we headed out. As we hit the golf course, I paused and took photos of the beauty in front of me. We started out again, and as she does, she pulled. I pulled back trying to slow her down. I slide my left ankle turned and I fell, releasing her leash. I sat in the snow and I’m sure said, “oh FUCK”.

Coco went on to explore and chase the geese yards away. I sent a text to my minis and my brother…knowing they were probably on their way or already at work. Cati responded immediately telling me she was at home with COVID. And in that instant, my phone died. I was yelling for Coco to return, thinking about my trek most likely crawling back to my casita when my neighbor came out to see if I was okay. I said I think I broke my ankle. 911 was called on my behalf and the biggest scene ensued (I felt horribly embarrassed). Coco would go explore, come back and check to make sure I was still there and then go back out again, until the fire truck arrived. AFR walked up and Coco started barking and snapping at them. I told her to knock it off and once they started saying her name, she thought they were there for her. At first they tried to be my human crutches but ended up having to carry me back to my casita. Propped up on my recliner, they started taking my vitals and asking what happened. Some people get hurt doing something sexy like, skiing or snowboarding or in some sort of horrific accident. I get hurt walking. Cati arrived freaked out because she wasn’t able to get a hold of me and shortly there after my brother arrived.

After an ambulance ride to the ER, I was grateful to see a friend on duty. The team took great care of me, took x-rays, and released me just before noon. They called in a prescription for pain meds. Cati picked me up with my leg in splint and crutches. Within the first few hours, I knew they wouldn’t work so I made a Facebook request for a knee scooter and my friend Michelle accepted the request. The next day I met with a podiatrist. I had a Trimalleolar fracture–it was broken in three places so surgery was scheduled for February 25th. This wasn’t the surgery I was planning for but it is what it is. And the saddest part, by that afternoon the snow was all melted (welcome to NM…lol).

And here is where I’ve been ever since. I’m not going to lie or sugar coat it. This has sucked. Both prior surgeries, were rough but I could walk, drive my car and it didn’t take so much for me to get even the easiest of activities done. I was pretty depressed early on because I had to send my regrets in going to my dear friend Lalaine’s birthday and the Make-a-Wish event. I was super bummed that I wasn’t going to be able to go to Denver to celebrate my dear friend’s milestone birthday as I had planned when we were at the ranch. Then I remind myself, it could be worse. Right now there are people fleeing their homes with the clothes on their back and others loosing their life defending their country and everything they hold dear and I’m reminded to be grateful. I am so grateful for my minis, my family, and my dear friends who not only checked on me, but picked up groceries, took me to appointments, brought me flowers, meals and care packages, but most importantly got me out of the house.

The only redeeming thing that happened during this time was that the March issue of Albuquerque the Magazine was released. I got a copy and I absolutely love the article written about me. It’s the most concise history of Hopeless + Cause Atelier and how I got to be where I am. I haven’t been able to show outside of Albuquerque since 2019, but I have to say it’s pretty special to recognized in this way in your hometown.

https://nmliving.com/2022/02/17/behind-the-scenes-with-albuquerque-hispano-chamber-of-commerce/

Dozens of individuals were reaching out to help with their attire for the gala. I provided shoppable look books and placed orders for some and for the ones I couldn’t help in the store referred to my colleagues for assistance. I’ve been feeling helpless and uneasy about my return to work. I spend 80% of my time on my feet, walking throughout the store pulling inventory and returning it after appointments. I was not in a good place and learned rather quickly how difficult it is to not be able to walk.

The plan was to go with Ang to the gala even if it was just for the dinner portion. I needed to get out. I needed to get dressed up and to feel beautiful, because I wasn’t feeling it. So we had a plan, I outfitted her, ordered my dress and begged Cati to do my make up. My friend, Leola, made sure I had a glamorous splint by picking up sparkly material for me. I found out I could sew on my machine balance on one foot. My date and I were dressed to the nines. I decided to wear a wig in the theme of the gala — SPACE: Launching a Bold Tomorrow — but more so, to distract everyone from my scooter.

It was a powerful lesson on the lack of support for those who utilize assistance in their mobility. The event was in the convention center and parking was under Civic Plaza. I found that the easiest entrance to the center was steps, which I couldn’t climb, so when we tried the two elevators to get to ground level, they didn’t work. Angela had to drop me off and then go back, park and meet me at ground level. I found that the electronic doors openers, didn’t work or those doors were locked, and there were cables and layers of carpeting that made obstacles of my path, but I loved being there.

When people say I look like Cati, I normally correct them saying, she looks like me, but in this instance I look like her and my heart is happy!!!!

My plan worked. People did a double take when they saw me and initially didn’t notice the scooter as they were trying to figure out who I was. It was a wonderful evening seeing people who I hadn’t seen in what felt like years (and some it was before the pandemic). I even danced (well, I moved my booty and arms–especially guarding around me so no one bumped my leg). It was a night I think this community needed.

I haven’t been inspired or motivated to write and I really don’t know what has been that block. I started thinking about that Saturday afternoon and playing Solitaire again, and it provided some clarity. When I think I am in this alone, like the game of solitaire which is a game for one person to play, I am reminded that it is not one card played, but instead the hand played and how those cards can help you to achieve that end result. Sometimes they do and sometimes you have to fold and try again. And, I’m reminded how cathartic writing is for me. Thanks for reading.

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they’ll come true
Impossible not to do
Possible not to do

Dreams, The Cranberries

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero

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Coach, Put Me In

On February 22, 2021, I announced that I was taking a hiatus from the atelier as I addressed my recent breast cancer diagnosis. A week ago, Hopeless + Cause Atelier returned to the runway as part of the Hispanic Heritage Month Awards presented by the Hispano Chamber of Commerce and while I was anxious, I was so happy to return to this space.

The call came two weeks before I was to travel to NYC and Portland. I received the call from my friend, Shannon, she shared that the chamber wanted to focus on fashion and the convergence of cultures in NM. I would represent the European Hispanic influence. I would create 4 looks for this event.

It was perfect timing as I was going to NYC and could find rich, luxurious materials for these designs and be inspired by the city in general. This four-day trip I would be spending with my KK. It was the first time we had traveled together in more than 2 years. The plan was to meet with producers to start planning for Paris Fashion Week and catch a few shows. However the universe had something more in mind as the city, and Fashion Week, wasn’t completely out of the pandemic and there weren’t the options for in-person shows as I had hoped.

Instead, we spent time exploring the city, getting our auras read, going to the immersive Van Gogh exhibit, and eating our way as we walked everywhere. I was so happy that my friend Heather and her daughter were visiting at the same time and that I could enjoy brunch with Amanda and Andy, they came into the city this round. I even volunteered on 9/11 with approximately 1,500 other people to make food boxes for the nearby food banks. It was a great sense of community. The weather was beautiful and the city was on track to being back to pre-pandemic visitor levels.

On our last day, we hit Mood and I saw beautiful fabrics but none were speaking to me so instead of purchasing them on that day, I took photos hoping something might ruminate in my mind for the perfect creation. We flew back that Monday evening, it was the perfect long weekend. Although, I didn’t want to leave. I was excited to be traveling the next day with my BF, Ang, to Portland.

We arrived in Portland around 6pm and checked into our hotel. Immediately I noticed the homelessness in city dotted by tents everywhere. Downtown where we were staying was also still reeling from the pandemic and the protests. Not much was open after 8pm and many building were still boarded up. In ways, it reminded me of a post apocalyptical small town vs a large metropolitan area.

Outside of Portland was absolutely gorgeous, we reserved a waterfalls, wine and mountain tour of the area and it did not disappointment. Our tour guide, who was not only local but educated in the rich history of the area and geography provided incredible insight to all we saw. The next days we explored Portland proper and on our last day visited Astoria. Traveling with me is always a Ms. Adventure as we took a commuter bus, stopping at every small town gas station along the way. We didn’t find the Goonies but had fun getting lost in the small quaint town.

These two trips were much needed after the non-existent summer I had. I was so happy to travel with Cati and Ang and spend quality time with them. We laughed, had deep conversations and explored the area we were visiting. It was a wonderful reprieve.

I returned home to the bustle of work, but still not entirely positive of my inspiration and what I would create for the show. I was also spending a day a week with my gram in her home. She is 91 years old, but ever since her bout with Bells Palsy my aunt Lisa, hasn’t felt comfortable with her staying at home alone. During the pandemic, Lisa was able to work from home but this summer she had to return to the office. Aunts, cousins and grandchildren took turns in spending the day with her. There were days filled with looking at photos, questions about who the people were, sitting outside and watching the birds or admiring the flowers. There were moments I would put on the mariachi station on Spotify and would make her lunch and take her flowers.

What a gift it is to care for the person that took such good care of me: the matriarch of my family, the woman whom I named my daughter, Catalina, after and my biggest supporter in life. I was now fully inspired to create.

A few weeks before the event, I got to work, balancing my day job, medical appointments (I opted to have my cosmetic surgery the week after this showing), and spending time with my gram. I decided to create in black, white and red with a focus of floral accents, because of the love my grandmother has for her garden. I reused one look because I knew how perfectly it fit into the collection. I reached out Ang, Kristen, Sofi and Teresa to model. They were my perfect muses.

The night before I hosted fittings with everyone except Ang and for the first time ever had finished the tailoring in time to enjoy dinner and go to bed at a reasonable hour (this is big HUGE). Friday, October 15, 2021, I arrived at Hotel Albuquerque around 4pm, I reserved a room that would serve as the space for hair and make up to take place. With the help of my friends, Stephanie and Lydia and hair by Misha, the team got to work. I was feeling a heavy dose of anxiety. In every show from LA to London, I barely stepped out onto the stage, letting my designs speak for my work and inspiration yet for this hometown showing I had to go on stage and talk for a minute about my inspiration and that was unnerving.

We arrived backstage 5 minutes before 7pm and Sofi had a great idea to do a Boomerang of us dancing backstage. It was a great way us to let loose and shake it off. The first designer took the stage and his models followed. I was next. I walked up the steps to the podium adjusted the microphone so I could speak clearly into it and of course if fell out of its holder. I held it to the left of my mouth while trying not to pay attention to the fact that my arm was shaking and spoke the following slowly as the models took the runway and Red Light Camera’s Caged played in the background:

“As an 8th generation Nortena and coyote, my inspiration for this collection is my maternal grandmother her impact on my life and influence on my design aesthetic with simple beautiful designs for every woman.

My gram, as I call her, will be celebrating her 92nd birthday next weekend. Born and raised in northern NM to a farming family, she later became a Harvey Girl before meeting my grandfather and raising a family of 6. Because of the discrimination they both received, the fluent Spanish language they spoke was not passed on, however their faith, importance of family and caring for your community were instilled. She taught me to sew when I was in seventh grade, and when I originally didn’t follow my passion as a fashion designer, she retaught me in my 40s and Hopeless + Cause Atelier born.

This brand is for every woman using demure designs with unexpected embellishments. My models always represent my customers, whom are all different body types, ages and ethnicities. My designs have been featured all over including NYFW and British Vogue (And if we can get out of this pandemic, Paris FW) I know this community and its support is the reason I have achieved so much…so thank you. I am Dara Sophia Romero the designer behind, Hopeless + Cause Atelier. Hope you enjoy Familia, Fe y Communidad.”

I left the stage on cloud nine. It had been months that I had been inspired or even had the energy to create and the room was in a roar with excitement and I smiled from ear-to-ear. I spent the rest of the evening with so many I loved and sharing in the creation of something beautiful especially when there were so many in this inner circle that had a rough year, to say the least. It was a moment to forget about that and just enjoy ourselves.

If you are reading this on Sunday, October 24th, yesterday my gram turned 92 years old. She started her day enjoying coffee and cookies and later, we will be gathering as a family to celebrate the incredible soul to the family she is.

I’m glad I didn’t take myself out of the game. In fact, I’ve been asked to participate in another show supporting another incredible non-profit in January. La vita e un dono….enjoy that gift every day!

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero

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Voices Carry

Photo moment at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week SS14

“Freak out moment of my trip…I was standing on the sidewalk when a woman walked up to me. She said, ‘sorry to interrupt you, but I have to tell you you have an amazing aura.’ She went on to say that she saw two parts of me–I am very creative and that I am passionate about doing good. She saw me at a crossroad–every time I took a step forward it seemed something would happen and I would take to steps back. She also saw me owning my own business and said some other very personal things that were spot on. She gave me her card. I’ve never been to a clairvoyant before, but I’m totally intrigued. I guess I have the next 24 hours to decide to see her.”…

I wrote that post on Facebook on Saturday, September 7, 2013. I had spent the two days prior in New York attending Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, the official host of NYFW, at Lincoln Center. I received a ticket to see Desigual and snuck in, standing room only, to see Nautica and Marissa Webb. I saw incredible street fashion and stars like Heidi Klum and the Jonas brothers in the lobby. I took photos in the Kabooddle space. Sent cards from the Papyrus space, touched up my hair in the Treseme space. I sipped sparkling wine and ate frozen kefir. I had died and gone to fashion heaven. I was staying at the Hudson Hotel which was only blocks away from Lincoln Center and this hip boutique hotel was a mecca of fashionistas and those industry. I had actually taken the red eye that Wednesday before arriving at the hotel to check-in, shower and head out to the shows.

I was heading back to New Mexico on Sunday, so I thought I would do some souvenir shopping on Fifth Ave. I had pulled out walking traffic onto a side street to take another look at my phone and look up my next stop. As I looking at my phone, this voice approached me. As she spoke, I stood stone-faced yet my mind was swimming. I thought with certainty that she was either a pick pocket or it was an episode of the “Long Island Medium.” I gave up no information including my name, yet she rambled off everything hidden about me.

She started exclaiming my aura was beaming…I mean DUH. I am in NYC. I just spent the past two days living a fantasy come to life. Instead, I smiled and looked at her to continue. She said she saw me in at a crossroads (a month before I had been laid off after 16 years and thinking I’d land an incredible job immediately. I was turned down on two I though I’d be a shoo-in for). She said I seem to take a step forward and end up falling two steps back, again on the money. She saw two sides, a giving hand and a creative side. She told me I was going to be a small business owner. Then it got personal, saying there was distance between my husband and me. She said I’d be married twice and I have three children. She said to be careful because I was surrounded by jealousy. This clairvoyant gave me her card and said she’d love to sit down and do a full reading. Her name is Dallas.

Prior to this meeting, I wasn’t one to seek out clairvoyants or palm readers. In fact, I was a little weary of what they might say or what angle they were getting at. However, I was at a point in my life where I craved clarity to the unknown and maybe that’s what drew her in.

I was freaked out by how much she knew. I immediately took to Facebook and shared what happened, while asking the question, “what would you do?” After a few more stops, I headed back to the hotel and went up to the rooftop to contemplate what had just happened. Unfortunately, we were unable to connect again in person before I left back to Albuquerque, but I did sit down for an hour and a half phone reading. She delved deeper into that initial reading. A month and a half later, I cashed out my 401(K) and invested it in a local clothing boutique. That was the hardest work ever. Being a small business owner is not for the weak of heart. I would work 14 hours a day in the store and at home trying to keep up with my families needs but all were suffering due to lack of full attention.

I went back to fashion week that following February. Constantly being reminded by the name Dallas. Taxi rooflights were illuminated with Dallas since the reboot was back on the air and I would turn the corner the glow from the Dallas BBQ neon signs would captivate my attention. I held on to her card but didn’t reach for fear of what she might see now. I did reach out to her two years later. It was after the boutique closed and a few days that I was hosting my first runway show under the label of Hopeless + Cause Atelier. I was anxious to go down this path so sought out some clarity again.

I sat in my car in the parking lot of the non-profit I was doing some consulting for. I had set up the appointment via text. As we spoke she told me to focus on a question I was seeking an answer to. I thought I was fixated on my professional life, but she verbalized something else. She told me that I was going to get divorced and there was infidelity involved with someone younger. She also told me about my past life. I was an Egyptian and from a lower class and had fallen in love with a man in a higher class. I got pregnant and ended up killing myself. That was a little too much for me. While there was turmoil in my current life, I just couldn’t or really, didn’t want to hear what she was saying. Again, she was foretelling what would unfold.

I have been back to NYC for fashion week (either in February or September or both) 10 times since then. I have enjoyed seeing some incredible fashion and being with many of my favorite people. And, I have shown my designs twice. But this time I can’t explain how excited I am to be going back. I am going with my KK. My friend Heather is taking her daughter and we are meeting up. I will get to see Amanda and Andy after a year and a half. And I know that it’s only been 6 months since I was last there, but if you’ve never been, you don’t understand the energy it brings…the energy to attract complete strangers compelled to tell you. This time it feels different. I think that difference comes from truly appreciating all that life has to offer.

And it is not lost on me, that I will be in New York City on 9/11, twenty years after the horrific attack occurred in our country. Because the date sometimes falls while I’m visiting, I’ve visited ground zero and it’s haunting to hear the names being read. I decided this year to do something small, in honor of the city that I love so, #NYCStrong, so I volunteered to put together food boxes. It is a somber day and a day that should never be forgotten, but the best way for me to move through the emotions is to do something for someone else.

I will also be purchasing material and notions. I have been asked to come out of hiatus to represent Hispanic designers for the Hispanic Heritage Awards on October 15. I am so flippin’ excited by this! Ideas are swimming in my head and I have the perfect models in line for it. Since, I wasn’t able to participate in Paris Fashion Week again this year and there is a definite change in what’s happening in NYFW (I’m still hoping to get into a few shows), I’m excited to experience summer into fall in the city.

Have you ever had a voice tell you the unknown or maybe things you didn’t think you wanted to know? From time to time I think about reaching out to Dallas, I still have her number. But honestly, what could she tell me now? You’re going to have a health scare? Yah, yah, yah. You’re going to fail? Been there. Done that. Some one is going to go out of your life and someone else is going to come in? It’s life, of course. I have experience some incredible highs and extreme lows. I don’t know if I want to be foretold what’s next. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow. How about you? Have you had a voice tell you something incredible? I’d love to hear it in the comments below.

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

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I Am the Warrior

A couple of weeks ago, I went out to do my daily task of watering my patio garden, when I stopped at my tomato plant. Just the day before, it was green, full of leaves and branches stretching out to the sun. It now had stumped branches and most of the leaves were missing, as I bent down to get a closer look I found a perfectly camouflaged green caterpillar had made it its meal. I picked off the caterpillar and put it in the grassy courtyard, I told The Very Hungry Caterpillar to go find a piece of cake.

I wasn’t sure if the plant would recover, but amazingly enough with water, sun and care it has returned, not completely same as before but its thriving today and bearing fruit. And I realized it was a spot-on metaphor for resilience.

On July 29, 2021, I completed 30 daily treatments of radiation therapy. After much thoughtful consideration, I opted to not to do chemotherapy. In my gut, I didn’t feel like it was the best option for me. However, based on the advice from the two oncologists I saw, I decided to do radiation therapy. I knew the 6 weeks of treatment was going to consume my summer, yet I didn’t know how much it would impact my body, which gave me some anxiety, but I thought that this treatment would be another level of protection and prevention.

I showed up for my radiation oncologist appointment on June 15th. After the consultation with my doc, the nurses came in and shared all the “fine print”…that is the side effects, while uncommon, I may develop another form of cancer from this treatment. This blew my mind because everything I have found to combat breast cancer: Tamoxifin, chemotherapy, and radiation have the possible side effect of developing a different form of cancer. They gave me instructions on how to care for my skin during and post treatment. The nurses told me about other side effects such as fatigue, radiation burn which would cause redness to the skin and the possibility of blisters, shedding and/or cracked skin. They mentioned the potential of esophageal issues like sore throat, heartburn or lumps developing. YAY (what the what)!! After I signed the forms, I was taken to the holding area, a small, homey room just for the women receiving treatment that included a changing area. This was the place I would report to daily over the next 6 weeks.

I took my obligatory #medicalgownselfie and realized that I’d be wearing the same style gown for entire period and taking daily photos would be NO FUN, so instead I challenged myself. Don’t judge, but I have a closet filled with shoes, honestly, a ridiculous amount. I figured I could easily pick 30 pairs of shoes and viola here’s how I could continue the fashion component of my journey. I waited patiently for the radiation therapist to take me back to who knows where for the next steps in creating my plan.

“What’s that, a blue freckle?”

I was met by Rebecca, who was friendly and had the duty of explaining to me what was going to happen: first body scans, body contortion and alignment, tattooed points, a cast of my breast (later lovingly and jokingly called my boob armor), and before I left the doctor would come in and take a final look at all of this. All this for the purpose of providing the most precise course of treatment. She took me into the radiation cave, and I met Elise another bubbly and super caring, therapist. We got to work. I stated my name and date of birth as I would do every day as a safety check to ensure my profile on the screens would match me, the patient. With gown down to my waist, I climbed on the hard molded plastic, reminiscent of an amusement park ride chair with a raised bump that I need to firmly rest my booty on. I laid down horizontally on this bench. They slid a pillow under my knees and asked me to raise arms over my head and grasp the handlebars. I was asked to turn my head slightly to the right on the super uncomfortable headrest. There were sheets under me for the purpose moving my body slightly up, down, to the right and to the left by the therapists. My body was dotted with marker as I was moved and readjusted for the exact path. Then came out the ink and needle and in an instant I had three new tattoos added to my collection, my own “blue freckles” (only two took, so now I have four tattoos total). My doc came in reviewed every thing and the therapists when on to create my molded armor for the purpose of more direct treatment. As they applied Vaseline to my body, they explained the process of the warmed material (I think some form of plastic) would be placed on my left side over my breast and would take shape. They would use this extra armor every other day through most of the course of my treatment. I explained to them that I grew up in the home of an artist, so I was familiar with the process of creating a mold and was super thankful that this time, it didn’t include Vaseline on my face and straws up my nose.

After that step was completed, the therapists said it would probably take a couple of weeks to create my schedule and walked me back to the waiting area so I could change and be on my way. Not even 48 hours later, I received the call and started my treatment. The first two weeks I didn’t feel any real side effects beyond a little tightness in my breast. I continued to work and my aunt, Lisa, was still coming over daily to walk Coco and I had enough energy to join them. Almost immediately, my routine started to feel like the movie, Ground Hog Day. I would wake, watch morning mass, go for a walk, go to work, multiple times throughout the day, apply excessive amounts of skin creams and oils, come home, eat, and fall asleep, and wake to do the same thing the next day.

I started to feel myself slip down the rabbit hole. It was hot…beyond hot summer weather. While I love my Jeep, the heat was getting to me with no air conditioning. I was told to stay out of the sun and that’s hard to do in a Jeep. The seat belt was starting to irritate me to the point that I didn’t want to wear it. Mentally, the fact that I couldn’t travel, and was starting to feel too fatigued to really do much beyond work, annoyed me. Luckily, I had friends that would get me out even if it was just for a light dinner. Yet, what I could and couldn’t wear was starting to weigh heavily. I wholeheartedly believe that what we wear has an impact on how we feel and carry ourselves. It plays into our psyche and into our mood. Weeks into treatment, I could no longer wear a sports bra and as a 40 something woman who had breast fed two children, there are some definite differences in my breasts right now. I also wasn’t running or doing yoga as I had been before this journey and I started feeling it.

My birthday was coming up. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE celebrating my birthday. I believe birthdays are a blessing and the more around me to celebrate the merrier. It’s me and I know I’m a weirdo, but I don’t believe in telling people it’s my birthday, so over the years I just invite people to join me for either a cocktail or a meal but not telling them that it’s my birthday. There are several reasons why I have done this, 1: it’s the day after a major holiday that includes high consumption of alcohol so I don’t want people to feel like they obligated to join me if they need to recover, and B: it’s also the peak of summer time travel, and tres: I feel like people who want to celebrate my birthday know when it is, and I shouldn’t have to remind them. I know….weirdo!!

I woke up in a funk. I didn’t sleep well the night before because my neighborhood had decided to compete with the golf course on how could have the louder, more impactful fireworks display into the wee hours of the night and my poor Coco was so traumatized so when she couldn’t sleep neither could I. I should have woke up with excitement…it was my day, but I didn’t. My mini, KK, my aunt, Lisa, and my SIL, Yvette came to the rescue. I expressed my feelings of not being me to my KK. She validated them and said it was okay to feel the way I did. That was helpful. We picked up Yvette and tried to get pedicures. Unfortunately the shop was understaffed so we then decided to go to lunch. Place after place was an average hour wait. The other thing about having a birthday the day after a national holiday is when said holiday falls on Sunday, the observed holiday is the next day. So after driving all over, we landed it at El Pinto. I was grateful that they did this for me. And, I was excited for later in the day. I had invited friends and family, whom had been my support system, to join me for an after work social. Really, I wanted to celebrate them and with them. We finished lunch.The plan was to take a nap but our roaming around town trying to find something to do ruled that out. Instead I took the girls to their respective homes and hurried home to get ready.

My other mini picked me up and poor Isaiah and Brianna had to deal with my mood on the way to Revel. I just wanted someone to tell me that I’m pretty and to buy me something. I looked at myself deep into my hazel green eyes and told myself, “You are pretty”. I then went on to buy myself something. It worked, but not as good as arriving to my summer soiree and seeing so many incredible people who have been woven into my life.

Tears hit my eyes in gratitude and love and I was reminded to snap out of it!! I smiled all night as I spoke to each of these important people. Normally this day, I go around the room and talk about each person, how we met and their impact on my. The number was too great to do in one evening so I suggested that they get out of their comfort zone and meet each each other because they were all amazing to me.

Being able to see, hug and enjoy the company of some absolutely incredible humans, I was reminded how completely blessed I am. I shared four gifts:1. Sunflowers 🌻 which are my favorite, but flowers in general remind me that when we’re feeling overwhelmed—that we’re not buried, but instead we’ve been planted to root and grow and bloom. Sunflowers reach to the sun, provide shade for others and once they’ve reached their peak, shed seeds of beauty for future generations. 2. Sparklers ✨ to remind us to be a light for others and to celebrate everyday….always…life is too short to not do it! 3. Bubbles to remind us to never loose sight of our childlike tendencies like wonder and having fun. 4. Spa face masks 🧖🏻‍♀️ to remind us of self-care especially throughout the craziness of life. You’re no good to anyone if your not taking care of yourself first.

This is the joy injection I needed. I continued through the rest of July seeing friends as often as I had the energy to. I was still living that wonderful Ground Hog Day scenario, but my radiation therapists and doctor were telling me how good I was doing. That was uplifting! I continually had friends checking in and that was completely uplifting! I had decided early on to do a Instastory countdown which included the music I would hear each morning at the therapy. There was a moment when I truly thought my therapists were trying to kill me…that occurred when then the radio was stuck on a country station for three days. At one point, I wanted to ask if they could play the songs backwards so I could get my health back, my jeep would start, and my Chibi and Kiki would come back to life, but fortunately they put it back on a pop/rock station. Hallelujah!

As I think back on this experience, I don’t remember all the details (which is funny because as I was experiencing it I thought I’d never forget what I was going through). However, I have chosen to write about my journey, so that one day (and I know that day will be soon) I will be able to look a back and say I had this difficult time in life, but I conquered that mountain, and maybe someone else will read this, and as Brene Brown stated, “it will be their survival guide”.

It was my last week of radiation and because I have come to believe I am a self-sadist, I also had my second COVID vaccination scheduled (when I was my most fatigued and charred). I chose to get vaccinated at the advice of my doctor, the number of rising Delta Variant cases and because I had bought a plane ticket to NYC for fashion week….this was the carrot dangling and inspiring me to get through this treatment. Daily, I had Kristen and Ang checking on me….and honestly, so MANY checking in and sending good energy. THIS meant the world that they were cheering me on and genuinely concerned. Kristen asked if I was up for celebrating. I had a bottle of bubbly Rose waiting for my last day, a celebratory gift from my friend Eilene. After all I had been through, I was I definitely was up to seeing friends and even being a little extra. We opted for dinner at Scalo, my go to for so many important celebrations in my life (my mom used to take me there for my birthdays years ago and friends had planned my 40th there just a couple of years ago…it’s a special place for me).

I completed the challenge. 30 different pairs of shoes for 30 days of treatment.

My last day of radiation treatment was Thursday, July 29th. I arrived at NM cancer center with a large gift bag filled with the same gifts I gave a my summer soiree sans the sunflowers. I wanted the radiation team to know I much I appreciated them and the care they gave to me. I also donned my sparkliest kitten heel Badley Mischka pumps. I thought that would be the most appropriate pair to celebrate the end of my radiation. Ashley, who was one of my therapists cheered me on after the end of my last treatment and presented me with a certificate of appreciation. It stated, “I survived radiation and all I got was this certificate”. LOL–it didn’t–I was just checking to see if you are still reading?!? During those six weeks, I saw women of all ages come through the curtain into the waiting room. We talked about our experiences and cheered each other on. It was that camaraderie, like soldiers going into battle, that reminded me I am not alone in this experience. I now understand why people are dubbed cancer warriors. Cancer not only fucks with your body, but also your mind and spirit, yet you show up each day to battle.

A year before, almost to the date of my last radiation treatment I wrote about finally being comfortable with my body. Little did I know what the following year would hold.

This body has changed shape and size.
This body has been made to feel self hatred.
This body has indulged and starved itself.
This body has felt immense pain, complete ecstasy, and everything in between.
This body has created two humans.
This body nourished them.
This body endured the pain, loss and the difficult cleanse of a miscarriage.
This body has lines around its smile and dimples in its cheeks and will one day stretch and sag.
This body hasn’t had any surgical enhancements, lifts or fills and only broke a bone once, in the act of play.
This body I try to persuade to like to run but it really likes to stretch through yoga and move through dance.
This body enjoys wine, dinner with loved ones, and dark chocolate.
This body comes alive with the right touch or embrace.
This body has scars.
This body is not perfect yet I catch eyes staring at it.
This body is a work in progress.
This body feels young like the summer sun except after long days on its retail legs.
This body has art on it.
This body is a work of art.
This body is mine.
And, I am grateful.

I’ve learned to love my outer shell…it’s been a work in progress throughout the years but I wouldn’t exchange it for anyone else’s. And lately, I had been feeling like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. I know all that had been done was to save me from the cancer spreading but I still hadn’t felt like me. So on this night of celebration I decided I needed a to be a little extra.

We had dinner plans for Saturday, July 31st. The last day of my birthday month and a big ass celebration for overcoming this obstacle on my path. Ang picked me up. The night was typical monsoon weather in Albuquerque. The heavens had opened up just hours before and was reduced to a constant drizzle. Dinner reservations were at 6:30pm followed by a cocktail at Copper Lounge the place were the journey began.

I decided to go all out in my extra-ness. I tracked down this incredibly revealing and beautiful blue dress (actually swim cover up) with the help of my colleague and friend in Cali and had saved it specifically for this evening. I did my make up (I know shocking) and hair (knew it would be a puff ball by the end of the night because of the humidity). One might ask, “why I would wear something revealing.” I wanted to display my battle scar. I am more than my treatment and to be honest looked amazing (not being conceited just being honest…I deserved to feel beautiful again). Ang picked me up just after 6:00pm. Arrived shortly after. I was joined by Kristen, Evelyn, Denise, Lee and Lalaine. Our table included a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Evelyn, and a bottle of champagne from the house. Kristen had alerted them of our celebration and our waiter, Arnaldo, shared his own personal story with breast cancer as his own mother was a 14 year thriver. He was the perfect person to help us celebrate the evening.

It was great to catch up with everyone. I hadn’t seen everyone all together for weeks. We laughed, drank bubbly, ate tasty food and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. They wouldn’t let me pay my share and that annoyed me but I had become a little afraid of Kristen and her sternness of ensuring this evening was about me.

This is for anyone out there who needs to hear this…really, YOU ARE!

The evening went on into the wee hours and it was absolutely perfect. It has been a couple of weeks and I have slowly moved back into some normalcy (well, as much as I can in a pandemic). I can’t wait to travel to NYC and Portland next month. I can’t wait for the day when the only answer to the question, “so what’s the next steps in your treatment”, is “to live a happy and healthy life”, but for now, I will be receiving monthly shots as part of my hormone therapy and then back on the table for reconstruction. I haven’t reached that mountain peak, but at least I can see it. I am still in pain, but it’s manageable. I have my body insecurities, but I remind myself who I am. And I remind myself on the daily how after every I am truly blessed.

Through this journey, I have learned how resilient I am. Sometimes resilience is knowing the day in front of you is a difficult one, but still moving forward, sometimes it’s resting, and sometimes it comes from your support team. I found this post on FB, while relating to the current pandemic, I thought it was the perfect ending to this blog and our own resiliency:

′′This moment humanity is experiencing can be seen as a door or a hole. The decision to fall in the hole or walk through the door is up to you. If you consume the news 24 hours a day, with negative energy, constantly nervous, with pessimism, you will fall into this hole.

But if you take the opportunity to look at yourself, to rethink life and death, to take care of yourself and others, then you will walk through the portal.

Take care of your home, take care of your body. Connect with your spiritual home. When you take care of yourself, you take care of everyone at the same time.

Do not underestimate the spiritual dimension of this crisis. Take the perspective of an eagle that sees everything from above with a broader view. There is a social question in this crisis, but also a spiritual question. The two go hand in hand.

Without the social dimension we fall into fanaticism. Without the spiritual dimension, we fall into pessimism and futility.

Are you ready to face this crisis. Grab your toolbox and use all the tools at your disposal.

Learn resistance from the example of Indian and African peoples: we have been and are exterminated. But we never stopped singing, dancing, lighting a fire and rejoicing.

Don’t feel guilty for feeling blessed in these troubled times. Being sad or angry doesn’t help at all. Resistance is resistance through joy!

You have the right to be strong and positive. And there’s no other way to do it than to maintain a beautiful, happy, bright posture.

Has nothing to do with alienation (ignorance of the world). It’s a resistance strategy.

When we cross the threshold, we have a new worldview because we faced our fears and difficulties. This is all you can do now:

– Serenity in the storm

– Keep calm, pray everyday

– Make a habit of meeting the sacred everyday.

Show resistance through art, joy, trust and love.”

Hopi Indian Chief White Eagle, July 9, 2021

With light and love,
Dara Sophia Romero