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Some call it crazy. I call it any given Sunday.

Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don’t; but keep on dreamin’ – this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin’.

Happy Man – Pretty Woman

During NYFW, I was going back and forth on social media about reconnecting with The Society Fashion Week. The CEO had proposed I join them for the Los Angeles show in order to discuss a longer term collaboration. And after a long weekend supporting the local non-profit, Tenderlove Community Center, with their annual gala, I received an email confirming our discussion on Sunday, February 17, 2019. I was thrilled by the opportunity and now had the time do it.

I was asked to participate in the show on Saturday, March 9, 8:30pm. That meant 20 days to create a runway show, find the models and book cheap flights. Luckily, I was able to complete the later, first, with a voucher I had (thanks E). I reached out to one of my BFFs, Laura, about staying with her and her husband. Thank the sweet Lord, she was in town that weekend and welcomed me to do so. I hit Instagram and Facebook (and even LinkedIn, I think) to peak model interest. The hard part I thought, was designing and creating the 20 looks in roughly 64 hours I had available (outside of work, sleep and life). It was time to get to work.

Luckily, for me I had already been inspired by what I had received through my inspiration project from January, Through Your Eyes. Based on the photos I received, I determined this was going to be my primary color focus for the season:

A big bummer on my part was the fact that if I knew fo’sizzle that I was showing in LAFW, I would have shopped fabric in NYC…I knew my fabric limitations in ABQ and lack of time to order online.

Monday, February 18, 2019: Hold up…I could have totally been grateful and okay with putting together a show for Los Angeles. However, that wasn’t all! I have such good friends and beautiful souls looking out for me all the time. My dear friend, Sofi, tagged me in a post about a casting for a television show idea. The premise was for a cast of fashion designers from a smaller sized towns that work full-time and design in the waking moments. Ummm…could it be more perfectly written for this designer?!?

So I immediately, reached out to the casting director. She scheduled a call that same day and after that call, she scheduled a Skype interview for later that week.

After I received the confirmation email, and reading the “where I go for inspiration”, I decided to share it via email with several people who have provided so much inspiration (and especially those that participated in the Through Your Eyes activity).

This is the kicker…Sofi sent me a posting for a TV show for designers from small towns that work a day job and design every other waking hour….my life right?!? I had the call today with the casting director, and she pushing me forward to the next round, the Skype round (this is great for the girl that loathes Facetime). If they like what they see, I will find out what happens next. I received the below confirmation and I LOVED the circled area that speaks to inspiration. Thank you all who participated in the recent request for inspiration…and even more so, thank YOU to each and everyone of you on this list that has supported my endeavors, inspires me and pushes me on the daily. 

Thursday, February 21, 2019: I survived the videotaped Skype segment and the casting director again relayed that her role was to put together the package. It was up to the producer to see if it would be a viable show. It could happen right away or never. I haven’t heard anything since, but I’ve still got good juju about it.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I pulled this quote when I was thinking about possibilities. I so love the Alchemist that I decided to read it again (it would be my morning 20-minutes of me time during the next few weeks). I knew it would inspire me even further in what I needed to accomplish.

The week was filled with great highs like the interview, somber moments like the funeral of a family friend, and bittersweet moments like the dedication of an educational space to my dear friend at the Barrett Foundation.

I tracked down the fabric I was going to use. Yet, I still didn’t have the finalized sketches nor had I patterned out the looks. I kept telling myself, I’d work on it over the weekend. However, it was also my baby’s birthday so again…not as much accomplished as I had hoped.

The next week proved to be especially busy at work. With legislative priorities all over the place, I was supporting our advocacy director while my own role was starting to see some momentum in working with various businesses and associations to share ways to support building assets (like home purchasing and children’s savings accounts) through out New Mexico (You can learn more about Prosperity Works here). There were late nights in Santa Fe or going back and forth on group chat after work hours to make sure the right people were hearing and supporting our messages.

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

That week I was going back and forth on models. Originally, planning on 20 for the show. I was having a hard time getting all places filled. I was grateful to have Kristen, Jimmie and Carmen returning (and traveling out to LA to walk for me). I was working from 5-7am, returning emails and DMs from models, the beauty team and the production company. In the evenings, I was too tired to cut and sew but was finalizing the flow of the show based on the models I was securing.

However, on Wednesday, February 27th, I received another email that made my life just a little more exciting, interesting and complex in how I was going to pull it off.

I couldn’t miss this opportunity. Yet, it was one day before my show in Los Angeles, and in New York. I instantly RSVP’d and figured that I would make it work.

I found a flight from Albuquerque to La Guardia on Southwest with a change of planes in Denver. It was 6am flight getting into New York at 5pm. That would give me an hour and a half to get to the Brooklyn Museum.

From there I would take a red-eye from JFK to LAX arriving in Los Angeles a little after 2am. That was a little tricky since I was staying with Laura and Ed…so I asked. She said I had to take this opportunity, so I changed and booked flights. I was in (and a wee bit excited..again, thanks E for the voucher).

That weekend I focused on cutting and finalizing embellishments and notions. My KK had a solo art show fundraiser. I didn’t want to miss it, so I did as much prep work so I could sew on Sunday. I had hoped I’d have all the looks finalized by Wednesday, so I could ship them to Laura and not have to worry about carrying too many bags from ABQ to NYC to LA.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019: Tuesday came and I knew I wasn’t going make the Wednesday shipping deadline–that plan was out the window. I had Kristen scheduled to serve as my fit model. She was originally scheduled to come by on Tuesday, but had to change that to Thursday. By Tuesday, I finalized the line up at 13 models (decided that’s my lucky number and capped it there). I had also connected to a shoe designer about partnering for the show, all while working on providing early morning updates to the team on our legislative priorities and presenting to the Mark Pardo locations about creating a savings plan and tax time tips to support goals (like saving to get to fashion week–ABSOLUTELY loved talking about this).

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Wednesday, March 6, 2019: I took the afternoon off from work and hit the sewing machine. Mid-afternoon, I got a text from my aunt. My gram had been taken to the emergency room. My world stopped and as soon as I found out what was happening, Isaiah and I went to the hospital. Something triggered her blood pressure to skyrocket and she had a reaction similar to a stroke. Seeing her in the hospital room, while she was in good spirits, ready to go home, it reminded me of how important she is in my life. I was seriously contemplating cancelling my travel based on the outcome of her scheduled MRI. Thank God she was cleared and could go home with some restrictions on Thursday, but it threw me for a loop and I didn’t sew the remainder of Wednesday evening. Instead, I worked on finalizing the music, graphics and sending the details to the production director.

Thursday, March 7, 2019: That also meant a full-day of sewing on Thursday. Kristen came by about 4:00pm. I had 6 looks ready for her to try on (the sizing on two were for petite models, no fitting necessary).

When Isaiah came home, we ran out to pick up zippers and dinner (no time to cook but he made sure I ate, as it is something I forget when I’m prepping for shows). I went back to the machines, pushing out garment after garment. I decided I would not take my sewing machine with me this time, because of the lack of time I’d have. So I wasn’t able to finish a few looks as I had planned, but instead incorporated a few other looks that hadn’t been seen outside of NM. I packed my carry-on bag with 13 looks, my clothes for two days and my hand held steamer (yes, it was only a carry-on bag). I emailed the look book to the models, beauty team and shoe designer and went to bed at midnight.

Friday, March 8, 2019: The alarm rang at 4:30am. Knowing I had a tight schedule, I didn’t hit the snooze button this time instead jumped into the shower and got ready for the day ahead. I arrived at the airport about 5:15am and saw the line coming out of TSA.

I am so grateful that ABQ TSA was on it. While the line through security was reminiscent of a Disneyland ride without a fast pass, I made through in record time and arrived at my gate with time to spare.

I boarded and within a hour and a half, I arrived in Denver only to find an alert from Southwest stating my connection to NYC was delayed by a hour which meant my new arrival time was now 5:20pm. I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and asked others to pray and/or send good energy that we made up time in the air while arriving safely. I spent the next four hours catching up on work emails and questions from models, the beauty team and the shoe designer about Saturday.

Luckily, for this leg I had a higher number in the cattle line and I was able to access seat C in row 1…and boom! I could jump off the plane and run to the parking garage to access a Lyft. I tried to sleep as much as I could but I’m sure it wasn’t more than a hour. Arriving at LGA, I walked as fast as my little legs could take me to the parking garage. After 3 attempts to get a Lyft, third time’s a charm, I was on my way to the Brooklyn Museum. It was already 6pm so my estimated arrival time was 6:50pm. Twenty minutes late but at least I made it.

As I looked at that gorgeous skyline, I was reminded that it was still so cold in the city, as the snow that fell the following Sunday still hadn’t completely melted. I arrived at the museum; thanked my driver; ran over to registration and walked what seemed like a half mile to the auditorium to take a seat. I came in at the perfect time, a panel talking about being an artist.

After this discussion, a few women took to the stage to talk about their work empowering women and the evening talk was wrapped up by Tory Burch herself.

The crowd moved to the foyer for a wine and passed hors d’oeuvres and the Freida Kahlo exhibit was open to attendees. I met incredible women: one from El Salvador, one from England and one from Guatemala. It was an awesome sight to see so many people from all over the world who made it a priority to be there. I ran through the extensive exhibit (I wish I had more time, but next time I’m in town for sure).

I grabbed a Lyft to JFK. Made it through security in no time so I ran to a restaurant for a quick bite. I ordered a salad, not thinking it would take long, a half a hour later I needed to get to my gate because the scheduled boarding was to start, so I asked them to pack it up. In the meantime, I received an alert that my gate had changed, so I ran out with my to go bag and got to the gate only to realize the flight was delayed. We finally boarded a little after 11pm. I grabbed my window seat and tried to get comfortable. I had hoped that there wouldn’t be anyone in the middle seat, no such luck, so I made the best of it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep well…whomever decided mood lights help people sleep better than complete black out conditions, you were wrong. I arrived at LAX at 1:45am PST. Once again I rubbed the non-sleep out of my eyes and headed out for the Hertz shuttle. I had already received my Carfirmation, so all I needed to do was walk to the stall, get in and drive away. However there was no car in said stall, so I asked an attendant. He told me to wait inside while he got it ready, about 20-30 minutes later, it was. Next, I drove about 40 minutes to Pasadena. I arrived at Laura’s close to 4am and entered with the code, trying not to make any noise as to wake them. I crashed HARD.

Saturday, March 9, 2019: I woke up just before 9am. We ate breakfast made for us by Ed. Then Laura and I went to Target to get a few things. We went back to her house and I did some last minute tailoring with her help. Once again, as she was last year in NYC, Laura was going to be my right hand at the show. I headed out at 1pm. She planned to join me about 4pm.

Straight Outta Compton—when I told everyone the show was in Compton, they second guessed me. I was skeptical myself when I heard, but The Society Fashion Week found a warehouse they could convert to an incredible venue. I arrived a little after 1pm and the models were there waiting. The beauty team asked them to be there at that time to make sure they had enough time to do hair and make up before our 8:30pm show. They sat around for about 2 hours. That was a bummer. During this time, I was approached by a couple of women asking if I needed models for my show. My line up complete, so I said, “no”.

I claimed a rack and some space and started fitting models and steaming clothes. At that point, I realized that I was still missing a few models, so trying to track them down on social media or via text, I found out one of them was stuck in an airport in Texas. I quickly tracked down Lillianna, one of the models who approached me earlier. All models were now accounted for.

Laura arrived and I moved on trying to make sure my models were given priority with the beauty team. I was working with the jewelry provider and trying to find out where the shoe designer was. Again, there is a lot of lull times and chaotic times behind the scenes. I was also struggling with the designer before me that kept poaching my models for her show…that was frustrating because I knew I’d be the one to rushing to get the models dressed properly for my show. Grrrrr….

As the models were getting ready, there were a lot of fun photos happening and runway walks being practiced. The shoes showed up at 7pm, so I sent out the call to the models to be fitted. Once that was done, we were ready (as much as we could be).

The 8:30pm call time came and we huddled together in the order they would walk. I asked Kristen to open and Carmen to close and lined up the remaining models based on height, which varied from 5’3″ to 5’11”.

The music started and they hit the runway one by one. I had cautioned them before that even though the music was upbeat, I wanted them to take their time, especially posing.

Kristen led on the runway.

Followed by Karla.

Lauren was next.

Seeing that the models needed to slow the pace down, I mentioned it again and Kat took the runway with her Vogue poses (I LOVED IT).

Leah was playful to match her outfit.

Melissa was next in her sweetheart velvet dress.

Jimmie was the mid-point model and I realized all the work, all the build up, all the chaos was almost over.

Ashley Nichole had the vibe and worked it.

See for yourself below!! This video clip is the epitome of fun and glam.

Who knew denim could be so regal…well when Mary wore it, it was.

The perfect Cali vibe mixed with a little prep, thanks to Lillianna.

The fun continued with Victoria.

The Lefty Dress returned to the runway (because the world needed to see it) on Ashley Lashley.

Carmen looked heavenly as she ended the show.

As I was waiting backstage with the models for the final walk, I flipped a script, not doing the tradition carousel walk, I asked them to line up on each side of the runway. I also asked Carmen to walk with me out. I wanted everyone to take another gander at these beauties once more.

We ran back stage with many of the models quickly changing to go to their next show and a few staying back to take more photos. I joined a few
for photos (knowing I looked ragged but happy) on the step and repeat. I gathered all the outfits, returned the jewelry and shoes and packed up. Heading back to Pasadena. Laura and I stayed up until 12:30am recapping the evening and basking in the light of another crazy, chaotic and fun show.

Sunday, March 10, 2019: I survived and thrived! That morning, we woke up and slowly got ready for brunch. After brunch, we spent a little more time talking before I had to head back to work (shopping for fabric in the garment district). I made it there just before closing, getting what I needed. I then headed out to meet my friend Maria (who had attended the show the night before, but in the chaos I didn’t get to see her). We were heavy in conversation, when I realized I needed to get to the airport. Rushing our good-byes, I flew out the door, returned the car, and got to my gate. I arrived back in Albuquerque after 12:30am.

“No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

It was another incredible adventure! There are SO many people that made this journey possible. From Brad, Krissy and the Society Fashion Week team, the incredible models, the beauty team, photographers, other collaborative designers, Laura and Ed, Maria, Emet, TSA agents, flight attendants, pilots, janitors, wait staff, Lyft drivers, the team with Tory Burch Foundation, to all of you who follow along, send me prayers and good juju, and support this journey–thank YOU!!

“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel afraid that they don’t deserve them, or they’ll be unable to achieve them…You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say”

— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

Don’t forget: you can follow the Ms. Adventures on Instagram IG: HopelessCauseAtelier

On January 1, 2019, I contemplated the new year as most do: what did I want to accomplish? What did I want to see? What will inspire me?

Then, inspiration struck. I decided I would send a message out to loved ones to see if they’d help. My request was this:

I have a special request if you choose to except it and only for a limited time…for the month of January, and only once a week, if you see something that stops you in your tracks or takes your breath away, will you stop and take a photo of it for me (and as long as it’s not being invasive)? I don’t want this to be added stress in your life, but if you took the moment to pay attention to the world around you, I would love to see what you find eye catching and/or breath taking and why. Hope you are up for it and again, just once a week for the month of January is all I’m asking for. I am pushing my creative limits for 2019 and I want to see inspiration through your eyes to help drive this creativity. Please and thank you!

I sent this message to 20 people from Seattle to Florida, from New York to California and of course, a few more from NM. I choose people I’ve known most of my life and those I’ve only known a few years. Their ages were across the board. Their professions and lifestyles range from: entrepreneurs, creatives, educators, nomads, world travelers, non-profit leaders, CEOs of corporations and of households, and health professionals…lives and likes and loves, all unique. I purposely chose those I did because I wanted to see life through their eyes. I thought, of the 20, maybe I’d receive a quarter of the responses back. I was surprised when the responses started coming in.

I received a total of 13 responses initially and 1 “loved your text”, however this one stood out:

I LOVED it so!!! The fact that my 2019 request would help a friend with her 2019 intention made me smile. I purposefully didn’t describe what kind of pictures would work, where they had to be taken from, or if they had to be landscape, inanimate objects, inspirational phrases, or people. I didn’t specifically say they had to beautiful or happy. I wanted breath taking, inspiring, creative images that caught their eyes.

I responded to each with excitement and gratitude, the only time I offered a little more insight was to my friend that said he was down except that he’d “skip next week because he’d be in ABQ”. I responded, jokingly, “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry that your hometown doesn’t inspire you!?!” The next test was this: of the 13, how many would follow through?

I broke down the weeks this way: Week 1: January 1 – January 7; Week 2: January 8 – January 14; Week 3: January 15 – January 21; Week 4: January 22 – January 28; and Week 5: January 29 – January 31, 2019. I would categorize the photos based on the date received but would provide no direction…I wanted to see the flow in how they came in.

Week one came in almost immediately. It was filled with a Floridian sunrise, the haunting beauty of the holocaust museum. The simplicity of a heart in the sand, the purity of white tulips, the new white snow covering the red leaves, and the inspirational trip in living a dream. Because inspiration comes to us in many ways I was grateful for some inspiring words, “Start something new.” It was the beginning of a new year and for this friend a new adventure. I loved how the golden polka dots played against the straight lines and the prickly shell of flora. This week spoke to me in seeing the beauty in everything.

Week 2 started and I wondered how many would continue to share their inspiration or what stopped them in their tracks.

The next week was filled with ocean-scapes, one at sunset and one mid day. Sunsets continued through from California and one from the enchanting skies of NM. There was a power pose and a powerful little lady in the form of an ornament (boop-oop-a-doop). I received power of peace through street art. I pulled one that inspired me: the power of light to fill the darkness. As you can guess I found “power” as the common thread in this week’s photos.

Week 3 continued to be strong with a few more friends jumping on board. There was a sense of wonder found throughout. As I looked at the photo from the NYC subway, I wondered where these people were coming from or going. There were images of open paths and chasing the sun, one moon-gazing, children playing, safe spaces in difficult times, and even the quote came from the philosophical doctor filled with wonder, Dr. Seuss.

I started opening my eyes. As the inspirational photos wined down, my inspiration started to gleam. So I wasn’t surprise when there wasn’t much that came in during week 4.

Yet, I was happy to see there was humor and fun. The aloft fashion catapulted my friend, Sofi and me to conspire to do our own version here in Albuquerque. And with the difficult time happening in the federal government, filled with finger pointing, it was great some humor.

Week 5 concluded with single story images. I found beauty in the detail of each of these images. The water drops like diamonds on a branch, the incredible imagery of water freezing on contact. And the story you make up in your mind about the woman standing on the street corner.

Since I started this project, I’ve had many conversations with the friends I choose to take part in this project, many were dealing with there own bumps in the road and this gave them a sense of release. This project gave me new eyes into seeing what is all around me and what I can do to create the world I want to see.

As I sit here, waiting to depart NYC (and of course a little broken hearted), I have so many things coming in the few months that I can’t wait to share with you…but that will be another blog. :)…so please keep reading. And in the meantime, please feel free to comment below on what inspires you.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last.”

Seneca On the Shortness of Life

Have you missed me? I have missed writing to you, but honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say that was worth reading. The holidays came and went. I spent generous amounts of time with loved ones and really tried to be present. However on Christmas night, I had a full-blown breakdown. My daughter was able to walk me back from the edge and I realized I needed to be vulnerable. I pride myself on being strong, but because I’m human I had got to a breaking point and just needed to get it out.

I spent the next couple of days, feeling a little SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder…not sad, all my verbal diarrhea of raw emotion was expelled Christmas night). While I was enjoying the snow that hit New Mexico (and loving it because the only time I want the snow in the city is Christmas through the New Year holidays—and it was the perfect gift), I did have a stint of cabin fever, so I lived vicariously through one of my BFF’s and her adventures in NYC. My smile was from ear-to-ear and I felt like I was part of it, especially when dinner one night was at the Mermaid Inn. That conversation led to discovering Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, which is now on my calendar (I will save the story of the mermaid and her importance to me for another day).

I was (and am) excited by the new year, yet once again my creative juices were lacking. I was blessed with a few custom orders and created more items for the branded store, but I wasn’t feeling it. So, on New Year’s Day with the traditional greeting, I reached out to friends and asked them for help (it’s an ongoing project so more to come). I started writing a couple of blogs, but I couldn’t complete them, either I felt like my heart wasn’t in them or I couldn’t convey my point. Returning to work after the holidays, I was able to build on the momentum that I had slowly started before the holidays. I followed up on meeting and pushed, politely, to advance my agenda, but still creatively–nada, zilch, zero, nothing!

Then, at recommendation of a friend, I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (yes, I was two seasons behind). Mid-century New York City, Greek tragedy, the lead character seizing her life by the balls, incredible fashion, and the BOWS. It reminded me that today is the day. Seize the opportunity. Carpe … Diem. I started to move and relish in snatching opportunities.

• I uncovered an email from Hearst Publishing for the opportunity to be published in Elle (yes, the same publisher of Bazaar).
• I was invited, and applied to an exclusive behind the scenes New York Fashion Week accelerator at Parsons and a conference hosted by the Tory Burch Foundation (acceptance and cost of attendance would be the barriers).

• I surprised the kids with a quick road trip—because I selfishly wanted them to myself.
• We traveled to Egypt, New York and Rome (all down the same street) and I got to see my boy smile in the professional home of his idol.

• I used a gift and I read about living in the moment (thank you, Lori).  
• I used a gift and found my next show location (thank you, Cathy).

• I made a date for NYFW.
• I became 917.
• I made a commitment to write.
• I inquired about financial coaching training.
• I made my way back to yoga.

As I read, Seneca, I was reminded that “putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. Meanwhile, death will arrive, and you have no choice in making yourself available for that.” I learned just how precious today is as I talked with loved ones and saw the fragility in life around me. And then I came across this:

It is a worthy watch about A mother and son’s photographic journey through dementia and again I was reminded about what Seneca wrote, “so you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles: he has not lived long, just existed long.” As a result of these reminders, I incorporated into my daily journaling and gratitudes, an addition of things I am doing for me. They are simple things like going for a walk, drinking water, writing in my blog, or scheduling time with someone I haven’t seen for a while.

Live for today, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Un jour est aujour’hui — today is the day.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

As 2018 comes to an end, I am reminded of the Ariana Grande song with the same title. She sings about love in her version (and a little shade). My version is with an immense amount of gratitude. I write about the last year and how the lessons are leading my aspirations and intentions for the next year.

Thank you silence, you helped me find my voice

Thank you New York, you ALWAYS provide incredible opportunity and opened the path for London 2019

Thank you strangers, who became friends

Thank you Wally World, as much as I loathe your employment practices, you came through

Thank you wanderlust, you push me to travel

Thank you grief and loss, you reminded that it isn’t a feeling that should be avoided because it reminds you to live life daily in joy and to cherish people and experiences, not things

Thank you rejection, I realize now that wasn’t my path and found greater opportunity

Thank you love, it is everywhere, but it starts within

Thank you Denver, getting lost is the best way to find myself

Thank you gut, I will never second guess you

Thank you angels, you always guide me

Thank you uncertainty, I focused on abundance

Thank you moments of sharing a laugh, a smile, a conversation and most definitely a hug, these are the moments life are made up

Thank you birthday confessions, I’m looking forward to what the new year brings

Thank you, YOU, you know who you are, you help me smile brighter, find joy and support my endeavors (psst…if you’ve ever collaborated, patronized H+CA, were a cheerleader or made me smile…then this is for you)

I am looking forward to a year of adventure, stretching my creative limits, passport stamps and big L-O-V-E. I hope you will join me.
Thank YOU, 2018… Next

With light and love,
Dara Sophia 

Every holiday season, as I think about my own life and reflect upon what my family and what many of the people around me are going through right now, I’m reminded that struggle doesn’t take off for the holidays. As a lover of Christmas time, my mantra has become “the magic is in the mess” and I always like to post a little love note to myself and our communities. We need to be kind with ourselves and remember that the gremlins don’t go on vacation. Checks bounce, chemotherapy appointments are scheduled, interventions are planned, relationships keep unravelling, being alone feels even lonelier, parents negotiate who will have the kids on Christmas morning, and the “never enoughs” are in full swing. As I prepare to spend the next few days with my family and friends, my goal is to practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities and imperfections, but because of them. I’m grateful for our community. For your generosity and the respectful way that we move forward together! Blessings, Brené 

I was intimately introduced to Brené Brown years ago by my friend, Erica. I have never met her in person, but her writings and Ted Talks have spoken to me on such a personal level and have had great impact. She was the first person to not only speak openly about shame and vulnerability, but actually did research on it and how it impacts the human psyche. Her writings opened up my world in understanding how I have felt much my life, and how it is okay. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened to me because it doesn’t define me. I sent the above note to my minis. I wanted to remind them to take it easy this season and to not get wrapped up in the “season of giving”–not so much the “giving”, but the commercialism of it. I wanted them to remember the important things: enjoying the company of loved ones, and if it gets overwhelming self-care, laughter and joy, and showing kindness to others even in stressful moments. 

It’s been a long December, with numerous blessings and a multitude of trails. I have been so completely fortunate that I have had those close to me help me move through it all and this evening, Christmas Eve Eve, I have been able to reflect on it all–from breath-taking, soul-filling, sucker punch trips, to intimate times with loved ones, to creating–and it’s helped me move past the bah humbugs. I also had the opportunity to talk with loved ones who had some serious life changes. Initially they didn’t reach out because they didn’t want to burden me, which really hurt because if I can’t be there for a listening ear, then what good am I? We all need help and support from others at different points in our life or another. Sometimes we just need to let it go, and with the full moon on the December 22nd, someone was reminding me to let it go.

December’s full moon will be in Cancer, in decan one, which is the most Cancer of Cancers. And, as you might know, the sign of Cancer is ruled by the Earth’s moon, which makes this December’s full moon a real crabfest.
As if “the holidays” weren’t hard enough, now you’ve got the most sensitive planet dipped in the most empathic sign taking up your whole night sky. Get ready to spread your feelings around like butter on biscuits and salt them with your tears. 

The dark nights ahead will call us to sit at a table that we had long ago thought we were done eating from. The winter solstice will ask us what grievance we’re willing to release in exchange for gratitude: that some of us get to sit and break bread with each other, that some us are well enough to take that bread to our lips and call it sustenance. Let the full moon prepare you for that luminous work of accountability, let it remind you of all the people you’ve forgiven without conditions—how, amongst them, no one deserved your forgiveness more than you.

Courtesy of Nylon Magazine

We all have Potter’s and Uncle Billy’s in our lives.

For a month, I had been planning to have friends over to watch one of my absolute favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. Everything I’ve ever read it has indicated it was a box office bomb, but became a holiday classic and has impacted so many other stories over the ages. The movie focuses on George Bailey, played by James Stewart, and foreshadows what would happen to others if he had never been born–highlighting how, whether we believe it or not, we impact others (both positively and negatively). I watch this movie year after year, and sometimes more than once during the holiday season. This time, watching with friends while adding our own commentary, I watched it from perspective of the impact Potter and Uncle Billy.

Potter is the antagonist in the movie. He is a wretched, decrepit, EVIL, and powerful man who owns most of the town, and he does everything possible to try to ruin George Bailey’s life (honestly, I believe it’s because he’s jealous of all George has). I realized Potter is the example of the “shit in your life”. Potter is that car trouble when you’ve spent your last dollar paying your monthly bills and have nothing left to give but need your car to get to work. Potter is that cancer diagnosis. Potter is the cheat robbing you of joy. Potter is the unexpected death of a loved one.

Potter is best depicted in the scene where George, out of desperation, goes to him and asks for help when he has realized his Uncle Billy has misplaced $8,000. Potter represents the things you have no control over except how you let them control you. The image above created the effect of George being brought to his knees asking Potter for leniency. Potter, instead of saying that he was left the money by accident or offering a loan, he offers to turn him over to the police.

Potter plays hand-in-hand with Uncle Billy. Uncle Billy’s character is so absent minded that he has to tie a bow to his fingers to remember things. The way he deals with problems is to drink them away (which we all know just complicates things more). Uncle Billy is self-sabotage. Uncle Billy is what happens when we don’t pay attention to what is happening around us, when we get wrapped up in Potter. Had George Bailey succumbed to Potter and Uncle Billy, he would have drifted down the river. Instead out of despair, he reached out for help. The angel Clarence appears and shows him what would happen to his loved ones if he hadn’t been born. While this helps him “snap out of it”, his family and friends had already heard the call from his wife to come to his aid. The biggest lesson is to not hold it in, reach out for help when you need it.

Life. Itself.

The story of It’s a Wonderful Life, is the story of life itself. An actually, a few days before I stumbled across the movie entitled, Life Itself. I didn’t recall seeing anything about the original box office release even though it was an Amazon Studios production (not that it would be anything less, Netflix and Amazon are fab–I LOVE To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Jack Ryan,respectively). The story is about the intersection of family in the midst of so much tragedy. It was a powerful and shocking movie, but still very beautiful. And of course I cried throughout. The most powerful moment came in Chapter 4 when Isabel was speaking to her son (and I won’t give away more than that). She’s shared some powerful advice: 

“Enough. Listen to me. You’ve had many ups and downs in your life, too many, and you will have more. This is life and this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think that you can go, but if you stand back up and move forward. If you go just a little farther, you will always find love.” – Isabel

Life Itself, Directed by Dan Fogelman, 2018

What was so powerful to me is the reminder that no matter what life hands you, bad things happen to almost everyone, that doesn’t mean you can’t love or that love won’t live through you. When you aren’t caught up in the shit of life or self-sabotaging yourself, you can get up again, but sometimes you need a reminder.

Saturday, December 22nd was my mom’s birthday. I spent the day with so many loved ones: smiling, laughing, dancing and enjoying each others company. Isaiah and I attended Mass and the homily’s focus was preparing for the Christ. Since the beginning of time, what we’ve learned through history is those who’ve dared most greatly to change the world were not given everything. In fact, they are probably the most opposed. Think about this season. Whether or not you are a follower of Christ or celebrate Christmas, you may have heard about his humblest beginnings. I will share my perspectives as a Catholic and the key points that always remind me of my own humanity. Jesus was born in a lowly stable surrounded not by a doctor or midwife or a hospital team but by the farm animals out in the cold. He was laid in a manger. The same place the animals ate from. As the story is foretold, his mother traveled miles upon miles on foot and on the back of the donkey to get to this place of his birth. His first visitors were not family member, they were the shepherds tending their flocks and strangers from distant lands. And soon after his birth, he had to flee to a foreign country because his parents feared his life. Sometimes when I think I’m having a bad day, I remind myself of this.

Bringing it Home

I think what brought it home for me was a segment I saw on Sunday Morning about secret Santa’s homeless elf. As the segment starts, you see a man in a red sweatshirt with with curly hair, a white mustache and beard. As pedestrians passed the man, Moses, he reaches out to them for conversation. Most ignore him and walk on. A few were pleasantly surprised when they took the time to talk to him. It is another reminder that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (click on the link below to watch the entire segment)…

“Kindness is a bridge between all people. If you are ever down and want to lift yourself up, go do something kind for somebody.” – Secret Santa

CBS Sunday Morning

When I’m feeling sorry for myself or minuscule, or feeling overwhelmed with the “giving” of the season, I think about connection, those who may need a friend, and what I should really be feeling at this time of year. I hope you take the time for self-care and love. I hope you experience joy, not in things but in your life. If you are at a point where life is a little overwhelming, may you reach out to someone. And know, I am always here.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

Friday night, I had the honor to attend an art and music benefit. It was well attended in a small gallery space in the Barelas neighborhood. I was the one standing in the back, trying not to block attendees view the artwork when she took to the mic. My beautiful KK organized the event to raise funds for a local non-profit Street Safe. She started volunteering for the organization earlier this year. Cati (aka KK) welcomed everyone then invited representatives of the organization to speak.  The organization was born out of the West Mesa Murders and how no one knew these women were missing and how it seemed, no one cared. Street Safe NM is raising money to remodel their Salon space, which is literally a converted salon, for women to come in off the street and get warm, get help, and feel a sense of belonging and care. The founder talked about all the women they help and one of the ways they raise funds. I am always a fan of social enterprises and this is a great safety product! They create Diamond Fists–perfect for their mission of keeping women safe.

I have been volunteering, fundraising and working with non-profits for longer than I can remember. It has always been easy to sway people to get involved with organizations that work with children or animals. I remember the first time I tried to organization a group to volunteer with Special Olympics and there was some push back. I have found throughout my years in this space, that most people want to get involved with what is easy and what gives us good feels. But what about those on the outliers of our community (or outcasts), not to be overly religious but instead human, I ask this, “aren’t they too children of God?”

I left that night with a sense of pride of the incredible human being my daughter is and how she inspires me in so many ways. I went to my warm bed that night thinking about two things. On my way to work that morning, I heard Rosemary Clooney’s version of Count Your Blessings. I realized how much I have even when I complain or feel like I have overwhelming obstacles in my way. I also recalled a conversation I had about three years ago with my friend, Damon, after one of our Sunday yoga/coffee sessions. He knew I was struggling financially, physically and emotionally, and half joking, said, “we need to do more to make sure you aren’t one of the people who are standing in line at the Storehouse <a local food pantry>.” At the time I was drowning in debt and receiving no income and it was starting to impact me physically and emotionally. He went on to show his support with what he could offer, writing in the local business journal about the work I was doing to create awareness and hopefully that would translate to sales. Over the years, I have kept that comment close to my heart. You never know where life may turn for the worse. I count my blessings every day that I have the family and friends support system that has helped me through difficult times.

The next morning, I woke to prepare for a trip to Denver. It had been in the works it for a few months. The draw was a touring Dior exhibit at the Denver museum. I made it to Denver in good time. Checked in, freshened up and headed to the museum. Without giving it much thought, I attended on the first Saturday…which is free for all. Thank goodness the weather was bearable as I eagerly waited outside waiting patiently for my turn to enter. Since my time to access the collection was at 3:45pm, I had about a half an hour to see the other collections before I waited in another line for Dior. That time came and like a herd of cattle we eagerly awaited the collection.

The extensive collection was inspiring, over the top and made me think about how I can create to bring beauty into the world and give back. And I thought about the most basic gesture to bring beauty to this world is to acknowledge the person I am working with; help this person to see their own unique beauty; and how they can share it. I left the museum and bundled up because my next destination was the parade of lights. I pulled out my phone to see how far the Civic Center was and if I could walk there to claim my spot for the parade. I walked outside realized the streets around me were the staging areas.

I admired the floats and all the lights and then realized, my car wasn’t in the place I parked it. The meter had no number to call, so I walked into a lot to call the number of the recovery company listed. The woman I spoke to suggested calling 311. I did. The office was closed until the morning. The idea to attend the parade soured, so I decided to call a Lyft and head back to my hotel to figure out a plan. As I walked a few blocks to access a street that hadn’t been closed off, my phone died. I didn’t have my charger with me so I saw a Subway sandwich shop ahead and I was planning to go in to ask if I could use a phone, when I noticed a few police officers standing at a barricade. I stopped and asked them about the towed vehicles. One officer mentioned they were towed to a school a few blocks away. I mentioned that my phone was also dead, so he offered to give me a ride. As we traveled to the school, he found out I was from Albuquerque and he talked about having family there and in Mora…yes, of all places in Mora, NM. It’s incredible to me that this itsy-bitsy town has so many connections.

Luckily, my car was found, sadly, with a ticket for $150. This was the most expensive visit to the museum (but great story right—come on if I can laugh, you can). I plugged in my phone, and get this, it was charged at 45%. WTH (oh wait, Mercury is in Retrograde)?!? After that, I really wasn’t excited to see the parade anymore, but I wanted to see Christmas lights. Not familiar with all the neighborhoods, I decided I would head to one I knew, Cherry Creek. And I wasn’t disappointed. However I was on the wrong side of the road and had to turn around. I figured I’d turn around in the Cherry Creek Mall parking lot. As I turned in, I realized there’s no free parking anymore and couldn’t back out because of the line of cars behind me, so I took my ticket. I opted to go in and get it validated. I ended up parking near the movie theater.

As I often do, I thought this must be a sign…I need some comedy and decided to stay for a movie. I was trying to choose between Instant Family and Ralph Broke the Internet. Not really knowing about Instant Family, but thinking, “Mark Wahlberg is in it, so it must be comical.” I bought my ticket.

There were some funny moments, but the movie was pretty real and raw. The “based on real life events” movie is about a couple who decides to become foster parents and are matched with three siblings. I probably cried throughout the movie…but those who know me know this isn’t surprising. It was for sadness, as well as joy. It provided a realistic glimpse of what it’s like for the children, the parents and everyone involved in foster care and adoption.

I wish I could recall all the powerful quotes I heard throughout the film to recite. However, there were two thoughts that lingered with me after the movie. The first: how the oldest girl, Lizzie, would wear less make up when she was happy, and how she was willing to expose herself to get the wrong type of attention (bad attention is attention, right?!?). How we dress or what we wear is a powerful statement in confirming or standing out. The other scene was between the parents, Ellie and Jack, and Jack’s mom, aka Grandma Sandy. When presented with a difficult situation and the kids (specifically Lizzie) not being able to accept that they are loved by their foster parents, Grandma Sandy reminds the parents that when you’ve been treated like shit your whole life, it’s hard to believe anyone can love you. They were incredible reminders that life isn’t easy and we don’t always know what’s going on with those around us, especially those that may not have been given the same gifts of love we have. However, what we can do is be patient, love, and continue to be present, even when it’s so easy to walk away. As I left the theater (I’m sure with messed up make up and puffy eyes–luckily, I was parked right by the theater entrance) and started my trek back to the hotel, I saw a digital sign and it said this:

“You are stronger than you think.”

I came back to my room after viewing a few decorated neighborhoods. I wasn’t sure what these events are trying to tell me, but as always, I felt compelled to write about it. The quote above about “walking together” I took from an Instagram post on the Giving Keys page. It is a social enterprise that works with the homeless population in LA to create economic opportunity. The engraved keys have empowering words on them.

You purchase the one that calls to you and then when you feel like someone could use that word more, you pass it on to them. The post also included, “we are all in this thing called life together.” When I write I typically have an ends to my means, and honestly, I’m perplexed with all these signs of love, belonging and kindness. I drove home in whiteout conditions for most of the way. White-knuckling it most of the road, I decided, when I got home, I would watch So-Called Angels, the holiday episode from the short-lived, but powerful drama from ABC, My So-Called Life. The story revolves around Angela’s (the main character) friend, Ricky, who becomes a runaway and as she goes searching for him she comes across a girl much like her who is also a runaway.

I watch it every year as a reminder to count my blessings (even those in disguise) — There but before the grace of God go I. I watch it to remind me that there are others out there that need to see the blessings they bring and need to be recognized as the light they are.

I’m not entirely sure what the weekend was trying to remind me of, but I know it was testing where my strength lies. I know. I know. I will count my blessings and when I wake at 3am, as I sometimes do, it won’t be from worry, it will be as the saying goes, because someone is dreaming about me.

“When I’m worried,
And I can’t sleep,
I count my blessings instead of sheep,
And I fall asleep,
Counting my blessings.

When my bankroll,
Is gettin’ small,
I think of when
I had none at all.
And I fall asleep,
Counting my blessings.” – Count Your Blessings, Rosemary Clooney

I don’t normally like to re-gift, however I recently stumbled upon a few posts that I enjoyed reading again and thought it would be fun to see if they still remained true enough to share. In 2013, I took to Facebook just before Thanksgiving through mid-December and wrote small posts about the things I treasured and some were specifically for this time of year. As I re-read them, I realized as much as life has changed, yet they still remained true. I hope you enjoy them and I’d love to hear about your favorite things too!

November 25, 2013 – Today is the first day of one of my favorite weeks of the year…Thanksgiving. I love to cook (although, lately, my family would say…you do what?). I’m excited to make green chile mashed potatoes, turkey, brie en croute and a new sweet potato recipe (not mushy baby food type, thanks Evangeline) to take to my grandma’s. I love that Thanksgiving is casual and we not only watch football but go out and play a game of flag (I grew up with a lot of boys)..then the Christmas movies start, kids start making their wish lists and I start on my Christmas cards. Don’t get me wrong, I am a BIG fan of Christmas. I just feel that sometimes there is a lot of pressure around Christmas like that first date and trying to make a good impression, while Thanksgiving is an old friend that loves you even if you ate more than your share of the turkey. Have an amazing week all! – 2018 – This year I incorporated Friendsgiving and my Cati spent the night on Wednesday. We watched movies, we ate, but we didn’t snuggle because she was congested. LOL…however, this was TOTALLY me with my minis:

December 1, 2013 – These are a few of my favorite things: Christmas movies – I try to watch one a day. Today I got to two, Surviving Christmas and Four Christmases. Obviously more of a comical day. – 2018 – P.S. I don’t watch Christmas movies before Thanksgiving, except that I did see the Grinch in the movie theaters. On Thanksgiving I watched, Love Actually, which I know will be the first of a couple of times. I’m also hosting a group viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life, let me know if you’d like to join in.

December 2, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: sending and receiving cards, Christmas, Hannukah, thank you, etc…I get way too much junk mail and bills :(. I love when I go to the mailbox and have a card waiting for me. Don’t hand them out, put a stamp on it and mail it people. And if you looking for some funky ones…check out these cool ones my cousin, Will, makes. – 2018 I don’t think my cousin is still creating cards, but you should definitely support a local artist or use photos from the past year. I love seeing what friends and family members are up to. AND the only thing that compares, is receiving an international magazine that features your designs (the personalized card from family and friends and magazine run neck-and-neck by the way).

December 3, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: giving! What is the holiday season without giving? “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Today is Giving Tuesday. What about giving 365 and giving to someone who can’t return it, but maybe someday can pay it forward? I love donating my change to the Salvation Army just to hear the bell ring, buying the person behind me in the Starbucks line a drink or giving time “to teach someone to fish.” We all have gifts to share. – 2018 – Mark Your Calendars for Tuesday, November 27, 2018. If you need suggestions on worthy organizations to give to, I’ve got a few of my favorites that I’ll be happy to share. 

December 4, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: bows (anyone who knows me already knows this)!

I love dainty bows and have worn them for important events (think my 40 under 40 French Connection dress). My friends even gifted a sweet Tiffany bracelet for my last birthday.

But here’s real reason why…bow’s are a reminder that la vita è un dono or life is a gift.

Think Uncle Billy in It’s a Wonderful Life tying bows on his fingers to not forget things. Although it didn’t work well for him I think bows serve as great reminder to enjoy life. So, tie one on or even better untie one and enjoy life to the fullest. – 2018 I still love bows and have been blessed to receive them from my dear Roby on his travels. You’ll most likely find me wearing one for an important event. I constantly remind myself what a gift life is. 

December 5, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: limited edition holiday items. Yes, I’m a sucker for peppermint, gingerbread, egg nog…yada yada yada…items, even the McRib (don’t judge!).

The anticipation, the fleeting opportunity to enjoy something that’s season specific. One of my favorites is Iced Wine shower jelly. It’s like heaven in a tub (has anyone been to lush lately–is it available this year?). I know my family appreciates when I make Baklava. I don’t normally make it any other time because it’s quite time consuming and I want to build anticipation (maybe even a little desire) around it. 

It’s like a loved one visiting for a weekend. The excitement until the day arrives and then enjoying every minute while they’re in your presence. So enjoy your peppermint mocha with whip while it is available especially with the snow (because we all know that is a limited edition event too). – 2018 these still remain true. I haven’t had a McRib yet…you have to build up for that one. 

December 6, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: humility. Humility by no means is a bad thing. I see it more like this, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” C S Lewis.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of bad asses! However, those bad asses aren’t boastful or arrogant. They typically fly under the radar and their impact speaks for itself. They are passionate about what they do and don’t keep their skills, knowledge, talents, etc to themselves. They know the power they have to change another’s life and they do it without regard for recognition or notoriety.

To me, leaders serve others and treat others with dignity and respect always. “Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.” Nelson Mandela – 2018 I think this is more important today than 5 years ago. In the age of ego and boasting without thinking about what damage we can do before we speak, a little humility or maybe sitting back and listening to each other would be a wonderful gift.

Demember 7, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: the Christmas Tree.

There are two strong opinions on that front–the freshly cut tree or the artificial one. I am pro-freshly cut. I love the smell of freshly cut pine. I love sturdiness and longevity of the tree from Northern NM (they support the heaviest of ornaments with ease). But what I love most of all, is the annual trip that occurs to pick out my imperfect tree.

Every year, my family designates the first weekend in December to travel to our family ranch in Mora to pick out trees. It’s cold, it’s wet, and it’s an absolutely beautiful setting to get you in the spirit of the season.

Unfortunately, this year I wasn’t able to go, but look at this view sent to me from this morning’s outing (I’m just waiting for the horse drawn sleigh full of carolers to gallop across the photo). So the thought for today is simply this, enjoy the beauty that surrounds you! – 2018 I’m hoping the group will be going next weekend. I don’t know if I’ll be traveling with them, but I am excited and grateful to see what they will be bringing back. I may have a photo or two on my Instastory and there’s always homage to dress and design on it with my kiddos hand crafted ornaments they made years ago.  

December 8, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: bubbles!

“You got me poppin’ champagne…” Nothing says “celebrate” to me more than the sound of a cork popping, the effervescent bubbles tickling your nose or the sparkle of the crystal glass it’s poured into. I received a special bottle for my last birthday (I think I need to have milestone birthdays every year) and it was so much fun to share it. But since I don’t have that kind of budget, I’ll stick to my favorite Bellissimo, sparkling wine, by St. Clair. I know there are some of you that prefer Gruet which is fine, but I’m a sweet girl and I prefer the Demi Sec versions. Plus, while you’re there you can pick up the Mimosa for the next day. 🙂

What’s life about, if not to celebrate?

“We drank a toast to innocence. We drank a toast to now. We drank a toast to time. Reliving in our eloquence. Another ‘auld lang syne’….” Dan Folgelberg – 2018 (WOW, I forgot how much I love that song) I truly believe life is a gift, so I believe in celebrating and I tend to make those celebrating with me sign the cork as a keepsake.

December 9, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: conversation…stop rolling your eyes and thinking, “get off of Facebook then.” Really who am I going to have a conversation with at 5am (remember, I’m not a morning person).

On a recent trip to Northern California, I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend over lunch. Afterwards I ran around Union Center trying to get some shopping done until it was time to catch the ferry to Oakland. Since it was my first time riding the ferry I reached out to the woman in front of me for her advice. Our conversation continued on throughout the ride. At one point in time, she did notice how everyone was looking at their electronic devices or had their earbuds in. Has the art of a face to face conversation been lost?

I know I’m guilty of my phone or computer monopolizing my time…especially since I’ve become responsible for the boutique’s social media.

Whereas a social event or gala provides the opportunity for an introduction. I love the intimate time of meeting over coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner. And at home it has been a tradition for our family to sit down at the dining room table and talk about our day. To get the conversation going, we ask for daily high and low points (totally borrowed from the Story of Us).

Enjoy time with others and if you want to catch up, let me know I’d love to hear what’s happening with you. Have a fabulous week!! – 2018 oh how much has changed from 2013, I really value you conversations and have found it to be a big pet peeve if you are on your phone when you are with me. Put the phone away, let’s have a little human interaction. 

December 10, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: imperfect beauty.

In a world of airbrushed and unattainable beauty. I would like to reflect how much I love those who are real, vulnerable and okay with who they are. Watching the news this morning there was a piece on Jennifer Aniston and her awkward decade. Are you kidding me?!? Why as a society are we so ready to put some one up on a pedestal just so we can easily tear them down?

“I feel good, I walk alone
But then I trip upon myself and I fall
I, I stand up, and then I’m okay
But then you print that shit
That makes me want to scream” – Lady Gaga

We are all different and unique…and that’s absolutely beautiful (P.S. this is not female-centric either the super sexiest guys are those that are vulnerable at times and real). – 2018 I copied the graphic I included with my original post, because I do believe this to be true. Give me a real soul not one crafted.

December 11, 2013 – A few if my favorite things: faith.

It is a strong gift to have and hold on to because I believe the trickster, called life, is to test your foundation of faith.

In the traditional sense I have faith in a greater power. This belief calms and empowers me. I am inspired by faithful people. “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa.

The past year, however, has been a roller-coaster ride of tests. I have finally come to believe that “you can do all you can do” then put it out into the universe with faith. What happens may not be what you expect but will hopefully help you grow.  – 2018 if the past 5 years have taught me anything it’s resiliency and that has been built through my faith. I am grateful for my gram, Cathy and Laurie who inspire me constantly with their faith. Thank you!

December 12, 2008 – A few of my favorite things: sparkly things (no, it’s not what you think–I can’t be trusted with jewelry, so I don’t invest in the expensive stuff)!

I’m easily distracted by the twinkling city lights…”Those flashing lights come from everywhere. The way they hit…I just stop and stare”. I have been known to whisper “Christmas lights” when driving through town this time of year (sorry, if you’ve driven with me). In fact, my neighbor has this super cool twinkling Eiffel Tower in her front yard that I totally covet (I need to ask her where she got it from–thinking uber cool window display). During the summer I sit out and enjoy the heavens shining above (and would now if it wasn’t too cold). To me that is one of the most peaceful things to do after a long day.

But what’s the best in my book, is the sparkle in someone’s eyes or smile, especially when they see that someone special. It’s amazing that something so simple as an act of acknowledgement, like a good morning greeting, can bring out that sparkle. I had the honor of serving a meal today with my wonderful colleagues on the MOVE Advisory Board. It’s amazing how far a smile goes (and giving the guests a hard time for not eating salad :)).

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – 2018 I still love things that sparkle. In a way, it has a different meaning for me now, but I still believe in letting your light shine through.

December 13, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: surprises (good ones only of course)!

It is amazing to me that people don’t like them…well, maybe they don’t have the patience for them. I think my love for them is rooted in the fact that as a kid I’ll admit, I peeked at my Christmas presents one year. And I must say, that Christmas Eve SUCKED beyond belief because I knew what was in each package. So to this day, I won’t open gifts early (and everyone hates that I do that). I will wait until my birthday or Christmas to open the gifts because I want to be surprised at what I find.

One of the best surprises was for my last birthday (wow, I must have another birthday like that). I can’t remember another time that I was overwhelmed by emotion from the love I felt (I’d share all the photos but there were several when I bawled like a baby and I’m not not a pretty crier).

So I guess what I’m saying is I love to surprise people with “good things”, let me have it and quit trying to guess the surprise. Instead be patient; it will be worth it! P.S. I won! – 2018 I still don’t peek or open gifts early which annoys everyone, and while I’ve had more than my share of crappy surprises over the past couple of years, I still really love good surprises.

December 16, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: play!

“Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” Sai Baba

When was the last time you played a board game or an impromptu street ball game. I think as adults we forget that play is an important as work. Maybe if you incorporated a game of All Tangled Up (http://www.playworks.org/playbook/games/all-tangled), your meeting wouldn’t be a snoozefest. I love playing games. We still get together over the holidays and play rummy or the latest board game that someone got for Christmas. We even had a marathon of Guitar Hero and Rock Band a few years ago….I’m feeling it might be Just Dance this year.

Sometimes I have to remember my body might not be as young as my heart (thinking Kickball 4 the Kids and pulled quads), but you’ll still see me doing cartwheels on my downtime at golf tournaments and I hope you’ll join me.

Who wants to play? – 2018 now I live right next to a golf course, so I’m cartwheeling ALL THE TIME. I also have no problem celebrating a walk or run with a stint on the swings. Did you know the only time I broke a bone (knock on wood) is when I was playing hide-n-seek with the kids?!? I think play is important for staying young.

December 17, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: music, singing and fantabulous lyrics!

Another bucket list item for me is to sing Ave Maria in all its grandeur…I think I sing with all the range of Mariah Carey, when in reality it is much more like the outtakes from American Idol. And yet, you’ll find me singing along to my favorite song and in the past Christmas Caroling at the Hospice unit. There is something magical about music. It instantly gets me in the right mood…hypes me up, calms me down or makes me bawl like a baby (this is why I am not a fan of country).

I love a good lyric and you’ll find my favorites posted all the time on my page. I will listen to a song over and over again to absorb what is being said to me…right now loving Art Pop by Lady Gaga

“Come to me, in all your glamour, and cruelty
Just do the thing that you do
And I’ll undress you

Give it tight, sometimes the simplest move is right
The melody that you choose
Can rescue you?”

But give me a traditional Christmas song and I’m all over it. It reminds me of my childhood with my mom…and how she used to make my brother and I listen to “The Littlest Angel” by Bing Crosby when we were getting to out of hand with our Christmas presents–she always had a way of bringing us down to earth (and I think she enjoyed making us cry sometimes. LOL!).

So next time you see me singing, join in or cover your ears…maybe someone wants to take on the challenge of teaching me how to sing Ave Maria? – 2018 if you read this blog then you know it’s true with all the lyrical quoting that happens here. LOL! I haven’t started listening to Christmas music yet, so I’ll have to come back and share the song of the season at a later date.

December 18, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: dressing up, dressing down…who am I kidding I love clothes!

I have learned that it’s much more than the label or the visual appeal. I think there is a psychological connection to what we wear and try to convey through our clothing choices. We choose to look a certain way to convey thoughts, feelings and who we want people to see. Clothing connects us, think trends or to the extreme, gang members. Clothing can hide us. I know when on that rare occasion that I step foot into a gym, I wear the baggiest sweats and pull my hood on because I want absolutely no attention. Clothing can showcase our individuality. When you find that perfect dress, pair of shoes or outfit you radiate with joy (or at least I do) and when you don’t the opposite can occur.

Remember every day is a fashion show and the world is your runway….now to figure out what to wear?!? – 2018 ummm, I don’t think I really need to address this anymore. If you know me, you know that this is STILL one of my favorite things. 

December 19, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: really enjoying the simplicity of things.

Because I want things to be perfect, I sometimes get wrapped up in the minutiae. I need to remember it’s not always about the destination but more importantly the journey…

Enjoying a hug (really good ones that you feel deep in your soul), a smile (it’s my favorite–and when a stranger tells you yours makes them stutter that encourages you to smile bigger and brighter), a toast (to life, to health, to prosperity, to birthdays, to whatever the occasion may be) and action words (how MERRY makes me feel or how CORE makes me react).

“So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou

Thanks for the reminder – 2018 smiling is STILL my favorite

December 22, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: traditions.

Isn’t this the perfect time of year to share yours and make new ones?!? Today is my mama’s birthday. After she died, her friends decided that we should get together to celebrate her at the Frontier…they have a quirky sense of humor (knowing how much she hated it). It has been 17 years that we’ve been getting together.

After breakfast, I invited my nephew and niece over to bake. I love that they look forward to it every year. We made a few batches of cookies and ate about half of them.

This week holds one of my favorite traditions~Christmas at my grandma’s. It starts Christmas Eve with mass, then off to my gram’s where we watch many hours of a Christmas Story, nap and wait from some of the family to come back from midnight mass. After that the festivities begin. Gifts are opened, food is shared and we are up until the wee hours of the morning. Christmas Day is filled with family, food and games (there’s also a nap or two).

I love holiday traditions…and making new ones! What are your fav ones? – 2018 Frontier was not her favorite but Tomasita’s was…we also celebrate her birthday there. 

This holiday season, may you reflect on a few of your favorite things and really indulge in them. I think the only thing I would add is a sense of wonder that builds into curiosity that grows to adventure. I am excited for the adventures ahead and that I will always have a sense of wonder to learn about myself and the world around me.

I hope you’ve enjoyed a few of my favorite things.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

This is a thorough and thoughtful approach to a recent inquiry. Grab your coffee and get comfy for this blog. If you decide to read it in its entirety, you’ll get a taste of one of my short stories…

After my last post, I received this text message from a dear friend:

“Great blog, soul mates don’t exist! I love u”

She was referring to the quote block I included that stated,

“Finding someone you love and who loves you is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you like no other, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we are gone.” – Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Her comment made me question if I indeed believed this to be true, “Are there really soul mates?” It challenged my beliefs. I also wondered where her comment was coming from, was it a displaced and hurt heart for someone she thought was her soul mate? I started to analyze and question, “What is a soul mate?” So, I started with the basic definition–a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

I have always believed that a soul mate is someone who is deeply woven into your being. It is not always romantic. I can be a person that you don’t see every day. They may cross your path, leave, and you find your way back to them. Your soul mate is someone you feel entirely comfortable sharing your most intimate details without fear of judgement.

I started writing a short story a few years ago. The basis was originally focused on the ONE, the one who I thought changed my life:

“I found the one he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love” – What Now, Rihanna

But, as I wrote, it morphed. It wasn’t the person that gave me butterflies, that built me up until my world came crumbling down, then became absent. It was the person that I could be completely honest with, that gave me a sense of calm when in their presence, and the person who was honest, yet kind when I needed it. The story was my internal dialogue of understanding what a soul mate is–meeting someone who saw me and helped me see myself and not in a romantic way, in a way that I found myself. Here are a few excerpts:

GOOD-BYE AS A BEGINNING

I was in Rihanna’s video, We Found Love, and more specifically, it was the prologue dialog guiding me. I don’t see where, but I followed the voice echoing in the dark.

It’s like your screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so you could have the good.

As I wander, really letting the words sink in, waiting for the lighting to strike and thunder roll, as in the video, I feel my body shaking. Begrudgingly, trying to wake from this dream, I raise my left arm over my head and stretch. I move my hands to my eyes to wipe the sleep out of them, when I hear a familiar voice call to me, “Sophia”. I open my eyes to see the figure move to the edge of my bed. I pull myself up to see Annie in my room. “Annie, what are you doing here?” I ask.

     “I just want to tell you I’m leaving.” she responds. Still half asleep, I counter, “What do you mean, you’re leaving? I don’t understand.”

     “I came to say good-bye. It’s time for me to go,” she states matter-of-factly. “It was important for me to let you know.” At that moment, I feel like a child not understanding what was happening before me. Annie walked over to the head of the bed, and as I looked at her she gently kissed my forehead and a phone rang out. The whole scene dissolved. I felt like I was in a different universe and couldn’t grasp what was happening before me. The phone rang out again and I woke with a jolt. I had been dreaming. I looked at the clock and it was 5:30am. Instantly, I knew something was wrong and immediately answered the phone.

A sullen voice was on the other end. “Sophia, it’s Annie…” And the voice trailed off. It was Charles, my best friend Annie’s husband. I was fully awake. “What about Annie?” I begged. I could hear a soft cry and the wrenching response came tumbling out,

      “Sophia, she’s gone. She succumbed to cancer last night.” Just like that, I had been punched in the gut with the unexpected. I couldn’t breathe. The tears poured out from my eyes. Trying to catch my breath between sobs, I choked out, “I’ll jump on the next plane. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

He whispered, “Ok. Safe travels.” I ended the call and threw my phone on the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed I put my head my hands and was overcome by emotion. Huge convulsing sobs controlled my body and as I tried reign in the grief and pull myself together. I was taken back to my dream.

I originally sent this first part to a friend who’s also a writer/editor. He challenged me for more, so I sent this, which is my bizarre love triangle—one may think is the romantic love cluster, but instead what I found was that the true connection of love is found in the genuineness of soul. I remember reading a quote one time that said, “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.” Which is contradictory to everything I’ve ever learned about love.

NOT WALKING BACK DOWN

     “I was so drunk on your every word, look and feel that when I couldn’t have you in my small meaningful ways, I went through psychological withdrawals to not be able to talk to you, to touch you, to laugh or to feel your gaze and feel the warmth of that shy smile. The easiest way to break your gravity was to leave and cut you out cold turkey. I knew if I didn’t, all it would do is keep me down. And it worked, I dedicated myself to building my career in this new environment and focusing on me. I cleared my mind and set it to learning a new life with new and very different opportunities. I was so consumed with my world that in my downtime I forbade myself to think about my past. Even though Annie was part of you, and a part of me, she knew this. Our relationship had become that of sisters, she didn’t want to hurt me by mentioning your name. She couldn’t even bring herself to tell me when you got married. And I understood that, and in a way, appreciated it. I only ever wanted the best for you, but it still hurt when I came to the realization that it wasn’t going to be me. I told myself that you did indeed care, that you loved me more than you knew how to deal with, so you had to remove yourself from me because the timing wasn’t right, and you didn’t want to hurt me. As painful as that was, it was easier to tell myself that than to think that you’d believe the gossip and rumor and could just easily cut me out of your life without honestly explaining why.”

I could feel his gaze on me. Without looking up, I took a deep breath and continued. “Annie knew my pain. Although I never verbalized what you meant to me, she knew it, and before I left, she told me this, ‘I don’t think it’s actually so black or white with him. I do believe he does care, A LOT, and he doesn’t know how to connect to those feelings. As much as I love my brother, let’s face it. You aren’t arm candy. You OWN a room when you are in it. You wouldn’t be that silent, worshiping thing in a dress and heels at his side. You are REAL and how well does he deal with those emotions and situations?’ That night I let you go, determined not to look back. I released the hurt and the pain and as much as I wanted to reach out to you, one last time, I packed my bag and phoned my agent to take the film role. While there hasn’t been a day that you haven’t been on my mind in one way or another, I made a conscious choice to release you and wish you, health and happiness.”

I couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t stop either, “Annie, would only speak about you in passing, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask about you and I didn’t want to find out that you didn’t ask about me.” I was numb and I couldn’t look at him. I felt like I verbally assaulted him and that wasn’t my intent, but I also had to finally let out what I had been carrying for the past 5 years. I felt like time had stopped. There was no sound.

I reached out for my glass and took a slow drink of the cool liquid inside. Paying attention to my movement, feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone, I put the glass down slowly. I swallowed and looked up and once again saw his tortured soul through his dark gaze. I half-smiled and looked down again. The silence was agonizing. I took another deep breath and pulled myself up. I couldn’t go through this again, so I made my escape, “I didn’t mean to lay this on you, however I needed to let you know what I have been carrying around for so long. The time you were in my life was unbelievable. Unbelievably wonderful—up until meeting you, I never had anyone support me and cheer me the way you did. I ate up every word you said. Your words made me work harder and stronger, so thank you for that. When I realized we were no longer in that good place, my heart broke into a million pieces but that also made me stronger. You brought the most incredible human into my life and I’d go through that hurt and pain then and now, because of it. Thank you for sharing Annie with me.” Not being able to read his emotions, I continued, “I know I’ve already taken too much of your time, so I’ll excuse myself now before making a bigger fool of myself.” I sat up from my chair turning to leave when he put his hand on my arm.

     “So you get to do all the talking and I have no chance to respond?” he replied. I wanted to scream, “NO, you’ve hurt me enough. I can’t return to this space.” Instead I remained silent trying to catch my breath and emotionally remove myself from the conversation.

In the past week and a half since I’ve received the initial text message and because I’ve been on my death bed with a form of the Bubonic Plague (not really, it just feels like it—I also have a flair for the dramatics), I’ve spent some time reading and viewing different perspectives on the aspect of who is ideally suited for you.

https://youtu.be/pUYn7p5_HT0

(just think of me reading this blog to you in my raspy voice, like Pheobe…and unfortunately, WITH the coughing)

Sorry squirrel moment….I KNOW, “Get serious Dara!”

“Would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?”

I re-watched two movies that I think portray this beautifully: Life is Beautiful and Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you seen them?  The former is an Oscar winning, Italian comedy about the holocaust. Yes, I understand how those don’t go together, but that’s the description found within the trailer. It is a beautiful love story about two people that who, society would say “shouldn’t have been together”, yet were drawn to each other and became inseparable. While I won’t give the movie away, because I highly suggest you watch it if you haven’t (you will smile through the tears), the way the main characters deep love for each other plays out when faced with life’s uncertainty or in the extreme example in this movie, death, is at the heart of what I believe a soul mate is.

Watching, you can’t help but ask yourself, “would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?” I think we all say we’d act in the same way, but until tested we never know. I’m not jaded, but I’ve lived life enough to know this isn’t always the case.

“Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what’s within
And I’ve been there before, and that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial” If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys

The second movie, another Oscar winner, depicts how different people completely compliment each other, like Yin and Yang– inseparable and contradictory opposites. Again, I finished the movie asking myself, “what extremes would you be willing to go to for your beloved?”

When you Google “soul mates” you find pages upon pages of groups, articles and dating websites (No, Angela, you can’t sign me up for soulmates.com). I found a concise explanation at lifehack.org and 18 signs you’ve found your soul mate. This article focused on the romantic variety and I’m not necessarily in full agreement with the entire post, but I do like this:

Even though we tend to think of soul mates as a symbiotic union; soulmate relationships can be rough at the beginning. They can be like two jagged edged puzzle pieces trying to click into place. Sometimes it looks like you do not fit together at all, but soon after a little bit of twisting, turning, and flipping the pieces around, you feel the moment of the perfect click. It’s a feeling deep in your soul, that says, this is the right one.

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not be physically attracted to each other when you first meet, but there is a mysterious force pushing you forward that tells you this is “the right one” for you.

AND I think if you remove the “physically attracted” from the definition then it applies across the board. There are people that impact your life and vice versa that can only be understood as something that just cannot be described.

“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight” – Beneath Your Beautiful, Labrinth

Some of attributes that I do agree with from the article are the following:

• You respect each other’s differences and opinions
• You don’t experience jealousy
• You’re not afraid of having a conversation
• You know each other’s flaws and benefits in them
• You know how to apologize
• Your souls meet at the right time

I’d edit the other points that I somewhat agree with to the following: being in each other’s presence washes away your stress, worries, and anxiety; you understand each other’s pain and you empathize; and finally, while your souls meet at the right time, they may need time away from each other before crossing again to fully understand that they are indeed soul mates.

“Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing” – If I Ain’t Got You, Alicia Keys

So this takes me back to the simple text received and my beliefs. After much thought and many more words, “Yes, Virginia, I do believe in soulmates.” I believe they are not as easy to obtain or maybe even easy to see, but I believe they are out there. And the morning I was working to post this blog (Geez, with the word count, maybe a chapter), and second guessing whether to publish, I received this text from my creative soul mate:

With light and love,

Dara Sophia