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I don’t normally like to re-gift, however I recently stumbled upon a few posts that I enjoyed reading again and thought it would be fun to see if they still remained true enough to share. In 2013, I took to Facebook just before Thanksgiving through mid-December and wrote small posts about the things I treasured and some were specifically for this time of year. As I re-read them, I realized as much as life has changed, yet they still remained true. I hope you enjoy them and I’d love to hear about your favorite things too!

November 25, 2013 – Today is the first day of one of my favorite weeks of the year…Thanksgiving. I love to cook (although, lately, my family would say…you do what?). I’m excited to make green chile mashed potatoes, turkey, brie en croute and a new sweet potato recipe (not mushy baby food type, thanks Evangeline) to take to my grandma’s. I love that Thanksgiving is casual and we not only watch football but go out and play a game of flag (I grew up with a lot of boys)..then the Christmas movies start, kids start making their wish lists and I start on my Christmas cards. Don’t get me wrong, I am a BIG fan of Christmas. I just feel that sometimes there is a lot of pressure around Christmas like that first date and trying to make a good impression, while Thanksgiving is an old friend that loves you even if you ate more than your share of the turkey. Have an amazing week all! – 2018 – This year I incorporated Friendsgiving and my Cati spent the night on Wednesday. We watched movies, we ate, but we didn’t snuggle because she was congested. LOL…however, this was TOTALLY me with my minis:

December 1, 2013 – These are a few of my favorite things: Christmas movies – I try to watch one a day. Today I got to two, Surviving Christmas and Four Christmases. Obviously more of a comical day. – 2018 – P.S. I don’t watch Christmas movies before Thanksgiving, except that I did see the Grinch in the movie theaters. On Thanksgiving I watched, Love Actually, which I know will be the first of a couple of times. I’m also hosting a group viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life, let me know if you’d like to join in.

December 2, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: sending and receiving cards, Christmas, Hannukah, thank you, etc…I get way too much junk mail and bills :(. I love when I go to the mailbox and have a card waiting for me. Don’t hand them out, put a stamp on it and mail it people. And if you looking for some funky ones…check out these cool ones my cousin, Will, makes. – 2018 I don’t think my cousin is still creating cards, but you should definitely support a local artist or use photos from the past year. I love seeing what friends and family members are up to. AND the only thing that compares, is receiving an international magazine that features your designs (the personalized card from family and friends and magazine run neck-and-neck by the way).

December 3, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: giving! What is the holiday season without giving? “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Today is Giving Tuesday. What about giving 365 and giving to someone who can’t return it, but maybe someday can pay it forward? I love donating my change to the Salvation Army just to hear the bell ring, buying the person behind me in the Starbucks line a drink or giving time “to teach someone to fish.” We all have gifts to share. – 2018 – Mark Your Calendars for Tuesday, November 27, 2018. If you need suggestions on worthy organizations to give to, I’ve got a few of my favorites that I’ll be happy to share. 

December 4, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: bows (anyone who knows me already knows this)!

I love dainty bows and have worn them for important events (think my 40 under 40 French Connection dress). My friends even gifted a sweet Tiffany bracelet for my last birthday.

But here’s real reason why…bow’s are a reminder that la vita è un dono or life is a gift.

Think Uncle Billy in It’s a Wonderful Life tying bows on his fingers to not forget things. Although it didn’t work well for him I think bows serve as great reminder to enjoy life. So, tie one on or even better untie one and enjoy life to the fullest. – 2018 I still love bows and have been blessed to receive them from my dear Roby on his travels. You’ll most likely find me wearing one for an important event. I constantly remind myself what a gift life is. 

December 5, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: limited edition holiday items. Yes, I’m a sucker for peppermint, gingerbread, egg nog…yada yada yada…items, even the McRib (don’t judge!).

The anticipation, the fleeting opportunity to enjoy something that’s season specific. One of my favorites is Iced Wine shower jelly. It’s like heaven in a tub (has anyone been to lush lately–is it available this year?). I know my family appreciates when I make Baklava. I don’t normally make it any other time because it’s quite time consuming and I want to build anticipation (maybe even a little desire) around it. 

It’s like a loved one visiting for a weekend. The excitement until the day arrives and then enjoying every minute while they’re in your presence. So enjoy your peppermint mocha with whip while it is available especially with the snow (because we all know that is a limited edition event too). – 2018 these still remain true. I haven’t had a McRib yet…you have to build up for that one. 

December 6, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: humility. Humility by no means is a bad thing. I see it more like this, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” C S Lewis.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of bad asses! However, those bad asses aren’t boastful or arrogant. They typically fly under the radar and their impact speaks for itself. They are passionate about what they do and don’t keep their skills, knowledge, talents, etc to themselves. They know the power they have to change another’s life and they do it without regard for recognition or notoriety.

To me, leaders serve others and treat others with dignity and respect always. “Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.” Nelson Mandela – 2018 I think this is more important today than 5 years ago. In the age of ego and boasting without thinking about what damage we can do before we speak, a little humility or maybe sitting back and listening to each other would be a wonderful gift.

Demember 7, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: the Christmas Tree.

There are two strong opinions on that front–the freshly cut tree or the artificial one. I am pro-freshly cut. I love the smell of freshly cut pine. I love sturdiness and longevity of the tree from Northern NM (they support the heaviest of ornaments with ease). But what I love most of all, is the annual trip that occurs to pick out my imperfect tree.

Every year, my family designates the first weekend in December to travel to our family ranch in Mora to pick out trees. It’s cold, it’s wet, and it’s an absolutely beautiful setting to get you in the spirit of the season.

Unfortunately, this year I wasn’t able to go, but look at this view sent to me from this morning’s outing (I’m just waiting for the horse drawn sleigh full of carolers to gallop across the photo). So the thought for today is simply this, enjoy the beauty that surrounds you! – 2018 I’m hoping the group will be going next weekend. I don’t know if I’ll be traveling with them, but I am excited and grateful to see what they will be bringing back. I may have a photo or two on my Instastory and there’s always homage to dress and design on it with my kiddos hand crafted ornaments they made years ago.  

December 8, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: bubbles!

“You got me poppin’ champagne…” Nothing says “celebrate” to me more than the sound of a cork popping, the effervescent bubbles tickling your nose or the sparkle of the crystal glass it’s poured into. I received a special bottle for my last birthday (I think I need to have milestone birthdays every year) and it was so much fun to share it. But since I don’t have that kind of budget, I’ll stick to my favorite Bellissimo, sparkling wine, by St. Clair. I know there are some of you that prefer Gruet which is fine, but I’m a sweet girl and I prefer the Demi Sec versions. Plus, while you’re there you can pick up the Mimosa for the next day. 🙂

What’s life about, if not to celebrate?

“We drank a toast to innocence. We drank a toast to now. We drank a toast to time. Reliving in our eloquence. Another ‘auld lang syne’….” Dan Folgelberg – 2018 (WOW, I forgot how much I love that song) I truly believe life is a gift, so I believe in celebrating and I tend to make those celebrating with me sign the cork as a keepsake.

December 9, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: conversation…stop rolling your eyes and thinking, “get off of Facebook then.” Really who am I going to have a conversation with at 5am (remember, I’m not a morning person).

On a recent trip to Northern California, I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend over lunch. Afterwards I ran around Union Center trying to get some shopping done until it was time to catch the ferry to Oakland. Since it was my first time riding the ferry I reached out to the woman in front of me for her advice. Our conversation continued on throughout the ride. At one point in time, she did notice how everyone was looking at their electronic devices or had their earbuds in. Has the art of a face to face conversation been lost?

I know I’m guilty of my phone or computer monopolizing my time…especially since I’ve become responsible for the boutique’s social media.

Whereas a social event or gala provides the opportunity for an introduction. I love the intimate time of meeting over coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner. And at home it has been a tradition for our family to sit down at the dining room table and talk about our day. To get the conversation going, we ask for daily high and low points (totally borrowed from the Story of Us).

Enjoy time with others and if you want to catch up, let me know I’d love to hear what’s happening with you. Have a fabulous week!! – 2018 oh how much has changed from 2013, I really value you conversations and have found it to be a big pet peeve if you are on your phone when you are with me. Put the phone away, let’s have a little human interaction. 

December 10, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: imperfect beauty.

In a world of airbrushed and unattainable beauty. I would like to reflect how much I love those who are real, vulnerable and okay with who they are. Watching the news this morning there was a piece on Jennifer Aniston and her awkward decade. Are you kidding me?!? Why as a society are we so ready to put some one up on a pedestal just so we can easily tear them down?

“I feel good, I walk alone
But then I trip upon myself and I fall
I, I stand up, and then I’m okay
But then you print that shit
That makes me want to scream” – Lady Gaga

We are all different and unique…and that’s absolutely beautiful (P.S. this is not female-centric either the super sexiest guys are those that are vulnerable at times and real). – 2018 I copied the graphic I included with my original post, because I do believe this to be true. Give me a real soul not one crafted.

December 11, 2013 – A few if my favorite things: faith.

It is a strong gift to have and hold on to because I believe the trickster, called life, is to test your foundation of faith.

In the traditional sense I have faith in a greater power. This belief calms and empowers me. I am inspired by faithful people. “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa.

The past year, however, has been a roller-coaster ride of tests. I have finally come to believe that “you can do all you can do” then put it out into the universe with faith. What happens may not be what you expect but will hopefully help you grow.  – 2018 if the past 5 years have taught me anything it’s resiliency and that has been built through my faith. I am grateful for my gram, Cathy and Laurie who inspire me constantly with their faith. Thank you!

December 12, 2008 – A few of my favorite things: sparkly things (no, it’s not what you think–I can’t be trusted with jewelry, so I don’t invest in the expensive stuff)!

I’m easily distracted by the twinkling city lights…”Those flashing lights come from everywhere. The way they hit…I just stop and stare”. I have been known to whisper “Christmas lights” when driving through town this time of year (sorry, if you’ve driven with me). In fact, my neighbor has this super cool twinkling Eiffel Tower in her front yard that I totally covet (I need to ask her where she got it from–thinking uber cool window display). During the summer I sit out and enjoy the heavens shining above (and would now if it wasn’t too cold). To me that is one of the most peaceful things to do after a long day.

But what’s the best in my book, is the sparkle in someone’s eyes or smile, especially when they see that someone special. It’s amazing that something so simple as an act of acknowledgement, like a good morning greeting, can bring out that sparkle. I had the honor of serving a meal today with my wonderful colleagues on the MOVE Advisory Board. It’s amazing how far a smile goes (and giving the guests a hard time for not eating salad :)).

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – 2018 I still love things that sparkle. In a way, it has a different meaning for me now, but I still believe in letting your light shine through.

December 13, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: surprises (good ones only of course)!

It is amazing to me that people don’t like them…well, maybe they don’t have the patience for them. I think my love for them is rooted in the fact that as a kid I’ll admit, I peeked at my Christmas presents one year. And I must say, that Christmas Eve SUCKED beyond belief because I knew what was in each package. So to this day, I won’t open gifts early (and everyone hates that I do that). I will wait until my birthday or Christmas to open the gifts because I want to be surprised at what I find.

One of the best surprises was for my last birthday (wow, I must have another birthday like that). I can’t remember another time that I was overwhelmed by emotion from the love I felt (I’d share all the photos but there were several when I bawled like a baby and I’m not not a pretty crier).

So I guess what I’m saying is I love to surprise people with “good things”, let me have it and quit trying to guess the surprise. Instead be patient; it will be worth it! P.S. I won! – 2018 I still don’t peek or open gifts early which annoys everyone, and while I’ve had more than my share of crappy surprises over the past couple of years, I still really love good surprises.

December 16, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: play!

“Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” Sai Baba

When was the last time you played a board game or an impromptu street ball game. I think as adults we forget that play is an important as work. Maybe if you incorporated a game of All Tangled Up (http://www.playworks.org/playbook/games/all-tangled), your meeting wouldn’t be a snoozefest. I love playing games. We still get together over the holidays and play rummy or the latest board game that someone got for Christmas. We even had a marathon of Guitar Hero and Rock Band a few years ago….I’m feeling it might be Just Dance this year.

Sometimes I have to remember my body might not be as young as my heart (thinking Kickball 4 the Kids and pulled quads), but you’ll still see me doing cartwheels on my downtime at golf tournaments and I hope you’ll join me.

Who wants to play? – 2018 now I live right next to a golf course, so I’m cartwheeling ALL THE TIME. I also have no problem celebrating a walk or run with a stint on the swings. Did you know the only time I broke a bone (knock on wood) is when I was playing hide-n-seek with the kids?!? I think play is important for staying young.

December 17, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: music, singing and fantabulous lyrics!

Another bucket list item for me is to sing Ave Maria in all its grandeur…I think I sing with all the range of Mariah Carey, when in reality it is much more like the outtakes from American Idol. And yet, you’ll find me singing along to my favorite song and in the past Christmas Caroling at the Hospice unit. There is something magical about music. It instantly gets me in the right mood…hypes me up, calms me down or makes me bawl like a baby (this is why I am not a fan of country).

I love a good lyric and you’ll find my favorites posted all the time on my page. I will listen to a song over and over again to absorb what is being said to me…right now loving Art Pop by Lady Gaga

“Come to me, in all your glamour, and cruelty
Just do the thing that you do
And I’ll undress you

Give it tight, sometimes the simplest move is right
The melody that you choose
Can rescue you?”

But give me a traditional Christmas song and I’m all over it. It reminds me of my childhood with my mom…and how she used to make my brother and I listen to “The Littlest Angel” by Bing Crosby when we were getting to out of hand with our Christmas presents–she always had a way of bringing us down to earth (and I think she enjoyed making us cry sometimes. LOL!).

So next time you see me singing, join in or cover your ears…maybe someone wants to take on the challenge of teaching me how to sing Ave Maria? – 2018 if you read this blog then you know it’s true with all the lyrical quoting that happens here. LOL! I haven’t started listening to Christmas music yet, so I’ll have to come back and share the song of the season at a later date.

December 18, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: dressing up, dressing down…who am I kidding I love clothes!

I have learned that it’s much more than the label or the visual appeal. I think there is a psychological connection to what we wear and try to convey through our clothing choices. We choose to look a certain way to convey thoughts, feelings and who we want people to see. Clothing connects us, think trends or to the extreme, gang members. Clothing can hide us. I know when on that rare occasion that I step foot into a gym, I wear the baggiest sweats and pull my hood on because I want absolutely no attention. Clothing can showcase our individuality. When you find that perfect dress, pair of shoes or outfit you radiate with joy (or at least I do) and when you don’t the opposite can occur.

Remember every day is a fashion show and the world is your runway….now to figure out what to wear?!? – 2018 ummm, I don’t think I really need to address this anymore. If you know me, you know that this is STILL one of my favorite things. 

December 19, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: really enjoying the simplicity of things.

Because I want things to be perfect, I sometimes get wrapped up in the minutiae. I need to remember it’s not always about the destination but more importantly the journey…

Enjoying a hug (really good ones that you feel deep in your soul), a smile (it’s my favorite–and when a stranger tells you yours makes them stutter that encourages you to smile bigger and brighter), a toast (to life, to health, to prosperity, to birthdays, to whatever the occasion may be) and action words (how MERRY makes me feel or how CORE makes me react).

“So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou

Thanks for the reminder – 2018 smiling is STILL my favorite

December 22, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: traditions.

Isn’t this the perfect time of year to share yours and make new ones?!? Today is my mama’s birthday. After she died, her friends decided that we should get together to celebrate her at the Frontier…they have a quirky sense of humor (knowing how much she hated it). It has been 17 years that we’ve been getting together.

After breakfast, I invited my nephew and niece over to bake. I love that they look forward to it every year. We made a few batches of cookies and ate about half of them.

This week holds one of my favorite traditions~Christmas at my grandma’s. It starts Christmas Eve with mass, then off to my gram’s where we watch many hours of a Christmas Story, nap and wait from some of the family to come back from midnight mass. After that the festivities begin. Gifts are opened, food is shared and we are up until the wee hours of the morning. Christmas Day is filled with family, food and games (there’s also a nap or two).

I love holiday traditions…and making new ones! What are your fav ones? – 2018 Frontier was not her favorite but Tomasita’s was…we also celebrate her birthday there. 

This holiday season, may you reflect on a few of your favorite things and really indulge in them. I think the only thing I would add is a sense of wonder that builds into curiosity that grows to adventure. I am excited for the adventures ahead and that I will always have a sense of wonder to learn about myself and the world around me.

I hope you’ve enjoyed a few of my favorite things.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

This is a thorough and thoughtful approach to a recent inquiry. Grab your coffee and get comfy for this blog. If you decide to read it in its entirety, you’ll get a taste of one of my short stories…

After my last post, I received this text message from a dear friend:

“Great blog, soul mates don’t exist! I love u”

She was referring to the quote block I included that stated,

“Finding someone you love and who loves you is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you like no other, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we are gone.” – Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Her comment made me question if I indeed believed this to be true, “Are there really soul mates?” It challenged my beliefs. I also wondered where her comment was coming from, was it a displaced and hurt heart for someone she thought was her soul mate? I started to analyze and question, “What is a soul mate?” So, I started with the basic definition–a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

I have always believed that a soul mate is someone who is deeply woven into your being. It is not always romantic. I can be a person that you don’t see every day. They may cross your path, leave, and you find your way back to them. Your soul mate is someone you feel entirely comfortable sharing your most intimate details without fear of judgement.

I started writing a short story a few years ago. The basis was originally focused on the ONE, the one who I thought changed my life:

“I found the one he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love” – What Now, Rihanna

But, as I wrote, it morphed. It wasn’t the person that gave me butterflies, that built me up until my world came crumbling down, then became absent. It was the person that I could be completely honest with, that gave me a sense of calm when in their presence, and the person who was honest, yet kind when I needed it. The story was my internal dialogue of understanding what a soul mate is–meeting someone who saw me and helped me see myself and not in a romantic way, in a way that I found myself. Here are a few excerpts:

GOOD-BYE AS A BEGINNING

I was in Rihanna’s video, We Found Love, and more specifically, it was the prologue dialog guiding me. I don’t see where, but I followed the voice echoing in the dark.

It’s like your screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so you could have the good.

As I wander, really letting the words sink in, waiting for the lighting to strike and thunder roll, as in the video, I feel my body shaking. Begrudgingly, trying to wake from this dream, I raise my left arm over my head and stretch. I move my hands to my eyes to wipe the sleep out of them, when I hear a familiar voice call to me, “Sophia”. I open my eyes to see the figure move to the edge of my bed. I pull myself up to see Annie in my room. “Annie, what are you doing here?” I ask.

     “I just want to tell you I’m leaving.” she responds. Still half asleep, I counter, “What do you mean, you’re leaving? I don’t understand.”

     “I came to say good-bye. It’s time for me to go,” she states matter-of-factly. “It was important for me to let you know.” At that moment, I feel like a child not understanding what was happening before me. Annie walked over to the head of the bed, and as I looked at her she gently kissed my forehead and a phone rang out. The whole scene dissolved. I felt like I was in a different universe and couldn’t grasp what was happening before me. The phone rang out again and I woke with a jolt. I had been dreaming. I looked at the clock and it was 5:30am. Instantly, I knew something was wrong and immediately answered the phone.

A sullen voice was on the other end. “Sophia, it’s Annie…” And the voice trailed off. It was Charles, my best friend Annie’s husband. I was fully awake. “What about Annie?” I begged. I could hear a soft cry and the wrenching response came tumbling out,

      “Sophia, she’s gone. She succumbed to cancer last night.” Just like that, I had been punched in the gut with the unexpected. I couldn’t breathe. The tears poured out from my eyes. Trying to catch my breath between sobs, I choked out, “I’ll jump on the next plane. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

He whispered, “Ok. Safe travels.” I ended the call and threw my phone on the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed I put my head my hands and was overcome by emotion. Huge convulsing sobs controlled my body and as I tried reign in the grief and pull myself together. I was taken back to my dream.

I originally sent this first part to a friend who’s also a writer/editor. He challenged me for more, so I sent this, which is my bizarre love triangle—one may think is the romantic love cluster, but instead what I found was that the true connection of love is found in the genuineness of soul. I remember reading a quote one time that said, “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.” Which is contradictory to everything I’ve ever learned about love.

NOT WALKING BACK DOWN

     “I was so drunk on your every word, look and feel that when I couldn’t have you in my small meaningful ways, I went through psychological withdrawals to not be able to talk to you, to touch you, to laugh or to feel your gaze and feel the warmth of that shy smile. The easiest way to break your gravity was to leave and cut you out cold turkey. I knew if I didn’t, all it would do is keep me down. And it worked, I dedicated myself to building my career in this new environment and focusing on me. I cleared my mind and set it to learning a new life with new and very different opportunities. I was so consumed with my world that in my downtime I forbade myself to think about my past. Even though Annie was part of you, and a part of me, she knew this. Our relationship had become that of sisters, she didn’t want to hurt me by mentioning your name. She couldn’t even bring herself to tell me when you got married. And I understood that, and in a way, appreciated it. I only ever wanted the best for you, but it still hurt when I came to the realization that it wasn’t going to be me. I told myself that you did indeed care, that you loved me more than you knew how to deal with, so you had to remove yourself from me because the timing wasn’t right, and you didn’t want to hurt me. As painful as that was, it was easier to tell myself that than to think that you’d believe the gossip and rumor and could just easily cut me out of your life without honestly explaining why.”

I could feel his gaze on me. Without looking up, I took a deep breath and continued. “Annie knew my pain. Although I never verbalized what you meant to me, she knew it, and before I left, she told me this, ‘I don’t think it’s actually so black or white with him. I do believe he does care, A LOT, and he doesn’t know how to connect to those feelings. As much as I love my brother, let’s face it. You aren’t arm candy. You OWN a room when you are in it. You wouldn’t be that silent, worshiping thing in a dress and heels at his side. You are REAL and how well does he deal with those emotions and situations?’ That night I let you go, determined not to look back. I released the hurt and the pain and as much as I wanted to reach out to you, one last time, I packed my bag and phoned my agent to take the film role. While there hasn’t been a day that you haven’t been on my mind in one way or another, I made a conscious choice to release you and wish you, health and happiness.”

I couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t stop either, “Annie, would only speak about you in passing, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask about you and I didn’t want to find out that you didn’t ask about me.” I was numb and I couldn’t look at him. I felt like I verbally assaulted him and that wasn’t my intent, but I also had to finally let out what I had been carrying for the past 5 years. I felt like time had stopped. There was no sound.

I reached out for my glass and took a slow drink of the cool liquid inside. Paying attention to my movement, feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone, I put the glass down slowly. I swallowed and looked up and once again saw his tortured soul through his dark gaze. I half-smiled and looked down again. The silence was agonizing. I took another deep breath and pulled myself up. I couldn’t go through this again, so I made my escape, “I didn’t mean to lay this on you, however I needed to let you know what I have been carrying around for so long. The time you were in my life was unbelievable. Unbelievably wonderful—up until meeting you, I never had anyone support me and cheer me the way you did. I ate up every word you said. Your words made me work harder and stronger, so thank you for that. When I realized we were no longer in that good place, my heart broke into a million pieces but that also made me stronger. You brought the most incredible human into my life and I’d go through that hurt and pain then and now, because of it. Thank you for sharing Annie with me.” Not being able to read his emotions, I continued, “I know I’ve already taken too much of your time, so I’ll excuse myself now before making a bigger fool of myself.” I sat up from my chair turning to leave when he put his hand on my arm.

     “So you get to do all the talking and I have no chance to respond?” he replied. I wanted to scream, “NO, you’ve hurt me enough. I can’t return to this space.” Instead I remained silent trying to catch my breath and emotionally remove myself from the conversation.

In the past week and a half since I’ve received the initial text message and because I’ve been on my death bed with a form of the Bubonic Plague (not really, it just feels like it—I also have a flair for the dramatics), I’ve spent some time reading and viewing different perspectives on the aspect of who is ideally suited for you.

https://youtu.be/pUYn7p5_HT0

(just think of me reading this blog to you in my raspy voice, like Pheobe…and unfortunately, WITH the coughing)

Sorry squirrel moment….I KNOW, “Get serious Dara!”

“Would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?”

I re-watched two movies that I think portray this beautifully: Life is Beautiful and Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you seen them?  The former is an Oscar winning, Italian comedy about the holocaust. Yes, I understand how those don’t go together, but that’s the description found within the trailer. It is a beautiful love story about two people that who, society would say “shouldn’t have been together”, yet were drawn to each other and became inseparable. While I won’t give the movie away, because I highly suggest you watch it if you haven’t (you will smile through the tears), the way the main characters deep love for each other plays out when faced with life’s uncertainty or in the extreme example in this movie, death, is at the heart of what I believe a soul mate is.

Watching, you can’t help but ask yourself, “would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?” I think we all say we’d act in the same way, but until tested we never know. I’m not jaded, but I’ve lived life enough to know this isn’t always the case.

“Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what’s within
And I’ve been there before, and that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial” If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys

The second movie, another Oscar winner, depicts how different people completely compliment each other, like Yin and Yang– inseparable and contradictory opposites. Again, I finished the movie asking myself, “what extremes would you be willing to go to for your beloved?”

When you Google “soul mates” you find pages upon pages of groups, articles and dating websites (No, Angela, you can’t sign me up for soulmates.com). I found a concise explanation at lifehack.org and 18 signs you’ve found your soul mate. This article focused on the romantic variety and I’m not necessarily in full agreement with the entire post, but I do like this:

Even though we tend to think of soul mates as a symbiotic union; soulmate relationships can be rough at the beginning. They can be like two jagged edged puzzle pieces trying to click into place. Sometimes it looks like you do not fit together at all, but soon after a little bit of twisting, turning, and flipping the pieces around, you feel the moment of the perfect click. It’s a feeling deep in your soul, that says, this is the right one.

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not be physically attracted to each other when you first meet, but there is a mysterious force pushing you forward that tells you this is “the right one” for you.

AND I think if you remove the “physically attracted” from the definition then it applies across the board. There are people that impact your life and vice versa that can only be understood as something that just cannot be described.

“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight” – Beneath Your Beautiful, Labrinth

Some of attributes that I do agree with from the article are the following:

• You respect each other’s differences and opinions
• You don’t experience jealousy
• You’re not afraid of having a conversation
• You know each other’s flaws and benefits in them
• You know how to apologize
• Your souls meet at the right time

I’d edit the other points that I somewhat agree with to the following: being in each other’s presence washes away your stress, worries, and anxiety; you understand each other’s pain and you empathize; and finally, while your souls meet at the right time, they may need time away from each other before crossing again to fully understand that they are indeed soul mates.

“Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing” – If I Ain’t Got You, Alicia Keys

So this takes me back to the simple text received and my beliefs. After much thought and many more words, “Yes, Virginia, I do believe in soulmates.” I believe they are not as easy to obtain or maybe even easy to see, but I believe they are out there. And the morning I was working to post this blog (Geez, with the word count, maybe a chapter), and second guessing whether to publish, I received this text from my creative soul mate:

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

Life asked death, “why do they love me & hate you.” Death answered, “you’re a beautiful lie & I’m a painful truth.”

She lived.

I have this thing, where on my birthday whomever I’m celebrating with, I share my favorite memory of them. Its roots are found in dinner parties I hosted. They started in June 2013 and even though the gossip-y people in attendance thought I hosted the party was because I was—A. getting divorced, 2. pregnant, III. leaving the state or cuatro. because I got a new job—at the time, it wasn’t any of these options. It was a way for me to bring together a small group of friends for fabulous food and real conversation and sometimes WAY too much wine. There were always questions I posed and mobile phones were put away or the rule was you had to pay. Most of the time the group would gang up on me and make me talk about my favorite memory of each attendee. It continued over the course of several more dinners and finally morphed into my birthday celebrations.

This year was no different. I invited family and friends to get together at my favorite Casbahs in Albuquerque as we sat around noshed, talked and sipped cocktails, I took the time to share with the group how I met each of the people in attendance and my favorite memory of each. As I ended my tales, I was interrupted by one of my best friends, Lynella, who insisted on sharing her favorite memory. It was from our eighth grade year, the first day I met her, and her first day at a new school after moving in with her uncle and aunt. She stepped onto the bus, anxious about this new adventure looking for an open seat. She said I asked her if she’d like to sit with me. She said she felt welcomed. And honestly, I hadn’t remembered that moment.

I know I tend to act in the same way that I would want to be treated (I am so socially awkward and anxious, that I don’t ever want anyone to feel that way, so I always try to make them feel welcome and understand that they do belong). And, I’m sure at times to the point of being annoying. From that evening, with so much laughter, hugs, sunflowers, love and all my favorite things, this was the moment that lingered. If you’ve been reading along you may have recalled another one of my best friends, Angela, telling me on my birthday the year before, that my home, while small (and sometimes embarrassing to me), was her refuge. I understand why after 30+ years, they are SO significant in who I am and try to be. These women are woven into my very fiber.

“Wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye
I would’ve said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would’ve broke my heart in two
Tryin’ to save a part of you

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in” – I’ll Never Love Again, Lady Gaga

Music fuels my life. When I find a song I love, it’s on repeat. The lyrics, the music, the melody, the beat…it all resonates to me. I am a fan to almost all music, except when it comes to country music. I just can’t. People over the course of my life have tried to get me into it—the crossover songs, the upbeat party songs, the moving songs and yet when I listen to it I want to crawl out of my skin. I tease people all the time that my life is a country song–why would I want to listen to it?!?  The only time I listened to the genre and more specifically two songs, occurred when my mom died and then the following year when my grandpo died. I guess I listen to music to empower, inspire or help me move through life and country gets me stuck in a heavy mire of depressing thoughts that I can’t pull myself through.

Before I reached the age of 25, I had already written two obituaries. The first for my mom, I was twenty-two. Then when I was 24, my grandma asked that I write the one for my grandpo (my mom died 2 weeks before my 23^rd birthday and my grandpo 2 weeks after my 24^th birthday). I honored, but it wasn’t an easy task. I wanted to make sure whomever read or heard what I wrote and said, could see the incredible humans I knew them to be.

“I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?” – Glorious, Macklemore

As All Saints Day and All Souls Day approached, I couldn’t help think about my own life and mortality. Not in a sad or morbid way. I know I will die one day and I honestly hope I don’t know when. And not so much my legacy, because I know you only play a small role in that (it is really those who know or are inspired by you to carry that on). You can leave many things behind, but real question is, “what are you doing while you’re here?” YODO! It’s not, You Only Live Once (OR Yoda, I know, I’m a Star Wars geek too, but be serious please). You live every day. Really, it’s the fact that—-You Only Die Once!

I learned an incredible life lesson when my mom died and earlier this year when my Jennifer died. When my mom died, I learned to live life to the fullest. It is short. In the majority of cases of life, you won’t know when it’s your time to go. Seize every opportunity. Carpe Diem! Live with no regrets (not regerts). Take a chance. If it works—gold star. If it doesn’t—life lesson and fabulous blog post (or at least I think so). If you don’t like your life—change it. Made mistakes? Learn from them and teach others your life lessons. With Jennifer, I learned to make time. I will never pass up an opportunity to spend time with those I love and be present in that moment. Meet new people. Ask questions, find common ground, find difference, find out what they love and laugh, cry, do yoga together (or whatever floats your boat). If you have a spat and this person is important in your life, forgive. And as much as I HATE photos of myself, I will take them. The last photo I had with Jennifer and I was in 2015, I had plenty of her solo after, but none of us together. While I may not post them for the world to see, know if I ask to take a photo with you it’s because I want to keep it close to me. And if I ask for a retake, it’s only because I have a Chandler smile. But seriously, there is nothing more important in this life than the REAL relationships we forge.

A few years ago, I wrote a list of items I hoped to accomplish within my life. I guess you could call it my bucket list but I called it life goals (and through the course of my life they will change or be added to):

1. Go to Fashion Week in NYC – (spectator 9/13, 2/14, 2/15, 2/16, 2/17, 9/17, 2/19, 9/19 & SHOWED MY CLOTHING LINE 9/17 and 2/18)
2. Climb a mountain (every time I go to the Romero Ranch but also, La Luz—keep in mind I almost fell off the side of the mountain at age 16…so I think I’m done with this goal)
3. Visit the former summer palace of the Czars
4. Pray in the Mosque at Cordoba (darn Spanish Mysticism class)
5. Sing Ave Maria (and NOT have ears bleed or dogs come running)
6. Look great naked before the age of 40. Did you really think I was going to show it here to prove it?? Not. That. Bold. (But I did and had someone tell me “I did” though, so, thanks). Adding to this…I want to visit the French Rivera and do as the French do
7. Drive a mustang (when you show someone respect and kindness, you are sometimes gifted things—you can read about it HERE and it was RED HOT).
8. Do something good for someone without them knowing it was me (still working on this every single day)
9. Run a half marathon (I ran a 5k and I’m good…remember, not graceful, short legs with a booty, boobs and small nose…I’ll stick to running in intervals and yoga. Sometimes it’s good to change your mind on goals)
10. Witness God’s gift in everything (AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY including beautiful souls)
11. Write a novel (okay, so I need some ego stroking on this one, because really, would you read it?!?)
12. Go to Red Rock Amphitheater for a concert (I did to see my Sia and the weather was crazy, it was my mom’s memorial, my marriage was on it’s last few month’s and it was….. absolutely AMAZING <I loathe that word but it was>). However, I am happy to achieve this goal over and over again and any outdoor venue where the music caresses your ears and the scenery moves you in the way music should be heard). Listen for yourself.
13. Attend a World Cup Game….so the next World Cup is in Dubai (who wants to join me)…OR I can plan my alternate: Fashion, Futbol and Food tour of Europe (ahem, again who’s with me)

Autumn is the time of year that we think about this transformation before the cold reality of winter sets in, death in it’s most seasonal state. The summer leaves change and fall. Last weekend, I saw that it was finally going to be a beautiful fall weekend and totally took advantage of it. I am fortunate that I not only get to work for a phenomenal organization but also get to work at a beautifully inspiring building, so I asked our CEO if I could use the space for a fashion shoot. She kindly obliged. I sent out the call and had a great response. In case you couldn’t tell from prior posts, I LOVE fall in Albuquerque. The contrast in color, the golden fall sun against the crisp blue sky, and when the weather plays nicely it is heavenly. I am salivating, waiting for my friend, the incredible photographer and model, Sofi Jaureguiberry (featured: NYFW, Vogue, GQ and this coming year Cocoa Rocha model camp) to share the photos, but until then HERE are some of my favorite from the handy dandy iPhone (thank you: Models: Crystal Ortiz, Chantelle Wagner and Beauty Team: Amanda Serafin and Ramiro Cardenas, Location: Prosperity Works).

I strike out and step up to bat again.
I design the life I want to live.
I write the story I want to leave.
I hope those who loved me will say, “She lived.”

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

This ancient prayer is part of my morning routine (combined with a Hail Mary, Sun Salutation and ten things I’m thankful for). I added it after becoming enthralled with Zoroastrianism, when I learned about the first monotheistic religion years ago at UNM (I highly suggest taking World Religions with Dan Wolne, if he’s still teaching). What I found fascinating about this mantra is that it is at the heart of how we should act as human beings. Our thoughts lead to our words which lead to our actions and if they are drawn out of kindness and what is right, then of course we would treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated and we would be responsible for our actions. I remember when Albuquerque Business First amended this mantra during my A Peek at the Life article to the heart, which is “Do Good”.

It seems that this is such a harder task to live by. I am not ignorant to believe this is new. I understand that humanity has been plagued with war, death, destruction, and hatred since the beginning of time, yet I feel as a society we have become desensitized by it as an everyday occurrence, and so much so that the good is over looked. A few years back, my friend, Laura, and I were talking about this topic. As a country, we were at war in the Middle East, and my uncle had been deployed to Afghanistan. I couldn’t help but think what goes through the minds of our service men and women: leaving behind your family, friends, and community to go to what will be a hostile state (in the time of war), waking up, and not knowing if you’d live to see the next day fighting against the “enemy”. I told her I could no longer bare to watch or hear the news. Even when it was “positive”, there was always some underlying negativity. It was her challenge. She would only send me good news stories. She even found a “good news only” website (however, I think we debunked it that it truly wasn’t all good news all the time).

I began to sensor what I watched and what I read and looked for things that made me smile or laugh or feel good about the world. I know this isn’t realistic, that there has to be the good with the bad…and many times the good actually comes out of the bad. Lately, I feel the bad is only coming out of the bad, and I keep saying to myself, “it can’t keep getting any worse, can it?” The past few months have only led me to believe this profoundly. With the Supreme Court confirmation hearings, preventing the American given right to vote, the fear mongering rhetoric around the migrants coming from Central America, catastrophic climate change with a deadline, and demonizing opponents enough to incite violence, I want to run away to Canada or actually, the Cyclades islands or Amalfi coast. Then I found this (click on photo or link below to full story):

I found it to be such an important reminder, “There’s always more to the story than we first see or hear; taking time to find the ‘why’ is always worth our time.” Just think about it. Taking the time to find out and understand the reason people act the way they do. This dad went above and beyond of just understanding the why (really, read the story by clicking on the photo or caption below it–it made my day). This story is a perfect example of loving your neighbor and just doing good.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from an organization I’ve been volunteering for over 20 years, Casa Esperanza. If you are in Albuquerque, you may have heard that summertime weather had caused extensive damage to their roof and their rooms. For those of you unfamiliar with the organization it is a home away from home for individuals and families who are seeking medical treatment in Albuquerque. I was introduced to them when my own Great-Great Aunt stayed at the “Hope House” many years ago, when she was seeking cancer treatment. A few years later, I began taking a group of volunteers to decorate the house for the holidays, that grew to making dinner for the temporary residents, to serving on the organization’s fundraising committee, to finally becoming a board member. It had been a couple of years since I last volunteered there. After a conversation with a new customer and friend (THIS IS WHY I LOVE meeting with my new bespoke customers, to learn about them and their lives), who had a similar experience of needing a comforting, safe and inviting place to stay when seeking medical treatment, I was reminded about their vital work. She talked about her despair because they were in an unfamiliar city without loved ones nearby and the immense anxiety about her husband’s illness. Some things we just take for granted: a warm bed and a safe shelter that is affordable for what might be long stays.

The email asked for volunteers. While they were able to get insurance to repair the roof (after major negotiations), the rain had caused damage to the walls and carpet (remember, some of the residents are medically frail). My desire to volunteer in what I knew would be grunt work really called to me. After reading the email, I sent my own message asking for people to join me in some hard labor. I wasn’t sure if it was moving, cleaning or painting. One of my best friends, joined me and I “voluntold” Isaiah to join me (I would have voluntold Cati, but she was working). I got an INCREDIBLE workout that day. It was a laborious few hours. However, it felt good to go back, see some friendly faces, and do the work in honor of my friend and those like her, who need these services (Chris Ann Gray, CE ED, said they’ve been unable to provide rooms for about 90 days). There is still much to do and I have included the link to sign up below. As I’ve stated before, it is beautiful to see transformation.

What we forget is the process of transformation. While the outcome is incredible, the process is not easy. A month ago, I joined my colleagues for a team building project transforming the outside of the industrial building that houses Keshet Dance, another empowering, local non-profit that supports those with artistic inclinations. While having a small part, under the early fall hot sun (not gonna lie, it was HOT), we helped with painting and taping off the mural and just today, received the almost complete transformation photo:

It is so different and so inviting. Just think how reminding yourself to think Good Thoughts and to say Good Words and to do Good Deeds will impact your soul and those around you.

National Make a Difference Day is this Saturday. It is the annual day of community service. Grab your friends, colleagues or family members and do something good for your community.

To learn about Casa Esperanza, visit them HERE.
To learn about Keshet, visit them HERE.
And even though my KK (aka Cati) wasn’t able to volunteer with me, she is doing her own fundraiser for Street Safe, support it HERE.

And if you need something to make you smile, here’s this:

Or this:

https://youtu.be/i47w1di8_IE

Or this:

CUTE ALERT: These kindergarteners at Hickerson Elementary School in Nashville wished a deaf school custodian a happy birthday in sign language yesterday. He sure was surprised! Happy birthday, Mr. James! (Video courtesy of Hickerson Elementary) pic.twitter.com/mAK1wgmxIr

— Denver7 News (@DenverChannel) October 24, 2018

Or this, because you need a good laugh sometimes and some new dance moves:

And, you’re welcome!

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to give birth, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace. – Ecclesiates 3:1-8

I woke at 2:00am, Sunday morning, and change was on my mind. It was fall break, so I decided to hit the road with my minis. We opted for a trip to Denver for the long weekend. We hit the road on Friday morning, and no, this time no screaming (although the girl did initially forget her bag so we had to go to her house to get it—I’ve learned to roll with it; it makes for good writing).

 

I love me a good road trip. As I’ve said before, it gives me the chance to really contemplate what’s happening in my world, enjoy the beautiful countryside, and dance in my seat (this time I had the whole car dancing with me).

The incredible vistas reminded me of changes.

The changes we choose to make… The changes we didn’t necessary ask for, but adapt to… The changes that naturally occur, like the changing seasons… The most vibrant reminder, I found along the highway. We arrived in Denver and the immense beauty of fall—the golden, orange and red hues—was a welcoming sight. My plan was to make it to the RiNo district, meet up with a friend or two, and just spend some quality time with my minis.

A few days before we left, Cati mentioned how stressed she was about an upcoming paper. I told her if she needed to stay behind, I’d understand, but I also wanted her to realize that we won’t have many more moments like this and I’d really like for her to go. I explained that life changes too quickly, soon she’d be graduating and either going off to grad school or working full-time. Even if she needed to spend one of the days at the hotel researching and writing, I’d still love to see her, but not if she was going to be stressed. She agreed and after our initial hiccup we made it out there.

Saturday, we woke up to a beautiful morning; she and I decided to take a walk. Behind our hotel, ran a manicured little creek. I’ve stayed at this hotel a few times and in the past just reflected at the bridge over it, but being the explorers we are, we decided to follow it further. We stumbled upon a walking path that divided a large park and a quaint neighborhood.

We walked for a few miles in the beautiful fall sun, feeling the breeze and admiring the trees shimmer in the light. Everyone we came across, I said “hello” to. More often than not, it was met with either a grunt or complete silence. Cati questioned why I continued to say, “hello”, to people when they didn’t respond. All I could think for my response was, “it doesn’t reflect poorly on me, it reflects poorly on them.” I’ve always greeted people I meet. I’ve been scolded at times for being “too friendly”. I believe greeting everyone you meet with dignity and respect. There are a few reasons why, 1. because at the core, it is who I am. I say, “Good morning, sunshine” with intentional warmth. AND 2. as a woman, I also do this for my safety and security. I want the person to know that I see them and I am paying attention to all around me. The only person we came across that was as sunny and outgoing as we were, we found, was from Chimayo, NM. Maybe New Mexicans ARE the friendliest people out there. We walked for about 1 hour and a half. It got to a point where Isaiah called because he was worried about us. No need to be, we were just enjoying the autumn sun and each other’s company.

Isaiah and I left Cati to her homework and decided to play tourists. It was the perfect day to wander around RiNo – River North District in downtown Denver (or as Cati called it, the gentrified area of Denver). Once made up of industrial buildings and businesses, it is now an incredible arts mecca of the city (at least in my humble opinion) with local boutiques, galleries, $$$-$$$$ eateries and breweries/bars. I wanted to go there to see the street art which I had been ogling for weeks before on-line. It did not disappoint.

There was one that I REALLY wanted to see that had been calling me when I saw it online. It was stark. It was hard to look at. It was real.

When we arrived, it had already been changed.

I read that the artist changed it purposefully to take a stand. And again, I thought about the changes we make. Can we really make a difference? Think of that rain drop rippling the steady water. Can changing habits make lasting impact on your life, on your trajectory, and the world around you? Think of Charlie Jabaley. And with that work, are you truly ready for those changes? I know people who jump at the chance for change, but aren’t fully prepared, and then are upset that things didn’t turn out the way they expected. I also know people who live their life in that comfort zone…fine with everything being “okay”, but then complain that life is passing them by.

About six months ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. She was talking about moving East because the opportunities were more abound than her current location and wanted a change of scenery. She put her resume out there, but unfortunately nothing was coming to fruition. Then life happened, as it does. She became the primary caregiver for a family member and while she loves the career she has, she wasn’t getting the respect and support locally. And just a month ago, a door opened. She was invited to participate in a prestigious role for the next 18 months. It was all she was wanting less than a year ago, yet when the opportunity finally presented itself she wasn’t sure it was what she still wanted. I think as women we struggle more when it comes to opportunities and responsibilities than our male counterparts. The only thing I could think of telling her is that maybe it is time for another family member to help out and since this is a limited, INCREDIBLE opportunity, if it called to her she should take it.

Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for
And my time was runnin’ wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse – David Bowie, Changes

I try not to get too political in my writing. I am a moderate “independent”. I believe in fiscal responsibility within our government and support services to empower citizens. I also believe we all have a voice, I think it’s time to change and FACE the strange. I remember visiting the legislative session a few years ago with community leaders trying to understand as a business owner, how I could lend my voice. One of the individuals I was with suggested I should run for office. I laughed and said, “oh, hell no”. I admire those who run for office. However, there is way too much bureaucracy and too many back door deals that happen. I believe in getting shit done. I volunteer for that reason. I vote for that reason and I speak up when those marginalized or traditionally left without a voice are not heard for that reason. If you want to see things change, I urge you to do the same. Use your voice, act and get out there and make change. So, Sunday night, I was restless. The act of creation is change and my focus was on a white wall, where a woman’s voice was covered over. I believe we are at the twilight of some big change on the horizon. And the next morning, I awoke to some major change to my surroundings. Overnight, it had snowed 3 inches.

We were prepared and ready to face that change. We packed up, bundled up and hit the road back home, ready for the week ahead. What changes are you making this week? Is it personal, professional, major or subtle changes? Be careful of drastic ones, like hues of Pumpkin Spice Latte, because you do have to live with them.

With light and love, from me and my minis!

Dara Sophia

I am dying. Not literally (wait, I guess we all are), but I am in in the fact that Thursday was the end of New York Fashion Week. Throughout that previous week, I had been reminded every day with invitations to show and events (and secretly accepting them: 1. to stay on the list and 2. just in the case that I was able to fly out, I’d have my reason). AND…AND…to top it off, Isaiah got the latest Spiderman game with beautiful graphics of my beloved city. I kept trying to get him to be a tourist and web-sling to my favorite landmarks to really see how true to life the CGI is, but crime prevailed and he had to live up to the friendly neighborhood crime fighter. I know whine, whine, whine….but really it does call to my soul.

For those who read along consistently, I write about my NYC travels all the time and sometimes only in my dreams. I visited the first time in 2005 and I was hooked. It was Christmas. It was magical. I was constantly being stopped and asked questions because I was mistaken as a local. I had been told over and over that this city is rough, that people are rude, that it’s dirty and it stinks, and it’s too industrial. It inspires me. It re-energizes me. It reminds me that if you work your arse off you can achieve your goals.

Caught up in the in-crowd, now you’re in style
End of the winter gets cold, en vogue, with your skin out – JayZ

I love people watching while walking around Chelsea, or on Bleecker St, or on 5^th Avenue. I love running in Central Park and heading over to the Hudson Hotel to work out of the Commons (I guess it’s Unami Burger now) or sipping a cocktail on the rooftop (and even though they’ve taken it off the menu, I still ask for my Pink Slip and they always graciously oblige). The first time I stayed at the Hudson, I went out to the atrium after a morning run and as I sat there with a book and my coffee, I looked over and I found her sitting on a bench. She….is Our Lady of Guadalupe. It was a sign for me, that little bit of home.

I love praying in St. Patrick’s Cathedral and being inspired by the holiday department store windows. I enjoy high end dining as much as I enjoy the food trucks (incredible Halah Bros on Avenue of Americas and 51th) or a Gray’s Papayas’ hot dog. Every other week, I crave being that fly on the wall or walking in the buzz of people to see the most incredible street fashion especially in the fashion district or turning my head and seeing a celebrity walk into a building. I have been there during blizzards and the heat of the summers. I have found my brownstone on 67^th and Avenue of the Americas. I can always travel there on a budget and absolutely enjoy when I can show it to someone else for their first visit.

The city is not for everyone, but it is for me. I always wonder if I hadn’t received my first invitation to Fashion Week in September 2013 and an encounter with a woman, Dallas, who saw my future, would my life still have taken the same path? I realized that NYC really sings to my soul. There is so much intense energy that it can overwhelm many people. I feed off of it, but I can also see why so many people smoke in this city. The stress of making it there (because you can make it any where if you do) is heavy. So while it has it’s place on one end of the spectrum, I realized today that I also enjoy the other end, that of the Southwest.

A friend was visiting, and I met him for coffee when he asked if I wanted to walk around downtown. I work downtown, yet I really don’t spend a lot of time there. He asked why and I informed him there’s not much else besides coffee shops, eateries and bars. As I thought of about it, all my local shows up until this month’s show, have all been downtown: the Downtown Contemporary Gallery, the Verge Building, the Banque Rooftops and Hotel Andaluz, so there’s obviously a draw for me. I also looked at it differently for the first time. We had exploring different places, vacated locations, historic buildings, kitschy signs, and walking through alleyways (while trying not to breathe the ripe breeze) and again people watching (although the crowds were MUCH smaller than those I encounter in NYC).

After we toured Downtown ABQ and were glistening from the heat, I decided that he needed to see the vistas from my vantage point, my Jeep, so we headed west on Central. I stopped at a gas station, filled the tank, and then took him down Rio Grande. Jeez, I love that drive. The views are breathtaking, it’s so lush and green and it’s such a slower pace than the rest of the city. As the scent of roasting green chile filled the air, I teased him that I was going to take him to go pick it (to which after melting on the asphalt and concrete of downtown, he just stared at me…what can I say, I think I’m funny). We continued North to Alameda and I told him I was taking him to my hood. I grew up in the North Valley but more specifically Alameda. We took the road less traveled from Alameda Blvd to 4^th Street and eventually ending up on Highway 313 (funny, later I received a text from a friend, Sofi, telling me she saw me in the Jeep, it’s kind of unmistakable and I love that…oh that and probably my crazy hair). It was the perfect day for a Sunday cruise.

The breeze broke the heat and we talked about a few things, but really spent the time enjoying the views (his probably a little more eye catching than mine). We drove up the main drag in Bernalillo to Rio Rancho then driving back to the city through Corrales. Again, the road winding through the village was slow paced and beautiful and green. The fields were ready for harvest and we drove by several bustling eateries. I hope I convinced him how fun it is to enjoy a ride in an open-air jeep. A few hours after dropping him off, I met another friend to walk the Bosque. Walking the Bosque is so different than walking Central Park, but equally beautiful and just like New York, September in Albuquerque is my favorite time of year. Every day as I drive along Rio Grande and really paying attention to the beauty here, I’m reminded of a blog I wrote for Hotel Andaluz a year and a half ago and all the treasures the city holds. If you are interested in reading more, CLICK HERE.

I would love to reach the day I can spend my time equally in both NYC and ABQ, so for now I’ll incorporate both into my life, whether it’s bringing a little NYC to Nob Hill or taking a team from NM to NYFW. I’ll also cherish every fast-paced, high energy, soul feeding trips to NYC and I’ll appreciate the slow paced beauty of my own backyard.

I’m interested, what’s your favorite things about ABQ and/or NYC? Feel free to comment below.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

 

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?” Bonnie Tyler

Last Saturday my friend, Edie, and I were waiting out the seasonal torrential downpour before heading downtown for the Somos Albuquerque event. As we were talking, we were interrupted by the news alert that Senator John McCain had succumbed to brain cancer. We stopped in our tracks and listened to the news that came in and the tributes as the reporters recalled their own memories and interviewed others close to the Senator.

“All of us can aspire to put the greater good above our own.” Barrack Obama

As an Independent voter, I have always respected and admired McCain, giving much thought in voting for him in the 2008 election until he chose his running mate. Over the past few days, and as more information was released about him, the more I respected who he was. I wept over moments when former Vice President Joe Biden, former Presidents Barrack Obama and George W. Bush and his own daughter Megan McCain eulogized him. I gained a deeper understanding about his time as a prisoner during the Vietnam War and the cruel acts afflicted upon him. I was taken back to when he was the Republican candidate for President and in a town hall when his opponent’s nationality was questioned. He took the microphone back and squashed the fear mongering. Some critics said he could have done more, yet he could have done nothing and perpetuated this delusional stereotyping. He also didn’t belittle the woman for her lack of information instead tried to inform her in her ignorance.

“It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who spends himself in a worthy cause:
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails,
at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls
who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

Even in his last note, McCain spoke of his imperfections, believing in the ideal of something greater than self, gratitude for his FULL life, and a connection to America’s ideals, “liberty, equal justice, respect for dignity of all people”. And through these tributes, though his own words, I was reminded of another individual that had profoundly impacted who I am.

This person is my maternal grandfather, Samuel Alfredo Romero, my grandpo. While I only had him physically present for my first 24 years, there is so many ways he shaped the woman I am and what I believe. Born in 1924, in Northern New Mexico to a family of 12 children. I don’t know much of his younger years, I do know he was one of the older middle children. A history buff like him, I’d eat up the tiny morsels he’d share (or actually my grandmother) about his time serving in World War II. He first started on the European campaign as a paratrooper in the Army until I was told, that his older sister begged him to be reassigned to another role. Not talking much about what he saw in war, I heard more of his tales riding on a motorcycle through the Austrian countryside in which he said reminded him of his beloved Northern New Mexico. He was a Sargent in the 86^th Infantry Division of the 452^nd Inf Reg, known as the “Black Hawks” (thank you Nick Layman for helping track down this information).

He went on to fight in the Asian forces until he returned and on the G-I Bill went to Highlands University getting a degree in Social Science while working as a mechanic in Las Vegas, NM (next time you visit Las Vegas and stop to eat a towering cream puff at Spic and Span Bakery, look out the window and you’ll see a little white building–this was the old mechanic shop he worked at). He met his future wife at the bus stop in front of that shop. Funny, they knew each other as my grandmother was friends with his sister, but he was a few years older. After they married, they moved to Santa Fe. He worked for the State of New Mexico in the Health and Human Services department. He was known for his silent strength, courage, honest and good nature (with six strong, stubborn women in his household—you’d have to be good natured).

“I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due to the man that’s made a difference in my world.” Salt n Pepa

I was not born Dara Romero. I was given the opportunity to change my name during my divorce and I chose the sir name Romero. From an early age, he taught me to be self-sufficient. I knew my ins and outs around a car. I could change my tires, oil, the fuel pump just to name a few. I learned that I am not a victim in my own life, while I might not be able to control what others do and what what happens around me, I do have the power to control my response to it. We shared a love of history and a deep love of family. While not someone who was touchy-feely when it came to sharing his emotions, you definitely knew you were loved because of his actions. I could always count on him. He was also tough, believing that hard work was the only way to achieve greatness and not on the backs of others. Those values were instilled in all of us at an early age. There were times when he pounded the table to get our attention and my grandmother would teasingly tell him to stop it. He would often tell me, “Aca muchachicita” to get my attention in asking, “what did I do”.

He died on Sunday, July 27, 1997. He suffered a massive heart attack during mass in Mora, NM . I was not there, but remember receiving the call as the ambulance took him to Las Vegas, NM. On my way from Albuquerque, I had U2’s Pride in the Name of Love on repeat.

I played this song over and over during that trip as it reminded me, “What more in the name of love?” It was the way he lived his life. We arrived and shortly after he was pronounced deceased. I was honored to help write his obituary and to recite a poem at his burial. I still think of the day he was buried on the mountainside of our family ranch next to my mom. It rained all morning and the hill side burial ground became both slippery, while creating extra weight on the processioners walk to due to the clay based soil. We all thought, “of course he had a hand in the weather, he wanted his pallbearers carrying his casket–who were made up of my uncles, my brother, my cousins and a few of his nephews—to work as men should.”

I still see him in my children, Cati in her love of the outdoors and artistic abilities (his folk art painting of his Las Cruces home hangs on my bedroom wall). While Isaiah never got to physically meet him, he carries on his name. I am reminded of my grandpo all the time when I see Isaiah. He is the silent strong type and that is willing to do whatever for his family. Physically he has the same curly dark hair and sturdy body frame. I see my grandpo in my work ethic, in how I value relationships, and in how I speak up for the wronged. He and his life experiences have even influenced my design aesthetic.

Witness to the world’s atrocities, one can be crippled by it, become a victim to it, or rise above it and see that there is good in the world if we each take a role to focus on creating that good. To read all the disparaging, divisive and threatening comments and see corresponding actions in recent years, to what has become the social norm, it is refreshing to be reminded of courage, integrity, humanity and valuing our differences in the hopes that it is a world we can continue to embody in lieu of burying it with our lost heroes. I hope both men and women of valor will rise up to the challenge.

“See you in the funny pages…” Samuel A. Romero

With light and love,

Dara Sophia ROMERO

Since getting my jeep back, I’ve been driving along Rio Grande as my preferred route to work in the mornings and in the evenings back home. After a night of rain, the morning route is filled with the sent of sweet alfalfa and lavender…these are probably the few scents that I actually enjoy in my open air vehicle. It is a serene ride beautifully lush with my ear buds playing my preferred music for the drive and it is less stressful than taking the freeways. The wide-open spaces, sprawling estates, windy roads, wildlife and fields filled with sunflowers and gardens remind me of my family ranch in Northern New Mexico and how my youth summers were spent with my maternal grandparents going back and forth between Northern and Southern New Mexico. We’d spend our time in the mountains exploring, hiking, playing games and helping around the ranch. The 8-hour trips across the state included bits of history New Mexico and our family’s, dreaming and asking over and over, “are we there yet?”

“With great power comes great responsibility.” Uncle Ben

You’ve probably heard my original dress story (my O.D. story — did you think I was talking about drug use? Really, wow?!? – well, since I’ve got your attention…). I’m speaking of my origin story in this crazy world of fashion. We all have them: where we came from, who inspired us or taught us lessons, how we came to love and find meaning in who we are and what we do… Just think of Peter Parker, being bitten by a radio active spider that pivotal moment when he went from a high school student to neighborhood crime fighter. Whether intentional or not these defining moments have impact on the rest of our lives, with great power comes great responsibility. As I’ve mentioned before it started with my grandmother, Catalina, who taught me how to sew in middle school.

It was more out of necessity than a hobby, but I found I loved it and initially tried to follow the path in fashion but unfortunately, there were some road blocks. That was until I had a conversation with a man who challenged me once again to design over almost 30 years later. That was in May of 2014. I started small just designing for myself and once again returning to my grandma to remind me of the tricks and providing tips to make it work. I was very fortunate that I got to spend a few months that summer under her roof and under her tutelage again. It was a difficult summer losing my home, but it was important lesson in family. I am always reminded how she embodies that.

My grandma turns 89 this year. Don’t let her small stature in this above photo delude you. When it comes to faith, family and adventure she is bigger than life. I was her first grandchild and I tell every one of my cousins and my brother (oh and my kids), that I’m her favorite which makes her smile (because it’s true). I spent so much time with her growing up. Grounded in faith, she raised a family of 5 girls and 1 boy (my poor uncle Sam, who is also the youngest). Many of my childhood memories were in the kitchen where she was making meals. There were always homemade tortillas and I remember clearly that as she rolled them out, she would always hum a tune (it is such a cool trait that my daughter, Catalina, picked up on). Holidays are always family affairs, generation after generation would descend upon her home in Las Cruces and now in Albuquerque. People would always ask, “are you having tamales and posole for the Christmas dinner”, in which she would respond, “No, that’s an everyday meal. We have the traditional turkey and ham with all the fixings.”

I always saw her as the neck of the household. While the traditional roles always played out in the Romero home, with my grandpo as the head, she could “turn the head anyway she wants”.

My grandmother was always my intermediary when my mom and I didn’t see eye to eye. Always, preferring a peaceful resolution until she had enough and set everyone straight. Recently doing this at my son’s graduation when his dad was disrespectful and a few months later, when a couple of her own adult kids were ill-mannered toward her brothers. When my mom was riddled with cancer, her and my grandpo moved out here temporarily to be at her side and care for her. A year after my mom died, she had to bury her husband of 45 years. A few years later she moved from Las Cruces to Albuquerque with my aunt, Lisa, to be closer to the rest of her kids. And when I’m lucky, I get to see her in the front row of my shows.

It wasn’t until I was older that I learned of her life before creating her own family. I realized that she had dealt with her own adversity growing up. Her father was a farmer and they lived off the land. Also, after centuries of her ancestors living in Northern NM, and a history of growing up speaking Spanish, she was discriminated against because of it. Sadly, because of it, her children didn’t learn Spanish in the home. She also was adventurous. I realized I get my sense of travel and adventure from her. My grandmother was a waitress early in her life working primarily in Las Vegas, NM. However, she had a stint as a Harvey Girl. What’s that you may ask? They were young, single, intelligent and women of good character that waitress-ed for Fred Harvey Hotels along the railroad lines in the “wild west”.

Mr. Harvey wanted travelers to eat well. He is credited with providing good, wholesome food in a hurry. He knew passengers had 30 minutes to get off the train, eat, and get back on the train. He was successful because the railroad workers stayed in touch with the restaurant via the telegraph, so each Harvey House knew if a train was going to be late, and approximately how many hungry people they would have to feed. During World War II, they served troop trains, often filling every nook and cranny with hungry soldiers. Each waitress was trained in the way the Harvey House operated, and signed a six-month contract to work at a particular restaurant along the railroad line. At the end of six months, they could apply to work at a different location or stay at the current one. (from https://recollections.biz/blog/harvey-girls/)

My grandma spoke of working in Las Vegas, NM, Winslow and Grand Canyon, AZ. These women defined hospitality and the customer experience, perfectly appointed in a Victorian style of dress. She wore a crisp white dress with the black western bow tie. When I see her photo, in uniform, I look at it in awe–such a classic look.  And it reminds me that she’s always had this style about her, impeccable to this day. She and my great aunt, her older sister, Simmie worked as Harvey Girls for a number of years. My grandma recounted seeing Frank Sinatra and Judy Garland and serving Tony Curtis (although, she wasn’t a fan of the later—she said he was a jerk).

You have to reflect on where you’ve been to understand where you are going.

As I reflect on the past three years under Hopeless + Cause Atelier, I’ve realized the woman I’ve become and how it has shaped the brand. It is a brand that understands the beauty in nature and the delicate process of craftswomanship; valuing those around you who have shaped you to who you are today either by being incredible role models or teaching you life’s lessons; and understanding that you have to reflect on where you’ve been to understand where you are going. So, I’ll leave you with this, what’s your original dress story? What is the spark that inspired you? Maybe it’s been doused and needs rekindling? And if you need time to reflect on it, then I highly suggest a drive down Rio Grande, but try not to do it all at once, I don’t want the traffic congestion. ?

With light and love,

Dara