How many of you reading this are living your best life? Are you doing what you truly love? What did you want to be when you were growing up? I was all over the place. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I wanted to help people and be a social worker. I truly believe that you can be in that role that your heart desires if you are focused on that target and work hard for it. And sometimes, being in the right place at that the right time is the universe’s way to get you there (even if it doesn’t land in your lap, but nearby).
My career has been all over the place and every position I’ve held has had the same common thread of taking me out of my comfort zone and challenging my skills. I started working consistently at 16 years old. Besides babysitting, I worked for a small manufacturing company. My role was an assembly assistant and I worked in a closet-sized room tinning electrical components. I was grateful to my uncle for the summertime job, but it was complete drudgery. With no real human interaction for most of the day, I found myself talking and laughing to myself. A couple of times, he walked in on me as I was doing this and asked if I was okay. I’m sure he thought I was in some hallucinogenic state because the fumes or thought I had lost my mind. I went on to hold a few administrative positions, being young and being female always made for an interesting mix throughout my career but especially at this company…so many times I wasn’t taken seriously and constantly felt the creeper vibe from from my older male counter parts.
I adopted this mantra when I was 18 years old when I was told I was too young, too inexperienced, and a female in a male dominated organization.
I moved on to work for Cardinal Health (it was Allegiance at the time I started). I began a role in an accounts payable position that worked directly with suppliers. My role was to defuse any potential credit holds in order to make sure the supplies flowed to our customers and ultimately the patients that needed them. That lasted a year, when a position for an executive assistant to the VP/GM opened up. I had no experience in this area but what attracted me was that the position included building a community relations presence for the leader and the company. So before the interview, I played with PowerPoint for the first time and “presented” to him. He later told me he was impressed that I learned the software just for the interview. We worked side-by-side for the next 5 years. I supported his work, defused even more difficult situations, planned visits for leadership and worked to get the organization involved in the community.
A position in the HR department opened up, the role was half-time training and half-time community relations. I had gotten my teaching fix (remember, childhood career goals) by teaching catechism and facilitating the Junior Achievement program over the past 5 years, but adult facilitation was something else. I decided for this interview I would facilitate the “making the donuts” lesson from Junior Achievement’s 2nd grade curriculum. It was both an individual and group lesson, and it emphasized working together for impact. I was welcomed to the team with open arms and a sense of humor (thanks, Flora). I spent the next ten years facilitating leadership and developmental training, I worked to make sure our organization was well-known in the community as a good corporate citizen (and fulfilled my desire to do social work–I realized in college when I was working on my psychology degree, that I would be a horrible social worker because I couldn’t leave it at the office, so instead, I could fund and provide volunteers to organizations that did this work) and that employees who were motivated to give back had all the tools they needed to do so. I loved my team and what I did, because every day was different and empowering. I would tease my manager and colleagues that I didn’t have tissue in my office because the employees who came to see me weren’t dealing with employee relation issues, but instead were coming to volunteer or talk about training opportunities. Well that bit me in the butt, the first time our manager and specialist were out of the office. A woman appeared at my door eyes swollen and asked if she could close the door and talk. Then I thought, “Oh crap, I have no tissue”.
Hello friends,
As many of you know Cardinal Health is transitioning some work from the local business unit. I may have shared with you that I would not be in this role past the end of the calendar year. However due to business needs, my actual last day with the company is Friday, August 9th.
I have absolutely loved the role I have played in building a better community and am grateful for the opportunity to work with you over the past 16 years. I will continue to be heavily involved, volunteering on several boards/committees and of course fundraising until I find my next role. My hopes are to continue to have a similar impact that the one with Allegiance Healthcare/Cardinal Health has afforded me. Much of my role was storytelling, and one medium I did that through was with photos, so I thought I’d include a few of my favorite below.
Pas au revoir, au lieu de cela jusqu’à ce que nous nous reverrons! Dara
That role ended and I wasn’t sure what I would do next. I applied for several positions I thought I’d be a shoe-in for, with no luck.
I was working on the seasonal, local United Way campaign when the opportunity to invest and become a partner in a local clothing boutique was presented to me. Again, I had no retail background. I had no small business background. I loved fashion and I loved working with the community, so like the dreamer that I am, I fell into the trap when I was told that those things can be learned along the way and what the store really needed was some new energy and my network to thrive. I bought it hook, line and sinker…well, that and the fact that a clairvoyant, Dallas (her story is ruminating in my mind, so you’ll learn more soon), told me I was in a crossroads in my life and that I was going to be a small business owner. Sage advice right (for some I’m sure the word “sucker” comes to mind)?!?
So, I cashed out my 401K. Invested half of it in the store to pay past debt and buy some inventory. Lived off the rest for a spell, because I also lost out on about $120K in salary I was no longer bringing in. I loved working with the customer. I loved buying. I loved creating community partnerships. Was I a good seller?!? Oh, hell no! I am not a high pressured sales person and I didn’t want to utilize my network in that way. At the same time, New Mexico was still coming out of the Great Recession. The store closed approximately 2 years later. My business partner and I had the text book falling out (the one that says you should never go into business with friends and this is why…). Four years later, I’m still paying off the debt I accumulated. But if I could go back and change it, would I? No, I needed that experience and adversity to enrich my life. We learn from failure. I learned what I loved. I lived and came out the other side through with this hearty experience.
“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion because you are being brave, I am not interested or open to your feedback about my work. PERIOD. (you can’t take criticism and feedback from people who are not being BRAVE with their lives).”
Brene Brown (God, I love her–thanks Erica)
Because of the experience, I realized I now have the most incredible people surrounding me. I decided I wanted to continue working with the customer but in a smaller, working in the baby pool, kind of way. I get asked all the time, “where do you see your brand in 5 years”. I used to say, “on all the major runways and all in the major department stores.” I no longer see it that way. I want to see it in new places I’ve never been before. So in designing, I get to accomplish the four things I hold dear: creating beauty, traveling, meeting new people/working with dear ones, and writing about it all. I want to see my designs on people who find them to be an investment, and are comfortable, confident and feel beautiful in what I have designed for them. If they tell others, then that is a bonus and I don’t have to spend so much time on social media marketing (LOL).
Retail and apparel is in this weird evolutionary place and I won’t jump all in again like I did before. So, for a few years after the store closed, I retreated and went back to center. I focused on my skills and abilities and worked with non-profit organizations in varying ways: development, fundraising, grant-writing, event planning, HR, communications, and start-up. Again, I was working closer in this social worker space and I was right. There were several instances that I brought issues home with me and I had to remind myself, we all have choices in life. It was hard that at times. I felt like I cared more than the individual in the situation. My most recent role was working with HR and company leaders to understand where their employees financial well-being and beyond wages how to help them move positively on the financial spectrum through building assets. I now had that lived experience under my belt and while I wasn’t a financial adviser, I knew what it was like to have income volatility, living paycheck-to-paycheck, and no savings. That’s when the next plot twist in my life’s story occurred.
I’m pretty active on LinkedIn and was utilizing it quite a bit for my role at Prosperity Works. I have a good-sized network and tend to get frequent direct messages. Most of the time it’s someone saying, “thanks for connecting”, trying to sell me something, or the creepy guy making inappropriate comments (P.S. this is not a dating site), when I got a message just as I was preparing for Los Angeles Fashion Week. The message said:
“Dara Sophia,
My name is XX and I’m an Executive Recruiter with Macy’s. I came across your profile through my sourcing efforts on LinkedIn and was very impressed with your background. I would like to see if you would be interested in exploring the My Stylist Executive opportunity we currently have open at our Macy’s Coronado Center location…”
Okay that stopped me in my tracks, but I did a little investigating and found out it was legit. I was intrigued so I asked for the job description. Reviewed it and the first question had me, “Love being around people and making them happy?” The second question, pulled me in further, “Good at finding the right thing to complete an outfit?”. Then I had a hard stop at, “As part of our sales team…” Heart palpitations, sweaty palms and irrational breathing started to occur. Did I want to go back into retail and sales?!? But I threw caution in the wind and continued the conversation. I submitted my resume and the first conversation occurred. I want to be in NYC in the next 5 years. This is my opportunity to expedite this goal. I LOVE working with people and when I see someone come out of the fitting room smiling ear-to-ear, my purpose is fulfilled. I also learned that I will be representing the brand in the community, building events within the store, and playing again in the corporate philanthropy side. Still, I wasn’t sure if I could do “retail” again.
On my most recent trip to NYC, I spent time with a friend, with whom I had some thoughtful conversations. One night at dinner, I asked him his “why”. I have always known my “why” is to help people by understanding what motivates them and connecting them to what will help them grow, self-actualize, or have a life changing experience. He encouraged me to go for it. He knows how much I want to be in NYC and one point said, “Just hurry up and get here already.” On one of my wandering days, I went to Herald Square and sat in front of the Grand Dame Macy’s among the tulips and daffodils and really pondered the thought. I loved the team I was working with and really started to get in my grove in the work I was doing.
In meeting and talking with what would be my leadership team, and the fact that they were offering me everything and more in my requests…would I be a fool to turn it down?
I returned back and accepted the position. Again, heart palpitations, sweaty palms and irrational breathing started to occur. I gave my notice and Macy’s wanted me to start almost immediately.
11:11
On my first day, when I received my employee id number, I knew I was in the right place (if you read 365 Days, you’ll completely understand). Once I hit the floor, I was reminded that retail is a lot like pregnancy: your feet swell, your sleep patterns are erratic, you don’t eat right. The first time around you don’t know what to expect, but the second time when those labor pains set in (or those sales goals), you think to yourself, “What the HELL was I thinking, I take it back, I don’t want to do this again…” yet when it’s all said and done, you feel a sense of accomplishment and relish in the beauty.
In my first week, I worked with the leadership team to support “Dress for Success” presentations, connected with local media and film industry professionals, had a fun season trends session with local influencer and TV personality, Casey Messer, hosted two personal styling sessions, attended community events (thanks to my friends who had extra seats at their tables), spent time on the floor talking with customers (and not just about fashion but what’s happening in their lives) and learning about all the brands, worked with my colleagues to understand what they do and how I could help them without the feeling that I’m going to be stealing their sales, and had a blast at the cosmetic counters. Believe me, it was a thoroughly exhausting week. If you are doing what you love, it won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it! I can’t wait to get at it again.
I’m not going to lie. I did click on this link from the intranet in my first week. Definitely a carrot dangling in front of me to overachieve my goals.
I don’t need to tell you that life isn’t a straight line. I’m sure you can share with me all your winding stories about bumps in the road, side-tracked adventures and even big time failures, but there are those moments when you feel like that carrot or piece of cheese will get you to where you want to be, so my advice is go for it even if you start small, you won’t regret living your best life.
Oh, and because I have freakin’ audacious goals, please feel free to comment on this post, email me, or shoot me a text to schedule your personal stylist appointment (and thank you to those of you who have already taken advantage of my service). Let’s go shopping! Or if you want to have something created especially for you…Hopeless + Cause Atelier is your choice. Just indicate how I can aid you in your personal style or look.
“The wilderness is where all the creatives and prophets and system-buckers and risk-takers have always lived, and it is stunningly vibrant. The walk out there is hard, but the authenticity out there is life.”
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets In midnights, in cups of coffee In inches, in miles In laughter, in strife In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure a year in the life How about LOVE?
Season of Love, Rent
I will preface this post by saying, my astrological sign is Cancer. I am a water baby. I am ruled by the moon, emotion front and center. I go between trying to be funny (at least I think I am) and bawling like a baby. As I sit here on this over-sized Cheetah chair with my legs sitting pretzel style (they don’t touch the floor) and my laptop on top, I relive the past year and a big missing part of my life…so here we go!
Tuesday, April 17, 2018, I woke up early. I was in between full-time employment and had been focusing on the Atelier and styling to help coast until I was gainfully employed again. This particular morning I had a scheduled TV segment about earth day and building a sustainable wardrobe. I arrived at the studio at 6:40am with the wardrobe for my friends who were serving as models. The segment was quick but great and a happy escape from my reality at the moment.
My friend and I went for coffee afterwards. We headed over to Zendo for the cool hipster vibe. She looked incredible in in the Raven dress so I thought we’d get a couple of photos, and we really needed some time to catch up. We did. It was wonderful. We were both in a crossroads in our life and just trying to figure shit out.
I spent the afternoon, on my laptop waiting for KRQE to release the video, seeing images of a Southwest plane grounded by an accident. Thinking this was a million miles away, I said prayers for the affected family, never thinking it would be close to home.
As I sink in the sand Watch you slip through my hands Oh, as I <am> here another day, yeah ‘Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
Jealous, Labyrinth
I received a text message from a friend saying, “Did you hear?” I responded, “Hear what?” and my worst nightmare came to life. I don’t think I’ve cussed more in my life and then the text messages and calls started coming in. My heart sank and I fell to the floor. I was in shock but was so grateful to friends that didn’t let me sink into a hole of hiding. We went to Our Lady of Annunciation to say a prayer and talked about memories afterward.
Unbelievable moments happened in the following days.
I opened my home with so much love to a friend I hadn’t seen in a couple of years and made plans for her celebration of life with friends traveling from all over the country. It was a celebration of her sparkle and her impact on this community from the mass, to the community celebration, to the small group celebrations afterward. I know she was smiling from above.
I saw people I hadn’t seen in years. We were brought together in our love and grief. The best way for me to move through my emotions was to write, create and check on others. I will never ask what happened and will stop you if you try to tell me. All I know is that a part of me has been ripped from my fiber, yet what I have found in the past year is that she is still here, like a patch or a stitch fix, and I am eternally grateful.
In the following weeks, I attended my first social event in months if not a year. It was the perfect event. I was with my dear friend. We were not only honoring Jennifer, but an incredible organization we were both involved with, Special Olympics of New Mexico. The day following I received this message.
That is who she was. She loved proudly and loudly. I remember just days after her death being asked if I ever felt that she only supported me to try to earn Wells Fargo business and as much as I loved this person, this comment totally pissed me off. She NEVER in one single instant tried to sell me the bank’s interests, she supported me wholly and fully on her own, which was a rarity. I loved and still love her for all she does for those she loves and I hoped she knew I did the same.
May 17, 2018 – I woke to this email. After researching to see if this was a fake and realizing it was not, I knew she had a hand it it. So, for the first installment with British Vogue, I choose my first customer, my first model and my dear friend to represent Hopeless + Cause Atelier.
I love that Oprah still has this cover photo as her photo on Twitter. It reminds me of Jennifer in so many ways.
In June, I was asked to share some empowering advice for the National Conference on Volunteering and Service. It was my opportunity to share the impactful advice she shared with me about failure.
Her influence continued as I was sought out with future editorials in British Vogue, British GQ and Vanity Fair UK. And, always sealed with a kiss. I told you she wouldn’t just let it stop there.
June 28, 2018 – I was walking out of an Isotopes Game with colleagues, when handed the latest issue of Albuquerque the Magazine. I opened the “Heroes” page to her, of course I did.
Michael, her husband, talked about her work with Fathers Building Futures, who she was an early supporter of. Immediately I reached out to the founder, who was my dear friend and mentioned the article. She was there guiding the work….and in her way, saying “Don’t give up!”
I got her message of the importance of time and spending it with those who we hold dear. I was also reminded that I needed to create because I had put it on the back burner for months. On September 22, 2018, I hosted Under the Sun. It was a runway event to showcase my work and the fun of fashion. I reached out to Michael to see if their daughter could attend. I wouldn’t put him or their son through a fashion show. She attended with friends and that made my heart absolutely full. It also put the pressure on me to make it an incredible memorial event to honor Jennifer.
August 29, 2018 – Then I had the most profound dream about Jennifer and a mutual friend who was getting married. I was reminded about the craziness of life and how we get lost when we don’t make time for what’s truly important. I woke from that dream so HAPPY to dream about her but also missing her incredibly, but I got it.
There are things that now stop me in my tracks to reflect and provide a reminder that she is with me.
Jennifer Riordan. (Courtesy of the Riordan family) dhanson@abqjournal.com Tue Apr 17 18:22:51 -0600 2018 1524010970 FILENAME: 1074359.jpg
I see this shared all over and I can’t help but smile, while my heart breaks.
I used to say a wish at 11:11, now I say a prayer and send my love to where ever she is.
Anytime some I love travels I tell them, “safe travels” or even more “Vaya con Dios” — go with God.
November 11, 2018 (11/11) – her birthday, I had planned to attend Denver Fashion Week, but had been so sick the previous week I had to cancel those plans. Instead, I participated in a local Albuquerque show. It was what I needed, but found something more–another reminder of her presence. A photographer/videographer captured the VIP pre-show. I watched the video for the first time to see the mannequin models in Hopeless + Cause Atelier. I watched it a second time and realized something that gave me chills. The Jazz band was playing, “Isn’t She Lovely”. It was the song I put to my photo montage of her….I felt her presence in that moment and felt the warmth that nothing could explain.
January 4, 2019 – I was celebrating another BFF’s birthday at Hotel Andaluz and went to the restroom. I was reminded of the time we did a fitting there and her fear of standing barefoot on the floor. We created a make shift floor cover. Then as I walked out, I reminisced about the time I heard her snort as she yelled from the mezzanine above, “I know that laugh anywhere”, referring to me.
I am completely blessed that I have so many good memories of her and how new ones rise to the surface when I meet with friends.
I don’t know how to explain it. Jennifer has pushed me when I have wanted to throw my hands up and give up, or runaway, or settle in what I’m doing. In fact this week when my life is once again playing on the unexpected, I returned to the office on Monday and I had an email with this Ted Talk.
This is a must watch if you’ve been living adjacent to grief but not been stricken by it yet. It will make you laugh and cry.
I started to watch this at work. I was laughing and crying at the same time and because I didn’t want to be asked questions about, “what was wrong with me?”, I set it aside. As the speaker says, “grief is uncomfortable” and many people don’t know how to deal with it. A couple of weeks ago, I came across this quote from Brene Brown and realized it’s important to share in that moment with others.
Tomorrow (or actually later today, because it’s midnight), I will reach out to those who’ve lost this incredible human being. But before doing that, I needed to be reminded of beauty, so I reached out to friends and asked them to tell me about the most beautiful place they visited and why? I needed to be comforted by how in my grief there is SO MUCH beauty yet to be discovered. Here is what I found:
Within the responses, there were places ALL over the world and places close to where their hearts lie. Beauty was found through all the senses and their their own personal experiences and sometimes with those they love or around a life changing event. This reminded me that in order to find beauty you have to look around to see it. I knew it was easier to talk about beauty, travel and experience than to speak about love and loss, but why is that?
This Ted Talk spoke to me over and over. I totally agree with the speaker, people expect you to move on when someone has died. And Jennifer still is present in my life and everything I do. While physically not here, she is found what I create, in the opportunities presented to me and in the beauty of the world. All week I’ve been sharing my photos of Jennifer. I have felt twisted about doing it…but why do I have to? Just because she’s not physically here with me doesn’t mean I need to hide her or not share her incredible style, sparkle and spunk. She is part of who I am and I am choosing to celebrate that.
And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later it’s over I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
And I don’t want the world to see me ‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand When everything’s meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am
Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
Later this morning, my friend, Laurie and I will visiting a local non-profit sharing Jennifer’s motto, “Always be Kind, Loving, Caring & Sharing.” If I can add my own advice, live this way and live life to the fullest. Find beauty in everything, even grief.
I saw the sun begin to dim And felt that winter wind Blow cold A man learns who is there for him When the glitter fades and the walls won’t hold ‘Cause from then, rubble One remains Can only be what’s true If all was lost Is more I gain ‘Cause it led me back To you
— From Now On, The Greatest Showman
She resurfaced in the most unexpected way.
It was December 29, 2018. It was freezing in NM and I was feeling the warmth from NYC. I was virtually following along the adventures of a BFF and received the following:
The conversation continued in our group messaging with talk of a Mermaid Parade and tattoo questions.
I was sold. I didn’t know about the Mermaid Parade but Googled upon being told about it. It’s hosted at Coney Island in June. It looks like complete debauchery and a blast (go to Instagram and use #MermaidParade to see for yourself).
A million miles away Your signal in the distance To whom it may concern I think I lost my way Getting good at starting over Every time that I return Learning to walk again I believe I’ve waited long enough Where do I begin? Learning to talk again Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough? Where do I begin?
— Walk, Foo Fighters
Who knew that conversation would bring the mermaid back from the deep. She started popping up all over.
But there she was, first at Target. I then started to find mermaids appearing at Pier 1 and Cracker Barrel, on cups and bags, clothing embellished with shiny scales and blankets that mimicked the a mermaid’s tail. I was even made privy to a special edition mermaid cereal. She kept calling and I couldn’t ignore her anymore…I had to revisit the story of the little mermaid.
“I don’t see the same way he does.”
— Ariel, The Little Mermaid
When Disney originally released The Little Mermaid, Ariel and I were the same age, sixteen. While a cartoon, it still spoke to me as I was trying to navigate my own life, find myself, explore and learn on my own. I could SO relate and was connected to Ariel in so many ways: sense of wonder, wanting something more, playfulness and learning through trial in error. Ariel’s father was an authoritarian parent—it’s my way and no other.
Illustration by Meri Fox-Szauter
While the head of my household was my mom, her parenting style was similar and as a stubborn girl, I tended to rebel and do the opposite of what she said. The tale stuck with throughout my young adulthood, when at the age of 20 years old, I decided to get intimate with this character and she was permanently decorated upon my body. Know that it was something that was important to me as I get queasy at the sight of needles and I had already held the hand of several friends in their attempts to decorate their own bodies so I knew the pain they felt going through this process.
My mom was aghast, months later, when she saw what I had done. I remember having a communications professor at UNM talk about the fads of tattoos and people should only get them if they had meaning. He went on to say they weren’t meant to be cute (big eye roll). Another time, I had friend comment that she didn’t understand why people got tattoos; didn’t they think about what would they look like when they turned 90 years old and in a nursing home … First of all, if I am blessed to live to be 90 years old, I will grateful that I lived that long and oh boy, will I tell the stories of my mermaid (and I’m sure they will be embellished with all the years of living).
The years passed and while she was with me, she is in an inconspicuous place. So, at times it was like she wasn’t present. It wasn’t until that winter night that she resurfaced and with power. Because it had been many years since I last watched the movie, I decided to view it again. This time I watched it from an adult perspective, and I found a whole new world (get it…oh wait, wrong Disney movie…) and I dived right in (it’s late and I’m getting loopy…you can laugh, I won’t tell).
For a number of years, I had conformed to the norm or what was expected of me. I had forgotten who I was, and I let someone (or actually a few people) compromise ME and steal my voice. I had felt like I had been buried beneath a boulder in the depths of the sea. In re-watching the movie, here is what I now found:
There are people that may come across as harsh, but maybe they are doing it out of love and don’t really know how to communicate with you.
Watch out for sea witches. They are real. They covet what you have, and are lurking in every dark corner waiting for the opportunity to steal your spirit.
There are things in life that will take you out of your element. You need to try them anyways.
You’ve got to walk before you run, but wobble with the best of them.
You may fall, but you will learn.
No one can save you, only you can (even if he is a prince).
And always remain true to your voice!
This mermaid soul has been refreshed. Nautical themes are swimming around in my design mind…so more to come (I know if I point it out, it’s not funny, so I hope you found it on your own). I’ll let you know how the Mermaid Parade plays out in June. In the meantime, if you see some fun mermaid themed products send me a photo (I’m a collector of memories, not things–too much dusting).
Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don’t; but keep on dreamin’ – this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin’.
Happy Man – Pretty Woman
During NYFW, I was going back and forth on social media about reconnecting with The Society Fashion Week. The CEO had proposed I join them for the Los Angeles show in order to discuss a longer term collaboration. And after a long weekend supporting the local non-profit, Tenderlove Community Center, with their annual gala, I received an email confirming our discussion on Sunday, February 17, 2019. I was thrilled by the opportunity and now had the time do it.
I was asked to participate in the show on Saturday, March 9, 8:30pm. That meant 20 days to create a runway show, find the models and book cheap flights. Luckily, I was able to complete the later, first, with a voucher I had (thanks E). I reached out to one of my BFFs, Laura, about staying with her and her husband. Thank the sweet Lord, she was in town that weekend and welcomed me to do so. I hit Instagram and Facebook (and even LinkedIn, I think) to peak model interest. The hard part I thought, was designing and creating the 20 looks in roughly 64 hours I had available (outside of work, sleep and life). It was time to get to work.
Luckily, for me I had already been inspired by what I had received through my inspiration project from January, Through Your Eyes. Based on the photos I received, I determined this was going to be my primary color focus for the season:
A big bummer on my part was the fact that if I knew fo’sizzle that I was showing in LAFW, I would have shopped fabric in NYC…I knew my fabric limitations in ABQ and lack of time to order online.
Monday, February 18, 2019: Hold up…I could have totally been grateful and okay with putting together a show for Los Angeles. However, that wasn’t all! I have such good friends and beautiful souls looking out for me all the time. My dear friend, Sofi, tagged me in a post about a casting for a television show idea. The premise was for a cast of fashion designers from a smaller sized towns that work full-time and design in the waking moments. Ummm…could it be more perfectly written for this designer?!?
So I immediately, reached out to the casting director. She scheduled a call that same day and after that call, she scheduled a Skype interview for later that week.
After I received the confirmation email, and reading the “where I go for inspiration”, I decided to share it via email with several people who have provided so much inspiration (and especially those that participated in the Through Your Eyes activity).
This is the kicker…Sofi sent me a posting for a TV show for designers from small towns that work a day job and design every other waking hour….my life right?!? I had the call today with the casting director, and she pushing me forward to the next round, the Skype round (this is great for the girl that loathes Facetime). If they like what they see, I will find out what happens next. I received the below confirmation and I LOVED the circled area that speaks to inspiration. Thank you all who participated in the recent request for inspiration…and even more so, thank YOU to each and everyone of you on this list that has supported my endeavors, inspires me and pushes me on the daily.
Thursday, February 21, 2019: I survived the videotaped Skype segment and the casting director again relayed that her role was to put together the package. It was up to the producer to see if it would be a viable show. It could happen right away or never. I haven’t heard anything since, but I’ve still got good juju about it.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
I pulled this quote when I was thinking about possibilities. I so love the Alchemist that I decided to read it again (it would be my morning 20-minutes of me time during the next few weeks). I knew it would inspire me even further in what I needed to accomplish.
The week was filled with great highs like the interview, somber moments like the funeral of a family friend, and bittersweet moments like the dedication of an educational space to my dear friend at the Barrett Foundation.
I tracked down the fabric I was going to use. Yet, I still didn’t have the finalized sketches nor had I patterned out the looks. I kept telling myself, I’d work on it over the weekend. However, it was also my baby’s birthday so again…not as much accomplished as I had hoped.
The next week proved to be especially busy at work. With legislative priorities all over the place, I was supporting our advocacy director while my own role was starting to see some momentum in working with various businesses and associations to share ways to support building assets (like home purchasing and children’s savings accounts) through out New Mexico (You can learn more about Prosperity Works here). There were late nights in Santa Fe or going back and forth on group chat after work hours to make sure the right people were hearing and supporting our messages.
“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
That week I was going back and forth on models. Originally, planning on 20 for the show. I was having a hard time getting all places filled. I was grateful to have Kristen, Jimmie and Carmen returning (and traveling out to LA to walk for me). I was working from 5-7am, returning emails and DMs from models, the beauty team and the production company. In the evenings, I was too tired to cut and sew but was finalizing the flow of the show based on the models I was securing.
However, on Wednesday, February 27th, I received another email that made my life just a little more exciting, interesting and complex in how I was going to pull it off.
I couldn’t miss this opportunity. Yet, it was one day before my show in Los Angeles, and in New York. I instantly RSVP’d and figured that I would make it work.
I found a flight from Albuquerque to La Guardia on Southwest with a change of planes in Denver. It was 6am flight getting into New York at 5pm. That would give me an hour and a half to get to the Brooklyn Museum.
From there I would take a red-eye from JFK to LAX arriving in Los Angeles a little after 2am. That was a little tricky since I was staying with Laura and Ed…so I asked. She said I had to take this opportunity, so I changed and booked flights. I was in (and a wee bit excited..again, thanks E for the voucher).
except needles, straight pins and seam rippers….which made me bleed all over and fingers throb the day before the show.
That weekend I focused on cutting and finalizing embellishments and notions. My KK had a solo art show fundraiser. I didn’t want to miss it, so I did as much prep work so I could sew on Sunday. I had hoped I’d have all the looks finalized by Wednesday, so I could ship them to Laura and not have to worry about carrying too many bags from ABQ to NYC to LA.
Tuesday, March 5, 2019: Tuesday came and I knew I wasn’t going make the Wednesday shipping deadline–that plan was out the window. I had Kristen scheduled to serve as my fit model. She was originally scheduled to come by on Tuesday, but had to change that to Thursday. By Tuesday, I finalized the line up at 13 models (decided that’s my lucky number and capped it there). I had also connected to a shoe designer about partnering for the show, all while working on providing early morning updates to the team on our legislative priorities and presenting to the Mark Pardo locations about creating a savings plan and tax time tips to support goals (like saving to get to fashion week–ABSOLUTELY loved talking about this).
“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”
Wednesday, March 6, 2019: I took the afternoon off from work and hit the sewing machine. Mid-afternoon, I got a text from my aunt. My gram had been taken to the emergency room. My world stopped and as soon as I found out what was happening, Isaiah and I went to the hospital. Something triggered her blood pressure to skyrocket and she had a reaction similar to a stroke. Seeing her in the hospital room, while she was in good spirits, ready to go home, it reminded me of how important she is in my life. I was seriously contemplating cancelling my travel based on the outcome of her scheduled MRI. Thank God she was cleared and could go home with some restrictions on Thursday, but it threw me for a loop and I didn’t sew the remainder of Wednesday evening. Instead, I worked on finalizing the music, graphics and sending the details to the production director.
The music selection started with Helmet’s Unsung—with industrial graphics—I wanted the models to show a fierceness and intensity, moving on to Kuji Koo’s Overrated—and graphics showing a sense of light—the models were to have spirited fun; ending with Khalid’s Vertigo. This dramatic, euphoric song would wrap up the show like it was floating on air. You can hear these songs HERE
Thursday, March 7, 2019: That also meant a full-day of sewing on Thursday. Kristen came by about 4:00pm. I had 6 looks ready for her to try on (the sizing on two were for petite models, no fitting necessary).
When Isaiah came home, we ran out to pick up zippers and dinner (no time to cook but he made sure I ate, as it is something I forget when I’m prepping for shows). I went back to the machines, pushing out garment after garment. I decided I would not take my sewing machine with me this time, because of the lack of time I’d have. So I wasn’t able to finish a few looks as I had planned, but instead incorporated a few other looks that hadn’t been seen outside of NM. I packed my carry-on bag with 13 looks, my clothes for two days and my hand held steamer (yes, it was only a carry-on bag). I emailed the look book to the models, beauty team and shoe designer and went to bed at midnight.
Friday, March 8, 2019: The alarm rang at 4:30am. Knowing I had a tight schedule, I didn’t hit the snooze button this time instead jumped into the shower and got ready for the day ahead. I arrived at the airport about 5:15am and saw the line coming out of TSA.
Except I didn’t say fudge
I am so grateful that ABQ TSA was on it. While the line through security was reminiscent of a Disneyland ride without a fast pass, I made through in record time and arrived at my gate with time to spare.
I boarded and within a hour and a half, I arrived in Denver only to find an alert from Southwest stating my connection to NYC was delayed by a hour which meant my new arrival time was now 5:20pm. I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and asked others to pray and/or send good energy that we made up time in the air while arriving safely. I spent the next four hours catching up on work emails and questions from models, the beauty team and the shoe designer about Saturday.
Luckily, for this leg I had a higher number in the cattle line and I was able to access seat C in row 1…and boom! I could jump off the plane and run to the parking garage to access a Lyft. I tried to sleep as much as I could but I’m sure it wasn’t more than a hour. Arriving at LGA, I walked as fast as my little legs could take me to the parking garage. After 3 attempts to get a Lyft, third time’s a charm, I was on my way to the Brooklyn Museum. It was already 6pm so my estimated arrival time was 6:50pm. Twenty minutes late but at least I made it.
As I looked at that gorgeous skyline, I was reminded that it was still so cold in the city, as the snow that fell the following Sunday still hadn’t completely melted. I arrived at the museum; thanked my driver; ran over to registration and walked what seemed like a half mile to the auditorium to take a seat. I came in at the perfect time, a panel talking about being an artist.
After this discussion, a few women took to the stage to talk about their work empowering women and the evening talk was wrapped up by Tory Burch herself.
The crowd moved to the foyer for a wine and passed hors d’oeuvres and the Freida Kahlo exhibit was open to attendees. I met incredible women: one from El Salvador, one from England and one from Guatemala. It was an awesome sight to see so many people from all over the world who made it a priority to be there. I ran through the extensive exhibit (I wish I had more time, but next time I’m in town for sure).
Photo of one of Freida Kahlo’s many outfits on display…I’m not good at following directions but no one stopped me from taking pics
I grabbed a Lyft to JFK. Made it through security in no time so I ran to a restaurant for a quick bite. I ordered a salad, not thinking it would take long, a half a hour later I needed to get to my gate because the scheduled boarding was to start, so I asked them to pack it up. In the meantime, I received an alert that my gate had changed, so I ran out with my to go bag and got to the gate only to realize the flight was delayed. We finally boarded a little after 11pm. I grabbed my window seat and tried to get comfortable. I had hoped that there wouldn’t be anyone in the middle seat, no such luck, so I made the best of it.
Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep well…whomever decided mood lights help people sleep better than complete black out conditions, you were wrong. I arrived at LAX at 1:45am PST. Once again I rubbed the non-sleep out of my eyes and headed out for the Hertz shuttle. I had already received my Carfirmation, so all I needed to do was walk to the stall, get in and drive away. However there was no car in said stall, so I asked an attendant. He told me to wait inside while he got it ready, about 20-30 minutes later, it was. Next, I drove about 40 minutes to Pasadena. I arrived at Laura’s close to 4am and entered with the code, trying not to make any noise as to wake them. I crashed HARD.
Saturday, March 9, 2019: I woke up just before 9am. We ate breakfast made for us by Ed. Then Laura and I went to Target to get a few things. We went back to her house and I did some last minute tailoring with her help. Once again, as she was last year in NYC, Laura was going to be my right hand at the show. I headed out at 1pm. She planned to join me about 4pm.
Straight Outta Compton—when I told everyone the show was in Compton, they second guessed me. I was skeptical myself when I heard, but The Society Fashion Week found a warehouse they could convert to an incredible venue. I arrived a little after 1pm and the models were there waiting. The beauty team asked them to be there at that time to make sure they had enough time to do hair and make up before our 8:30pm show. They sat around for about 2 hours. That was a bummer. During this time, I was approached by a couple of women asking if I needed models for my show. My line up complete, so I said, “no”.
Through Your Eyes, inspiration was found in sunrises and sunsets so the models makeup reflected this
I claimed a rack and some space and started fitting models and steaming clothes. At that point, I realized that I was still missing a few models, so trying to track them down on social media or via text, I found out one of them was stuck in an airport in Texas. I quickly tracked down Lillianna, one of the models who approached me earlier. All models were now accounted for.
Laura arrived and I moved on trying to make sure my models were given priority with the beauty team. I was working with the jewelry provider and trying to find out where the shoe designer was. Again, there is a lot of lull times and chaotic times behind the scenes. I was also struggling with the designer before me that kept poaching my models for her show…that was frustrating because I knew I’d be the one to rushing to get the models dressed properly for my show. Grrrrr….
As the models were getting ready, there were a lot of fun photos happening and runway walks being practiced. The shoes showed up at 7pm, so I sent out the call to the models to be fitted. Once that was done, we were ready (as much as we could be).
The 8:30pm call time came and we huddled together in the order they would walk. I asked Kristen to open and Carmen to close and lined up the remaining models based on height, which varied from 5’3″ to 5’11”.
The music started and they hit the runway one by one. I had cautioned them before that even though the music was upbeat, I wanted them to take their time, especially posing.
Kristen led on the runway.
Followed by Karla.
Lauren was next.
Seeing that the models needed to slow the pace down, I mentioned it again and Kat took the runway with her Vogue poses (I LOVED IT).
Leah was playful to match her outfit.
Melissa was next in her sweetheart velvet dress.
Jimmie was the mid-point model and I realized all the work, all the build up, all the chaos was almost over.
Ashley Nichole had the vibe and worked it.
See for yourself below!! This video clip is the epitome of fun and glam.
I love when models get the vibe and OWN it.
Who knew denim could be so regal…well when Mary wore it, it was.
The perfect Cali vibe mixed with a little prep, thanks to Lillianna.
The fun continued with Victoria.
The Lefty Dress returned to the runway (because the world needed to see it) on Ashley Lashley.
Carmen looked heavenly as she ended the show.
As I was waiting backstage with the models for the final walk, I flipped a script, not doing the tradition carousel walk, I asked them to line up on each side of the runway. I also asked Carmen to walk with me out. I wanted everyone to take another gander at these beauties once more.
The final walk captured by photographer: Phodesigns
We ran back stage with many of the models quickly changing to go to their next show and a few staying back to take more photos. I joined a few for photos (knowing I looked ragged but happy) on the step and repeat. I gathered all the outfits, returned the jewelry and shoes and packed up. Heading back to Pasadena. Laura and I stayed up until 12:30am recapping the evening and basking in the light of another crazy, chaotic and fun show.
Isn’t he adorable?!? Okay, back to reading…you’ve reached the end.
Sunday, March 10, 2019: I survived and thrived! That morning, we woke up and slowly got ready for brunch. After brunch, we spent a little more time talking before I had to head back to work (shopping for fabric in the garment district). I made it there just before closing, getting what I needed. I then headed out to meet my friend Maria (who had attended the show the night before, but in the chaos I didn’t get to see her). We were heavy in conversation, when I realized I needed to get to the airport. Rushing our good-byes, I flew out the door, returned the car, and got to my gate. I arrived back in Albuquerque after 12:30am.
“No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”
— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
It was another incredible adventure! There are SO many people that made this journey possible. From Brad, Krissy and the Society Fashion Week team, the incredible models, the beauty team, photographers, other collaborative designers, Laura and Ed, Maria, Emet, TSA agents, flight attendants, pilots, janitors, wait staff, Lyft drivers, the team with Tory Burch Foundation, to all of you who follow along, send me prayers and good juju, and support this journey–thank YOU!!
“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel afraid that they don’t deserve them, or they’ll be unable to achieve them…You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say”
Oh, when my heart go b-boom b-boom B-b-boom, b-b-boom boom My heart go b-boom b-boom But I like, my eyes already like you Baby, you
Sade, Love is Found
For the past seven years, I have visited NYC in February during New York Fashion Week. I have spent more time in this city, during this month, than any other time of the year. My friend, Amanda, who lives in New Jersey always teases me that I visit during the coldest time of year and typically around the Valentine’s Day (which I always forget, and makes for difficulties in meeting up for dinner without making reservations). I was there for the “Blizzard of 2013” and the “lowest temperatures on record” in 2016. Yet, when it calls, I’m there. As I told a friend, “like a junkie and I need a NYC fix.”
“So I went to New York City to be born again.” Kurt Vonnegut
Because it’s the heart of my work, sourcing and inspiration, I planned a quick weekend trip for the start of Autumn/Winter 2019 Fashion Week. I had been approached by Vancouver Fashion Week to show with them so I wanted to see how their production played out for the Global Fashion Collaborative (it’s an opportunity to show in Tokyo…read my lips “Toe-KEY-oh”). I also received a press pass for Art Hearts Fashion and an invite to ACS Productions industry party. I also wanted to see friends. It had been 3 years, since I last saw Amanda and had overcome my repulsion of GINORMOUS subway rats in order to travel to NJ. I also was excited to catch up with a childhood friend, Lucas, who was now living in the city. As someone who plans to live in NYC, I so wanted to hear about his journey. I also needed to shop for fabric and embellishments for a Bat Mitzvah dress, a gala dress, a wedding dress, and a rock star worthy jacket. I also wanted to use this time to source materials for the inspired drawings I had received Through Your Eyes and if I had time to fit in some people watching, saying a prayer, museum cruising and sketching (oh and maybe a blog or two).
So with all this crammed into my wintry weekend, it looked like this (Before you read, you may want to get a cup of coffee, set your phone to the side with DND in effect. I hope you find moments of laughter, thought, and at least a smile.):
Thursday – the Ms. Adventure begins
I was packed and ready to go for my 11:57pm Jet Blue flight at 8:23pm (okay so I packed and unpacked–I was taking a small carry-on bag for 4 days, but packed like I was staying for a week and a half, with all the winter accessories). And yes, I did have to sit on my suitcase to zip it up.
I’ve spent 3 February Fashion Weeks with Jamie (from L-R Clockwise – 2017 freezing our tushies on top of the the Empire State Bldg (we always have fabulous stories); 2015: Introducing Jamie to Fashion Week…fashionably from the Empire Hotel (XOXO. Gossip Girl); 2018: NYFW AW18 — can you tell I’ve only had 5 hours sleep in 48 hours (a smile and baseball cap hide it all).
I was mentally ready to go about three weeks before, but the excitement really set in on Wednesday night when I was catching up with one of my BFFs, Jamie, at her home. I hadn’t seen her for months, so we played catch up on each others lives, and she asked about my plans for NYC. As I was about to head out, she and her husband gifted me with much love (I bawled like a baby of course). It was an incredible blessing for NYC.
I completely understand the inspiration travel brings… Through Your Eyes courtesy of Sofia Jaureguiberry
Isaiah dropped me off at the airport about 10:45pm. I went through security quickly and took a seat at the gate. I love the Jet Blue flight this time of year, I can typically get a round trip ticket for less than $200. It’s non-stop and the red-eye flight out doesn’t really bother me (especially, if I’m lucky enough to check into my room early). This time, I opted for a seat in the very back. I didn’t have anyone sitting in the middle seat, which would provide the extra room for me to catch a couple of hours of sleep. I took my seat and set up my coat as a pillow; the flight attendant passed out sleeping masks and ear plugs, but I tucked them away thinking I didn’t need them. I easily drifted off to sleep until the baby sitting in front of me couldn’t get comfortable, so in and out of consciousness I went, finally putting in the ear plugs.
The man that was sitting in the aisle seat moved into the middle seat to make room for his friend sitting next to the couple with the baby…there went the extra room, but I made the best of it in my contorted Innovasana pose for sleeping (not really it just felt like it). When all of a sudden, a hand landed on my knee. I jolted ready to punch someone in the neck, when I realized the guy next to me was asleep and I believe his arm just accidentally fell on me. I lifted and put the dead weight back on his torso. I tried to go back to sleep, putting my tray down to use as a resting space and providing an additional barrier in case the hand slipped again.
PSA time here for you….don’t get the back row seats for a red-eye flight. This is where the flight attendants sit and where the snacks are kept. The team is bright-eyed and chatty in the wee hours of the night and doesn’t care about the noise they make. So when I finally fell asleep, I was catapulted awake by the captain announcing we were on the descent into JFK a half an hour early. Like a zombie, I attempted to rub the non-sleep out of my eyes, and popped Altoids into my mouth. I gathered my items and headed out to grab a shuttle. Typically my commute into NYC, with the shuttle stops along the way, is about 1 and a half hours, so I thought I could grab another nap. This time I was the first stop. Still dark, I said a little prayer that the hotel would have a room for me to check into. I walked up to the front desk, with my sad, tired puppy dog eyes and kindly pleaded (okay, begged) for a room…the representative took pity on me, and HALLELUJAH was granted one. I gratefully entered my room, I threw off my clothes, and climbed under the sheets.
Friday – notice the beauty in everything
Noise is always loud There are sirens all around And the streets are mean If I could make it here I could make it anywhere That’s what they say Seeing my face in lights Or my name in marquees Found down on Broadway Even if it ain’t all it seems I got a pocketful of dreams Baby, I’m from New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of There’s nothing you can’t do Now you’re in New York These streets will make you feel brand new The big lights will inspire you
Alicia Keys, Empire State of Mind
I woke about 11:00am, checked email, did yoga, set my IG posts, journaled and read (Daring Greatly, Brene Brown…more to come soon). I looked at my calendar and the first round of shows with Art Hearts Fashion Show weren’t to begin until 6:00pm. Knowing they might start later and I had made a commitment to meet Amanda in Hoboken, NJ at 7:10pm, I opted to stay nearby instead of heading to the East Village. I had wanted to see the latest exhibits at the Museum at FIT, which was a block away, so after I showered and dressed, I decided to walk on over. Walking over to 7th, a.k.a. Fashion Avenue, you can’t help to notice the landmarks at every turn.
I had Alicia Keys playing in my ears, my head held high and my stride fierce…because baby, I’m in New York. I quickly arrived at FIT and was happy to see it was open (wasn’t sure if they’d have “Fashion Week” hours). Stepping in and taking of my layers I opted to walk through the Fabrics in Fashion exhibit first.
The immense collection included a bold history of fabrics from silks, to cottons, to wool, to denim, to baroque and damask fabrics, to furs and plastics.
I went on to peruse the Exhibitionism: 50 Years of The Museum at FIT exhibit. So many pieces in this collection were garments I was already familiar with. Incredible looks from Alexander McQueen to Versace’s playful ode to Marilyn Monroe. I loved how my camera pulled the metallic gowns…which created radiated prismatic light.
Fashion capitals captured above, old and new…a goal of mine is to hit them all.
I spent about an hour absorbing every minute in the exhibits, so it was fun to step outside to see the street fashion in full force. Because it’s difficult to not be invasive when photographing on the street, I opted for mental images as I walked along Fashion Avenue. I think a big reason I love NYC so much is because I perfectly fit in as an introvert. I can blend in and play the role as the observer in an energy intensive environment. As I walked along the garment and whole seller shops, I went into a few thrift shops and looked for a sweater or two. As much as I packed, I packed for fashion week, carefully crafted Hopeless + Cause Atelier with boots and accessories, but not for the cold weather moments outside of the shows.
After an afternoon of exploring, I got back to the hotel about 5pm and decided I’d take my time getting ready for my excursion to New Jersey. I had planned to meet my friend, Amanda, and her husband, Andy, at the Hoboken train station at 7:10pm so we had plenty of time to get to our 7:30pm reservation (I think Amanda did this to accommodate me). Last time we met, I had issues: the first being the mutant rat, then going to a pay station that only took cash (and not having cash), which lead to trying to find an ATM for said cash (and having issues opening the vestibule)…finally, getting on the train and arriving 20 minutes late (reservations during V-D weekends are the worst). I’m a mess, but a fun mess (and I just gave you something to make you shake your head or laugh, so you’re welcome).
To avoid a repeat, I decided to head out a little early. However, the train station was only two blocks from my hotel and my train arrived right as I walked up to the platform. I jumped on and took my seat. I was 20 minutes early this time. I texted Amanda and told her due to the cold, I’d wait for her in the train station waiting area.
Let me tell you, there are some INTERESTING humans that hang out in the waiting area. As soon as I got her text she was there, I jumped up and embraced her with a hug (because I was happy to see her and because I was happy to escape the crazy sitting next to me). Amanda, Andy and I decided to walk to dinner. It was cold but it was great to walk through the town. All along the way she and Andy, provided commentary and history of Hoboken. Even though I was frozen like a Popsicle, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I just meant more wine to warm me up, right?!?
courtesy Elysian Cafe
When we arrived Elysian Cafe, I was immediately attracted to the historic building, etched glass windows and an oversized double-door that welcomed you in. As you pulled away the velvet curtains, the bar area was revealed. It was filled to capacity with after-work patrons crowded around the bar and a few televisions on the wall reminding you it was the 21st century and not the turn of the 20th as the decor indicated. We were seated immediately and I continued to look all around. The ceiling particularly caught my eye with the ornate detail and painted angels (of course after leaving that evening I had to find out the history: opened originally as Dillenger & Jeffson’s in 1895, it continued through prohibition as an ice cream parlor and as a hair salon–link above provided so you can do your own exploring, SO COOL).
After receiving our drinks we spent the next few hours catching up from 2016….and boy, so many changes! I talked about my life and fashion and this passion project called, Hopeless + Cause Atelier. She gave me an update on her kids and informed me that her daughter was getting married in December. She began to ask more in depth questions about the process of my bespoke work and the costs. She started to softly say she thought she needed a custom outfit for the wedding. It kept getting more and more confirming until at the end of the night, she commissioned me. Oh shoot dang–another reason to come back to NYC/NJ soon…the life of a designer is rough.
We met over 10 years ago, she was in non-profit work–I was in corporate. She went to UNM for a bit before moving on to NMSU (I try not to hold it against her). We’ve since flipped professional roles and I keep trying to convince her to come back for a rendezvous at the Frontier.
We walked back to the train station and said our good-byes. I was happy that my work was going to give me the opportunity to see her sooner than three years (like the spread in our last dinner date). As I sat on the train, replaying the evening in my mind it made me think about the subway photo I had been inspired by a few weeks before.
courtesy of Lucas Swallows
I thought about the people on the train and what they had just experienced: where they were coming from, where they were going to, what was on their minds. I arrived at my destination, 33rd street station, within 15 minutes. As I exited the train, I followed the crowd to try to reach the upper level. We were under the Manhattan Mall and they were locking up all the exits. I thought to myself, “of course, they are!” There was no way in Hades that I’m getting stuck down here. Yet, every corner I turned the gates were locked. I kept my outwardly composure while having a tiny internal panic attack. Fortunately, a security guard walked up and I asked about exiting, he provided directions, and I made it to the surface. I laughed all the way back to my hotel…it would not be a Ms. Adventure if I didn’t have some sort of train story (#361 why I prefer walking than mass transit, but since I can’t walk on water yet…). I stopped by the hotel bar and ordered a glass of wine and went up stairs, watched Friends and worked on the Through Your Eyes blog until I fell asleep.
Saturday – love and power
Love to see you shine in the night like the diamond you are I’m on the other side, it’s alright, just hold me in the dark
Khalid, Better
I woke from a good night of sleep (oh my GOD, it was absolutely delicious). I must of slept so hard because I didn’t hear the sounds of the city below as I normally do. Once again, I followed through with my routine: yoga, reading, journaling and setting up the IG posts. However, there was something I WANTED to do before heading out. It was the birthday of someone who has been very important to me throughout my life. Yet, a little over a year ago, I sent him a message of warning about someone. However, it wasn’t received as I had intended it to and I hadn’t talked to this person about it for over a year…which bothered me quite a bit, but as a pride-filled woman it took me a while to address the void. Until, I thought maybe if I sent birthday greetings and an apology, it would be the best birthday present…for me, that is.
I probably should have taken the time, sooner, to provide clarification, but I didn’t. I went on with life, but felt the void throughout. I was no longer willing to have that absence, so I wrote out the email. Read it. Re-read it. Read it once more. I asked for forgiveness, that it wasn’t my intention to do anything more than to provide a warning. I added a heartfelt happy birthday with a hope for a reconciliation and hit send. Whether or not it was accepted wasn’t the point (well, except in my heart of hearts I hope it was); I wanted make sure this person knew I had no ill will, only love. However, thank the Lord I received a return response…and it was a good one.
seriously!
Two thousand miles to the Southwest, back in Albuquerque, another kind of power was taking place. For a few weeks, I had been conspiring with Sofi to do a photo shoot around the Friends and Lovers Balloon Rally. Sadly, the weather wasn’t playing nice, so the team opted to go downtown. While the fun, light, flowy, colorful shoot didn’t happen this time around, I LOVED seeing the images of power and self-love of strong and confident women come through. I can’t wait to see the images beyond the behind the scenes.
Center photo courtesy of Terrance Clifford
As I was texting my ideas from afar and sharing instastories of the FAB behind the scenes shots, I was getting ready to head to the East Village for a few Art Hearts Fashion Show. NYFW, here I come, baby!
I arrived and they were just wrapping up the children’s shows. This was the first time I had been to this production company’s show. I was in awe of the venue, Angel Orensanz Center. I had all the feels. I’ve talked about my venue “wish list” and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO want to show in a church (back in NM wouldn’t it be cool to see Hopeless + Cause Atelier in the Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe or St. Francis de Neri in Old Town–ok squirrel moment, perdon).
Angel Orensanz Center served as the venue for Art Hearts Fashion runway show, formerly the Anshe Chesed Synagogue in the East Village.
It’s funny, patrons at fashion shows don’t realize the flurry happening backstage. I’m going to be honest here, from personal experience, it’s a shit show. Many times I’m sewing models into their outfits last minute…some shows I’m finding out who my models are, minutes before they hit the runway. You can’t be shy or reserved backstage. You just go with the flow. I wasn’t surprised when the 5pm scheduled show didn’t start until 6:15pm. And, I didn’t mind except I was standing in 4 inch heels on concrete. I tried to take my mind off of the pain by standing back watching “influncers” take selfies or pose for the photographers. It’s fun to see people really get into it. The show I attended was all about emerging designers: students. INIFD & London School of Trends presented a collection from students in India. From the press release:
The India based Inter-National Institute of Fashion Design (INIFD) in association with The London School of Trends (LST) will return for a 3 rd season to New York Fashion Week powered by the Art Heart’s Fashion platform with their show A Portrait of India (Vibrant India) This seasons runway to retail collection will consist of specially curated garments designed by the leading talented students across INIFD’s vast network of centres across India.
I love watching emerging designers because they are so willing to color and create outside the lines and they get a pass because they’re students!
There were 3-4 students that participated in this collection
The collection was more representative of a Spring/Summer collection than an Autumn/Winter one because of the bright colors, light flowy materials and whimsical designs. It was fun to see. And I absolutely loved this dress, but opted to pull the photo from Getty Images because I couldn’t get all the detail. It was vibrant and dainty…I wanted spring!
NEW YORK, NY – FEBRUARY 09: A model walks the runway at INIFD & LONDON SCHOOL OF TRENDS At New York Fashion Week Powered By Art Hearts Fashion NYFW at The Angel Orensanz Foundation on February 9, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Arun Nevader/Getty Images)
I debated about staying for a second show, but then I didn’t want to wait around for another hour and a half until it started so I called a Lyft and made my way back into lower midtown. I chatted with a friendly and talkative driver. At one point, he offered to let me drive in which I kindly declined, knowing I’d either have a heart attack with the craziness of NYC drivers or kill us.
Earlier in the day, the “all telling Instagram” informed me that my friend and model, Noelle, was walking again for The Society Fashion Week show and encouraged me to pop by and say, “Hello” and get a hug. I had planned to but this show ended up being a longer than expected. I also tried to work the team to get a press pass, but no such luck, so I told her if she didn’t have set plans maybe we could grab a drink or go to the industry party that I was secretly dreading. Remember, this designer is an introvert. I like designing, I put my work on the stage. I like writing, I put my efforts out there for you to read. I like small intimate conversations vs. “Hi my name is such and such and I do such and such and we should do such and such” to person after person….THIS shortens my breath and makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.
Bad ass (that’s all)
However, going with someone to these types of events makes me a little less anxious. We decided to play it by ear, but by the time I got back to my hotel I decided to stay in (a shared Lyft ride means tour of the city, thus 10 min drive = 30 min adventure and it’s cool when you’ve got time to kill) . The only thing I was considering was walking to Shake Shack for a double cheeseburger with a lettuce bun, or walking across the intersection to a little market and get snack-y foods. I opted for the later because it was cold, getting windy and my dogs were barking. So I grabbed a Greek salad, an avocado and a bottle of wine (decided to get an $8 bottle in lieu of the $8 glass back at the hotel–not a smart investment after all, threw out $8 bottle of wine instead of drinking $8 glass of wine). I sketched, wrote and crashed.
“Kiki, do you love me?” Thought you could use a quick intermission…back to reading
Sunday – fun, flow and a reminder of worthiness
Nothin’ feels better than this Nothin’ feels better Nothin’ feels better than this Nothin’ feels better, no, no
Khalid, Better
I once again slept SO WELL it was unbelievable, but it’s my story, so believe it! I woke and did yoga (I’m on this 30 day journey with Adrienne, can’t let her down), read, journaled, and figured out how many blocks I’d be walking in the cold to get to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. I bribed myself saying if I braved the cold and walked, then I’d burn enough calories to justify Shake Shack before NYFW (3 mi walk for an approx 900 cal burger?!?). Easy, deal!
Trio Los Amigos performing a Catholic Hymn “Pescador de Hombres”. Location: San Jose Parish in Albuquerque NM. The version at St. Patrick’s was organ based in lieu of strings.
I decided to attend the noon Mass, well because I didn’t drag my butt out of bed earlier and because there was a choir for this Mass. It was February 10th and another very special birthday (there was a LOT of summer love in my family). After I sent my birthday greetings, I headed north to one of my absolute favorite architectural and spiritual creations. I arrived just as Mass started and took my seat. The readings, gospel had me Godsmacked. I try not to be overly religious in my writing, but when something speaks to me, I feel the need to share it.
Through Your Eyes courtesy of Sal Christ – Quote by Dr Seuss
The first reading was from the Prophet Isaiah and spoke to the fact that while we might not be in the “right” place, it might be the right place for us to do what we were meant to, and that little nudge pushes us to do what we are destined to. The next reading was from St. Paul to the Corinthians. Paul was a prosecutor of the Christians and church. So many times when we make mistakes or really just fuck up, we question how can we be representative of what is good or needed, yet in that is exactly what is needed…not perfection but imperfection. Finally, the gospel was from Luke and it was about Peter and his doubt. Yet, still through that doubt he was shown he was worthy to serve. Today was about worthiness. While we may not feel that we are worthy of the life we are meant to lead, it’s God’s check to say, “Ummm…no excuses, you are!” This was the first powerful message and it reminded me of one of the inspirational quotes (featured above) from the Through Your Eyes project.
The second was within this Irish-based Manhattan church, the Spanish song, “Pescador de Hombres” was sung accompanied by the haunting sound of the choir loft organ. In that moment, I knew my great grandmother, Ermelina, was wishing Lisa a Happy Birthday and my heart was full.
I left church praying to St. Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes and feeling spiritually fed and ready to enjoy the day ahead of me. I walked through Rockefeller Center, to Avenue of the Americas, over to Broadway and down to 36th. It was cold. It was windy. I was fine. I entered Shake Shack, ordered and waited somewhat patiently, but totally willing to bite off the arm of anyone that tried to grab my bag. After exchanging my vibrating buzzer for my burger, I headed south 7 blocks to the comfort of my hotel room before the flurry of the afternoon.
As soon as I finished licking my fingers, I jumped into the shower and started getting ready for the Vancouver Fashion Week show. This time the look was a bodycon, high turtle neck, charcoal gray dress with my gram’s squash blossom necklace in turquoise and silver. I added chunky stacked suede gray boots and navy tights and an empire waist charcoal gray peacoat to finish the look. I grabbed another Lyft and headed west toward the High Line and Chelsea Pier. Pier 59 was the location for this show…Vancouver Fashion Week was courting me to show with them so I was excited to see the production. We stopped and picked up another two riders at the FIT and made our trek westward. Upon arrival, we knew we were in the right place because the crowds emerged.
The first line was to check in. Then, I headed up a flight of stairs for the waiting area…let me restate, then I SLOWLY ascended up the flight of stairs in my 4 in boots praying that my generally uncoordinated self wouldn’t trip and fall (bonus: I didn’t). The venue was great. You could wait in line until the seating opened or grab wine from the hosted bar and go outside to see the Hudson River view. Again, I stood back and observed all that I could take in (starting to feel a little like a National Geographic photographer, blending into the landscape and not interacting with the natives, lol). I did, actually, strike up a few conversations along the way. The wait time was less than 5 minutes and we took our seats.
The shows were incredible. The venue was triple star and as I scrolled through Instagram afterwards…I saw the below post and it sealed the deal. Not only were the shows incredible, but the legit press hand me asking, “where do I sign?”
After the show, I grabbed a glass of wine and took a seat outside to sketch, solidify the evening’s plans, and people watch. As much as I wanted to stay for the second show, it was getting too crowded so I flagged down a cab to head back to get ready for the evening. On the drive back, I came across Eduardo Kobra’s tribute to Mother Teresa and Gandhi. We drove by it so fast I only got a blurred photo that didn’t do it justice, so I reverted to my Through Your Eyes photo.
courtesy of Maria Zamora
I returned to the hotel, changed and ran down to the gym. I was meeting Lucas at 8pm at one of the restaurants in his portfolio, Momofuku Nishi, and I was told to come hungry so I figured, I probably should give my metabolism a little help.
I started on my way and because I dress like Johnny Cash, I opted for black jeggings, a black sweater and black booties and you guessed it…a black faux fur jacket. I did however wear my Louis Vuitton Denim Pleaty on a cross body chain as a statement piece. I only tell you this because after I started my trek to the restaurant, it peeped out of my jacket, and I wasn’t sure if that was the attention I wanted. For this trip I stayed in Chelsea, because it was close to the shows I was attending. Even though the hotel I stay at is great, the area surrounding is probably a little grittier or dodgier especially based on what corner you turn, so immediately after my first turn, I experienced some uncomfortable comments made my way, but I picked up my pace and walked like I owned the place. I had Google maps in my ears directing my route and it was really a hop, skip and a jump to the restaurant. However, at one point I heard incorrectly and I turned down 22nd instead of heading south on 8th. I was in a residential neighborhood, paused to find my way, and shot Lucas a text asking if there was a secret entrance. I figured out what I did wrong and reached the restaurant seeing a familiar face in the window which made me smile.
We took our seats at the table. Lucas introduced me to the team. We were given menus and I was asked if I wanted a drink. I pushed my menu forward and said, “this is your area of expertise, I’m leaving all the ordering up to you tonight.” So he ordered me a Negroni and the first appetizer came out. I swear I had died and went to foodie heaven.
After two rounds of appetizers, Lucas suggested the pasta tasting and wine pairing. Italian is my absolute favorite and to play with fusion in the dishes, perfection. In that moment, I was grateful for exercise and jeggings.
The first round made its way in front of us as the meal and wine was explained. Before we started, we talked about his cousin and one of my childhood friends. I mentioned that she wanted us to Facetime her at dinner. He jumped on it and I made a face. I am not a fan of talking on the phone and even more so, video chatting (I know I make faces when I talk. I just don’t like be conscious of them, and I am when I can see them on the screen), but we did and I survived (barely, but I did).
As we were indulging, I asked what I had been asking him for almost a year about his nomad lifestyle (I was ghosted the first time…in which he apologized). I wanted to know his “why” and “how”. We grew up just down the road from each other. I was fascinated by his move from Albuquerque to Las Vegas to Singapore to NYC, and visiting all over the world in between. I sat back and soaked up every word. I am so in awe of and admire people who chase and hustle to achieve their goals. As the next round came, we talked about future plans and what we are currently working on.
The third round stopped me in my tracks. The risotto melted on my tongue with its richness, but even more so I fell in lust with the wine (if you can lust an inanimate object). The aroma was so delicate, floral and honestly, seductive. I kind of wanted to dip my finger in it and rub it behind my ear, but I refrained. As I sipped the wine, it was buttery, crisp and delicious. The vine came from Sonoma, but had roots in Italy. I constantly brought the wine glass up to my nose just to inhale its aroma. We continued the evening talking, laughing and learning about the food and wine presented to us. I told him I needed to walk after and asked if he had time to go get a drink. Before we left, he gifted a bottle of the Arbe Garbe.
As we stepped out, we walked past a Dallas BBQ. Every time I see that neon sign in NYC, I am reminded of the woman with the same name who stopped me in my tracks in 2013 to tell me what she saw about my life; the changes that were going to occur and again when I called her 2015, she shared more of my life’s journey. Have I told you about her? When I see these omens or signs, I wonder if I should reach out to her again, but then I wonder, what else can she tell me and this time, do I want to know? I shared the story with him. We continued talking and walking. Getting lost in the conversation, we ended up off course near Penn Station, so we made a turn and started heading east. I had a perfect view of the Empire State Building, so I started taking photos.
We were planning to check out the igloos at 230 5th, but as we walked by the Nomad Hotel, and the fact that he was sick for the past two weeks, we decided it might be better to go into the hotel bar. We continued to talk about family and life and lipstick. Lipstick led to conversations of Marilyn Monroe and a signature Manhattan drink with a cherry lip mark on it (that should be credited to a certain designer, named Dara Sophia…I’m just saying). The conversation led talking about Jennifer and how I used the kiss mark to honor her in a British Vogue and in my last Albuquerque show.
Photograph by Malik Daniels | Model: Kristen Olguin | Beauty Team: Aveda Institute of NM
If I was smooth and quick to think of things, I would have offered to leave a blue print for him to work off of on his cheek, but as friends, I didn’t want it to get awkward. We continued the conversation around what to do in NYC and some activities, like riding bicycles in Central Park, I still want to do when the weather gets warmer. The bar was closing so we gathered our things and started heading out. My hotel was a only a few blocks away, but he offered to walk me back. As we arrived, a cab drove up and we said our good-byes. I love evenings when you feel completely yourself, smiling, laughing, no awkward pauses and time is a blur. I was blessed to have two within the weekend with dear friends.
Monday – pull it together, work it
I woke knowing it was my last day. It was getting colder and windier. A storm was making it’s way to NYC, but today was my work day. I had mapped out all the textiles and accessory shops I wanted to hit before catching a ride back to the airport. Luckily, they were all within 6-8 block radius. I purchased embellishments and fabric. I took pics of fabric for customers and gathered business cards, so I could order if and when the design was approved.
I asked and received a late check out. I got back to the hotel and stuffed everything I could in my suitcase and luckily had purchased another carry-on for my overfill. I headed downstairs and called a ride to the airport. I went through security and found a spot. I finished the Through Your Eyes blog. I then when back through my photos from the trip and found a blurred version of the Empire State Building. Instantly, I new what I would create. My own printed fabric, paired with sequins and a sunny yellow flowy halter.
“I came across this photo from last night’s adventures. It speaks to me of the magic of the city and when you are enjoying the right company, time’s a blur.” IG: hautenmgirl
I pulled out my sketch book and started reviewing the photos I had been receiving over the past month. Here is a hint of my inspiration:
Sunsets and nighttime skies turned into evening wear with the flow of the oceanscapes.Power found in bright reds full of heart and playful fun found in embellishments.
I don’t want to give it all away…so stay tuned…Hopeless + Cause Atelier is going back to Cali for Los Angeles Fashion Week on March 9th. The designs will be hitting that runway.
On January 1, 2019, I contemplated the new year as most do: what did I want to accomplish? What did I want to see? What will inspire me?
Then, inspiration struck. I decided I would send a message out to loved ones to see if they’d help. My request was this:
I have a special request if you choose to except it and only for a limited time…for the month of January, and only once a week, if you see something that stops you in your tracks or takes your breath away, will you stop and take a photo of it for me (and as long as it’s not being invasive)? I don’t want this to be added stress in your life, but if you took the moment to pay attention to the world around you, I would love to see what you find eye catching and/or breath taking and why. Hope you are up for it and again, just once a week for the month of January is all I’m asking for. I am pushing my creative limits for 2019 and I want to see inspiration through your eyes to help drive this creativity. Please and thank you!
I sent this message to 20 people from Seattle to Florida, from New York to California and of course, a few more from NM. I choose people I’ve known most of my life and those I’ve only known a few years. Their ages were across the board. Their professions and lifestyles range from: entrepreneurs, creatives, educators, nomads, world travelers, non-profit leaders, CEOs of corporations and of households, and health professionals…lives and likes and loves, all unique. I purposely chose those I did because I wanted to see life through their eyes. I thought, of the 20, maybe I’d receive a quarter of the responses back. I was surprised when the responses started coming in.
I received a total of 13 responses initially and 1 “loved your text”, however this one stood out:
I LOVED it so!!! The fact that my 2019 request would help a friend with her 2019 intention made me smile. I purposefully didn’t describe what kind of pictures would work, where they had to be taken from, or if they had to be landscape, inanimate objects, inspirational phrases, or people. I didn’t specifically say they had to beautiful or happy. I wanted breath taking, inspiring, creative images that caught their eyes.
I responded to each with excitement and gratitude, the only time I offered a little more insight was to my friend that said he was down except that he’d “skip next week because he’d be in ABQ”. I responded, jokingly, “I don’t know if I should laugh or cry that your hometown doesn’t inspire you!?!” The next test was this: of the 13, how many would follow through?
I broke down the weeks this way: Week 1: January 1 – January 7; Week 2: January 8 – January 14; Week 3: January 15 – January 21; Week 4: January 22 – January 28; and Week 5: January 29 – January 31, 2019. I would categorize the photos based on the date received but would provide no direction…I wanted to see the flow in how they came in.
Week one came in almost immediately. It was filled with a Floridian sunrise, the haunting beauty of the holocaust museum. The simplicity of a heart in the sand, the purity of white tulips, the new white snow covering the red leaves, and the inspirational trip in living a dream. Because inspiration comes to us in many ways I was grateful for some inspiring words, “Start something new.” It was the beginning of a new year and for this friend a new adventure. I loved how the golden polka dots played against the straight lines and the prickly shell of flora. This week spoke to me in seeing the beauty in everything.
Week 2 started and I wondered how many would continue to share their inspiration or what stopped them in their tracks.
The next week was filled with ocean-scapes, one at sunset and one mid day. Sunsets continued through from California and one from the enchanting skies of NM. There was a power pose and a powerful little lady in the form of an ornament (boop-oop-a-doop). I received power of peace through street art. I pulled one that inspired me: the power of light to fill the darkness. As you can guess I found “power” as the common thread in this week’s photos.
Week 3 continued to be strong with a few more friends jumping on board. There was a sense of wonder found throughout. As I looked at the photo from the NYC subway, I wondered where these people were coming from or going. There were images of open paths and chasing the sun, one moon-gazing, children playing, safe spaces in difficult times, and even the quote came from the philosophical doctor filled with wonder, Dr. Seuss.
I started opening my eyes. As the inspirational photos wined down, my inspiration started to gleam. So I wasn’t surprise when there wasn’t much that came in during week 4.
Yet, I was happy to see there was humor and fun. The aloft fashion catapulted my friend, Sofi and me to conspire to do our own version here in Albuquerque. And with the difficult time happening in the federal government, filled with finger pointing, it was great some humor.
Week 5 concluded with single story images. I found beauty in the detail of each of these images. The water drops like diamonds on a branch, the incredible imagery of water freezing on contact. And the story you make up in your mind about the woman standing on the street corner.
Since I started this project, I’ve had many conversations with the friends I choose to take part in this project, many were dealing with there own bumps in the road and this gave them a sense of release. This project gave me new eyes into seeing what is all around me and what I can do to create the world I want to see.
This was inspiration I found walking on Fashion Avenue, NYC.
As I sit here, waiting to depart NYC (and of course a little broken hearted), I have so many things coming in the few months that I can’t wait to share with you…but that will be another blog. :)…so please keep reading. And in the meantime, please feel free to comment below on what inspires you.
“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last.”
Seneca On the Shortness of Life
Have you missed me? I have missed writing to you, but honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say that was worth reading. The holidays came and went. I spent generous amounts of time with loved ones and really tried to be present. However on Christmas night, I had a full-blown breakdown. My daughter was able to walk me back from the edge and I realized I needed to be vulnerable. I pride myself on being strong, but because I’m human I had got to a breaking point and just needed to get it out.
there was snow, snow and more snow (oh and snow angels)
I spent the next couple of days, feeling a little SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder…not sad, all my verbal diarrhea of raw emotion was expelled Christmas night). While I was enjoying the snow that hit New Mexico (and loving it because the only time I want the snow in the city is Christmas through the New Year holidays—and it was the perfect gift), I did have a stint of cabin fever, so I lived vicariously through one of my BFF’s and her adventures in NYC. My smile was from ear-to-ear and I felt like I was part of it, especially when dinner one night was at the Mermaid Inn. That conversation led to discovering Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, which is now on my calendar (I will save the story of the mermaid and her importance to me for another day).
I was (and am) excited by the new year, yet once again my creative juices were lacking. I was blessed with a few custom orders and created more items for the branded store, but I wasn’t feeling it. So, on New Year’s Day with the traditional greeting, I reached out to friends and asked them for help (it’s an ongoing project so more to come). I started writing a couple of blogs, but I couldn’t complete them, either I felt like my heart wasn’t in them or I couldn’t convey my point. Returning to work after the holidays, I was able to build on the momentum that I had slowly started before the holidays. I followed up on meeting and pushed, politely, to advance my agenda, but still creatively–nada, zilch, zero, nothing!
Then, at recommendation of a friend, I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (yes, I was two seasons behind). Mid-century New York City, Greek tragedy, the lead character seizing her life by the balls, incredible fashion, and the BOWS. It reminded me that today is the day. Seize the opportunity. Carpe … Diem. I started to move and relish in snatching opportunities.
just pondering the opportunities
I uncovered an email from Hearst Publishing for the opportunity to be published in Elle (yes, the same publisher of Bazaar).
I was invited, and applied to an exclusive behind the scenes New York Fashion Week accelerator at Parsons and a conference hosted by the Tory Burch Foundation (acceptance and cost of attendance would be the barriers).
I surprised the kids with a quick road trip—because I selfishly wanted them to myself.
We traveled to Egypt, New York and Rome (all down the same street) and I got to see my boy smile in the professional home of his idol.
what I’m reading – a little philosophy, a little accountability & a little vulnerability
I used a gift and I read about living in the moment (thank you, Lori).
I used a gift and found my next show location (thank you, Cathy).
I made a date for NYFW.
I became 917.
I made a commitment to write.
I inquired about financial coaching training.
I made my way back to yoga.
As I read, Seneca, I was reminded that “putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. Meanwhile, death will arrive, and you have no choice in making yourself available for that.” I learned just how precious today is as I talked with loved ones and saw the fragility in life around me. And then I came across this:
if you have 16 minutes, and I know you do, watch this. you will be better for it.
It is a worthy watch about A mother and son’s photographic journey through dementia and again I was reminded about what Seneca wrote, “so you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles: he has not lived long, just existed long.” As a result of these reminders, I incorporated into my daily journaling and gratitudes, an addition of things I am doing for me. They are simple things like going for a walk, drinking water, writing in my blog, or scheduling time with someone I haven’t seen for a while.
a reminder from 2013 popped up this week and catapulted seizing the day
Live for today, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Un jour est aujour’hui — today is the day.
One of my favorite places to write is the Commons at the Hudson Hotel, NYC (now under the premise of an Unami Burger–I still hide out in the corner so I can people watch). I put in my earbuds and depending upon my mood it may be Frank Sinatra, Pearl Jam, Sia, Gypsy Kings, Zayn or Public Enemy. I am always inspired in this spot…can you see it?
As 2018 comes to an end, I am reminded of the Ariana Grande song with the same title. She sings about love in her version (and a little shade). My version is with an immense amount of gratitude. I write about the last year and how the lessons are leading my aspirations and intentions for the next year.
Thank you silence, you helped me find my voice
Thank you New York, you ALWAYS provide incredible opportunity and opened the path for London 2019
Thank you strangers, who became friends
Thank you Wally World, as much as I loathe your employment practices, you came through
Thank you wanderlust, you push me to travel
Thank you grief and loss, you reminded that it isn’t a feeling that should be avoided because it reminds you to live life daily in joy and to cherish people and experiences, not things
Thank you rejection, I realize now that wasn’t my path and found greater opportunity
Thank you love, it is everywhere, but it starts within
Thank you Denver, getting lost is the best way to find myself
Thank you gut, I will never second guess you
Thank you angels, you always guide me
Thank you uncertainty, I focused on abundance
Thank you moments of sharing a laugh, a smile, a conversation and most definitely a hug, these are the moments life are made up
Thank you birthday confessions, I’m looking forward to what the new year brings
Thank you, YOU, you know who you are, you help me smile brighter, find joy and support my endeavors (psst…if you’ve ever collaborated, patronized H+CA, were a cheerleader or made me smile…then this is for you)
Here’s the slower version so you can see your beautiful faces and smile as I have. Thank you!
I am looking forward to a year of adventure, stretching my creative limits, passport stamps and big L-O-V-E. I hope you will join me. Thank YOU, 2018… Next
Every holiday season, as I think about my own life and reflect upon what my family and what many of the people around me are going through right now, I’m reminded that struggle doesn’t take off for the holidays. As a lover of Christmas time, my mantra has become “the magic is in the mess” and I always like to post a little love note to myself and our communities. We need to be kind with ourselves and remember that the gremlins don’t go on vacation. Checks bounce, chemotherapy appointments are scheduled, interventions are planned, relationships keep unravelling, being alone feels even lonelier, parents negotiate who will have the kids on Christmas morning, and the “never enoughs” are in full swing. As I prepare to spend the next few days with my family and friends, my goal is to practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities and imperfections, but because of them. I’m grateful for our community. For your generosity and the respectful way that we move forward together! Blessings, Brené
I was intimately introduced to Brené Brown years ago by my friend, Erica. I have never met her in person, but her writings and Ted Talks have spoken to me on such a personal level and have had great impact. She was the first person to not only speak openly about shame and vulnerability, but actually did research on it and how it impacts the human psyche. Her writings opened up my world in understanding how I have felt much my life, and how it is okay. I shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened to me because it doesn’t define me. I sent the above note to my minis. I wanted to remind them to take it easy this season and to not get wrapped up in the “season of giving”–not so much the “giving”, but the commercialism of it. I wanted them to remember the important things: enjoying the company of loved ones, and if it gets overwhelming self-care, laughter and joy, and showing kindness to others even in stressful moments.
It’s been a long December, with numerous blessings and a multitude of trails. I have been so completely fortunate that I have had those close to me help me move through it all and this evening, Christmas Eve Eve, I have been able to reflect on it all–from breath-taking, soul-filling, sucker punch trips, to intimate times with loved ones, to creating–and it’s helped me move past the bah humbugs. I also had the opportunity to talk with loved ones who had some serious life changes. Initially they didn’t reach out because they didn’t want to burden me, which really hurt because if I can’t be there for a listening ear, then what good am I? We all need help and support from others at different points in our life or another. Sometimes we just need to let it go, and with the full moon on the December 22nd, someone was reminding me to let it go.
December’s full moon will be in Cancer, in decan one, which is the most Cancer of Cancers. And, as you might know, the sign of Cancer is ruled by the Earth’s moon, which makes this December’s full moon a real crabfest. As if “the holidays” weren’t hard enough, now you’ve got the most sensitive planet dipped in the most empathic sign taking up your whole night sky. Get ready to spread your feelings around like butter on biscuits and salt them with your tears.
The dark nights ahead will call us to sit at a table that we had long ago thought we were done eating from. The winter solstice will ask us what grievance we’re willing to release in exchange for gratitude: that some of us get to sit and break bread with each other, that some us are well enough to take that bread to our lips and call it sustenance. Let the full moon prepare you for that luminous work of accountability, let it remind you of all the people you’ve forgiven without conditions—how, amongst them, no one deserved your forgiveness more than you.
Courtesy of Nylon Magazine
We all have Potter’s and Uncle Billy’s in our lives.
For a month, I had been planning to have friends over to watch one of my absolute favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. Everything I’ve ever read it has indicated it was a box office bomb, but became a holiday classic and has impacted so many other stories over the ages. The movie focuses on George Bailey, played by James Stewart, and foreshadows what would happen to others if he had never been born–highlighting how, whether we believe it or not, we impact others (both positively and negatively). I watch this movie year after year, and sometimes more than once during the holiday season. This time, watching with friends while adding our own commentary, I watched it from perspective of the impact Potter and Uncle Billy.
It’s a Wonderful Life, Directed by Frank Capra, 1946
Potter is the antagonist in the movie. He is a wretched, decrepit, EVIL, and powerful man who owns most of the town, and he does everything possible to try to ruin George Bailey’s life (honestly, I believe it’s because he’s jealous of all George has). I realized Potter is the example of the “shit in your life”. Potter is that car trouble when you’ve spent your last dollar paying your monthly bills and have nothing left to give but need your car to get to work. Potter is that cancer diagnosis. Potter is the cheat robbing you of joy. Potter is the unexpected death of a loved one.
Potter is best depicted in the scene where George, out of desperation, goes to him and asks for help when he has realized his Uncle Billy has misplaced $8,000. Potter represents the things you have no control over except how you let them control you. The image above created the effect of George being brought to his knees asking Potter for leniency. Potter, instead of saying that he was left the money by accident or offering a loan, he offers to turn him over to the police.
Potter plays hand-in-hand with Uncle Billy. Uncle Billy’s character is so absent minded that he has to tie a bow to his fingers to remember things. The way he deals with problems is to drink them away (which we all know just complicates things more). Uncle Billy is self-sabotage. Uncle Billy is what happens when we don’t pay attention to what is happening around us, when we get wrapped up in Potter. Had George Bailey succumbed to Potter and Uncle Billy, he would have drifted down the river. Instead out of despair, he reached out for help. The angel Clarence appears and shows him what would happen to his loved ones if he hadn’t been born. While this helps him “snap out of it”, his family and friends had already heard the call from his wife to come to his aid. The biggest lesson is to not hold it in, reach out for help when you need it.
Life. Itself.
The story of It’s a Wonderful Life, is the story of life itself. An actually, a few days before I stumbled across the movie entitled, Life Itself. I didn’t recall seeing anything about the original box office release even though it was an Amazon Studios production (not that it would be anything less, Netflix and Amazon are fab–I LOVE To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Jack Ryan,respectively). The story is about the intersection of family in the midst of so much tragedy. It was a powerful and shocking movie, but still very beautiful. And of course I cried throughout. The most powerful moment came in Chapter 4 when Isabel was speaking to her son (and I won’t give away more than that). She’s shared some powerful advice:
“Enough. Listen to me. You’ve had many ups and downs in your life, too many, and you will have more. This is life and this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think that you can go, but if you stand back up and move forward. If you go just a little farther, you will always find love.” – Isabel
Life Itself, Directed by Dan Fogelman, 2018
James Stewart, as George Bailey, confronts Potter, played by Lionel Barrymore
What was so powerful to me is the reminder that no matter what life hands you, bad things happen to almost everyone, that doesn’t mean you can’t love or that love won’t live through you. When you aren’t caught up in the shit of life or self-sabotaging yourself, you can get up again, but sometimes you need a reminder.
Bob Dylan, Make You Feel My Love
Saturday, December 22nd was my mom’s birthday. I spent the day with so many loved ones: smiling, laughing, dancing and enjoying each others company. Isaiah and I attended Mass and the homily’s focus was preparing for the Christ. Since the beginning of time, what we’ve learned through history is those who’ve dared most greatly to change the world were not given everything. In fact, they are probably the most opposed. Think about this season. Whether or not you are a follower of Christ or celebrate Christmas, you may have heard about his humblest beginnings. I will share my perspectives as a Catholic and the key points that always remind me of my own humanity. Jesus was born in a lowly stable surrounded not by a doctor or midwife or a hospital team but by the farm animals out in the cold. He was laid in a manger. The same place the animals ate from. As the story is foretold, his mother traveled miles upon miles on foot and on the back of the donkey to get to this place of his birth. His first visitors were not family member, they were the shepherds tending their flocks and strangers from distant lands. And soon after his birth, he had to flee to a foreign country because his parents feared his life. Sometimes when I think I’m having a bad day, I remind myself of this.
Bringing it Home
I think what brought it home for me was a segment I saw on Sunday Morning about secret Santa’s homeless elf. As the segment starts, you see a man in a red sweatshirt with with curly hair, a white mustache and beard. As pedestrians passed the man, Moses, he reaches out to them for conversation. Most ignore him and walk on. A few were pleasantly surprised when they took the time to talk to him. It is another reminder that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (click on the link below to watch the entire segment)…
“Kindness is a bridge between all people. If you are ever down and want to lift yourself up, go do something kind for somebody.” – Secret Santa
CBS Sunday Morning
When I’m feeling sorry for myself or minuscule, or feeling overwhelmed with the “giving” of the season, I think about connection, those who may need a friend, and what I should really be feeling at this time of year. I hope you take the time for self-care and love. I hope you experience joy, not in things but in your life. If you are at a point where life is a little overwhelming, may you reach out to someone. And know, I am always here.
