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Own It

Warning: this blog is about booty, boobs and lady parts….beautiful bodies, a sense of self and humor, and phenomenal women.

July 26, 2018 <entry> – I stopped by the post office on my way home today to check my PO Box to see if the item I had been coveting since I was told it was hitting the newsstand (20 days ago to be specific–I have no patience) had arrived. It did. As I ripped open the plastic shipping cover, I stood over the waste station and slowly opened the August issue of British Vogue, scanning the pages for my small but poignant feature. I stood there screaming on the inside because I knew I’d freak people out if I started screaming like a yahoo in the post office. I shook as I took a video opening the magazine. This was it, fo’shizzle!! I could open the glossy pages of “the fashion Bible” finally right there in front of me. Even though, I had seen the digital photos of the cover and layout, it didn’t hit me until I able to put my hands on it (what a doubting Thomas, right?!?).

I went home and absorbed it page by page. I now know what Carrie Bradshaw meant when she said, “When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead of dinner. I felt it fed me more.” Like a little kid looking at a Christmas catalog, I kept my finger between pages 176 and 177, and would flip back and forth as I scanned through the other pages. I know this is going to sound unbelievable for me, but my eyes filled with tears. Here it was right in front of me! And in that moment, it took me back to a text message I had received the day after the Ethics in Business dinner a few months ago. The text said this: “I have to tell you I really respect Jennifer for sticking by you. You deserve it.” And boy, did she–so this is how I could honor her! Seeing my first creation on my first customer and model reminded me how far I had come. Having the confidence to say, “YES” to British Vogue and to show I’ve worked hard and I deserve this! What made it even sweeter, seeing such a powerful woman on the cover and Oprah Winfrey’s interview. It was even more empowering. Even though, she was abused as a child and a teenage mother, she didn’t grow up thinking, “why me”. She didn’t consider race and being a brown skinned girl as an impairment. She didn’t let sexism or misogyny muddy her thoughts. According to Oprah, she knew that she was a child of God and that her lifelong belief was that success was part of God’s plan. Understanding your power to overcome difficulties and being comfortable in your own skin–there is nothing more beautiful!

…Confidence

A few years ago, I was pursuing the men’s sock collection at Urban Outfitters. Funky and fun socks were all the rage and I was looking for the right pair to wear to a kickball tournament (that year I was on an uber competitive team and should have looked for a pair that had human growth hormone sewn into them), when I stumbled upon a pair of bright pink ones with a design of a woman hanging off a pole. I know there are some of you reading this thinking how disgraceful or how detrimental that is to women. As a woman, I pulled them off the rack and bought them immediately.

“I don’t think you ready for this
‘Cause my body too bootylicious for yo babe” – Destiny’s Child, Bootylicious

Since I was 12 years old and started down the path to the curvaceous goddess that I am today (a year before I had short hair and a family friend asked my brother who his friend was), I’ve dealt with body image issues as many young girls have. I remember returning to school that year and a classmate made a comment about my butt. At the time, I wanted to die and throughout the rest of my school years, even though I loved fashion, I often tried to minimize my “assets”. There were times that I dabbled in bulimia and over exercise to try to get that “perfect” body. Yet, I’d always get unwelcome attention as I walked by. Once walking through the mall, I had a gaggle of boys behind me and the comment of “baby got back” was sung out in my presence. I immediately popped into a store. As an adult woman, I’ve dealt with having to correct men who weren’t looking at me in the eyes as they talked to me or felt that they enjoyed my derriere so much that they had to reach out and touch it. These weren’t the “cat callers” on the streets or strangers in a crowded place. These were men I knew. Was it a sense of entitlement or power? I had the confidence to call them out on it. I also finally realized how I could dress to feel comfortable, confident and beautiful and stop hiding behind my clothing.

So why then did I purchase those socks? They had a more profound meaning to me. Have you ever watched a pole dancer? They own their sh*t. I’ve watched in awe because they are extremely fit, very coordinated (I know being Miss Congeniality myself, I’d land on my head) and they own their body and the room. I wear the socks anytime I have an important event and remind myself of that…speaking to a room of 2,000+ people, stepping out onto the runway or going into an important interview. They are the perfect reminder to go out there and kick some heinie and own who you are.

“I
I feel good
I walk alone
But then I trip over myself and I fall, I
I stand up
And then I’m OK
But then you print some shit that makes me want to scream” – Lady Gaga, Do What U Want

I thought…why as women can’t we own our body and our sexuality? Shouldn’t we embrace our curves or lack of, love our skin, hair and eye color and be happy with who we are?

“Never insecure until I met you
Now I’m bein’ stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you and then I’ll get back to me (hey)” – TLC, Unpretty

<It’s incredible, and sad, how many women sing about body image> I then recalled two recent events that really drove this home. I’ll start with the one that was in the headlines…one that was targeted retaliation for a woman who stood up to the man who tried to silence his infidelity and position of power.

I really try not to watch or listen to the news. However on my way to work last week, the morning radio show talked about the headline related to Stormy Daniels and it caught my attention. For those unfamiliar with Stormy Daniels (legal name Stephanie Clifford), she is the woman that allegedly had an affair with Trump and is currently suing him. She was appearing at an Ohio strip club and was arrested that evening because “Under an Ohio law passed in 2007, an employee who regularly appears nude or seminude at a sexually oriented business is prohibited from touching patrons, except for family members.” This, according to the CNN report. What I found to be interesting is that there just happened to be undercover cops the same evening that she was performing and according to her attorney, it was the same performance she had been doing all over the country. A woman who wouldn’t stand down with trumped up charges, things that make you go hmm…

Photography: Nia Rose Photography; Models: Shelby, Elise, Amber, Bre, Hunter and Noelle; MUAH: Candis Ashley Artistry and Caro Benitez

When I started designing, I wanted to create for women of all sizes and thank God, my customers are. Yet, the first show for FWLA (Fashion Week Los Angeles), I was given the universal measurements of their models to design for: 5’8” and 32” x 25” x 34”. I came back to New Mexico thinking, “I can find those body measurements, but they will be on a 5’2” model. When I went back to LA, a few of the models I had met the day before the show were turned away because they were shorter than 5’8″ even though they were incredibly beautiful and “met” all the other measurements. WTF, right?!?

My shows locally utilized models of different shapes, sizes and ages, but it wasn’t until I showed in the fashion center of the world, NYC during NYFW, that I was able highlight all the beautiful variations of women. Some of them include: Jamie, who has been my fashion week partner-in-fashion since 2014, New Mexico’s go to for lifestyle, fashion and beauty advice, AND is the It Girl, who happens to be in her early fifties (AND by the way, killing it). Jimmie, who has put MS in remission through fitness and is not only an engineer, but also an actor, fitness model, local magazine correspondent and runway model. Shelby, one of my youngest models at 5’6” (not “traditionally” tall enough to walk the runway in NYFW), who is also so incredibly thoughtful and wrote me before each show telling me how grateful she was to be able to walk the runway (PS her cards are on my inspiration wall. I adore her. She is one of the most humble, hardworking and grateful women in the industry that I’ve had the pleasure of working with). Because of the graciousness and professionalism of the KC MOD SQUAD and the fact that they’ve paid for their expenses to walk for me in NYC (sometimes twice), I asked if I could feature them in my British Vogue feature in October. After shoot, I received a DM from Amber, another gorgeous model. She said:

Thank you again for asking us KC girls to be part of your British Vogue publication! It means so much to me that you were willing to trust us with your vision! Also, as a plus model “we”, seem less attractive and less high fashion, rarely get these opportunities it makes it even more sweet. Adore you and everything you stand for. Thank you Dara ❤

She’s got the ferocity and the look that I love. Amber’s got curves, thighs and boobs, so it was fun to create a plunging neck line, a body-hugging fit and a sky-high slit to show off those sky high legs in my AW18 collection. The only noticeable difference to me, than the other models, was that she had to get down to her knees when I helped her put on her dress, because this 5’ nothing designer couldn’t reach over her 6’1” stature.

And these moments of owning who you are brought me back to when I first completely comfortable in my own skin.

I had turned 40. I wasn’t skinny, but I loved the way I looked even with my wobbly bits! My friend Erin, who is a phenomenal photographer, was hosting a boudoir shoot invited me to participate. I’m not going to lie, it was little intimidating at first. However, I was so empowered and felt so beautiful after the shoot (#beautiful). It was something I did for ME and I was proud of the photos.

“This is not about a man’s approval. This <nude> photo is just for me, so when I’m old and my tits are in my shoes I can look at it and say, ‘Damn, I was hot.’” Samantha, Sex and the City

So, when you get up today, look at yourself in the mirror and remember you too are a Phenomenal Woman.

Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

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Post-it Note Break Ups

I don’t know how many of you reading this are fans (or were fans) of the HBO series Sex and the City. However, based on the demographic majority of my online followers—between the ages of 25-44, 75% are female, and into fashion—I’m making the assumption that many of you may recall the episode Post-it Note Always Sticks Twice. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the series, I’ll give you a quick rundown. Carrie Bradshaw, a New York columnist and protagonist in the series, dates another author, Jack Berger. Her boyfriend couldn’t handle her success and broke up with her over a Post-it note. It said, “I’m Sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”

In my early childhood years, I was taught that communication in my household was combative and usually included yelling, cursing and violence. There was an immense amount of shame and we didn’t share our problems with anyone. Because of this, I learned to run from conflict–that it’s better to keep things to myself and handle things on my own than to bring things out into the open or discuss them with loved ones. In an all out attempt to avoid conflict, I also learned to appease others, often setting aside my own feelings or needs. Making the assumption that you’ve flown in an aircraft before, this is best way I can describe it. When you board a flight, just before takeoff, the attendant goes over the safety rules. There was one rule that had always bothered me and even more so when I had my children. The rule is this, “make sure you securely put on your oxygen mask before you help put on the masks of others”. It didn’t compute. I knew in my mind that I would always make sure my kids’ masks were on first before I’d put on mine, and in general, probably everyone else’s if they needed help.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally understood what it meant.

Even though, I often suppressed my open verbalization of feelings, I loved writing. I also appreciated the dynamics of seeing how others communicated with each other. How people interact with each other and understanding how relationships worked always intrigued me, even how people communicated through body language and how they dressed. “Communications” was my minor at UNM. I enjoyed learning about interpersonal and intercultural communications, mediation, mass media and organizational communications. Yet, my absolute favorite way to communicate has been and is through storytelling (if you couldn’t tell reading my blog). I tell people repeatedly, “I’m a novelist at heart” (that’s why you normally don’t get one or two-word text responses). I had the hardest time initially with Twitter because of the text limit. When working on organizational communications with my manager at Cardinal Health, her red pen helped me be more succinct in what I had to say. I appreciated all Jane had to teach me in written communications, but even more so in every day interactions.

So when my role ended at Cardinal Health, and I knew the inevitable was coming, she brought me into her office to let me know. Even though, I knew the uncertainty of what the future would bring, I felt it was my time to move on, confident because of all her years of support and mentoring.

“Innocence, your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?”

The next few years were a blur, trying to understand and grow a small retail business that I wasn’t equipped, nor Albuquerque was ready for. I retreated back to my childhood and what I had been taught, that I couldn’t share the extent of my problems. The first time I went home after a day of negative sales (SIDE NOTE: what does this mean, you may be thinking? This is a day where there are not only no sales, but also someone returned something) and tried to tell my then spouse about my day, his response was, “I’ll get a second job.” I wasn’t looking for him to fix it. I was looking for someone I could talk to while I tried to figure out what to do next. I just needed someone to listen to me. Instead of feeling open to share what worried me, that exchange taught me to internalize the store problems. I had to be the rock for my home, the business and those who relied on me. It wasn’t fair, but it was the hand I dealt myself in not setting boundaries or clear expectations of what I needed. When the store closed, I retreated even further. Previously active on social media, and other media channels for marketing purposes, I stepped away from most outlets, relying mostly on conversations with friends during this time in order to get through. Yet someone’s opinion, and the lack of support from the person I thought should be there for me, held me hostage for years after that closure.

“You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins”

And then I truly understood what it meant to put on my oxygen mask first. I was so concerned with everyone else, their feelings, their needs, that I made myself believe that mine didn’t matter or maybe they weren’t as important than those around me. That was when I learned to not be afraid in speaking about what was important to me.

I was also able to take the knowledge and experience I had gleaned from the retail venture and take that with me to the fledgling Fathers Building Futures. I was originally brought in to help with fundraising and grants part-time, but as the organization started to separate from its parent organization, my understanding of human resources and communications was more valuable to the organization. The original goal was for me to be there for 3 months, yet there was so much work. It turned into 6 months, then 9 months and then a year. I thoroughly enjoyed the work and team. I had learned immensely from past experience, and was open to sharing it to help the organization.

“What one does when faced with the truth is more difficult than you think.” Wonder Woman

I started to see a similar path that I went down in the store and started to raise the red flag. I challenged decisions, sharing what I had experienced. However, in moments of desperation, one doesn’t always see clearly. Emet, who I’ve known for 8 years, one of the bravest people I know, and have been blessed to have grace my life was motivated to do anything because of fear. I understood this. He wanted to ensure the program was in place to serve those who desperately needed the services provided by the organization. He wanted to make sure the employees who depended on an income from their jobs had a sense of security. He was grasping at anything and throwing things out in the universe to see if anything would stick.

The next board meeting was scheduled the week after I returned from NYFW AW18. I prepared for it in the usual manner. I went into the meeting and there was a the discussion around setting up a marketing and communications committee to help address the work, yet I was not part of the discussion. The next day Emet and I started to talk about goals and needs for the organization when he said, “let’s walk next door for a coffee and to talk further”. On the way over, he asked me about my show and I shared the crazy details.

As we sat down, Emet informed me that my contract was going to come to an end within the next month. I knew it was coming because I was privy to the budget and I knew in my heart, I was too expensive for the organization. In order for it to survive, the contract needed to come to a close. I also suspected an end because I was being left out of important conversations. However, I think what stunned me and honestly, what bothered me the most was the way that it happened and where it had happened, in an open space like a coffee shop. I had been dealt my own post-it breakup note. It hurt because Emet and I were not only colleagues, but we were also friends. It bothered me that he couldn’t come to me when he knew that I was aware what was going on and that he carried this additional stress. We could have had an honest conversation without this awkwardness.

I was left to think… Are we afraid of hurting others with what me might say? Or are we afraid of the other person’s reaction? Or maybe there are those of us are looking for a miracle to happen that might deliver us from conflict?

“Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is”

For the next few weeks, we continued to work side-by-side with just enough distance to get the important work done. At one time, Emet did apologize saying, “I’m sorry.” I responded asking what he was sorry for? His response was, “everything”. I couldn’t say it out loud because I knew at the time it wouldn’t bring any value to the conversation, yet I thought to myself, “when you can’t articulate what you mean, then it doesn’t mean anything”. It wasn’t until my last week that Emet stopped working, looked at me and apologized again. He apologized for the way it happened. He apologized for not listening to me. He apologized for not fighting for me to stay on. He admitted he was scared because he didn’t know what he was going to do after I was gone. I simply said, “thank you”, because I knew he genuinely meant it. The interaction had to power to destroy our relationship; yet, it became stronger.

In the past few months, we have leaned on each other for support, guidance, and advice. We have both been through a lot during this time. It was an incredible lesson in communication for me. Relationships—business, personal, and intimate—aren’t successful because of trust. Trust is built from respect. Respect is built on honesty. Honesty is built through open communication. I have learned that communication is not always easy, and especially when you aren’t taking the time to properly care for your own needs (and yes, it’s important to take others into consideration), yet it is absolutely crucial in self-care and interpersonal relationships. And, when the dynamics of the relationship have this foundation, then it can weather any storm and actually be strengthened by it.

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave”

While I learned in my academic setting how to gain people’s attention or persuade them through my communication methods and storytelling, I really learned to communicate through the trials and errors in my real life. I also learned that in order to effectively communicate and be present in my relationships, I have to put my oxygen mask on first so I can properly care for those around me.

With light and love (and hope you’re humming along to Brave with me),

Dara Sophia

P.S. I also want to share Emet’s brave story of coming into his own. You can read it HERE.
P.P.S. Brave lyrics featured by Sara Bareilles

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Wanderlust

My all-time favorite place to work in NYC, The Hudson Commons

Yesterday, I ran to a local fabric store looking for last minute embellishments for a dress I’m working on. Going through the rows and rows of material, nothing spoke to me. Even as I sit in front of my computer, I am at a loss of words. I am not feeling inspired and it is the worst feeling. I know why; I am lacking miles.

While I have not become an international traveler just yet, I have been fortunate enough to travel out of state at least once a quarter. In fact, last year because of my work obligations, my yearning to see friends and spend quality time with my kids, I clocked 28,722 miles, visited 8 states and the District of Columbia. I provided a glimpse as a tour guide to friends and family members who hadn’t visited some of my favorite places. I worked on a mountain top and near the coast line. I had one-on-one time with each of my kiddos (I decided for their birthdays that they would receive gifts of experiences and memories, not material items). I witnessed their grins from ear-to-ear as they were able to enjoy their passions of musical theater and outdoor art and beauty. We, the three amigos, traveled a trifecta of times together as a pack, and they were able to sit front row for one of my shows on a hotel rooftop on a beautiful, CLEAR afternoon in San Francisco and got to experience the magic of NYC during the Christmas season. I was able to take them along because of the gifts I received throughout the year and the points I had accumulated.

A travel must…fresh flowers from local markets like these peonies from Seattle’s Pike Market.

My daughter taught me that I should ALWAYS book a hotel room with a freestanding tub and fill it with flowers and local bath products because that, in itself, is a vacation even when it is a work trip.

Taking Reservations for NYFW SS19 and AW19 seasons. Inquire within. 🙂

Nothing makes me smile more than giving someone a glimpse of my New York and definitely, love when I get to show my travel companions Fashion Week.

But the best thing about traveling is immersing yourself into the location. Do you ever travel and just people watch? I do this ALL THE TIME. Either sitting at a café, patio or walking around the city with my earbuds in and shades on. I love hearing the languages swirling around my head and seeing the street fashion (it’s just as incredible in Denver as it is in NYC). And when I don’t have the budget to travel afar, I travel to my little piece of Europe–Santa Fe, NM. I sit on the patio at Mangiamo Pronto, with my Prosecco and Caprese Salad and watch what is happening around me.

Why do I love to travel? It opens up a world of possibilities in my creativity. It gives me sanity and it reminds me of the freedom I have to explore new places. I actually enjoy the open road more than traveling by plane when I can. My reason: I get to explore hidden places along the way, see the beauty of the landscape and skylines, listen to my favorite music while playing Carpool Karaoke AND if I am the passenger, dance in my seat (well sometimes, when I’m driving solo on a long stretch of highway I dance in the driver seat). Once I reach my destination I try to take advantage of what my destination has to offer: cuisine, art, outdoors, music, sports and relaxation.

Air travel is not glamorous in my mind. Gone are the days of dressing up and the customer experience; it’s more like a cattle round up (I’ll let you know if that changes when I get my own private jet). I have to be careful what I pack, plan on being at the airport two hours early (I don’t like running to the gate…I missed more than one flight because back up at security). In certain airports, I need to be prepared that once I do pass through security, that the gate will change and I’ll have to run through the airport to the right gate like Home Alone, or even better, my flight will be delayed and my original arrival time of 8:00pm becomes midnight (or more like the red-eye pushed out an additional hour and a half on the day before your fashion show).

Traveling, I only stop at exits
Wondering if I’ll stay (stay)
Young and restless
Living this way, I stress less – Nelly Furtado

Travel is not without it’s pitfalls. As I mentioned missed flights and delays, I’ve also dealt with lost luggage, getting lost in general, and if you read, I Scream. You Scream., sometimes it doesn’t start off on the right foot. One time, I actually forgot my purse at home on a west coast road trip. I didn’t realize it until we reached Gallup, NM and went to pay for something. Thank God it was my birthday (my actual birthday), so my wish that year was that no one could be mad at me when we had to turn around to get it (it added 3 hours to our first destination, Las Vegas, NV, and became comedic story later).

So when I saw the AirBNB commercial in response to the Supreme Court’s decision to uphold the ban on certain countries’ citizens traveling to the United States, it made me realize how important it is to us, as human beings, to travel to different places. We learn about cultures through the experience of sights, sounds, touch, taste and feels. We learn to appreciate differences and similarities that we all have. Our country from the very beginning was made up of explorers: from the first citizens who crossed over the Bearing Strait to the Europeans conquerors. I can’t believe we aren’t welcoming ALL just because a select few have done harm. If that was the case, I’m surprised we, as Americans, haven’t been banned from traveling to most foreign countries because of the current administration’s isolationist and divisive attitudes, and the treatment of migrant families seeking asylum.

From my view at NYU’s Women’s Entrepreneurial Festival to Urban Chicness in Nob Hill (ABQ photo via Erin Killion Photography)

My design has been influenced by the places I’ve visited. The colors, the access to fabric and materials, the sights and structures all play a role and that influence is from traveling stateside. Sometimes my photos are even printed on the materials I use.

And here I am today, again feeling the need, no, the intense craving to travel. I went into 2018, visiting NYC once again for fashion week and again being able to see NYC for the first time through the eyes of one of my best friends, Laura. A month later, I was playing at Universal Studios with my kids and enjoying the sound of the ocean. I layered this leisure with work in the LA garment district.

I went into the year planning to show for the first time internationally with an invitation to London Fashion Week, immediately contacting the BG to get to work on teaching me French because I was definitely going to cross the Chunnel into Paris for a spell.

And then life happened, as it normally does, my contract ended. The lack of income stability, car problems and other unexpected expenses zapped my bank account. Fortunately, the start of a new position is helping me get back on track and catch up on outstanding bills from a few months of being unemployed. However with the start of a any new role, no available paid time off yet, and the lack of seniority to ask for time off, I had to rethink how to fill this wanderlust. I’ve considered a weekend road trip–going to Scottsdale, but as hot as it’s been here, I opted to not spend time on the surface of the sun in July. I was also invited to go to Denver and nearly hit the road a few weeks ago but the stars didn’t align, so instead for the moment, I’ve been living vicariously through friends and family that have been sharing their domestic and international travel photos or even better yet, sending me post cards (P.S. I love receiving them! You can send them to me at PO Box 65035, ABQ, NM 87193 with the simple note…”wish you were here”). I love those photos more when they include a little Hopeless + Cause Atelier.

A family trip to the Badlands of North Dakota and Mount Rushmore included a H+CA tee (and a special young man who celebrates his birthday also on July 5th…happy birthday month A!)

I’m about half way through my birthday month, and who knows. I may hit the road to go hiking on my mountain or head out of state for a little escapade. Maybe I’ll just take the train to Santa Fe and play tourist in my favorite American-European town. I will get back in my travel grove soon enough and get that injection of inspiration (even blogging about it NOW has got my mind churning and I realized the dress I’m completing is traveling to Egypt). Until then, I keep this close to me:

I LOVE this but don’t know who to credit.

With light and love and a touch of wanderlust, and wondering, where are you traveling to?

Dara Sophia

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Everything Happens for A Reason

Do you hear the sound of crickets at night? Do you listen intently or do you try to drown them out? Sometimes they cast their lovely song off in the distance. It’s incredible when one cricket invades your private space it immediately becomes overwhelming and you try to seek it out, in many cases to end that song. We have no patience. Why is that? They are doing their own thing. The act of chirping is the male trying to attract female crickets. I always want to catch them when they come indoors and not because I want to put them out of my misery, but because I learned long ago that they are lucky. Don’t laugh but I first learned this watching Mulan with my daughter years ago and of course had to research for myself the symbolism. True enough, I read, “they are symbol of good fortune, vitality and prosperity” (and I can use all the good fortune the universe can spare).

Thursday, May 17, 2018 (this date has significance), I woke to an email from British Vogue asking to be showcased as a featured designer. After I realized it was legitimate, I immediately knew who I was going to highlight for August 2018. You see, on August 25, 2018, Hopeless + Cause Atelier will be turning three years old:

Happy Birthday to You…Happy Birthday to You…Happy Birthday little Atelier….Happy Birthday to You.

I wouldn’t still be designing and producing charitable fashion events without so many supporting me in this community. However, there is one person in particular that taught me that failure was a gift. She was not only biggest supporter but my loudest cheerleader.

So to celebrate this milestone, it had to be her. I submitted my write up and photo and was told the issue would be released on July 6, 2018 (loved that it was the day after my birthday). Yet, the cover art was released on July 1st. No other celebrity figure or model was more perfect to be on the cover.

There was talk about how regal she looked and by some, how airbrushed she was. I thought she looked quite exquisite and a perfect representation for this particular issue. Why? Well, if you follow this blog (and actually read it—P.S. thank you), then you know I wrote about her conversation backstage at the Golden Globes and her golden nuggets of truth. I encourage you to read the blog (www.HopelessCauseAtelier.com/I-See-You). Here are a few highlights and her advice (the link for the entire conversation is included in the blog):

The best advice she received,

“When people show you who you are, believe them THE FIRST TIME.”

Single greatest wisdom she’s gleaned professionally,

“…is that the key to fulfillment, success, happiness, contentment in life is when YOU ALIGN your personality with what your soul actually came to do.”

And probably the most profound for me,

“You have no idea the power of noticing another human being and what it feels like when they have been seen, truly seen, by you.” 

For me, no other person could be on the cover. And it hit home, while I love the symbol of the cricket providing good fortune, I know it is something that I have to put in the work for. I know there are so many of you out there reading this that are taking a chance on something new, or feel like the world may be against you because things just aren’t falling into place as quickly as you like. Believe me, I know how you feel. I’m constantly struggling with impostor syndrome (the feeling that I’m as good as people think I am), or I feel like I take a baby step forward and get pushed two giant leaps back. Yet, I continue on because it brings me too much joy. I have loved every opportunity and every person that has come my way. And then on my birthday I had my numerology reading for the upcoming year solidify this feeling and it said this:

Dara, the theme of your year is:

A Year Of Optimism (Sun trine Jupiter)

What’s better than optimism? Having your optimistic hopes and beliefs turn into reality. This will be an excellent year for your career, as everything you’ve been working on will finally reach the big payoff, and you’ll receive the recognition you deserve for all your efforts. There’s nothing like the power of positive thinking (and traditional good, hard work) to help bring about great results! You’ve also got a great opportunity on your hands to improve your love life. You’re so generous and big-hearted that it will be hard for anyone to not fall for you, and that confidence of yours is equally sexy. In addition, you might want to take a look around at your life and try to determine if it’s as absolutely great as it could be, or if there may be some things to improve. The timing couldn’t be better for bringing about change than when you’re in an idealistic frame of mind — it makes letting go of the old or the negative so much easier. This is true for any aspect of your life. Meanwhile, if you’re in the mood to expand your world, consider traveling. A far off place will add culture and knowledge — as well as a bit of excitement — to your own life. Your personal growth will inspire others.

I want to share this gift with you and hope in return your will remind me to be patient. I am always so excited (like a kid at Christmas time) for things to come and I need to remember they will come in their own time and in the right time. I am EAGERLY AWAITING, and patiently too (kind of), for the hard copy of the British Vogue, which I’m told I should receive within the next week, but thought I’d give you a sneak peek.

My photo perfectly centered…

However, if you are at a newsstand or book store that carries it, please send one my way (EEK! You have no idea how excited I am). I am excited for the next few months of issues because again I get to share them with some incredible people who have been in the mix of it all and have reminded me again that we all have the power to see people and elevate them too.

With light and love and currently listening to the sweet chirping of crickets,

Dara Sophia

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Divine Intervention

Saturday was the first day in my life that I’ve lived longer without the physical presence of my mom. I knew it was going to be rough and while I had commitments that morning, the rest of the day was unknown. I had a few friends reach out and ask how I was doing. I had S:D time which was wonderful reprieve, seeing my Smitha for a few hours, but after being home for the remainder of afternoon and early evening, I decided I was going to go to my favorite rooftop to people watch and listen to my beats while I write. I had started a different blog, Beauty of the Unknown and thought I would get the right inspiration being a fly on the wall. On my way to Hotel Andaluz, I got stuck in bottle necked traffic as I-25 was rerouted to the Pan American side road. It was 102 degrees, 7pm and annoying. However, 25 minutes later I got back on to the freeway. As I started to accelerate, re-entering I-25 from Montano, I felt a surge and then the car started to slow down.

I pulled over to the shoulder and of course thought <EAR MUFFS>, “What the fuck!”. I sat for half a second and plotted out what I was going to do. I had my laptop with me. I had my AAA card. However, I left my mobile phone at home, purposely, because I wanted to disconnect and focus on my writing. I was at the Comanche exit. Traffic was light. I thought about sitting on the side of the road to wait for the Department of Transportation Help Vehicle to come by. It was 7:45pm and sun was lower on the horizon. If I had to walk, I knew there was no place nearby that I’d be able to walk to for a phone. So, I said a little prayer and got off on the Comanche exit and decided to head back north toward my brother and sister-in-law’s home. Hoping they would be there, I drove to each light on Pan American, turning off the car while I sat for the green light, and driving with my hazard lights on. I laughed and thought, “Of course, my plans are always derailed.” I arrived at their home about 20 minutes later. Surprised to see someone arrive so late and unexpected, my brother and niece came out first. Then my sister-in-law and nephew came out. My brother took a look at the vehicle, and the culprit, lack of oil.

He added what he had. Then ran to the store for more. Yvette opened a bottle of wine and we sat down and talked, and laughed, and talked. Jeremy returned and added the oil. By that time, it was close to 10:00pm and my brother offered to follow me home. He urged me to take it for an oil change first thing in the morning. As I drove home, it hit me. I wasn’t meant to be alone writing on this day. I was meant to be with family even as chaotic as it was. I made it home safely. As the tears streamed down my face, I knew it was divine intervention. I wiped my eyes and went inside. I sent a text to my brother and sister-in-law thanking them for their time.

This wasn’t the first time someone has intervened in my life and recently, it was professionally. On the one-month anniversary of Jennifer’s death, I woke to an email, titled, British Vogue’s Designer Profile. Of course, that got my attention at 5:00am, so I opened it to read this:

Good afternoon,

I wanted to get in touch as I came across you online and I think you would be perfect to showcase on an upcoming Designer Profile page I am creating for British Vogue.

I am currently putting together our exciting ‘Designer Profile’ page in our Autumn issues, starting with the August issue and following a campaign running across September and October. These are key issues in 2018 and are regarded as unmissable sources of inspiration across the Autumn fashion weeks, with the September edition being one the biggest, bumper fashion issues of the year previewing SS19 international collections. After reviewing your online presence I feel that you would make a really unique addition to the page, and appeal greatly to Vogue’s affluent readership.  

The email continued on… I was trying to determine if I was dreaming, if it was a phishing email, or if it was indeed real. I read it again. I googled the address listed and when I found it was legit, I responded. Hopeless + Cause will have a small feature in August, September and October. In August, H+CA will celebrate it’s 3rd birthday (mark your calendars for August 25th) and I couldn’t think of a better way to honor, Jennifer, my friend, my first customer, and my muse in fashion forward design, than featuring her. She is still pushing me to follow my passion and that nudge is now crossing borders.

Have you read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic? I’ve talked about the book and movie that made her famous, Eat. Pray. Love., and how one line and the support of my friend propelled me to continue to design. That line inspired me to create the brand name, Hopeless + Cause Atelier:

Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

However, I must admit my favorite Elizabeth Gilbert book is Big Magic and its honest approach to “creative living beyond fear”. Every page is a turner. The first time I read it, I was gasping for more…like it was my breath of life. Gilbert talked specifically about inspiration and sometimes creatives, when in the right element, were a vessel to the divine. When so moved by creativity, you, as a creative, need to go with that flow. I have felt that way, it is like a renaissance or an epiphany, and in a way a religious manifestation through the work I am creating. I loaned the book to my friend, Annie, when after a wonderfully deep conversation, she mentioned being in a crossroad in her life. She was heading on a family trip to Mexico. It was the perfect opportunity to dig a little deeper in what she was feeling and how she wanted to move forward. As I do with all my beloved books, I loaned it to her. I told her to read it and to feel free to highlight or underline themes that spoke to her. I asked her to share her wisdom in the margins, but when she was done to return it to me (my library of books is sacred to me…I only keep the ones that speak to my mind and soul). She returned it with a personal note stating that it already added value to her life…and I “too” can’t wait until we catch up over wine.

I fully believe intervention comes to us in many ways: in words, in actions, in creativity, in someone physically telling you, “you are at a crossroad in your life and here is what I see.” It’s even in that asshole that tries to pigeonhole you in your self-actualization. There is some divinity in that, but only when you see and move beyond. As Gilbert honestly states, “let them have their opinion, let them be in love their opinion…but never delude yourself to believe that you require someone else’s blessing.” It is up to you to be open like a vessel for the next big thing, to engage in it so it can come to fruition, or to deny it and continue as is. It is your free will. I know my mom is no longer physically with me, but every so often she has her subtle and not so subtle ways of telling me she is along for the ride and sometimes even guides me there.

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

Vogue U.K. aka British Vogue is a fashion and lifestyle brand of Conde Nast International with a readership of 1.3M.
Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert, Riverhead Books 

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The Beauty of the Unknown

Love is just a tool
To remind us who we are
And that we are not alone
When we’re walking in the dark

About a year ago, I had a conversation with one of my best friends, Angela. She asked me if I ever planned to remarry. I sat in thought for a bit. In my mind, I knew if I answered, “never”, I’d someday eat those words so instead I said, “If I were to answer today, I’d say ‘I don’t think so, but I don’t know what the future brings or my thoughts on marriage will change.’” I went through what I thought was going to be an amicable and respectful divorce and it ended up being anything but. I really thought about the concept of marriage and why it was important in the societal sense. You make a commitment or vow to love one another, trust one another, be there in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times, etc. The concept is wonderful but when tested it’s not always true. I am not against it, I just, at the time, did not fully believe there needed to be a legally binding agreement to someone in order to know that someone will choose to be part of your life for the rest of your days.

And that took me to years before, when at my birthday celebration in 2015 we were talking about the supreme court ruling of the Obergefell v. Hodges case. The court’s decision was that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples. Talking with Roby, he shared growing up knowing who he was, and the fact that when he became an adult he might never legally marry who he chose to in the United States. That hit me, really my heart, like a ton of bricks. And, I realized how sheltered I was. As the tears streamed down my face, I admitted how naïve I was and yet, I was so happy too that this ruling came to pass–that men and women could marry whom they loved and it would be legally acceptable. And yet as Pride Month comes to an end, this week a retirement announcement by Justice Kennedy has those that support same sex marriage wondering if the court’s ruling can be challenged. This makes me both sad and angry.

Isn’t that sign ironic?!?

Towards the end of 2017, I received a message from another dear friend, Erica, announcing her engagement. Don’t get it twisted. I was ELATED for her and for her fiancé. They had been dating for quite some time and slowly progressed to building their lives together, step-by-step, with bumps along the way but really figuring out what kind of life they wanted to create together. And after the announcement, she asked me if I would create her wedding dress. I was scared. Typically, wedding dresses are worn one time and that’s that…over the top and sometimes just too gaudy. In the past three years, I’ve received 6 wedding dresses to do what I please with them. It’s hard to tear someone’s creation apart, how would I create something with my heart and soul to possibly have my creation face the same demise?!? And this is where she hooked me, Erica told me she didn’t want to have the traditional dress. She wanted something she could wear again and again and would love to tell people about it. I signed up on the spot.

Erica and I met a few years before when she “won me” in a “celebrity” lunch auction. LOL—I should have paid her. As part of her winning donation that supported the local non-profit supporting homeless children, CLN Kids, she won a styling session with moi. I LOVED the session. I sent her the pre-work styling sheet and her response, in regards to what she loved to wear, was “BLACK”. As a woman who loves black, myself, I was going to push her boundaries. She came in and I had the fitting room set up for her. I the front of the selection were black options. Then, based on her coloring and body type I choose other options. I had her try on the black outfits, come out and I photographed her. I paid close attention to her reaction to the “other” selections, all earth tones. She started to say, “I don’t wear…” I stopped her mid-sentence and replied, stating, “I know. I read your stylist sheet, but since you’re already here, why don’t you just try them on (I felt like Flor in Spanglish).

And as she came out of the fitting room, I saw that smile grow from ear to ear. She knew how incredible she looked. Our friendship grew from that moment because I pushed her out of her comfort zone, and as a strong woman to strong woman I asked her to think differently. A few months later she came in describing an event she was attending without giving away details, until I busted her when I attended that same event. That was the first time I met the love of her life. I knew in creating her wedding dress, it could be anything but the norm….how could you go for white when you are CHAMPAGNE. I scoured the right embellishments and fabrics from NYC to LA and got to work. She commissioned me to create her dress and the dress of her soon to be, beautiful step daughter.

Feeling my way through the darkness guided by a beating heart. I can’t tell where the journey will end but I know where to start. All this time I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost.

The weeks leading to the wedding were filled with fittings and last-minute alterations conversations and ways to help each other professionally and in life. Everything about the wedding was connected to their community: a local clothing designer, local jewelry designers, local bar to host the event, local musicians, gifts designated to a small, local non-profit, and family and friends filling in the rest.

I arrived to the wedding and like the predictable, unpredictable NM weather, there was a torrential downpour, so friends and family moved the décor and other items into the bar from the rooftop. As New Mexicans do, we waited it out 15 minutes and the weather cleared up beautifully. The wedding party headed upstairs and the ceremony began. The judge officiating was a friend of theirs.

They wrote their vows focused on “I love you because” and “I promise”. What stood out the most to me was when Erica proclaimed (and I am paraphrasing) when she was at her lowest, she loved Alf because “he didn’t try to fix her, he just stayed at her side.” I also smiled when she said she promised to love his “new favorite song of the week”. When Alf spoke, he talked about loving her because she was sexy (and mentioned that several times through out his vows), but he also spoke of loving her because she was always right. It was a perfect way to celebrate a union.

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
And I don’t have any plans
I wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game made for everyone
And love is a prize

I still don’t know about remarrying. I know life is short and I’m living it to the fullest, but I also don’t believe in rushing anything. I am exploring (DARA the explorer), finding myself and what brings me mind blowing experiences and happiness. I don’t feel like I need a ring on my finger to identify myself as another’s…I will connect with my soul mate through adventure, respect, communication, trust, celebration, intimacy and trials.

Hope life is beautiful
You were the light for me to find my truth
I just wanna say, thank you

My hope is that you find what makes you whole; that you commit to that soul that completes you and brings the best out of you. I will be cheering on the sidelines….and hey, if you need a non-traditional dress, then I’m the girl for you.

With light and love—finding the beauty in the unknown,
Dara Sophia

These Days, Performed by: Rudimental (feat: Jess Glynne, Macklemore & Dan Caplen) 
Spanglish (2004), Director: James L. Brooks
Wake Me Up, Performed by: Avcii (feat: Aloe Blacc)

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Every Girl’s Crazy About a Sharp Dressed Man

I’m not going to lie, my jaw drops, when I see a man that takes time to put himself together. Sadly, I wish this occurred more often than it does. So, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to talk about wardrobe essentials and summer trends.

Women look at men <in a fine tailored suit>, like men look at women in lingerie. Steven Keator

The first thing to invest in is a suit

If you can’t afford a tailor-made an Italian Suit, your next best option is to have a suit that fits well, tailored to your body. This not just buying a suit jacket, but investing in the complete suit. Where to start?

A little background on venting–the back slits in a suit jacket are to give men more room to move. From what I’ve been told this goes back to the time when men first started wearing jackets while riding horseback. The dual vent is relative to the English style suit, the single vent is American, and no vent is Italian. Now here’s the key to your suit, every man should own one (refer to the quote above). Why? It’s your go to for special or important occasions, so find one that is classic and can travel with you through graduation, job interviews, weddings, funerals and other events. First step, get fitted. Many men’s fine clothing retailers will to this for you with no charge. You will get your suit size as well as your fitted shirt and pant sizes. Next step, try on different styles to see what looks best on you–shawl collars, double breasted fronts, pinstripes, etc. While your in the shop why not have some fun trying options you may not buy but can gleam how they will look on you. Here’s what you need to look for as you are checking out your bad self in the mirror.

Q: Where do the shoulder pads end? A: They should end at your shoulders.
Q: Where does the top button of a two-button suit fall? A: It should not fall below your navel (and this is the case for middle button of a 3-button suit).
Q: Where should your suit jacket fall? With your arms at your sides, your knuckles should be in line with end of your suit.
Q: Where should your suit sleeves fall? A: The suit jacket should fall at the base of where your thumb joins your wrist (and should leave approximate a quarter to half inch clearance for your shirt to peek out and say, “Why hello there, I am put together rather well, wouldn’t you say?”).

As far as the fit for the jacket, when buttoned, you should be able to slide your flat hand into the suit under the lapel. If you make a fist, it should pull on the bottom of your suit indicating tightness. That’s how you know it’s appropriately caressing your body…you’re not swimming in it or it’s not too tight.

Now that you’ve purchased your suit, set it aside and only wear it as a complete set. Don’t wear your suit jacket with your jeans or chinos, only the slacks it’s married to. Put your money into the suit and tailoring, buy an off the rack sports coat or blazer for your slightly more casual look. These jackets are made to be a little less fitted in order to wear in layers. Suit options–check!!

Clean shirt, new shoes
And I don’t know where I am goin’ to
Silk suit, black tie,
I don’t need a reason why
They come runnin’ just as fast as they can
‘Cause every girl crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man – ZZ Top

A GUY’S TALE: TAIL IN OR TAIL OUT

Not all guys know their fitted shirt size (go back to the beginning and get professionally fitted and then come back here) or when to wear what style.

Your fitted shirt can be another way to show your personality. Not only in the material, but the fit, stitching, buttons and cuff. The French Cuff, or Double Cuff, are a more formal option and are typically worn with the suit and generally not on their own (unless you’re me and love dabbling in men’s fashion inspiration). The more common option is a single cuff with either a single or double button enclosure. When you want that polished or more professional look, I would suggest that you tuck in your shirt. You can tell whether or not a fitted shirt was made to be tucked in or not by the length and the detail on the hem. An untucked style of shirt is typically shorter in length, like that of a polo or t-shirt. Some independent and fun lines have connecting detail (different material) that connects the front tail and back tail, but the AHA moment on whether or not your shirt should be tucked in is if the back tail is hanging out of your suit jacket.

As far as short sleeves or rolled sleeves in the summer… Both are great, but there is something that’s a little more fashion forward (and hot) with the a wide rolled long sleeve that falls just below the elbow (and especially when there’s a cool tat peeking out). Fitted Shirts—Check!

Boys boys boys
With hairspray and denim
Boys boys boys
We love them! — Lady Gaga

FIND COMFORT IN JEANS

Forever, women have had options on their style of jeans but over the past few years guys only had a few options: regular and wide legged or boot cut. Now there are so many options to fit various body types from the super skinny jegging variety to gansta baggy, drawers showing variety. Here’s a graphic of the basic types:

When you find a fit and brand you love and loves you back, make a wardrobe investment.

“I like my money right where I can see it…hanging in my closet.” Carrie Bradshaw

So let’s talk body type for the right fit…

If you have a thin lean body type (envisage a rectangle or ruler), you want something to stick with a slim or regular fit type of jean. A skinny jean will make you look skinnier and a loose to baggy fit will make you look like you are swimming in your jeans. For those with an athletic build (think hour glass or two mirrored triangles), skinny jeans typically have a bit of stretch in them which will help to actuate your build. The other option that will work best with this body-type because this build typically has muscular thighs is the loose fit…generally, regular fit doesn’t work because of the straight leg nature of the pant and the tightness around the thigh. Slim fit doesn’t normally work because you look like the hulk busting through your pants. Baggy is an option because of the typical build smaller waist you just have to be careful not to wear an over-sized top or you just look like Kris Kross (and Mac Daddy, you won’t make anyone jump, you’ll just look like a kid wearing his dad’s jeans). For guys that have broad shoulders and/or are more muscular on top (an inverted triangle), the best fit for you is the regular fit or a relaxed fit, this creates more proportion for your body. For guys with wider hips or waist, go for regular, relaxed fit or baggy (but not too baggy…did I say how much I loathe the uber baggy look, really, why wear jeans?!? Put sweats on). Of course these are the basic types, but every body type is in variations so when you find the one that works for you, snatch them up.

I love the look of a rugged, worn jean. But nothing says high style <to me> than a dark wash denim especially with a woven jacket and a crisp light blue shirt. If you like a good fit that’s not too rough, make sure to look for a blended jean—cotton with elastane (stretchy polyester). A premium option is selvedge which is a tight woven stiff denim that includes a clean finished edge and typically doesn’t unravel. Another option is raw denim which is untreated and not pre-washed. Now, you’ve got a lifetime of jean knowledge—check!!

My friends at KRQE asked me to pull it all together just in time for Father’s Day so I called on the masterminds in local men’s fashion: Rufus at Izzy Martin and Ryan at Toad Road and brought the Andrews together to pull off some fashion forward and classic looks.

I was invited back in the next hour to talk about summer trends, but was unable to get the video, so I’m going to give you the run down on some trends to keep you feeling and looking COOL!

Because men tend to dress in more layers than women. Here are some lightweight fabrics for you.

Madras – a strong, fine-textured cotton fabric typically in vibrant color stripes or checks…it takes it’s origin from a former city with the same name in India

Linen – a light-weight, often open weave fabric made from flax…easy breezy but typically very wrinkly

Seersucker – I always think of the American south and a southern gentlemen with this fabric, but it has Persian roots. This puckered, cotton fabric, normally patterned in stripes is perfect for summer

Chambray – when I think of chambray, I think of a light weight denim but only recently was properly educated that it’s a woven gingham cloth with a linen finish….most commonly in indigo so it gives that denim feel

SO with the scoop on the fabrics, what are some of the trends?

Summer is all about color and having fun with your choices. This is the season to be a little more fashion forward in your choices and just have fun. Feeling confident and comfortable in your look says everything.

If you’ve read all the way through, you’ve built your wardrobe essentials and fun summer picks—YOU’RE WELCOME!

With Light and Love,
Dara Sophia

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Rising From the Ashes

I believe that fashion has taken me to places otherwise impossible. Beyond the potential financial benefits, I have traveled to places I may not have otherwise (physically, mentally, and emotionally). I have met the dreamers and doers working on and achieving their own creative life goals. Design pulls from my right brain and what I create is influenced by what I’m feeling; what statement I want to make in that moment; and how I want to express myself through color, fit, silhouettes, fabric and embellishments. It also provides a way to give back. After the fashion event, I call on my left side brain to help me regurgitate and re-digest what I learned from that creative moment. And in an analytical way, I share that through my writings. I’ve learned what I create and write can be provocative. It is my hope that each make you think. I hope there is some impact and some action.

Clipped wings, I was a broken thing
Had a voice, had a voice but I could not sing
You would wind me down
I struggled on the ground, oh
So lost, the line had been crossed
Had a voice, had a voice but I could not talk
You held me down
I struggle to fly now, oh

A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from my dear friend, Laura, asking me if I’d be interested in providing or creating a couple of looks the upcoming Do Hair. Do Good. Charity Fashion Show. I’ve been involved in this Mark Pardo event in various ways over the past 5 years. This year, since I had a little more time, I wanted to  understand the inspiration behind the show and create my looks accordingly. I asked to join the Mark Pardo creative team for one of their weekly planning meetings to get the inside scoop. I learned that this year’s theme is Rising from the Ashes…as the mythical, Phoenix. The theme in my mind was completely appropriate since this year’s beneficiary is the Family Advocacy Center (a.k.a. FAC or AFAC), located here, in Albuquerque.

Here lieth a Phoenix, by whose death
Another Phoenix life gave breath:
It is to be lamented much
The world at once ne’er knew two such.

Mark Pardo has been hosting Do Hair. Do Good. for a number of years, but the focus for the past 3 years has been on AFAC, which focuses on providing a one-stop center of assistance for survivors of abuse. This is an issue that is close to me. I remember, at the age of 10, fleeing with my mother out the back door as my father, who over the years became more and more abusive to my mom, came in the front door and in days following, sleeping on the couches of my mom’s best friends while she tried to navigate the system and tried to find resources to help her, me and my brother. I also have a history of support for the AFAC. It began years ago when, at Cardinal Health, we helped underwrite financial support to establish the center. Then a few years later, I worked with a team to develop volunteer training to support the organization.

According to AFAC, “Research has consistently shown that adult and child victims of family violence who successfully move into healthy living situations need up to 32 different organizations to help them get there. Sadly, many victims return to abuse because the systems which are in place to help them seem too cumbersome to negotiate at a time when they are most vulnerable. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that the systems do not communicate efficiently with one another. For most victims it is difficult to find the courage to move forward after being so seriously diminished for so long. In many cases it is the abuse of the children, not of themselves, that moves the victim to action.” After visiting with the FAC Coordinator, Bev McMillan, I also learned that the victim generally returns to her/his abuser on average 7 times before finally leaving…just think about what can happen during any of those times?!? While understanding that the perpetrator is controlling and has diminished the self-esteem of the abused individual, many times the victim will go back because they’ve not only been made to believe they are not worthy for anything or anyone else, but also because the individual is not financially stable to make it on their own, let alone able to support her/his children, so they return to the dangerous situation.

At the FAC, there are 14 community partners and law enforcement divisions, everything from Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners, Para Los Ninos, to NM Legal Aid, to 2nd Judicial Court Domestic Violence Division. And because many times the victim, leaves with nothing but the clothing they are wearing, there are food and clothing closets. While I was talking with Bev, she shared a story how recently the FAC worked perfectly in the manner it was created. She spoke of a woman that came in and worked with the law enforcement side, then was taken over SANE for an examination. About 45 minutes later, she met with a victim’s advocate from the Domestic Resource Center and finally, NM Legal Aid. Within the period of 2 and half hours, she got all the help she needed. She was brought over by a minister from her church and that minister mentioned she had no food, so the center provided her a food box and some basic hygiene necessities. I share information about AFAC to let you know this resource is in our community. And as horrible as this sounds, the number of unduplicated clients is on the rise. Both Bev and I agree is that the occurrence of abuse has always been a pervasive issue throughout the community (with no socio-economic bias), however as awareness grows, individuals and families are reporting and getting the help they need to transform their lives.

Talking with the Mark Pardo team, the reason they have supported this organization for the past few years is because as an employer, with the majority of their team, women, they want to create an environment that informs the staff about resources and creates a safe space for customers. When was the last time you didn’t have a conversation with your hair stylist? It’s much like sitting at the bar and talking with a bartender. If they are good, you just open up and share what’s happening in your life. If they are empowered, which I know this team is, they can provide information about services like the Family Advocacy Center. Through the charity fashion show, they are going beyond advice and showcasing their talents to generate event revenue which will provide support to the work of AFAC. The FAC empowers the community to change lives.

And I don’t care if I sing off key
I find myself in my melodies
I sing for love, I sing for me
I shout it out like a bird set free
No, I don’t care if I sing off key
I find myself in my melodies
I sing for love, I sing for me
I’ll shout it out like a bird set free

On the daily, stylists and make-up artists are also catalysts for transformation, so again I believe the theme of the phoenix is absolutely perfect. The creative team is showcasing their work in three segments: FIRE, ASH & LIGHT:

As I think of these concepts, I see a burning desire for change—life CANNOT continue as is—flowing, building, out of control in ways. The next phase is structured, tight, plan to break the bondage of the old to a glorious new light. So, as I went home to sketch, I have the following ideas come to my mind. I think the Debi dress would be the perfect for the fire segment, with the flow and keeping it together on a thread. I then sketched out my ash inspiration, a structured pencil skirt and bodice with “the weight of the world” on the model’s shoulders and a tight feather neckline. Finally, my light look is all about freedom, flow and breaking chains.

My mom broke the cycle of abuse when we fled that fall afternoon. She returned to school and received a BA in Fine Arts and continued on to get a Masters in Education, all while working and raising two children. If it wasn’t for her community of support, I’d hate to think of the other outcomes. A creative way you can change the outcomes of someone you may never know or who may never repay you, is to purchase your ticket to a phenomenal Do Hair. Do Good. Charity Fashion Show on Saturday, June 16, 6:00pm at Vara Wines Tasting Room (event details can be found here https://markpardo.com/do-hair-do-good/). The money raised will help with the next evolution of the AFAC, helping to build programming for women’s self-sufficiency. Remember, it takes a village. And if you know someone that can benefit from the Family Advocacy Center, send them this number (click on the photo to find all the resources available through the center):

No explanation–just help.

With light and love!
Dara Sophia

Bird Set Free, lyrics and performed by Sia
Phoenix poem is said to have been on the headstone of Jane Seymour
Sunflowers painting by Dee Sanchez and can be found at the AFAC (symbolizes a community of support)

 

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What Brings You Joy?

Preface: I am a novelist at heart. I freeform blog and don’t have an editor. Many times, there are several iterations before the final post, but each posted blog contains my feelings at the time that I feel them. I am grateful for those of you that read all the way through and I hope it makes you feel too…and maybe today, a little joy.

I woke this morning to the sound of the birds chirping in the nearby trees around my casita. It’s quite a lovely way to ease into the morning. I much prefer that sound than to the “BAAAH-BAAAH-BAAAH” screaming of my alarm clock jolting me from my sleep. With this sweet melody, I tend to slowly rise from my slumber. While lying there, I pondered what they are talking to each other about, so of course when I got up and grabbed my cup of coffee, I took to the Google to find what insights I might learn. As much as I want to believe, I know they aren’t just serenading me like a Disney movie.

According what I found on Wired.com (yes, the technology publication), “Birds can sing at any time of day, but during the dawn chorus their songs are often louder, livelier, and more frequent. It’s mostly made up of male birds, attempting to attract mates and warn other males away from their territories.” I read this, snickered and thought, of course that’s the explanation. However, my thought is that the birds are singing at the promise of a new day and the joy it can bring.

I’ve been blessed and cursed with a couple of free weeks to really ponder this question. About a year and a half ago, I wrote a humorous ode to my jeep and again, I got to thinking about this question of what brings me joy (and if Go Daddy didn’t hold my blog posts hostage, I’d share the link). I’ll provide a brief recap if you didn’t get the opportunity to read it or if you’ve slept since then. Since I was in high school, I’ve wanted a jeep. A few years ago, I obtained one. I love it most during the warm weather with the bikini top on, the windows out and my earbuds in my head with my music playing. Whenever I walk up to it, I immediately grin from ear to ear…and not because it is the best thing on the earth (I am well aware that it is an inanimate object). It has it’s down sides: it is a gas guzzler (especially with gas prices nearing $3 per gallon); it’s not the best vehicle to drive in the wind and/or in the rain; it’s an older model so in the past year I’ve had to do a number of repairs (especially in the past couple of weeks); and by the end of the summer–I will have half my body tanned, my hair windblown beyond recognition and moments when I do my Flashdance back arch because of the puddles that pool on top of the roof (again, I’ll share the graphics for your memory or if this is the first time you are reading this blog):

I could have a car that was more efficient and reliable or even has air conditioner and solid paneling. And especially after the past couple of weeks of it overheating and the battery dying, it would have been very easy for me to fall in the trap of “why do I keep it?!?” Yet, I don’t believe I would experience the same joy as I do when I’m in it—that’s what the heart of joy comes from. It is the times that we purposefully look beyond adversity to find joy. Sometimes we make it too complicated, putting the responsibility of finding joy on someone else or only allowing ourselves believe we will have it when we “achieve this or get that”. Joy is in front and center, if we want to see it. As a five foot nothing woman, I LOVE climbing into it and feeling that I am observing the world from above.

“I wish I was a little bit taller; I wish I was a baller”. Skee-Lo

(And I totally do feel like a baller in it). I love the feeling of the sunshine and the open air. I love music, solitude and dancing…and all those things come together when I drive it. I love that it gives me the independence to get up and go where I need and want to. I love when it’s freshly washed that the navy beauty just winks at me…and I smile every time. It brings me joy because it is representative of me: independent, adventurous, classic, airy, bad ass, friendly and fun. Pure joy.

A little over a month ago, I received an email from a friend. The exchange went like this:

We hadn’t seen each other in about a year, so in our design consultation we talked about life since then, the wedding and her new leadership role in the community. She shared her style, the wedding color scheme, and the wedding details. She told me about her conversation with her daughter and how her daughter just wanted her to be joyful and comfortable that day. As we sat in her office, I noticed that she was much “lighter” than the year before. Her eyes gleamed with her surroundings. Life had changed since the last time we saw each other, and a renewed spirit was beaming from her. Her office is painted in a vibrant, calming blue and her windows that face north, welcomed the spring light which filled the room. It was the perfect environment for her and something definitely guided me in my creativity. In the hour and a half we spent together, I spent 5, maybe 10, minutes taking measurements, the rest in soul filling conversation.  On her office table, Diane has motivational coins and she asked me to choose one. I chose “inspiration” because in that moment I totally was. I knew the color scheme, fabric and cut I was going to sketch and propose for her. I got to work as soon as I arrived home and within a day, I ordered fabric samples and sent her the sketch.

Then a few weeks later, tragedy hit our hearts. Everything was put on hold. I had friends from near and all over the country reach out. I had planned to launch my Wrong Girl campaign and it came to a halt. I couldn’t focus. Those that know me, know that I retreat inward and can’t talk…I write, so I wrote my from my heart focused on beautiful memories and Jennifer’s impact on my life. The community, no I take that back, the world came to Albuquerque. Friends who I hadn’t seen in months and years joined to celebrate her, her love, her “sparkle” and her impact. I remember having a conversation with Roby on the way to breakfast the day after her community celebration. He talked how everyone who knew Jennifer felt this loss and how the community will be forever changed without her radiant joy present in everyday life. He wasn’t sure what could be done with her absence. I agreed wholeheartedly and the only thing I could think of in that moment as the best way to honor her is:

Be the change you want to see in the world. credited to Mahatma Gandhi

In a time of divisiveness, exclusion, tragedy and hatred, she embodied inclusion, connectiveness and that spark of joy and love. What this horrific loss brought to me (and I know this sounds selfish but she was incredibly good at making feel everyone feel part of her) was meaningful time with loved ones I haven’t seen for quite some time, gatherings and deep conversations with new friends.

My friend Laurie invited me to be her guest at the Ethics in Business dinner a week after. I told her I’d be honored to attend if she didn’t mind me if I was moved to shed a tear. She told me she’d be right there with me. Again, it was a lovely evening with hugs that filled your entire being with comfort and light from people I hadn’t seen in quite some time. There was a beautiful dedication to Jennifer. I remembered the last time I attended the event was in honor of her and I smiled at the thought. It wasn’t until the non-profit awardee was announced that the water works began. This year’s recipient was Special Olympics of New Mexico…memory lane was in full-effect. This was one of the first organizations we volunteered for at Cardinal Health and on more than one occasion, I asked Randy Mascorella, SONM ED, to speak to our organization events. As sponsors of Summer State Games, I with my colleagues volunteered as athlete escorts. This is one of the first life changing volunteer experiences I encountered. When I first volunteered, I selfishly thought what impact I’d have. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The athletes, I had the honor of meeting throughout the years, had a greater impact on me. I’ve never felt more welcome, seen more support for competitors or seen strength, as I have volunteering at Summer State Games. We would bond with the athletes while taking them from the staging area to their event, run to the finish line while cheering them, take them to the awards area and return to the staging area. The awards area for as long as I can remember has been sponsored by Wells Fargo, so on many occasions I’d take the athletes to be recognized by Jennifer and her team. As Randy and her delegation accepted the award, Laurie and I gave them a standing “O”. We cheered loudly and proudly while tears streamed down my face.

“Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.” Special Olympics Oath

SONM was the last awardee of the night, so I graciously thanked and hugged Laurie. I told her I needed to leave (I knew I looked a mess, like a 5-year old after the ugly cry). When I returned home that evening, I asked my son if he’d join me again (a few years later) to volunteer for summer games. He generously agreed.

Fast forward a couple weeks…

Today, we volunteered as athlete escorts. We bonded with some beautiful girls who were competing but also so supportive of each other. We talked about where they were from. I asked if they were attending Cliff’s for the dance later that day (what I learned, through years of volunteering, was that the DANCE was the real reason they all descended upon Albuquerque for state games). I asked the ones who had traveled into town if they were staying at a hotel with a pool and if so, had they gone swimming yet. We were present in the moment and because there were a TON of UPS volunteers and not any athletes in the staging area, we followed them through the entire course and this time we stayed in awards and cheered them on as the received their well-deserved medals. As we were walking back cheering on the next division of runners. I heard the announcer say, “That is the pure look of joy on his face.” I smiled and commented to my son how that resonated with me. Then an athlete sitting in the stands, trying to stay out of the sun, waved at us and we waved back. He drew us in. I saw medal gleaming around his neck and I asked him about it. He told me about his event. I gave him a high five and said, “congratulations!” Before we walked away, he reached out for a hug. I obliged and wished him a wonderful day and good luck on his other events. I’m sure I had the look of pure joy on my face.

What barriers are you placing on yourself to experience joy? There will always be things vying for the opportunity to prevent you from experiencing it. Don’t allow them. I have learned in the past few months what a life lesson this is. Some of my joy is experienced in connecting people to their actualized self, dreams and beauty; in relishing nature (in my own backyard and in adventures to new places); in the awe of what I believe are miracles; seeing my children laugh, especially together; my own laughter and greater understanding of others through authentic conversations; wandering in my jeep; swinging from the local park or school swings; the welcome I get every time I return home; running in Central Park NYC (and believe me, I’m not a fan of running); traveling; creating; writing; serving others; learning and giving.

Funny thing, two hummingbirds are buzzing and dancing outside my back door as I write this blog. Joie de vivre!

With light and love,

Dara Sophia

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My Ray of Sunshine

She has been my ray of sunshine.

This has been the hardest thing I’ve had to write in many years. I’ve been trying to stay off of social media outlets because while there is so much love being shared for my dear friend, it is a constant reminder of the reality that she is no longer here. Even though, I know there are so many like me experiencing immense sadness and loss, I am going to do my best to focus on the incredible soul that my friend, Jennifer, shared with everyone she encountered.

I met Jennifer 20 years ago. She was with UNMH at the time and I was developing the fledgling employee volunteer and giving program at Cardinal Health. We were both serving on Albuquerque Healthcare for the Homeless’ annual First Day of Winter event. She was rambunctious, driven and super competitive. It was great to see her in action. Motivated to change the world, her energy was fierce and as an introvert, sometimes overwhelming to me, but I enjoyed working with her as a colleague. I watched her move from UNM to Citi to Wells Fargo and cheered her on along the way. It was fun to impact the community together in many ways. I remember one time, our respective organizations were up for the same award at the Governor’s Spotlight on Volunteers conference. I had no idea how Cardinal Health pulled it off, with of our smaller sized organization and budget, but we were awarded the Corporate Award. Jennifer had no problem asking me for my application because she wanted to learn what we were doing and make sure Wells Fargo was on track for the next year. As I said, she was competitive. However, I also noticed after having her children that she became so nurturing to those around her. When my career ended at Cardinal Health, she called me because there was an opportunity at Wells Fargo that she wanted me to apply for. I started the process, but something happened that was so unlike me with a miscommunication in the interview process (I later told her that I think the universe had other plans for me).

My path led me into the boutique and that’s where our friendship really flourished. At times, we were each other’s dates for social events because our husbands hated attending, but because of the nature of our work, we needed to attend out of obligation. We’d meet for wine, coffee or even quick conversations in her office or my shop when schedules allowed. We’d talk about our families, our similar childhoods, business and life in general. We probably talked the most about balance. How, because of our roles making it a priority to have real family time among the chaos of work commitments. I loved it when she’d laugh so hard she’d snort and she reminded me often that she could always find me because of my joyous laughter. She honored me at the Women of Influence event (that she emceed and I was an honoree for) by wearing the dress she had purchased at the boutique. She and I took a selfie from the stage. The next month, I cheered loudly from the audience as she was recognized with the Young Leader Award at the Business in Ethics event. I had just started designing and was planning a launch event that would be a fundraiser for one of my favorite non-profits. I asked her to emcee it and she graciously accepted it.

Sadly, the store closed, and I just didn’t have the energy to pull off the event. She immediately reached out to see if I was okay. She gave me a little space, a week or two, and then invited me over to her home. We sat al fresco drinking wine and talking. Again, she asked about me. We talked about business for a minute, but the focus was how I was doing in that moment. We started talking about fashion. I shared my concerns, about my failure, and fear of continuing in that space. She said she wasn’t going to let me give up and commissioned me on the spot to create two outfits for her: one for Diner en Blanc and one for Concours du Soleil. I accepted the offer and immediately got to work creating the sketches. I went back to her home the next week to take her measurements and began working on the look. With the first outfit complete, I met her at her daughter’s gymnastic studio. She tried on the two-piece pantsuit in the bathroom (I opted for a pantsuit in lieu of a dress because I knew she was going to be schlepping around her table, chairs and picnic basket). It fit like a glove and she looked beautiful in it. In that moment, with her support, I knew I would succeed. The next day after giving careful consideration about continuing in this space, I sent her the following message:

Hi my friend!

I can’t tell you how much your faith in my abilities and support of my dream means to me. Your outfit is my first commissioned piece and seeing you in it yesterday gave me the confidence that I now know I can succeed. As you’re aware, closing the boutique nearly killed my desire to move forward in this space, but I don’t know if I completely told you why. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were growing up? Well, I wanted to be a fashion designer and when that didn’t happen, I moved on. Thank God I found a wonderful path in a career that I not only enjoyed but felt I made a difference in. When it ended, I wasn’t quite sure what I’d do next. I was then catapulted into small business. It was hard work…harder than anything I had ever done before, but I felt it was my life’s work. I could help people see how beautiful they really are and give back in a huge way that made my heart sing. However, I didn’t have all the tools I needed in my tool box to make it successful or even make a living out of it. I was horrible at operations and sales, but you don’t know what you don’t know. When I came to the realization it destroyed me…for a brief moment.

One afternoon, a couple weeks ago I was watching “Eat. Pray. Love.” I remember reading the book when I was at Cardinal Health and thinking, “what is wrong with her?” She cried throughout the book and it annoyed me so much. I wanted to shake her and say, “snap out of it!” It wasn’t until this year that I understood. Well that afternoon, I cried throughout the entire movie. I was in a state of depression and despair and then there was a line that really struck me. The line was, “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” And being the Catholic girl that I am I reached out to St. Jude for inspiration…the saint for hopeless causes. I said a prayer and asked for guidance and an idea struck me.

I’m a HOPELESS fanatic of fashion. I’m a HOPELESS believer that everything happens for a reason and you should use it to drive or inspire you. And, because I’m human, I feel HOPELESS at times so I give others hope to be who they are meant to be. Life is filled with CA– USE & effect. What if there was a fashion line that supported: livable wages, eco-social practices, and gave back? Now wouldn’t that be a CA– USE to get behind…and just think of that effect. Hopeless + Cause Atelier

I’ve struggled with the name DARAdesigns from the beginning because I don’t like being in the spotlight. I think I can better tell my story about my love for fashion and the type of women who want to wear my clothing through this brand. However, you are the 2nd person I’ve shared this with so please don’t share it yet. I’m not ready for the reveal just yet, but soon I promise! In the meantime, can you please do me the honor of a few small favors:

1) What non-profit organization would you like me to contribute on behalf of for your commissioned pieces? Sadly, it will be a small donation at this time…but it will be something because I want that to be a tenant of everything I do.

2) You are a gorgeous woman. Please shine in what I’ve made specifically for you. Please take photos and share them with me. No need to tell the world just yet who made them for you. Although I know Jamie wants to see you. Let me know if you need her number. 🙂

3) And if it’s not too much to ask, I have a fabulous friend who is a photographer and she would like to do a photo shoot in late September. Would you mind participating in it with your outfits?

Your personal note is like my first dollar bill. I will hang it proudly in my atelier space (dining room) until I can get into a real space. Thank you my friend for YOU!! I apologize for filling up your email with this novel, but I thought it was important to share this with you.

XOXO!! With much love,
Dara

Her response is one that I carry with me, every day and in everything I do.

Dara, I have tears in my eyes as I read this, I am overwhelmed with your kindness, gratitude and openness. I am thrilled to be your first commissioned piece, I am touched, honored and so excited to rock your amazing creation tonight.

I completely understand the challenges you have had and the transformation over the last several months. The best part of trying is learning. You did not FAIL, you found out what is in your heart, who you are and your passion. That is a BIG WIN.

I am excited about your new endeavor and the work you will do to link fashion with social profit work and outcomes for a sustainable Albuquerque and beyond….because I know you are the next NYC Fashion Week show….:)

I will ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOU, trust you and celebrate you. the hardest part of tonight will be to say that you created by piece, but not yet be able to refer folks to you….your vision is a much needed one for ABQ—custom, classic and made with heart and love.  I will NEED and WANT more, but excited to help you in anyway.

I love your vision to support our social profit sector and I choose Junior Achievement to be the benefactor for your thoughtful and generous pay it forward gift. Educating our youth is so critical and helping inspire them to put their DREAMS first and find a way…you embody this in everything you do.  To re-light your passion and fire for fashion after a corporate career, small business owner, wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister is INSPIRING!

THANK YOU  my dear friend Dara, I am excited to see what the next chapter brings for you and I am honored to be your friend 🙂

Xoxox

Jennifer

Photographed by Erin Killion Photography

She sent me photos from the evening and she looked beautiful in her effortless style. I decided to call the look after her beautiful daughter. The wide legged pant has become signature to my line each season only mixing up the length, materials and width of the cuff. The next event, I had the honor of sitting at the Wells Fargo table with her and as Roby’s date. We mingled during the cocktail hour and she informed me how much her husband loved the dress. We were standing there talking when woman after woman stopped by to her how gorgeous she looked. She’d turn to them and say, “Thank you. This is the designer.” We danced. We drank. We played poker. We smoked cigars. It was a wonderful evening and the first time I had really been out since the store closed. That evening, I decided to launch my line in a much smaller way. In November, she was in the front row with her daughter. Many of you reading this know what a community Rockstar she was (it hurts SO much to use the past tense), but she was my muse and a fashion risk taker. She was daring with her fashion and I often came up with ideas she’d jump at the chance to wear. When I needed a model, she’d happily comply even when she’d secretly tell me how nervous about it she was.

She was beautifully human. Even with the respect and leadership she earned, she still had to deal with so much bullshit. I remember being her guest at an event when one of her colleagues complained like a spoiled brat about the food being served  (like she had any control over it). I thought how petty and really wanted to tell the woman off in Jennifer’s defense, but instead commiserated with Jennifer remembering the crazy things I had to deal with. We laughed and drank wine. There came another opportunity that I’d have the chance to work side-by-side with her in Communications. I took the chance and applied. I made it to the final round and while disappointed, I was happy with who was hired. I was honored to be considered in the same pool of the level of caliber of talent they brought on board (and honestly, I can’t fathom what I’d do today if I was in the role—I truly believe things happen for a reason). Just a few weeks later, the news about the Wells Fargo scandal broke. To me, it was so far away because of the level of integrity of the local team, yet, I called her to see how she was doing. She mentioned that it was a tarnish on the company and an opportunity for learning, but there was so much good her company and local leadership were doing in our community. She believed in the power of New Mexico. We continued to work closely together on community projects through the Corporate Volunteer Council. As I was going through my divorce, she’d check in to see how my kids and I were doing. I’d invite her over and she’d bring the kiddos with her. I dazzled them with my electronic typewriter and instant film camera (they wondered where these ancient devices came from), while I fitted her for her different looks. Every fashion event, her plus one was her daughter and I loved to see them together. She was so excited when I was showing in NYC…I don’t think she remembered that she had set those wheels in motion in just two years before. We were constantly checking in every couple of weeks. Knowing my involvement with non-profits and in small business, and the lack of funding to attend the social events required for networking business connections, she always made sure, if one was available, I’d have a seat at her table. She did this even when I would tease her that this introvert didn’t need to be out there any more with her being my brand ambassador. However, I’d occasionally take on her offer if it meant spending time together or being at an event where she was speaking or being honored at.

My life has been incredibly blessed by her presence in it. Her kindness, genuineness, beauty and humor have made me strive to be the best me. I know anyone who has encountered her presence in their lives can say the same. I will miss her snorts, her holiday bitmojis, her smile and welcoming presence. I love her ray of sunshine and she will always shine through me.

Please feel free to share your warm memories of Jennifer in the comments below.

With light and love, and today, a broken heart working on healing because I know she wouldn’t want it any other way. I am sending all my love and healing thoughts to her family.

Dara Sophia