Author: hopelesscauseatelier

“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last.”

Seneca On the Shortness of Life

Have you missed me? I have missed writing to you, but honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say that was worth reading. The holidays came and went. I spent generous amounts of time with loved ones and really tried to be present. However on Christmas night, I had a full-blown breakdown. My daughter was able to walk me back from the edge and I realized I needed to be vulnerable. I pride myself on being strong, but because I’m human I had got to a breaking point and just needed to get it out.

I spent the next couple of days, feeling a little SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder…not sad, all my verbal diarrhea of raw emotion was expelled Christmas night). While I was enjoying the snow that hit New Mexico (and loving it because the only time I want the snow in the city is Christmas through the New Year holidays—and it was the perfect gift), I did have a stint of cabin fever, so I lived vicariously through one of my BFF’s and her adventures in NYC. My smile was from ear-to-ear and I felt like I was part of it, especially when dinner one night was at the Mermaid Inn. That conversation led to discovering Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, which is now on my calendar (I will save the story of the mermaid and her importance to me for another day).

I was (and am) excited by the new year, yet once again my creative juices were lacking. I was blessed with a few custom orders and created more items for the branded store, but I wasn’t feeling it. So, on New Year’s Day with the traditional greeting, I reached out to friends and asked them for help (it’s an ongoing project so more to come). I started writing a couple of blogs, but I couldn’t complete them, either I felt like my heart wasn’t in them or I couldn’t convey my point. Returning to work after the holidays, I was able to build on the momentum that I had slowly started before the holidays. I followed up on meeting and pushed, politely, to advance my agenda, but still creatively–nada, zilch, zero, nothing!

Then, at recommendation of a friend, I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (yes, I was two seasons behind). Mid-century New York City, Greek tragedy, the lead character seizing her life by the balls, incredible fashion, and the BOWS. It reminded me that today is the day. Seize the opportunity. Carpe … Diem. I started to move and relish in snatching opportunities.

• I uncovered an email from Hearst Publishing for the opportunity to be published in Elle (yes, the same publisher of Bazaar).
• I was invited, and applied to an exclusive behind the scenes New York Fashion Week accelerator at Parsons and a conference hosted by the Tory Burch Foundation (acceptance and cost of attendance would be the barriers).

• I surprised the kids with a quick road trip—because I selfishly wanted them to myself.
• We traveled to Egypt, New York and Rome (all down the same street) and I got to see my boy smile in the professional home of his idol.

• I used a gift and I read about living in the moment (thank you, Lori).  
• I used a gift and found my next show location (thank you, Cathy).

• I made a date for NYFW.
• I became 917.
• I made a commitment to write.
• I inquired about financial coaching training.
• I made my way back to yoga.

As I read, Seneca, I was reminded that “putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. Meanwhile, death will arrive, and you have no choice in making yourself available for that.” I learned just how precious today is as I talked with loved ones and saw the fragility in life around me. And then I came across this:

It is a worthy watch about A mother and son’s photographic journey through dementia and again I was reminded about what Seneca wrote, “so you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles: he has not lived long, just existed long.” As a result of these reminders, I incorporated into my daily journaling and gratitudes, an addition of things I am doing for me. They are simple things like going for a walk, drinking water, writing in my blog, or scheduling time with someone I haven’t seen for a while.

Live for today, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Un jour est aujour’hui — today is the day.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

As 2018 comes to an end, I am reminded of the Ariana Grande song with the same title. She sings about love in her version (and a little shade). My version is with an immense amount of gratitude. I write about the last year and how the lessons are leading my aspirations and intentions for the next year.

Thank you silence, you helped me find my voice

Thank you New York, you ALWAYS provide incredible opportunity and opened the path for London 2019

Thank you strangers, who became friends

Thank you Wally World, as much as I loathe your employment practices, you came through

Thank you wanderlust, you push me to travel

Thank you grief and loss, you reminded that it isn’t a feeling that should be avoided because it reminds you to live life daily in joy and to cherish people and experiences, not things

Thank you rejection, I realize now that wasn’t my path and found greater opportunity

Thank you love, it is everywhere, but it starts within

Thank you Denver, getting lost is the best way to find myself

Thank you gut, I will never second guess you

Thank you angels, you always guide me

Thank you uncertainty, I focused on abundance

Thank you moments of sharing a laugh, a smile, a conversation and most definitely a hug, these are the moments life are made up

Thank you birthday confessions, I’m looking forward to what the new year brings

Thank you, YOU, you know who you are, you help me smile brighter, find joy and support my endeavors (psst…if you’ve ever collaborated, patronized H+CA, were a cheerleader or made me smile…then this is for you)

I am looking forward to a year of adventure, stretching my creative limits, passport stamps and big L-O-V-E. I hope you will join me.
Thank YOU, 2018… Next

With light and love,
Dara Sophia 

Every holiday season, as I think about my own life and reflect upon what my family and what many of the people around me are going through right now, I’m reminded that struggle doesn’t take off for the holidays. As a lover of Christmas time, my mantra has become “the magic is in the mess” and I always like to post a little love note to myself and our communities. We need to be kind with ourselves and remember that the gremlins don’t go on vacation. Checks bounce, chemotherapy appointments are scheduled, interventions are planned, relationships keep unravelling, being alone feels even lonelier, parents negotiate who will have the kids on Christmas morning, and the “never enoughs” are in full swing. As I prepare to spend the next few days with my family and friends, my goal is to practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities and imperfections, but because of them. I’m grateful for our community. For your generosity and the respectful way that we move forward together! Blessings, Brené 

I was intimately introduced to Brené Brown years ago by my friend, Erica. I have never met her in person, but her writings and Ted Talks have spoken to me on such a personal level and have had great impact. She was the first person to not only speak openly about shame and vulnerability, but actually did research on it and how it impacts the human psyche. Her writings opened up my world in understanding how I have felt much my life, and how it is okay. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened to me because it doesn’t define me. I sent the above note to my minis. I wanted to remind them to take it easy this season and to not get wrapped up in the “season of giving”–not so much the “giving”, but the commercialism of it. I wanted them to remember the important things: enjoying the company of loved ones, and if it gets overwhelming self-care, laughter and joy, and showing kindness to others even in stressful moments. 

It’s been a long December, with numerous blessings and a multitude of trails. I have been so completely fortunate that I have had those close to me help me move through it all and this evening, Christmas Eve Eve, I have been able to reflect on it all–from breath-taking, soul-filling, sucker punch trips, to intimate times with loved ones, to creating–and it’s helped me move past the bah humbugs. I also had the opportunity to talk with loved ones who had some serious life changes. Initially they didn’t reach out because they didn’t want to burden me, which really hurt because if I can’t be there for a listening ear, then what good am I? We all need help and support from others at different points in our life or another. Sometimes we just need to let it go, and with the full moon on the December 22nd, someone was reminding me to let it go.

December’s full moon will be in Cancer, in decan one, which is the most Cancer of Cancers. And, as you might know, the sign of Cancer is ruled by the Earth’s moon, which makes this December’s full moon a real crabfest.
As if “the holidays” weren’t hard enough, now you’ve got the most sensitive planet dipped in the most empathic sign taking up your whole night sky. Get ready to spread your feelings around like butter on biscuits and salt them with your tears. 

The dark nights ahead will call us to sit at a table that we had long ago thought we were done eating from. The winter solstice will ask us what grievance we’re willing to release in exchange for gratitude: that some of us get to sit and break bread with each other, that some us are well enough to take that bread to our lips and call it sustenance. Let the full moon prepare you for that luminous work of accountability, let it remind you of all the people you’ve forgiven without conditions—how, amongst them, no one deserved your forgiveness more than you.

Courtesy of Nylon Magazine

We all have Potter’s and Uncle Billy’s in our lives.

For a month, I had been planning to have friends over to watch one of my absolute favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. Everything I’ve ever read it has indicated it was a box office bomb, but became a holiday classic and has impacted so many other stories over the ages. The movie focuses on George Bailey, played by James Stewart, and foreshadows what would happen to others if he had never been born–highlighting how, whether we believe it or not, we impact others (both positively and negatively). I watch this movie year after year, and sometimes more than once during the holiday season. This time, watching with friends while adding our own commentary, I watched it from perspective of the impact Potter and Uncle Billy.

Potter is the antagonist in the movie. He is a wretched, decrepit, EVIL, and powerful man who owns most of the town, and he does everything possible to try to ruin George Bailey’s life (honestly, I believe it’s because he’s jealous of all George has). I realized Potter is the example of the “shit in your life”. Potter is that car trouble when you’ve spent your last dollar paying your monthly bills and have nothing left to give but need your car to get to work. Potter is that cancer diagnosis. Potter is the cheat robbing you of joy. Potter is the unexpected death of a loved one.

Potter is best depicted in the scene where George, out of desperation, goes to him and asks for help when he has realized his Uncle Billy has misplaced $8,000. Potter represents the things you have no control over except how you let them control you. The image above created the effect of George being brought to his knees asking Potter for leniency. Potter, instead of saying that he was left the money by accident or offering a loan, he offers to turn him over to the police.

Potter plays hand-in-hand with Uncle Billy. Uncle Billy’s character is so absent minded that he has to tie a bow to his fingers to remember things. The way he deals with problems is to drink them away (which we all know just complicates things more). Uncle Billy is self-sabotage. Uncle Billy is what happens when we don’t pay attention to what is happening around us, when we get wrapped up in Potter. Had George Bailey succumbed to Potter and Uncle Billy, he would have drifted down the river. Instead out of despair, he reached out for help. The angel Clarence appears and shows him what would happen to his loved ones if he hadn’t been born. While this helps him “snap out of it”, his family and friends had already heard the call from his wife to come to his aid. The biggest lesson is to not hold it in, reach out for help when you need it.

Life. Itself.

The story of It’s a Wonderful Life, is the story of life itself. An actually, a few days before I stumbled across the movie entitled, Life Itself. I didn’t recall seeing anything about the original box office release even though it was an Amazon Studios production (not that it would be anything less, Netflix and Amazon are fab–I LOVE To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Jack Ryan,respectively). The story is about the intersection of family in the midst of so much tragedy. It was a powerful and shocking movie, but still very beautiful. And of course I cried throughout. The most powerful moment came in Chapter 4 when Isabel was speaking to her son (and I won’t give away more than that). She’s shared some powerful advice: 

“Enough. Listen to me. You’ve had many ups and downs in your life, too many, and you will have more. This is life and this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think that you can go, but if you stand back up and move forward. If you go just a little farther, you will always find love.” – Isabel

Life Itself, Directed by Dan Fogelman, 2018

What was so powerful to me is the reminder that no matter what life hands you, bad things happen to almost everyone, that doesn’t mean you can’t love or that love won’t live through you. When you aren’t caught up in the shit of life or self-sabotaging yourself, you can get up again, but sometimes you need a reminder.

Saturday, December 22nd was my mom’s birthday. I spent the day with so many loved ones: smiling, laughing, dancing and enjoying each others company. Isaiah and I attended Mass and the homily’s focus was preparing for the Christ. Since the beginning of time, what we’ve learned through history is those who’ve dared most greatly to change the world were not given everything. In fact, they are probably the most opposed. Think about this season. Whether or not you are a follower of Christ or celebrate Christmas, you may have heard about his humblest beginnings. I will share my perspectives as a Catholic and the key points that always remind me of my own humanity. Jesus was born in a lowly stable surrounded not by a doctor or midwife or a hospital team but by the farm animals out in the cold. He was laid in a manger. The same place the animals ate from. As the story is foretold, his mother traveled miles upon miles on foot and on the back of the donkey to get to this place of his birth. His first visitors were not family member, they were the shepherds tending their flocks and strangers from distant lands. And soon after his birth, he had to flee to a foreign country because his parents feared his life. Sometimes when I think I’m having a bad day, I remind myself of this.

Bringing it Home

I think what brought it home for me was a segment I saw on Sunday Morning about secret Santa’s homeless elf. As the segment starts, you see a man in a red sweatshirt with with curly hair, a white mustache and beard. As pedestrians passed the man, Moses, he reaches out to them for conversation. Most ignore him and walk on. A few were pleasantly surprised when they took the time to talk to him. It is another reminder that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (click on the link below to watch the entire segment)…

“Kindness is a bridge between all people. If you are ever down and want to lift yourself up, go do something kind for somebody.” – Secret Santa

CBS Sunday Morning

When I’m feeling sorry for myself or minuscule, or feeling overwhelmed with the “giving” of the season, I think about connection, those who may need a friend, and what I should really be feeling at this time of year. I hope you take the time for self-care and love. I hope you experience joy, not in things but in your life. If you are at a point where life is a little overwhelming, may you reach out to someone. And know, I am always here.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

Friday night, I had the honor to attend an art and music benefit. It was well attended in a small gallery space in the Barelas neighborhood. I was the one standing in the back, trying not to block attendees view the artwork when she took to the mic. My beautiful KK organized the event to raise funds for a local non-profit Street Safe. She started volunteering for the organization earlier this year. Cati (aka KK) welcomed everyone then invited representatives of the organization to speak.  The organization was born out of the West Mesa Murders and how no one knew these women were missing and how it seemed, no one cared. Street Safe NM is raising money to remodel their Salon space, which is literally a converted salon, for women to come in off the street and get warm, get help, and feel a sense of belonging and care. The founder talked about all the women they help and one of the ways they raise funds. I am always a fan of social enterprises and this is a great safety product! They create Diamond Fists–perfect for their mission of keeping women safe.

I have been volunteering, fundraising and working with non-profits for longer than I can remember. It has always been easy to sway people to get involved with organizations that work with children or animals. I remember the first time I tried to organization a group to volunteer with Special Olympics and there was some push back. I have found throughout my years in this space, that most people want to get involved with what is easy and what gives us good feels. But what about those on the outliers of our community (or outcasts), not to be overly religious but instead human, I ask this, “aren’t they too children of God?”

I left that night with a sense of pride of the incredible human being my daughter is and how she inspires me in so many ways. I went to my warm bed that night thinking about two things. On my way to work that morning, I heard Rosemary Clooney’s version of Count Your Blessings. I realized how much I have even when I complain or feel like I have overwhelming obstacles in my way. I also recalled a conversation I had about three years ago with my friend, Damon, after one of our Sunday yoga/coffee sessions. He knew I was struggling financially, physically and emotionally, and half joking, said, “we need to do more to make sure you aren’t one of the people who are standing in line at the Storehouse <a local food pantry>.” At the time I was drowning in debt and receiving no income and it was starting to impact me physically and emotionally. He went on to show his support with what he could offer, writing in the local business journal about the work I was doing to create awareness and hopefully that would translate to sales. Over the years, I have kept that comment close to my heart. You never know where life may turn for the worse. I count my blessings every day that I have the family and friends support system that has helped me through difficult times.

The next morning, I woke to prepare for a trip to Denver. It had been in the works it for a few months. The draw was a touring Dior exhibit at the Denver museum. I made it to Denver in good time. Checked in, freshened up and headed to the museum. Without giving it much thought, I attended on the first Saturday…which is free for all. Thank goodness the weather was bearable as I eagerly waited outside waiting patiently for my turn to enter. Since my time to access the collection was at 3:45pm, I had about a half an hour to see the other collections before I waited in another line for Dior. That time came and like a herd of cattle we eagerly awaited the collection.

The extensive collection was inspiring, over the top and made me think about how I can create to bring beauty into the world and give back. And I thought about the most basic gesture to bring beauty to this world is to acknowledge the person I am working with; help this person to see their own unique beauty; and how they can share it. I left the museum and bundled up because my next destination was the parade of lights. I pulled out my phone to see how far the Civic Center was and if I could walk there to claim my spot for the parade. I walked outside realized the streets around me were the staging areas.

I admired the floats and all the lights and then realized, my car wasn’t in the place I parked it. The meter had no number to call, so I walked into a lot to call the number of the recovery company listed. The woman I spoke to suggested calling 311. I did. The office was closed until the morning. The idea to attend the parade soured, so I decided to call a Lyft and head back to my hotel to figure out a plan. As I walked a few blocks to access a street that hadn’t been closed off, my phone died. I didn’t have my charger with me so I saw a Subway sandwich shop ahead and I was planning to go in to ask if I could use a phone, when I noticed a few police officers standing at a barricade. I stopped and asked them about the towed vehicles. One officer mentioned they were towed to a school a few blocks away. I mentioned that my phone was also dead, so he offered to give me a ride. As we traveled to the school, he found out I was from Albuquerque and he talked about having family there and in Mora…yes, of all places in Mora, NM. It’s incredible to me that this itsy-bitsy town has so many connections.

Luckily, my car was found, sadly, with a ticket for $150. This was the most expensive visit to the museum (but great story right—come on if I can laugh, you can). I plugged in my phone, and get this, it was charged at 45%. WTH (oh wait, Mercury is in Retrograde)?!? After that, I really wasn’t excited to see the parade anymore, but I wanted to see Christmas lights. Not familiar with all the neighborhoods, I decided I would head to one I knew, Cherry Creek. And I wasn’t disappointed. However I was on the wrong side of the road and had to turn around. I figured I’d turn around in the Cherry Creek Mall parking lot. As I turned in, I realized there’s no free parking anymore and couldn’t back out because of the line of cars behind me, so I took my ticket. I opted to go in and get it validated. I ended up parking near the movie theater.

As I often do, I thought this must be a sign…I need some comedy and decided to stay for a movie. I was trying to choose between Instant Family and Ralph Broke the Internet. Not really knowing about Instant Family, but thinking, “Mark Wahlberg is in it, so it must be comical.” I bought my ticket.

There were some funny moments, but the movie was pretty real and raw. The “based on real life events” movie is about a couple who decides to become foster parents and are matched with three siblings. I probably cried throughout the movie…but those who know me know this isn’t surprising. It was for sadness, as well as joy. It provided a realistic glimpse of what it’s like for the children, the parents and everyone involved in foster care and adoption.

I wish I could recall all the powerful quotes I heard throughout the film to recite. However, there were two thoughts that lingered with me after the movie. The first: how the oldest girl, Lizzie, would wear less make up when she was happy, and how she was willing to expose herself to get the wrong type of attention (bad attention is attention, right?!?). How we dress or what we wear is a powerful statement in confirming or standing out. The other scene was between the parents, Ellie and Jack, and Jack’s mom, aka Grandma Sandy. When presented with a difficult situation and the kids (specifically Lizzie) not being able to accept that they are loved by their foster parents, Grandma Sandy reminds the parents that when you’ve been treated like shit your whole life, it’s hard to believe anyone can love you. They were incredible reminders that life isn’t easy and we don’t always know what’s going on with those around us, especially those that may not have been given the same gifts of love we have. However, what we can do is be patient, love, and continue to be present, even when it’s so easy to walk away. As I left the theater (I’m sure with messed up make up and puffy eyes–luckily, I was parked right by the theater entrance) and started my trek back to the hotel, I saw a digital sign and it said this:

“You are stronger than you think.”

I came back to my room after viewing a few decorated neighborhoods. I wasn’t sure what these events are trying to tell me, but as always, I felt compelled to write about it. The quote above about “walking together” I took from an Instagram post on the Giving Keys page. It is a social enterprise that works with the homeless population in LA to create economic opportunity. The engraved keys have empowering words on them.

You purchase the one that calls to you and then when you feel like someone could use that word more, you pass it on to them. The post also included, “we are all in this thing called life together.” When I write I typically have an ends to my means, and honestly, I’m perplexed with all these signs of love, belonging and kindness. I drove home in whiteout conditions for most of the way. White-knuckling it most of the road, I decided, when I got home, I would watch So-Called Angels, the holiday episode from the short-lived, but powerful drama from ABC, My So-Called Life. The story revolves around Angela’s (the main character) friend, Ricky, who becomes a runaway and as she goes searching for him she comes across a girl much like her who is also a runaway.

I watch it every year as a reminder to count my blessings (even those in disguise) — There but before the grace of God go I. I watch it to remind me that there are others out there that need to see the blessings they bring and need to be recognized as the light they are.

I’m not entirely sure what the weekend was trying to remind me of, but I know it was testing where my strength lies. I know. I know. I will count my blessings and when I wake at 3am, as I sometimes do, it won’t be from worry, it will be as the saying goes, because someone is dreaming about me.

“When I’m worried,
And I can’t sleep,
I count my blessings instead of sheep,
And I fall asleep,
Counting my blessings.

When my bankroll,
Is gettin’ small,
I think of when
I had none at all.
And I fall asleep,
Counting my blessings.” – Count Your Blessings, Rosemary Clooney

I don’t normally like to re-gift, however I recently stumbled upon a few posts that I enjoyed reading again and thought it would be fun to see if they still remained true enough to share. In 2013, I took to Facebook just before Thanksgiving through mid-December and wrote small posts about the things I treasured and some were specifically for this time of year. As I re-read them, I realized as much as life has changed, yet they still remained true. I hope you enjoy them and I’d love to hear about your favorite things too!

November 25, 2013 – Today is the first day of one of my favorite weeks of the year…Thanksgiving. I love to cook (although, lately, my family would say…you do what?). I’m excited to make green chile mashed potatoes, turkey, brie en croute and a new sweet potato recipe (not mushy baby food type, thanks Evangeline) to take to my grandma’s. I love that Thanksgiving is casual and we not only watch football but go out and play a game of flag (I grew up with a lot of boys)..then the Christmas movies start, kids start making their wish lists and I start on my Christmas cards. Don’t get me wrong, I am a BIG fan of Christmas. I just feel that sometimes there is a lot of pressure around Christmas like that first date and trying to make a good impression, while Thanksgiving is an old friend that loves you even if you ate more than your share of the turkey. Have an amazing week all! – 2018 – This year I incorporated Friendsgiving and my Cati spent the night on Wednesday. We watched movies, we ate, but we didn’t snuggle because she was congested. LOL…however, this was TOTALLY me with my minis:

December 1, 2013 – These are a few of my favorite things: Christmas movies – I try to watch one a day. Today I got to two, Surviving Christmas and Four Christmases. Obviously more of a comical day. – 2018 – P.S. I don’t watch Christmas movies before Thanksgiving, except that I did see the Grinch in the movie theaters. On Thanksgiving I watched, Love Actually, which I know will be the first of a couple of times. I’m also hosting a group viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life, let me know if you’d like to join in.

December 2, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: sending and receiving cards, Christmas, Hannukah, thank you, etc…I get way too much junk mail and bills :(. I love when I go to the mailbox and have a card waiting for me. Don’t hand them out, put a stamp on it and mail it people. And if you looking for some funky ones…check out these cool ones my cousin, Will, makes. – 2018 I don’t think my cousin is still creating cards, but you should definitely support a local artist or use photos from the past year. I love seeing what friends and family members are up to. AND the only thing that compares, is receiving an international magazine that features your designs (the personalized card from family and friends and magazine run neck-and-neck by the way).

December 3, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: giving! What is the holiday season without giving? “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Today is Giving Tuesday. What about giving 365 and giving to someone who can’t return it, but maybe someday can pay it forward? I love donating my change to the Salvation Army just to hear the bell ring, buying the person behind me in the Starbucks line a drink or giving time “to teach someone to fish.” We all have gifts to share. – 2018 – Mark Your Calendars for Tuesday, November 27, 2018. If you need suggestions on worthy organizations to give to, I’ve got a few of my favorites that I’ll be happy to share. 

December 4, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: bows (anyone who knows me already knows this)!

I love dainty bows and have worn them for important events (think my 40 under 40 French Connection dress). My friends even gifted a sweet Tiffany bracelet for my last birthday.

But here’s real reason why…bow’s are a reminder that la vita è un dono or life is a gift.

Think Uncle Billy in It’s a Wonderful Life tying bows on his fingers to not forget things. Although it didn’t work well for him I think bows serve as great reminder to enjoy life. So, tie one on or even better untie one and enjoy life to the fullest. – 2018 I still love bows and have been blessed to receive them from my dear Roby on his travels. You’ll most likely find me wearing one for an important event. I constantly remind myself what a gift life is. 

December 5, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: limited edition holiday items. Yes, I’m a sucker for peppermint, gingerbread, egg nog…yada yada yada…items, even the McRib (don’t judge!).

The anticipation, the fleeting opportunity to enjoy something that’s season specific. One of my favorites is Iced Wine shower jelly. It’s like heaven in a tub (has anyone been to lush lately–is it available this year?). I know my family appreciates when I make Baklava. I don’t normally make it any other time because it’s quite time consuming and I want to build anticipation (maybe even a little desire) around it. 

It’s like a loved one visiting for a weekend. The excitement until the day arrives and then enjoying every minute while they’re in your presence. So enjoy your peppermint mocha with whip while it is available especially with the snow (because we all know that is a limited edition event too). – 2018 these still remain true. I haven’t had a McRib yet…you have to build up for that one. 

December 6, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: humility. Humility by no means is a bad thing. I see it more like this, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” C S Lewis.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of bad asses! However, those bad asses aren’t boastful or arrogant. They typically fly under the radar and their impact speaks for itself. They are passionate about what they do and don’t keep their skills, knowledge, talents, etc to themselves. They know the power they have to change another’s life and they do it without regard for recognition or notoriety.

To me, leaders serve others and treat others with dignity and respect always. “Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.” Nelson Mandela – 2018 I think this is more important today than 5 years ago. In the age of ego and boasting without thinking about what damage we can do before we speak, a little humility or maybe sitting back and listening to each other would be a wonderful gift.

Demember 7, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: the Christmas Tree.

There are two strong opinions on that front–the freshly cut tree or the artificial one. I am pro-freshly cut. I love the smell of freshly cut pine. I love sturdiness and longevity of the tree from Northern NM (they support the heaviest of ornaments with ease). But what I love most of all, is the annual trip that occurs to pick out my imperfect tree.

Every year, my family designates the first weekend in December to travel to our family ranch in Mora to pick out trees. It’s cold, it’s wet, and it’s an absolutely beautiful setting to get you in the spirit of the season.

Unfortunately, this year I wasn’t able to go, but look at this view sent to me from this morning’s outing (I’m just waiting for the horse drawn sleigh full of carolers to gallop across the photo). So the thought for today is simply this, enjoy the beauty that surrounds you! – 2018 I’m hoping the group will be going next weekend. I don’t know if I’ll be traveling with them, but I am excited and grateful to see what they will be bringing back. I may have a photo or two on my Instastory and there’s always homage to dress and design on it with my kiddos hand crafted ornaments they made years ago.  

December 8, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: bubbles!

“You got me poppin’ champagne…” Nothing says “celebrate” to me more than the sound of a cork popping, the effervescent bubbles tickling your nose or the sparkle of the crystal glass it’s poured into. I received a special bottle for my last birthday (I think I need to have milestone birthdays every year) and it was so much fun to share it. But since I don’t have that kind of budget, I’ll stick to my favorite Bellissimo, sparkling wine, by St. Clair. I know there are some of you that prefer Gruet which is fine, but I’m a sweet girl and I prefer the Demi Sec versions. Plus, while you’re there you can pick up the Mimosa for the next day. 🙂

What’s life about, if not to celebrate?

“We drank a toast to innocence. We drank a toast to now. We drank a toast to time. Reliving in our eloquence. Another ‘auld lang syne’….” Dan Folgelberg – 2018 (WOW, I forgot how much I love that song) I truly believe life is a gift, so I believe in celebrating and I tend to make those celebrating with me sign the cork as a keepsake.

December 9, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: conversation…stop rolling your eyes and thinking, “get off of Facebook then.” Really who am I going to have a conversation with at 5am (remember, I’m not a morning person).

On a recent trip to Northern California, I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend over lunch. Afterwards I ran around Union Center trying to get some shopping done until it was time to catch the ferry to Oakland. Since it was my first time riding the ferry I reached out to the woman in front of me for her advice. Our conversation continued on throughout the ride. At one point in time, she did notice how everyone was looking at their electronic devices or had their earbuds in. Has the art of a face to face conversation been lost?

I know I’m guilty of my phone or computer monopolizing my time…especially since I’ve become responsible for the boutique’s social media.

Whereas a social event or gala provides the opportunity for an introduction. I love the intimate time of meeting over coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner. And at home it has been a tradition for our family to sit down at the dining room table and talk about our day. To get the conversation going, we ask for daily high and low points (totally borrowed from the Story of Us).

Enjoy time with others and if you want to catch up, let me know I’d love to hear what’s happening with you. Have a fabulous week!! – 2018 oh how much has changed from 2013, I really value you conversations and have found it to be a big pet peeve if you are on your phone when you are with me. Put the phone away, let’s have a little human interaction. 

December 10, 2018 – A few of my favorite things: imperfect beauty.

In a world of airbrushed and unattainable beauty. I would like to reflect how much I love those who are real, vulnerable and okay with who they are. Watching the news this morning there was a piece on Jennifer Aniston and her awkward decade. Are you kidding me?!? Why as a society are we so ready to put some one up on a pedestal just so we can easily tear them down?

“I feel good, I walk alone
But then I trip upon myself and I fall
I, I stand up, and then I’m okay
But then you print that shit
That makes me want to scream” – Lady Gaga

We are all different and unique…and that’s absolutely beautiful (P.S. this is not female-centric either the super sexiest guys are those that are vulnerable at times and real). – 2018 I copied the graphic I included with my original post, because I do believe this to be true. Give me a real soul not one crafted.

December 11, 2013 – A few if my favorite things: faith.

It is a strong gift to have and hold on to because I believe the trickster, called life, is to test your foundation of faith.

In the traditional sense I have faith in a greater power. This belief calms and empowers me. I am inspired by faithful people. “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa.

The past year, however, has been a roller-coaster ride of tests. I have finally come to believe that “you can do all you can do” then put it out into the universe with faith. What happens may not be what you expect but will hopefully help you grow.  – 2018 if the past 5 years have taught me anything it’s resiliency and that has been built through my faith. I am grateful for my gram, Cathy and Laurie who inspire me constantly with their faith. Thank you!

December 12, 2008 – A few of my favorite things: sparkly things (no, it’s not what you think–I can’t be trusted with jewelry, so I don’t invest in the expensive stuff)!

I’m easily distracted by the twinkling city lights…”Those flashing lights come from everywhere. The way they hit…I just stop and stare”. I have been known to whisper “Christmas lights” when driving through town this time of year (sorry, if you’ve driven with me). In fact, my neighbor has this super cool twinkling Eiffel Tower in her front yard that I totally covet (I need to ask her where she got it from–thinking uber cool window display). During the summer I sit out and enjoy the heavens shining above (and would now if it wasn’t too cold). To me that is one of the most peaceful things to do after a long day.

But what’s the best in my book, is the sparkle in someone’s eyes or smile, especially when they see that someone special. It’s amazing that something so simple as an act of acknowledgement, like a good morning greeting, can bring out that sparkle. I had the honor of serving a meal today with my wonderful colleagues on the MOVE Advisory Board. It’s amazing how far a smile goes (and giving the guests a hard time for not eating salad :)).

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – 2018 I still love things that sparkle. In a way, it has a different meaning for me now, but I still believe in letting your light shine through.

December 13, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: surprises (good ones only of course)!

It is amazing to me that people don’t like them…well, maybe they don’t have the patience for them. I think my love for them is rooted in the fact that as a kid I’ll admit, I peeked at my Christmas presents one year. And I must say, that Christmas Eve SUCKED beyond belief because I knew what was in each package. So to this day, I won’t open gifts early (and everyone hates that I do that). I will wait until my birthday or Christmas to open the gifts because I want to be surprised at what I find.

One of the best surprises was for my last birthday (wow, I must have another birthday like that). I can’t remember another time that I was overwhelmed by emotion from the love I felt (I’d share all the photos but there were several when I bawled like a baby and I’m not not a pretty crier).

So I guess what I’m saying is I love to surprise people with “good things”, let me have it and quit trying to guess the surprise. Instead be patient; it will be worth it! P.S. I won! – 2018 I still don’t peek or open gifts early which annoys everyone, and while I’ve had more than my share of crappy surprises over the past couple of years, I still really love good surprises.

December 16, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: play!

“Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” Sai Baba

When was the last time you played a board game or an impromptu street ball game. I think as adults we forget that play is an important as work. Maybe if you incorporated a game of All Tangled Up (http://www.playworks.org/playbook/games/all-tangled), your meeting wouldn’t be a snoozefest. I love playing games. We still get together over the holidays and play rummy or the latest board game that someone got for Christmas. We even had a marathon of Guitar Hero and Rock Band a few years ago….I’m feeling it might be Just Dance this year.

Sometimes I have to remember my body might not be as young as my heart (thinking Kickball 4 the Kids and pulled quads), but you’ll still see me doing cartwheels on my downtime at golf tournaments and I hope you’ll join me.

Who wants to play? – 2018 now I live right next to a golf course, so I’m cartwheeling ALL THE TIME. I also have no problem celebrating a walk or run with a stint on the swings. Did you know the only time I broke a bone (knock on wood) is when I was playing hide-n-seek with the kids?!? I think play is important for staying young.

December 17, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: music, singing and fantabulous lyrics!

Another bucket list item for me is to sing Ave Maria in all its grandeur…I think I sing with all the range of Mariah Carey, when in reality it is much more like the outtakes from American Idol. And yet, you’ll find me singing along to my favorite song and in the past Christmas Caroling at the Hospice unit. There is something magical about music. It instantly gets me in the right mood…hypes me up, calms me down or makes me bawl like a baby (this is why I am not a fan of country).

I love a good lyric and you’ll find my favorites posted all the time on my page. I will listen to a song over and over again to absorb what is being said to me…right now loving Art Pop by Lady Gaga

“Come to me, in all your glamour, and cruelty
Just do the thing that you do
And I’ll undress you

Give it tight, sometimes the simplest move is right
The melody that you choose
Can rescue you?”

But give me a traditional Christmas song and I’m all over it. It reminds me of my childhood with my mom…and how she used to make my brother and I listen to “The Littlest Angel” by Bing Crosby when we were getting to out of hand with our Christmas presents–she always had a way of bringing us down to earth (and I think she enjoyed making us cry sometimes. LOL!).

So next time you see me singing, join in or cover your ears…maybe someone wants to take on the challenge of teaching me how to sing Ave Maria? – 2018 if you read this blog then you know it’s true with all the lyrical quoting that happens here. LOL! I haven’t started listening to Christmas music yet, so I’ll have to come back and share the song of the season at a later date.

December 18, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: dressing up, dressing down…who am I kidding I love clothes!

I have learned that it’s much more than the label or the visual appeal. I think there is a psychological connection to what we wear and try to convey through our clothing choices. We choose to look a certain way to convey thoughts, feelings and who we want people to see. Clothing connects us, think trends or to the extreme, gang members. Clothing can hide us. I know when on that rare occasion that I step foot into a gym, I wear the baggiest sweats and pull my hood on because I want absolutely no attention. Clothing can showcase our individuality. When you find that perfect dress, pair of shoes or outfit you radiate with joy (or at least I do) and when you don’t the opposite can occur.

Remember every day is a fashion show and the world is your runway….now to figure out what to wear?!? – 2018 ummm, I don’t think I really need to address this anymore. If you know me, you know that this is STILL one of my favorite things. 

December 19, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: really enjoying the simplicity of things.

Because I want things to be perfect, I sometimes get wrapped up in the minutiae. I need to remember it’s not always about the destination but more importantly the journey…

Enjoying a hug (really good ones that you feel deep in your soul), a smile (it’s my favorite–and when a stranger tells you yours makes them stutter that encourages you to smile bigger and brighter), a toast (to life, to health, to prosperity, to birthdays, to whatever the occasion may be) and action words (how MERRY makes me feel or how CORE makes me react).

“So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou

Thanks for the reminder – 2018 smiling is STILL my favorite

December 22, 2013 – A few of my favorite things: traditions.

Isn’t this the perfect time of year to share yours and make new ones?!? Today is my mama’s birthday. After she died, her friends decided that we should get together to celebrate her at the Frontier…they have a quirky sense of humor (knowing how much she hated it). It has been 17 years that we’ve been getting together.

After breakfast, I invited my nephew and niece over to bake. I love that they look forward to it every year. We made a few batches of cookies and ate about half of them.

This week holds one of my favorite traditions~Christmas at my grandma’s. It starts Christmas Eve with mass, then off to my gram’s where we watch many hours of a Christmas Story, nap and wait from some of the family to come back from midnight mass. After that the festivities begin. Gifts are opened, food is shared and we are up until the wee hours of the morning. Christmas Day is filled with family, food and games (there’s also a nap or two).

I love holiday traditions…and making new ones! What are your fav ones? – 2018 Frontier was not her favorite but Tomasita’s was…we also celebrate her birthday there. 

This holiday season, may you reflect on a few of your favorite things and really indulge in them. I think the only thing I would add is a sense of wonder that builds into curiosity that grows to adventure. I am excited for the adventures ahead and that I will always have a sense of wonder to learn about myself and the world around me.

I hope you’ve enjoyed a few of my favorite things.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

This is a thorough and thoughtful approach to a recent inquiry. Grab your coffee and get comfy for this blog. If you decide to read it in its entirety, you’ll get a taste of one of my short stories…

After my last post, I received this text message from a dear friend:

“Great blog, soul mates don’t exist! I love u”

She was referring to the quote block I included that stated,

“Finding someone you love and who loves you is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you like no other, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we are gone.” – Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Her comment made me question if I indeed believed this to be true, “Are there really soul mates?” It challenged my beliefs. I also wondered where her comment was coming from, was it a displaced and hurt heart for someone she thought was her soul mate? I started to analyze and question, “What is a soul mate?” So, I started with the basic definition–a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

I have always believed that a soul mate is someone who is deeply woven into your being. It is not always romantic. I can be a person that you don’t see every day. They may cross your path, leave, and you find your way back to them. Your soul mate is someone you feel entirely comfortable sharing your most intimate details without fear of judgement.

I started writing a short story a few years ago. The basis was originally focused on the ONE, the one who I thought changed my life:

“I found the one he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love” – What Now, Rihanna

But, as I wrote, it morphed. It wasn’t the person that gave me butterflies, that built me up until my world came crumbling down, then became absent. It was the person that I could be completely honest with, that gave me a sense of calm when in their presence, and the person who was honest, yet kind when I needed it. The story was my internal dialogue of understanding what a soul mate is–meeting someone who saw me and helped me see myself and not in a romantic way, in a way that I found myself. Here are a few excerpts:

GOOD-BYE AS A BEGINNING

I was in Rihanna’s video, We Found Love, and more specifically, it was the prologue dialog guiding me. I don’t see where, but I followed the voice echoing in the dark.

It’s like your screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so you could have the good.

As I wander, really letting the words sink in, waiting for the lighting to strike and thunder roll, as in the video, I feel my body shaking. Begrudgingly, trying to wake from this dream, I raise my left arm over my head and stretch. I move my hands to my eyes to wipe the sleep out of them, when I hear a familiar voice call to me, “Sophia”. I open my eyes to see the figure move to the edge of my bed. I pull myself up to see Annie in my room. “Annie, what are you doing here?” I ask.

     “I just want to tell you I’m leaving.” she responds. Still half asleep, I counter, “What do you mean, you’re leaving? I don’t understand.”

     “I came to say good-bye. It’s time for me to go,” she states matter-of-factly. “It was important for me to let you know.” At that moment, I feel like a child not understanding what was happening before me. Annie walked over to the head of the bed, and as I looked at her she gently kissed my forehead and a phone rang out. The whole scene dissolved. I felt like I was in a different universe and couldn’t grasp what was happening before me. The phone rang out again and I woke with a jolt. I had been dreaming. I looked at the clock and it was 5:30am. Instantly, I knew something was wrong and immediately answered the phone.

A sullen voice was on the other end. “Sophia, it’s Annie…” And the voice trailed off. It was Charles, my best friend Annie’s husband. I was fully awake. “What about Annie?” I begged. I could hear a soft cry and the wrenching response came tumbling out,

      “Sophia, she’s gone. She succumbed to cancer last night.” Just like that, I had been punched in the gut with the unexpected. I couldn’t breathe. The tears poured out from my eyes. Trying to catch my breath between sobs, I choked out, “I’ll jump on the next plane. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

He whispered, “Ok. Safe travels.” I ended the call and threw my phone on the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed I put my head my hands and was overcome by emotion. Huge convulsing sobs controlled my body and as I tried reign in the grief and pull myself together. I was taken back to my dream.

I originally sent this first part to a friend who’s also a writer/editor. He challenged me for more, so I sent this, which is my bizarre love triangle—one may think is the romantic love cluster, but instead what I found was that the true connection of love is found in the genuineness of soul. I remember reading a quote one time that said, “If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.” Which is contradictory to everything I’ve ever learned about love.

NOT WALKING BACK DOWN

     “I was so drunk on your every word, look and feel that when I couldn’t have you in my small meaningful ways, I went through psychological withdrawals to not be able to talk to you, to touch you, to laugh or to feel your gaze and feel the warmth of that shy smile. The easiest way to break your gravity was to leave and cut you out cold turkey. I knew if I didn’t, all it would do is keep me down. And it worked, I dedicated myself to building my career in this new environment and focusing on me. I cleared my mind and set it to learning a new life with new and very different opportunities. I was so consumed with my world that in my downtime I forbade myself to think about my past. Even though Annie was part of you, and a part of me, she knew this. Our relationship had become that of sisters, she didn’t want to hurt me by mentioning your name. She couldn’t even bring herself to tell me when you got married. And I understood that, and in a way, appreciated it. I only ever wanted the best for you, but it still hurt when I came to the realization that it wasn’t going to be me. I told myself that you did indeed care, that you loved me more than you knew how to deal with, so you had to remove yourself from me because the timing wasn’t right, and you didn’t want to hurt me. As painful as that was, it was easier to tell myself that than to think that you’d believe the gossip and rumor and could just easily cut me out of your life without honestly explaining why.”

I could feel his gaze on me. Without looking up, I took a deep breath and continued. “Annie knew my pain. Although I never verbalized what you meant to me, she knew it, and before I left, she told me this, ‘I don’t think it’s actually so black or white with him. I do believe he does care, A LOT, and he doesn’t know how to connect to those feelings. As much as I love my brother, let’s face it. You aren’t arm candy. You OWN a room when you are in it. You wouldn’t be that silent, worshiping thing in a dress and heels at his side. You are REAL and how well does he deal with those emotions and situations?’ That night I let you go, determined not to look back. I released the hurt and the pain and as much as I wanted to reach out to you, one last time, I packed my bag and phoned my agent to take the film role. While there hasn’t been a day that you haven’t been on my mind in one way or another, I made a conscious choice to release you and wish you, health and happiness.”

I couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t stop either, “Annie, would only speak about you in passing, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask about you and I didn’t want to find out that you didn’t ask about me.” I was numb and I couldn’t look at him. I felt like I verbally assaulted him and that wasn’t my intent, but I also had to finally let out what I had been carrying for the past 5 years. I felt like time had stopped. There was no sound.

I reached out for my glass and took a slow drink of the cool liquid inside. Paying attention to my movement, feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone, I put the glass down slowly. I swallowed and looked up and once again saw his tortured soul through his dark gaze. I half-smiled and looked down again. The silence was agonizing. I took another deep breath and pulled myself up. I couldn’t go through this again, so I made my escape, “I didn’t mean to lay this on you, however I needed to let you know what I have been carrying around for so long. The time you were in my life was unbelievable. Unbelievably wonderful—up until meeting you, I never had anyone support me and cheer me the way you did. I ate up every word you said. Your words made me work harder and stronger, so thank you for that. When I realized we were no longer in that good place, my heart broke into a million pieces but that also made me stronger. You brought the most incredible human into my life and I’d go through that hurt and pain then and now, because of it. Thank you for sharing Annie with me.” Not being able to read his emotions, I continued, “I know I’ve already taken too much of your time, so I’ll excuse myself now before making a bigger fool of myself.” I sat up from my chair turning to leave when he put his hand on my arm.

     “So you get to do all the talking and I have no chance to respond?” he replied. I wanted to scream, “NO, you’ve hurt me enough. I can’t return to this space.” Instead I remained silent trying to catch my breath and emotionally remove myself from the conversation.

In the past week and a half since I’ve received the initial text message and because I’ve been on my death bed with a form of the Bubonic Plague (not really, it just feels like it—I also have a flair for the dramatics), I’ve spent some time reading and viewing different perspectives on the aspect of who is ideally suited for you.

https://youtu.be/pUYn7p5_HT0

(just think of me reading this blog to you in my raspy voice, like Pheobe…and unfortunately, WITH the coughing)

Sorry squirrel moment….I KNOW, “Get serious Dara!”

“Would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?”

I re-watched two movies that I think portray this beautifully: Life is Beautiful and Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you seen them?  The former is an Oscar winning, Italian comedy about the holocaust. Yes, I understand how those don’t go together, but that’s the description found within the trailer. It is a beautiful love story about two people that who, society would say “shouldn’t have been together”, yet were drawn to each other and became inseparable. While I won’t give the movie away, because I highly suggest you watch it if you haven’t (you will smile through the tears), the way the main characters deep love for each other plays out when faced with life’s uncertainty or in the extreme example in this movie, death, is at the heart of what I believe a soul mate is.

Watching, you can’t help but ask yourself, “would you stay or walk away? What would you be willing to do to save those you love?” I think we all say we’d act in the same way, but until tested we never know. I’m not jaded, but I’ve lived life enough to know this isn’t always the case.

“Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what’s within
And I’ve been there before, and that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial” If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys

The second movie, another Oscar winner, depicts how different people completely compliment each other, like Yin and Yang– inseparable and contradictory opposites. Again, I finished the movie asking myself, “what extremes would you be willing to go to for your beloved?”

When you Google “soul mates” you find pages upon pages of groups, articles and dating websites (No, Angela, you can’t sign me up for soulmates.com). I found a concise explanation at lifehack.org and 18 signs you’ve found your soul mate. This article focused on the romantic variety and I’m not necessarily in full agreement with the entire post, but I do like this:

Even though we tend to think of soul mates as a symbiotic union; soulmate relationships can be rough at the beginning. They can be like two jagged edged puzzle pieces trying to click into place. Sometimes it looks like you do not fit together at all, but soon after a little bit of twisting, turning, and flipping the pieces around, you feel the moment of the perfect click. It’s a feeling deep in your soul, that says, this is the right one.

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not be physically attracted to each other when you first meet, but there is a mysterious force pushing you forward that tells you this is “the right one” for you.

AND I think if you remove the “physically attracted” from the definition then it applies across the board. There are people that impact your life and vice versa that can only be understood as something that just cannot be described.

“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect
Take it off now girl, take it off now girl
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight” – Beneath Your Beautiful, Labrinth

Some of attributes that I do agree with from the article are the following:

• You respect each other’s differences and opinions
• You don’t experience jealousy
• You’re not afraid of having a conversation
• You know each other’s flaws and benefits in them
• You know how to apologize
• Your souls meet at the right time

I’d edit the other points that I somewhat agree with to the following: being in each other’s presence washes away your stress, worries, and anxiety; you understand each other’s pain and you empathize; and finally, while your souls meet at the right time, they may need time away from each other before crossing again to fully understand that they are indeed soul mates.

“Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing” – If I Ain’t Got You, Alicia Keys

So this takes me back to the simple text received and my beliefs. After much thought and many more words, “Yes, Virginia, I do believe in soulmates.” I believe they are not as easy to obtain or maybe even easy to see, but I believe they are out there. And the morning I was working to post this blog (Geez, with the word count, maybe a chapter), and second guessing whether to publish, I received this text from my creative soul mate:

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

Life asked death, “why do they love me & hate you.” Death answered, “you’re a beautiful lie & I’m a painful truth.”

She lived.

I have this thing, where on my birthday whomever I’m celebrating with, I share my favorite memory of them. Its roots are found in dinner parties I hosted. They started in June 2013 and even though the gossip-y people in attendance thought I hosted the party was because I was—A. getting divorced, 2. pregnant, III. leaving the state or cuatro. because I got a new job—at the time, it wasn’t any of these options. It was a way for me to bring together a small group of friends for fabulous food and real conversation and sometimes WAY too much wine. There were always questions I posed and mobile phones were put away or the rule was you had to pay. Most of the time the group would gang up on me and make me talk about my favorite memory of each attendee. It continued over the course of several more dinners and finally morphed into my birthday celebrations.

This year was no different. I invited family and friends to get together at my favorite Casbahs in Albuquerque as we sat around noshed, talked and sipped cocktails, I took the time to share with the group how I met each of the people in attendance and my favorite memory of each. As I ended my tales, I was interrupted by one of my best friends, Lynella, who insisted on sharing her favorite memory. It was from our eighth grade year, the first day I met her, and her first day at a new school after moving in with her uncle and aunt. She stepped onto the bus, anxious about this new adventure looking for an open seat. She said I asked her if she’d like to sit with me. She said she felt welcomed. And honestly, I hadn’t remembered that moment.

I know I tend to act in the same way that I would want to be treated (I am so socially awkward and anxious, that I don’t ever want anyone to feel that way, so I always try to make them feel welcome and understand that they do belong). And, I’m sure at times to the point of being annoying. From that evening, with so much laughter, hugs, sunflowers, love and all my favorite things, this was the moment that lingered. If you’ve been reading along you may have recalled another one of my best friends, Angela, telling me on my birthday the year before, that my home, while small (and sometimes embarrassing to me), was her refuge. I understand why after 30+ years, they are SO significant in who I am and try to be. These women are woven into my very fiber.

“Wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye
I would’ve said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would’ve broke my heart in two
Tryin’ to save a part of you

Don’t wanna feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in” – I’ll Never Love Again, Lady Gaga

Music fuels my life. When I find a song I love, it’s on repeat. The lyrics, the music, the melody, the beat…it all resonates to me. I am a fan to almost all music, except when it comes to country music. I just can’t. People over the course of my life have tried to get me into it—the crossover songs, the upbeat party songs, the moving songs and yet when I listen to it I want to crawl out of my skin. I tease people all the time that my life is a country song–why would I want to listen to it?!?  The only time I listened to the genre and more specifically two songs, occurred when my mom died and then the following year when my grandpo died. I guess I listen to music to empower, inspire or help me move through life and country gets me stuck in a heavy mire of depressing thoughts that I can’t pull myself through.

Before I reached the age of 25, I had already written two obituaries. The first for my mom, I was twenty-two. Then when I was 24, my grandma asked that I write the one for my grandpo (my mom died 2 weeks before my 23^rd birthday and my grandpo 2 weeks after my 24^th birthday). I honored, but it wasn’t an easy task. I wanted to make sure whomever read or heard what I wrote and said, could see the incredible humans I knew them to be.

“I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?” – Glorious, Macklemore

As All Saints Day and All Souls Day approached, I couldn’t help think about my own life and mortality. Not in a sad or morbid way. I know I will die one day and I honestly hope I don’t know when. And not so much my legacy, because I know you only play a small role in that (it is really those who know or are inspired by you to carry that on). You can leave many things behind, but real question is, “what are you doing while you’re here?” YODO! It’s not, You Only Live Once (OR Yoda, I know, I’m a Star Wars geek too, but be serious please). You live every day. Really, it’s the fact that—-You Only Die Once!

I learned an incredible life lesson when my mom died and earlier this year when my Jennifer died. When my mom died, I learned to live life to the fullest. It is short. In the majority of cases of life, you won’t know when it’s your time to go. Seize every opportunity. Carpe Diem! Live with no regrets (not regerts). Take a chance. If it works—gold star. If it doesn’t—life lesson and fabulous blog post (or at least I think so). If you don’t like your life—change it. Made mistakes? Learn from them and teach others your life lessons. With Jennifer, I learned to make time. I will never pass up an opportunity to spend time with those I love and be present in that moment. Meet new people. Ask questions, find common ground, find difference, find out what they love and laugh, cry, do yoga together (or whatever floats your boat). If you have a spat and this person is important in your life, forgive. And as much as I HATE photos of myself, I will take them. The last photo I had with Jennifer and I was in 2015, I had plenty of her solo after, but none of us together. While I may not post them for the world to see, know if I ask to take a photo with you it’s because I want to keep it close to me. And if I ask for a retake, it’s only because I have a Chandler smile. But seriously, there is nothing more important in this life than the REAL relationships we forge.

A few years ago, I wrote a list of items I hoped to accomplish within my life. I guess you could call it my bucket list but I called it life goals (and through the course of my life they will change or be added to):

1. Go to Fashion Week in NYC – (spectator 9/13, 2/14, 2/15, 2/16, 2/17, 9/17, 2/19, 9/19 & SHOWED MY CLOTHING LINE 9/17 and 2/18)
2. Climb a mountain (every time I go to the Romero Ranch but also, La Luz—keep in mind I almost fell off the side of the mountain at age 16…so I think I’m done with this goal)
3. Visit the former summer palace of the Czars
4. Pray in the Mosque at Cordoba (darn Spanish Mysticism class)
5. Sing Ave Maria (and NOT have ears bleed or dogs come running)
6. Look great naked before the age of 40. Did you really think I was going to show it here to prove it?? Not. That. Bold. (But I did and had someone tell me “I did” though, so, thanks). Adding to this…I want to visit the French Rivera and do as the French do
7. Drive a mustang (when you show someone respect and kindness, you are sometimes gifted things—you can read about it HERE and it was RED HOT).
8. Do something good for someone without them knowing it was me (still working on this every single day)
9. Run a half marathon (I ran a 5k and I’m good…remember, not graceful, short legs with a booty, boobs and small nose…I’ll stick to running in intervals and yoga. Sometimes it’s good to change your mind on goals)
10. Witness God’s gift in everything (AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY including beautiful souls)
11. Write a novel (okay, so I need some ego stroking on this one, because really, would you read it?!?)
12. Go to Red Rock Amphitheater for a concert (I did to see my Sia and the weather was crazy, it was my mom’s memorial, my marriage was on it’s last few month’s and it was….. absolutely AMAZING <I loathe that word but it was>). However, I am happy to achieve this goal over and over again and any outdoor venue where the music caresses your ears and the scenery moves you in the way music should be heard). Listen for yourself.
13. Attend a World Cup Game….so the next World Cup is in Dubai (who wants to join me)…OR I can plan my alternate: Fashion, Futbol and Food tour of Europe (ahem, again who’s with me)

Autumn is the time of year that we think about this transformation before the cold reality of winter sets in, death in it’s most seasonal state. The summer leaves change and fall. Last weekend, I saw that it was finally going to be a beautiful fall weekend and totally took advantage of it. I am fortunate that I not only get to work for a phenomenal organization but also get to work at a beautifully inspiring building, so I asked our CEO if I could use the space for a fashion shoot. She kindly obliged. I sent out the call and had a great response. In case you couldn’t tell from prior posts, I LOVE fall in Albuquerque. The contrast in color, the golden fall sun against the crisp blue sky, and when the weather plays nicely it is heavenly. I am salivating, waiting for my friend, the incredible photographer and model, Sofi Jaureguiberry (featured: NYFW, Vogue, GQ and this coming year Cocoa Rocha model camp) to share the photos, but until then HERE are some of my favorite from the handy dandy iPhone (thank you: Models: Crystal Ortiz, Chantelle Wagner and Beauty Team: Amanda Serafin and Ramiro Cardenas, Location: Prosperity Works).

I strike out and step up to bat again.
I design the life I want to live.
I write the story I want to leave.
I hope those who loved me will say, “She lived.”

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

This ancient prayer is part of my morning routine (combined with a Hail Mary, Sun Salutation and ten things I’m thankful for). I added it after becoming enthralled with Zoroastrianism, when I learned about the first monotheistic religion years ago at UNM (I highly suggest taking World Religions with Dan Wolne, if he’s still teaching). What I found fascinating about this mantra is that it is at the heart of how we should act as human beings. Our thoughts lead to our words which lead to our actions and if they are drawn out of kindness and what is right, then of course we would treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated and we would be responsible for our actions. I remember when Albuquerque Business First amended this mantra during my A Peek at the Life article to the heart, which is “Do Good”.

It seems that this is such a harder task to live by. I am not ignorant to believe this is new. I understand that humanity has been plagued with war, death, destruction, and hatred since the beginning of time, yet I feel as a society we have become desensitized by it as an everyday occurrence, and so much so that the good is over looked. A few years back, my friend, Laura, and I were talking about this topic. As a country, we were at war in the Middle East, and my uncle had been deployed to Afghanistan. I couldn’t help but think what goes through the minds of our service men and women: leaving behind your family, friends, and community to go to what will be a hostile state (in the time of war), waking up, and not knowing if you’d live to see the next day fighting against the “enemy”. I told her I could no longer bare to watch or hear the news. Even when it was “positive”, there was always some underlying negativity. It was her challenge. She would only send me good news stories. She even found a “good news only” website (however, I think we debunked it that it truly wasn’t all good news all the time).

I began to sensor what I watched and what I read and looked for things that made me smile or laugh or feel good about the world. I know this isn’t realistic, that there has to be the good with the bad…and many times the good actually comes out of the bad. Lately, I feel the bad is only coming out of the bad, and I keep saying to myself, “it can’t keep getting any worse, can it?” The past few months have only led me to believe this profoundly. With the Supreme Court confirmation hearings, preventing the American given right to vote, the fear mongering rhetoric around the migrants coming from Central America, catastrophic climate change with a deadline, and demonizing opponents enough to incite violence, I want to run away to Canada or actually, the Cyclades islands or Amalfi coast. Then I found this (click on photo or link below to full story):

I found it to be such an important reminder, “There’s always more to the story than we first see or hear; taking time to find the ‘why’ is always worth our time.” Just think about it. Taking the time to find out and understand the reason people act the way they do. This dad went above and beyond of just understanding the why (really, read the story by clicking on the photo or caption below it–it made my day). This story is a perfect example of loving your neighbor and just doing good.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from an organization I’ve been volunteering for over 20 years, Casa Esperanza. If you are in Albuquerque, you may have heard that summertime weather had caused extensive damage to their roof and their rooms. For those of you unfamiliar with the organization it is a home away from home for individuals and families who are seeking medical treatment in Albuquerque. I was introduced to them when my own Great-Great Aunt stayed at the “Hope House” many years ago, when she was seeking cancer treatment. A few years later, I began taking a group of volunteers to decorate the house for the holidays, that grew to making dinner for the temporary residents, to serving on the organization’s fundraising committee, to finally becoming a board member. It had been a couple of years since I last volunteered there. After a conversation with a new customer and friend (THIS IS WHY I LOVE meeting with my new bespoke customers, to learn about them and their lives), who had a similar experience of needing a comforting, safe and inviting place to stay when seeking medical treatment, I was reminded about their vital work. She talked about her despair because they were in an unfamiliar city without loved ones nearby and the immense anxiety about her husband’s illness. Some things we just take for granted: a warm bed and a safe shelter that is affordable for what might be long stays.

The email asked for volunteers. While they were able to get insurance to repair the roof (after major negotiations), the rain had caused damage to the walls and carpet (remember, some of the residents are medically frail). My desire to volunteer in what I knew would be grunt work really called to me. After reading the email, I sent my own message asking for people to join me in some hard labor. I wasn’t sure if it was moving, cleaning or painting. One of my best friends, joined me and I “voluntold” Isaiah to join me (I would have voluntold Cati, but she was working). I got an INCREDIBLE workout that day. It was a laborious few hours. However, it felt good to go back, see some friendly faces, and do the work in honor of my friend and those like her, who need these services (Chris Ann Gray, CE ED, said they’ve been unable to provide rooms for about 90 days). There is still much to do and I have included the link to sign up below. As I’ve stated before, it is beautiful to see transformation.

What we forget is the process of transformation. While the outcome is incredible, the process is not easy. A month ago, I joined my colleagues for a team building project transforming the outside of the industrial building that houses Keshet Dance, another empowering, local non-profit that supports those with artistic inclinations. While having a small part, under the early fall hot sun (not gonna lie, it was HOT), we helped with painting and taping off the mural and just today, received the almost complete transformation photo:

It is so different and so inviting. Just think how reminding yourself to think Good Thoughts and to say Good Words and to do Good Deeds will impact your soul and those around you.

National Make a Difference Day is this Saturday. It is the annual day of community service. Grab your friends, colleagues or family members and do something good for your community.

To learn about Casa Esperanza, visit them HERE.
To learn about Keshet, visit them HERE.
And even though my KK (aka Cati) wasn’t able to volunteer with me, she is doing her own fundraiser for Street Safe, support it HERE.

And if you need something to make you smile, here’s this:

Or this:

https://youtu.be/i47w1di8_IE

Or this:

CUTE ALERT: These kindergarteners at Hickerson Elementary School in Nashville wished a deaf school custodian a happy birthday in sign language yesterday. He sure was surprised! Happy birthday, Mr. James! (Video courtesy of Hickerson Elementary) pic.twitter.com/mAK1wgmxIr

— Denver7 News (@DenverChannel) October 24, 2018

Or this, because you need a good laugh sometimes and some new dance moves:

And, you’re welcome!

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to give birth, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace. – Ecclesiates 3:1-8

I woke at 2:00am, Sunday morning, and change was on my mind. It was fall break, so I decided to hit the road with my minis. We opted for a trip to Denver for the long weekend. We hit the road on Friday morning, and no, this time no screaming (although the girl did initially forget her bag so we had to go to her house to get it—I’ve learned to roll with it; it makes for good writing).

I love me a good road trip. As I’ve said before, it gives me the chance to really contemplate what’s happening in my world, enjoy the beautiful countryside, and dance in my seat (this time I had the whole car dancing with me).

The incredible vistas reminded me of changes.

The changes we choose to make… The changes we didn’t necessary ask for, but adapt to… The changes that naturally occur, like the changing seasons… The most vibrant reminder, I found along the highway. We arrived in Denver and the immense beauty of fall—the golden, orange and red hues—was a welcoming sight. My plan was to make it to the RiNo district, meet up with a friend or two, and just spend some quality time with my minis.

A few days before we left, Cati mentioned how stressed she was about an upcoming paper. I told her if she needed to stay behind, I’d understand, but I also wanted her to realize that we won’t have many more moments like this and I’d really like for her to go. I explained that life changes too quickly, soon she’d be graduating and either going off to grad school or working full-time. Even if she needed to spend one of the days at the hotel researching and writing, I’d still love to see her, but not if she was going to be stressed. She agreed and after our initial hiccup we made it out there.

Saturday, we woke up to a beautiful morning; she and I decided to take a walk. Behind our hotel, ran a manicured little creek. I’ve stayed at this hotel a few times and in the past just reflected at the bridge over it, but being the explorers we are, we decided to follow it further. We stumbled upon a walking path that divided a large park and a quaint neighborhood.

We walked for a few miles in the beautiful fall sun, feeling the breeze and admiring the trees shimmer in the light. Everyone we came across, I said “hello” to. More often than not, it was met with either a grunt or complete silence. Cati questioned why I continued to say, “hello”, to people when they didn’t respond. All I could think for my response was, “it doesn’t reflect poorly on me, it reflects poorly on them.” I’ve always greeted people I meet. I’ve been scolded at times for being “too friendly”. I believe greeting everyone you meet with dignity and respect. There are a few reasons why, 1. because at the core, it is who I am. I say, “Good morning, sunshine” with intentional warmth. AND 2. as a woman, I also do this for my safety and security. I want the person to know that I see them and I am paying attention to all around me. The only person we came across that was as sunny and outgoing as we were, we found, was from Chimayo, NM. Maybe New Mexicans ARE the friendliest people out there. We walked for about 1 hour and a half. It got to a point where Isaiah called because he was worried about us. No need to be, we were just enjoying the autumn sun and each other’s company.

Isaiah and I left Cati to her homework and decided to play tourists. It was the perfect day to wander around RiNo – River North District in downtown Denver (or as Cati called it, the gentrified area of Denver). Once made up of industrial buildings and businesses, it is now an incredible arts mecca of the city (at least in my humble opinion) with local boutiques, galleries, $$$-$$$$ eateries and breweries/bars. I wanted to go there to see the street art which I had been ogling for weeks before on-line. It did not disappoint.

There was one that I REALLY wanted to see that had been calling me when I saw it online. It was stark. It was hard to look at. It was real.

When we arrived, it had already been changed.

I read that the artist changed it purposefully to take a stand. And again, I thought about the changes we make. Can we really make a difference? Think of that rain drop rippling the steady water. Can changing habits make lasting impact on your life, on your trajectory, and the world around you? Think of Charlie Jabaley. And with that work, are you truly ready for those changes? I know people who jump at the chance for change, but aren’t fully prepared, and then are upset that things didn’t turn out the way they expected. I also know people who live their life in that comfort zone…fine with everything being “okay”, but then complain that life is passing them by.

About six months ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. She was talking about moving East because the opportunities were more abound than her current location and wanted a change of scenery. She put her resume out there, but unfortunately nothing was coming to fruition. Then life happened, as it does. She became the primary caregiver for a family member and while she loves the career she has, she wasn’t getting the respect and support locally. And just a month ago, a door opened. She was invited to participate in a prestigious role for the next 18 months. It was all she was wanting less than a year ago, yet when the opportunity finally presented itself she wasn’t sure it was what she still wanted. I think as women we struggle more when it comes to opportunities and responsibilities than our male counterparts. The only thing I could think of telling her is that maybe it is time for another family member to help out and since this is a limited, INCREDIBLE opportunity, if it called to her she should take it.

Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for
And my time was runnin’ wild
A million dead end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse – David Bowie, Changes

I try not to get too political in my writing. I am a moderate “independent”. I believe in fiscal responsibility within our government and support services to empower citizens. I also believe we all have a voice, I think it’s time to change and FACE the strange. I remember visiting the legislative session a few years ago with community leaders trying to understand as a business owner, how I could lend my voice. One of the individuals I was with suggested I should run for office. I laughed and said, “oh, hell no”. I admire those who run for office. However, there is way too much bureaucracy and too many back door deals that happen. I believe in getting shit done. I volunteer for that reason. I vote for that reason and I speak up when those marginalized or traditionally left without a voice are not heard for that reason. If you want to see things change, I urge you to do the same. Use your voice, act and get out there and make change. So, Sunday night, I was restless. The act of creation is change and my focus was on a white wall, where a woman’s voice was covered over. I believe we are at the twilight of some big change on the horizon. And the next morning, I awoke to some major change to my surroundings. Overnight, it had snowed 3 inches.

We were prepared and ready to face that change. We packed up, bundled up and hit the road back home, ready for the week ahead. What changes are you making this week? Is it personal, professional, major or subtle changes? Be careful of drastic ones, like hues of Pumpkin Spice Latte, because you do have to live with them.

With light and love, from me and my minis!

Dara Sophia