Author: hopelesscauseatelier

It was early morning, a couple of weeks ago, when I was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of a doorbell. As I laid there, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes and calming my beating heart, I listened to hear if Coco was stirring. She wasn’t and I realized it was a dream. But like many dreams, I feel they are speaking to me, so I had to find out the meaning as to why I don’t recall anything else from my slumber, except for the sound of a doorbell.

I got out of bed and made myself a cup of coffee. As I often do, when I’m trying to what I’m being told subconsciously, I jumped on the internet and Googled, “what is the meaning behind doorbells in dreams”. I found:

To dream of hearing a doorbell represents unexpected news or unexpected waking life situations. To dream of ringing a doorbell represents your attempt to draw attention to yourself or some issue. You may be surprising someone else with something they weren’t expecting.

dreams.metroeve.com

This post is the hardest thing I’ve written to date, and I have written about some very difficult topics for me: failure, loss, betrayal and injustice. However, being vulnerable and raw in these posts have helped me: to move through emotions, these particular life events, and to understand myself and the world around me. In writing about these adversities, it has also helped me to be grateful and find joy in what is around me. So I add a warning to this post, if you’re looking for an ooey-gooey, happy ending, I don’t know that I can deliver it this time, but I promise it is another honest look at myself and the world around me through my Ms. Adventures with a twist of humor.

After this dream, I knew I had to wake up! In the past couple of days, I had told those close to me that I had felt a lump in my left breast and had scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist to take next steps. It was unnerving. It took me to a dark place, but a heavy burden was released when I could talk about my fears.

I knew nothing about what this lump was, but it took me to a place that I had tucked away years ago, my experience with cancer. My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer when I was 16 or 17, she quietly went into treatment and at the end, she was in remission. She had milestone appointments to ensure that the cancer didn’t return. After her 5th year, she received a clean bill of health. However within a few months, she experienced debilitating headaches, so when she went back in to see her doctors and they found lesions on her brain. I went with her to her oncology appointment where the doctor explained the findings. He made a comment that, while in shock, stopped me. He suggested she get her affairs in order. Overwhelmed by the information, we left. I went back to work and in relaying the information to my uncle, whom I worked with, I was struck by that comment and decided to call the doctor. He blatantly told me, “typically this diagnosis means she has 6 to 9 months to live.” I never told my mom this.

As her treatment started, I was with her when she chopped her long beautiful black hair to make way for a shorter do and the potential of the shorter locks falling off due to chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Outwardly, she remained in good spirits. Six months passed and it seemed the cancer was subsiding. I thought it to be a true miracle and spent as much time with her as I could while raising my young family. Around the ninth month, the cancer settled in her spine which caused her to be somewhat paraplegic. Confined to a hospital bed in a rehabilitation center, I had learned to help with her catheter and check and clean her bed sores. After a couple of months, she was released to her home. I would go over daily and sit with her, talk about anything and everything, help her move her muscles and other things as needed. My grandparents had moved in full-time with her. As much as I wanted every breath of her life I could get, by the grace of God, I asked for her suffering to end. On June 22, 1996 she succumbed to cancer.

This is the most detailed writing about my mom’s journey I have written to date. I’m not going to lie, it hit as hard as it did living through it, but I think it’s important for me to finally realize this is what cancer is for me. Although I have many loved ones who are survivors and thrivers, and so many medical advances have occurred in the past 25 years, this traumatic experience is has been imprinted within my psyche.

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid <afraid, but putting on a brave face under my smile> 

Rise Up, Andra Day

I went from feeling shame for my own vanity, to not wanting to place that type of burden on my own children (even though I would do it all over again for my mom if I had the opportunity to have her here with me), to hating not having control of the unknown. All this, while not even having my gynecological appointment yet. I only told my mini’s, my brother, my aunt and a few of my closest friends.

I went to my appointment and was so grateful when offered to be driven by my loves. I explained my concern about the lump, but was able to get a few laughs out of the nurse and doc…when talking about my life or lack thereof and was dumbfounded when asked if I was happy about my weight. I looked at the doc with a blank stare and wanted to ask, “does anyone answer, ‘yes’, to that question?” She prescribed a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. After my appointment, I sat in the parking lot and called the Breast Imaging Center and lucked out to get an appointment within the next week. Then, I was reminded I was not alone when my angel numbers 11:11 and 12:22 appeared that day. As I do, to get out of my head, I put my whole self into work, until, it came to my mammogram appointment. Again, while I was so grateful for the offers to take me, I opted to go alone. I have never heard from anyone who has gone through this experience describe it as enjoyable. I have never been more contorted, smashed and uncomfortable than during the mammogram. Being told to take a deep breath and hold it, made me feel like I was going to pass out. The plan was to do my mammogram and followed by my blood work. That was nixed after I had to sit there drinking water to get my blood pumping into my head again.

Made my peace with the river
And went to sleep
Floating up to the surface
Graciously
I made my way to the arms of the open sea
Took my soul to the heart of the endless deep
But I breathe
I breathe, I breathe, I breathe,
I breathe

Breathe, Ellem

After the mammogram, I was taken to another room for the ultrasound as I laid down, I took in my surroundings: the low lit room, the wind chimes hanging from the ceiling, Magic 99.5 playing softly in the background. The kind technician asked me to turn slightly to my side and she got to work imaging my right breast, stopping and clicking along the way. She moved over to the left and took a multitude of images, then brought in the doctor. He looked at the images and informed me they were going to schedule a biopsy the following week. He also wanted to connect me to the nurse navigator after I was dressed. I met with her and she gave me some paperwork with definitions on how to read my pathology report. She mentioned their go-to surgeon and if the need arises she would connect me with that office. I left feeling a little overwhelmed and a little sore, but went to work. A few hours later, the nurse navigator called and informed me she was going to forward my contact information to the surgeon as a precautionary measure.

The next day I was blessed by friends, Carla and Allen, to again style and outfit the young adults from the Ranches. It is humbling to me, to see the work you do empower others. This time 14 young ladies were so incredibly grateful for the gift of a new outfit and I could see how beautiful, comfortable and confident they all felt in it. I was reminded of the power we have even when we are struggling ourselves.

Valentine’s Day was that Sunday and my biopsy was the following Monday. Indoor dining had finally opened up and I wanted to go out with friends on Saturday night. I sent a message to my gurl gang to see who might be available. I had planned on hosting Galentine’s at home that Saturday but because I ended up working I didn’t have time to clean and cook. I needed to get out of my head. I am the girl that has tattoos but is afraid of needles and boy was I fixated on the needles. I was not looking forward to the appointment and on my way home had a mild panic attack. I got home, remembered to breathe, let go and played with my Coco(-nut). I went to bed exhausted, yet woke up at 4am trying to catch my breath.

I got up and conquered my morning routine: reading, journaling, mass, drag by Coco, exercise and headed into work. I was looking for dresses for clients when I came across the perfect night out dress.

I made the decision that I wanted to dress up on Saturday, so I asked the girls the same. I got some push back and with the impending storm there were concerns about going out. I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep compounded with all the feels, but I flipped a bit: “So this shit has me freaked out…because of my own past experiences with cancer. I just need something a little extra because that’s how I am. I don’t care if it’s Mac’s Steak in the Ruff. I just need to get out and get out of my head. I understand if you can’t make it and appreciate those who can.”

Luckily, when you are surrounded by the best people who see and don’t judge, your soul and being are in a safe place to be understood even in flip out moments. The power in truly being seen is that in times of celebration and times of vulnerability you feel absolutely the same way. I am grateful they see me. I worked a crazy busy day on Saturday (all those last minute shoppers getting their Valentine’s gifts before the winter storm set in). I got home, put on my dress, blew out my hair, put makeup on and threw on heels. It had been a year since I got this dressed up. Denise picked me up and we laughed the whole way there talking about something that would actually fit and how we don’t know how to wear heels anymore. We got our table in the low lit dining room of Copper Lounge and it was wonderful to see so many people enjoying each other’s company, the food and libations. It felt like a time long ago in a galaxy far away (just checking to see if you are really reading this). Ang and Lee arrived and we spent the evening laughing and in thoughtful conversation while drinking and eating too much. I shared various life stories and it led to another conversation about a childhood friend’s mother, and her cancer diagnosis. My heart hurt.

Although I hadn’t talked to him for quite sometime, I decided to reach out with my care and concern. He responded with his mom’s address. I sent her a note that included this message (above) I found just a few days before and all my love and prayers. While I hadn’t seen her for a number of years, she is one of the strongest women I know. I told her if she needed anything, she only needed to ask.

Monday rolled around and my KK took me to the biopsy appointment. When I was taken into the ultrasound room, I joked with the tech saying, “don’t laugh when I tell you I hate needles and you see my torso tattoos”. She laughed and I was glad I had a sense of humor. As I laid exposed on the examination table, the tech used the ultrasound to pinpoint the areas on my right and left breasts and marked them with a sharpie. Once complete, she brought in the doctor for the procedure. He explained that each area would sting and burn with the numbing solution and that he would count to three and then I’d hear a click for the sample taken. Finally, he explained that he’d be inserting a little titanium tag and that I would take a few more mammograms to xray that were in place. I’m sure I was covered in sweat and I held tight to my angel coin. However, it was not as bad as I thought it would be at all. Thank you, GOD! And, bonus, I couldn’t feel the mammogram.

They bandaged the entry points and packed me with Cardinal Health ice packs, which made me smile. I headed out with a reminder that it might take 2-5 days to get the results. The anticipation and anxiety of the biopsy wore me out. I was glad this step was over.

KK and I headed out. We stopped by Target for some Tylenol and she took me home. I immediately took the Tylenol and warmed some apple pie for her to eat. It started to get really cold again and I forgot to grab fire logs from Target, so I reached out to Isaiah asking him to bring me a couple on his way home. I also received a text from Denise telling me not to eat because dinner was going to be delivered at 5pm. Isaiah arrived and asked how the day went. I explained the procedure and he turned as quessy as I did when talking about needles. He shared with me he received a raise at work and that made me happy that he was being recognized for what he does. About that time, the doorbell rang and Denise arrived with an armful of pizzas and a bag. I thought maybe she was dropping one off and taking the rest home.

She placed them on the table and told me the girls were coming over. It was a school night and had been a cold wintery day. I couldn’t believe they were doing this for me. It was the best surprise ever!! Going back and forth of 30 minutes of icing my chest and 30 minutes off, we had a lively conversation filled with laughter, tears, and smiles with pizza, salad and wine. We made plans to get out of town as soon as we could. I was also so grateful to receive text messages from my Laura and my aunt Lisa. I was exhausted but felt so loved.

Back to work, I agonized about receiving the news. I had an appointment with the surgeon on Friday. I received a call, which I thought was pushing out my appointment to the following week because they hadn’t received authorization from my insurance. Later I found out that it was for a MRI appointment not the consultation. Wednesday night when I got home, I realized I missed a call from the radiologist. Too late in the day, I called first thing Thursday morning.

He was blunt and matter of fact. The pathology report determined that the mass in my right breast was benign. However the report found that the tissue sample taken from my left breast was found to be lobular carcinoma. I don’t remember what he said after that. I said, “thank you” at the end of the call, hung up and tears ran down my face. While I always knew in my gut it was more than just a lump, hearing it from the doctor finally cemented it. Luckily, I was in my back office at the time. I reached out and informed the group and Ang responded that she was on her way.

She sat with me for a little over an hour. We talked and laughed…laughter really is the best medicine. She asked what time my appointment was the next day and asked if she could take me. I said, “yes”. I went through the rest of the day with an out of body experience feeling.

That afternoon, I was working on a project when I heard “Gloria” by Laura Branigan. I was immediately taken back to “Flashdance” and Jeanie’s ice skating scene. It reminded me that no matter how well you are skating through life or how prepared you think you are, sometimes you get knocked down. Sometimes you fall hard! However, it’s not what knocked you on your ass that counts; it’s how you get back up.

I asked Ang to pick me up from work at 11:30am. She arrived promptly at that time. We arrived at the surgeon’s office about 10 minutes later. I was grateful that not only she could go in to the waiting area with me but they welcomed her into the consultation office. I needed an extra pair of ears and I know Angela would ask questions if I forgot to.

There were various stages meeting with different people from the team. They took my vitals and checked to see if I was bloated. They broke down my body weight, which later Ang and I laughed hysterically about when she thought I had memorized it (I couldn’t remember what time I told her to pick me up and she thought I’d remember the breakdown of my muscle mass and fat?!?). I knew the doctor; I had actually outfitted a year and a half before for a community fundraiser. She recognized that and we talked about work. She was very calming and provided overview of what the mammogram and biopsy found. However because of the type of cancer, she prescribed an MRI and wouldn’t be able to determine the treatment plan until she was able to review those findings. So she had her team schedule the MRI, a follow up appointment, blood work, and ct scan. They provided a referral for a reconstructive surgeon just in case one was needed. She also asked if I wanted to do genetic testing. I totally opted to do it. I want to be able to share those results with my minis and was super happy that the test was taken from saliva vs. blood. I made Ang laugh again when I had a hard time trying to fill the test tube with spit.

Throughout it all, so far, I have received incredible support and care. I am grateful for loved ones that have have been so supportive and have seen me…and not fragile like a flower but fragile like a bomb (like that, Ang). I appreciate that my health providers are taking an aggressive approach. I have been told how strong I am. I don’t feel it and in moments of self-pity, I wonder why I have to continue to show my strength, but at the end of the day I’m a fighter. I don’t know what the future brings but I am grateful for the day in front of me. I continue to focus on enjoying life to the fullest in this moment and sharing it with those who want to be part of it.

I appreciate those who have taken time out of their lives to check on me. For those of you I didn’t tell right away, I didn’t know how to. What do you say, “how are you? well, I have cancer…”? So, bear with me as this is my way. Blogging has always been cathartic for me. It’s the best way for this overthinker to say what she needs to say and share what she’s feeling, and I get to hide behind the screen and be vulnerable without feeling shame. If you see me, please don’t act differently. I don’t know how to act and I’ll make a face and run away. I need laughter. I need conversation. I need authenticity. I need prayers, good energy, good thoughts and good juju! I need to be surrounded by the best people and things in life. I don’t need outward sympathy, pity or thinking I’m too fragile. I know I will have my moments, so be patient, but I also know I am not the first person to go through something like this and I know EVERYONE is fighting their own battles. This was another awakening for me and this chapter of my journey is only beginning.

All the highs, and the lows, and the way it all goes
You can’t let them keep you down
If you’re lost, if you’re broke, if you’re stuck on a road
You can turn it all around
‘Cause we gotta trust in love
Something that can’t be touched
A feeling to lift us up
All in the name of love

Learn to Fly, Surfaces (feat Elton John)

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

About a month ago, I was scrolling on my phone and saw that Southwest was offering their $49 sale. Knowing it wouldn’t be applicable for a ticket between ABQ and LaGuardia, I still wanted to see what the price would be. However, I was able to find a round-trip ticket under $200. It had been 6 months since I had last visited NYC and Fashion Week was right around the corner. I decided to book a flight because I knew how easy it would be to make the change, if I needed to with Southwest.

When I was visiting in February, my friend Josie had commented on my posts that she’d like to join me on a trip. We had originally planned for May or June. That didn’t happen, so I thought, I’d invite her on the chance she was in need of an adventure.

I think what I love so much about NYC is how I easily fill my days with culture, food, fashion, work and people watching when traveling solo, but it’s even more amazing when I can show others my NEW YORK and especially during fashion week or the holiday season.

I continued to work while monitoring the state of COVID in both NM and NY. I wasn’t going to go if NM was still on the 14 day quarantine list in NYC, nor would I go if I had to quarantine for 14 days upon my return. I put it in the back of my mind trying not to get too excited and went upon my days focusing on my work at Macy’s and #EatOutToLiftUp event. I was invited to participate in an online forum about how retail has pivoted in the time of COVID.

I was also super lucky to be asked to be one of the first training cohorts to participate in Macy’s Virtual Selling Program. Now, if for any reason I need to work from home, I can now work on your styling/shopping virtually. I also may or may not have access to the sister department store with the Little Brown Bag (okay, well I do). All while doing what I love, working one-on-one with my clients and getting some good traction with the event.

Then an interesting email came across my in box with the subject line, “Show in Times Square”. Intrigued, I read on. The opportunity was available to the first few designers that wanted to show 6 pieces for the cost of $500…an astronomical discount for NYFW. I responded immediately saying I was interested. Unfortunately, a few days later I received a response that the slots had been filled. Boo hoo! Oh well. Then there was a change to the Fashion Week, week. Governor Cuomo set the following limits on SS21. The traditional calendar for Spring/Summer Ready-To-Wear New York Fashion Week runs the first Thursday after Labor Day until the following Thursday. This year’s “week” would run from Sunday to Thursday, 3 days shorter and eliminated the biggest days for parties (Thursday, Friday and Saturday). In person shows would have a maximum of 50 attendees, all social distanced. Many designers, like Ana Sui, opted to host virtual shows. A few designers, like Jason Wu, decided to host in-person shows. And, others, like Marc Jacobs (who normally closes fashion week DOWN), opted not to show entirely. So I thought, “what would New York Fashion Week look like without Fashion…NY*W?”

The week before, our scheduled trip, I noticed NM had been taken off of NY Health Department’s website for having to quarantine. My heart skipped a bit. The real test would be New Mexico. Would I have to quarantine after I traveled? And, then a miracle happened; thank you angels! The Governor lifted the quarantine requirement after traveling. However, I still had nightmares about Labor Day Weekend, this is…COVID cases flaring and being stopped at the gate to be told to turn around.

I worked Friday and Saturday of Labor Weekend. I woke Sunday morning took a deep breath and decided to do it. I texted Josie and she was feeling as anxious as I was but decided to go for it. I think what we were both most anxious about beyond the obvious, was the judgement. How could we travel especially to large metropolitan city like, NYC, where it would seem impossible to socially distance? Well, we knew all the safety precautions we would take. Packing was so different than what I’m used to.

Tuesday morning, I awoke around 5a.m. Wanting to hit snooze, I pulled myself out of bed and got the coffee going. I had packed the night before, but used a carry-on and could barely close it. I was flying Southwest and had forgotten I could check my bag. Not that I was going for a week, but I wanted options from day-to-night and have additional room in case I found some fabulous fabric. I arrived at Josie’s 20 after 7:00am. She climbed into the jeep and we arrived at the airport 15 mins later. It was a ghost town. There was no line at TSA and no one walking through the airport. Most eateries were closed. We found one open and grabbed a libation to chill the nerves. We boarded the plane less than an hour later. While it was a full flight, every middle seat was to remain open, unless traveling with loved ones.

Feeling the butterflies, we arrived in grey and drizzling Chicago for a 40 minute layover. Again, even though it was mid day, it still was not what I expected for a September day. The next leg was the same with the plane full minus the middle seats. I plugged in my ear buds and watched the free movie options on Southwest app. As we started our decent, I could see the Statue of Liberty waving me home and all I could do was smile under my mask.

Sitting in the front row, we popped out of the plane as soon as those cabin doors opened. The airport was once again a ghost town. We grabbed our bags from baggage claim and jumped into an Uber. Driving through the city with the windows open that familiar late summer breeze gave me all the feels. As we strolled down the streets, I thought about all the stories I read through out the past 6 months. So many boarded up businesses, the streets mostly vacated with dots of people most wearing masks, it wasn’t the same New York I remembered from February.

We checked into the hotel with the additional layers of safety. We had to complete the NY Health Department questionnaire. We would not get daily housekeeping unless we asked and we needed to wear our masks in every common area. This is life now. Our room had the Lysol seal on the door. We had 6:15pm reservations at Mykonos Bleu Restaurant and Rooftop Bar, so we unpacked, freshened up and hit the pavement.

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was out. It was humid, but just enough to help my hair grow (semi-Monica moment). We were a block away from the Empire State Building and three blocks from, Macy’s Herald Square. Josie took a photo of me and as you can see I was cheesing hard. On Thursday I had plans to meet with my colleagues at Louis Vuitton and Gucci. I was also hoping the Benefit Brow Bar was open again. The last time I had an eyebrow wax was when I was there in February (I tease that I have to go to NYC for a brow wax…any excuse actually). The restaurant was in Chelsea, my stomping ground. AFAR had listed it as one of the top rooftop bars in the country.

It was part of a small boutique hotel like most fabulous rooftop bars. When we arrived we were greeted and seated right away. The restaurant was somewhat empty, but then I remembered I kind of made the early bird reservation. LOL! The restaurant was in white to mimic the Greek Island. We ordered drinks with our Greek server, whom I also believe was the manager. We had an incredible view of the Freedom Tower and as the sun began to set the restaurant steadily filled to capacity. There was fun, upbeat music coming from around the corner and we were trying to figure out how to get invited to that party, but I think there was actually a private party happening back there. Josie was amused by the woman sitting behind me. It seems she was loving herself as she was either taking selfies or videoing herself the entire evening. We ordered light snacks and summer cocktails and cheered to the fact that we did it. After couple of hours of enjoying our first evening in NYC and a few cocktails in, we decided to head back. After a long day of travel and a little anxiety (maybe a lot), we decided to head back to the room. Plus most of the restaurants closed at 9pm. Happily watching Friends, we crashed.

We woke around 9am the next morning. Got ready and headed out about 11am. Believe it or not, the hardest thing about NYC this trip was finding a place to eat. If we wanted fast-food that wasn’t a problem except that there is no indoor seating (indoor dining wouldn’t be opening up until the end of September). Only the restaurants that were able to set up outdoor seating were open and many of my favorites hadn’t opened up yet (if they were able to open ever). We finally found a quaint little pub, settled in and grabbed a bite. The plan was to walk north on 5th Avenue, stop by Rockefeller Center, cross the street to St. Patrick’s Cathedral, maybe pop into Bergdorf Goodman and then head to Central Park. I wanted to take Josie to the Boathouse. I thought it would be a perfect day to sit out by the water.

We made our way to Rockefeller Center and it was odd. The summer time crowds of tourists and employees working the vicinity weren’t there. It was like an odd dream. We took a selfie and then went into Kate Spade. Why not see what deals might be available. Not finding anything we couldn’t live without we crossed the street to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Again, there weren’t many visitors. We made our way around. Josie lit a candle and I took my customary photo of St. Jude, my patron saint. Walking outside, I was stopped in my tracks by Atlas, the bronze sculpture that faces St. Patrick’s from Rockefeller Center. I noticed something different.

He was wearing a mask. It drove the point home. If he can hold up the world with his two hands and wear a mask, so can you. We headed north again and as we walked, I remembered that Mayor de Blasio had BLACK LIVES MATTER painted in front of the Trump building. It was still there the print facing the tower, there were areas where paint had been spread to try to cover the powerful message, but it was still shining through. We went into Bergdorfs and we went straight up to 5F…the contemporary and emerging designers floor. After looking through the sales rack, again, there wasn’t anything we could live without, so we continued to next floor (I just wanted to share one of my favorite places….KK and boy, remember to scatter my ashes at Bergdorfs). As we walked on the east side of Central Park, I looked online to see if I could make a reservation to the Boat House, only to find out it was closed and once it was a sad reminder of our current state of the world. I next thought, “let’s walk to the Met” and see if we could take in the museum. About 10 blocks later, we arrived at the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. There was no Blair. There was no Serena. Although it was September and we saw, heard and avoided all the children at the park, the steps were quite empty.

I had become accustomed to arriving at the Met and going right in to purchase my ticket and viewing the latest exhibits. We learned that day that is no longer the case. Patrons have to purchase their tickets in advance and make a reservation. It was disappointing and unfortunately, because I had a scheduled call with the #EatOutToLiftUp team back in Albuquerque in less than an hour. I suggested that we go to The Hudson Hotel, to grab a cocktail and sit out on their terrace that overlooks 56th while I take the call. After walking approximately 35 blocks back and going in a bit of a circle (believe it or not, I got turned around), we arrived at the hotel to find out that the terrace is closed and only people staying at the hotel could go in.

We both needed a drink and to get off our feet. We started working toward Times Square and found the Applejack Diner, we took a seat outside. Traffic on the sidewalks was a little more active and while NYC has had it’s share of homeless and the pandemic has exacerbated the numbers, this trip I also noticed a higher level people on the streets with mental and/or behavioral health issues. We settled into our seats and ordered a round of Frose drinks. I received the call, but not all parties were there, so I got off the phone and asked to be called back when everyone arrived. The waiter brought over the drinks and asked if we wanted anything to eat. We said not yet chatted about our walk. Josie had be tracking and I found out we had walked close to 8 miles. I jumped back on the phone and talked through what was still needed from the restaurants.

After another round or two and some free french fries brought to our table, we decided to head down to Times Square. While there were more people here than all the other major landmarks we hit, it was still abysmally vacant, in comparison to a year ago. We took in the electric neon energy and then I had an idea. I still want to be on the Brooklyn Bridge either at sunrise or sunset and sunset was looming, so I asked Josie if she was up for it. I mapped out our route and jumped on the A Train. Thinking we’d get off at City Hall and walk for a while from the Manhattan side, the train seemed to take longer that I had anticipated. There were only a few riders on what should have been the later part of rush hour. On patron had his bike on the train and provided the music until he got off two stops before ours. When we finally got of the train at High Street, and ascended to ground level, I realized we were on the Brooklyn side of the bridge and had to walk all the way across to Manhattan and because the train ride was longer than expected, we missed sunset.

It was a beautiful night. When everyone at home was talking about the extreme cold and wind in Albuquerque, we were walking across in balmy 72 degree weather. I know Josie wanted to kill me but she was a good sport. We walked along the path trying not to get run over by the cyclists and dodging the people taking scenic photos of Manhattan in the background. We walked back into Manhattan and got into an Uber, heading back to the hotel. Our hotel had a rooftop bar so we thought we’d try to get a seat up there and enjoy the rest of the evening, but like animals featured on WWF, accessing rooftop locales without a reservation were a rare opportunity. We settled on a wine bar around the corner.

The next day was filled with work for me. I was meeting with both Louis Vuitton and Gucci at Herald Square. I had scheduled call with a reporter with the Albuquerque Journal for the event and working with one of the non-profits and partnering restaurant for a KRQE TV segment. I also had a Teams meeting with my virtual selling co-hort. I headed out the door just after 10a.m. in order to get to Macy’s by 10:20a.m. It had been raining that morning, but I was so grateful that it had stopped just before I made my trek. I again was going through the employee entrance on the west end of 35th (I could easily get used to this). After getting through security for my temporary badge, I stopped at the wellness check center to have my temperature taken before I could move on to visiting with the Louis Vuitton team. The entrance is now stanchioned off. Guest have to make a reservation or wait for an opening in order to shop and there is no dilly-dallying. I love that I get to sell LV in NM…I’ve been working to for luxury products for so long and was tired always hearing I shop in Scottsdale or Vegas or Cali when I want higher end designers. We talked about the latest releases. I asked about products for a few of my clients and took photos. I even got to witness the opening of Macy’s and the fabulous welcome they provide to their customers. If you’ve never seen it, you need to go once when the doors open. The energy takes me to a place of the customer experience that I love.

I headed back to the hotel and checked email as Josie finished getting ready. We headed back to Herald Square because Josie wanted to take a look at some of the luxury bags. We stopped by Louis Vuitton, then went on to Gucci. I talked through an issue I was having on an order while getting educated on the product lines. We then went over to Burberry and I made a few connections there. I saw that the Benefit Brow Bar was open and made an appointment for the following day, YES! After window shopping STORY, we decided we needed a bite to eat and I remembered that Shake Shack was the next block north. Since Josie and I were both fans, I suggested it. And of course there was a line and no place to sit, so we opted to head south. I wanted to take her to the consignment shops in Chelsea and I needed someplace we could sit that wasn’t too loud for the call with the staff writer at the Journal. We found a BBQ place with delectable food (while there aren’t as many choices as you’d normally find in NYC, everything we did find was absolutely yummy). I took the call and talked about the event. After we satisfied our hunger we headed over to Buffalo Exchange. The last time I was there I found a Halston Heritage dress and a Kate Spade dress, each under $20. Unfortunately there wasn’t anything that appealing nor could we try anything on so we continued on.

We decided to head back to the hotel so I could connect with my virtual selling team. However Josie stumbled upon another lovely consignment shop, Crossroads Trading. They had a wonderful collection of clothing and I liked the options and prices much more than Buffalo. There were a few cute pieces but again we couldn’t try them on. I also was watching my budget, until I got paid the next day. We walked back and I couldn’t help to think that normally on this day, Thursday, it would have been the first day of SS RTW Fashion Week. We walked by the Flatiron Building and last year at this time, there was a Burberry pop-up in the triangle. This year there was nothing. No fashionistas snapping photos or impromptu fashion shoots, no pop-ups, no store windows highlighting that it was NYFW and that made me sad.

We got back to the hotel and Josie relax while I jumped on my meeting. The day before we walked a total of 11 miles and while we did do some walking, our dawgs were barking trying to recover from the day before. We didn’t have reservations that evening, and Josie wanted to catch the game, so when we finally headed out, we found a restaurant with outdoor TVs. The place we choose had Happy Hour all day. However, there was a note that stated must order food with first round of drinks. Thinking that was odd, we grabbed a high boy and Josie had the view of a TV. We ordered wine and the first waiter asked if what we were going to order. We hadn’t had the chance to look at the menu. The next waiter came by and he gave a better pour. However once again asked what we’d like to order as far as food. We ordered a small plate just because we didn’t understand why there was so much pressure to order food (later we found out that is one of the conditions for restaurants to be open–ordering food anytime alcohol is ordered). We ordered a couple more small plates and had a couple more glasses of wine and then the heavens opened. It rained and rained and rained. We settled our check and headed back to the hotel. The wine kicking in and needed to absorb it with NY Style Pizza I suggested we go to the pizza shop just down the street from the hotel. While walking, we ducked under the awnings when possible and made it over there in time to get a slice or two.

At that time, I found out one of the Chefs had to bow out of the event because his restaurant wasn’t going to be opening in time for the event. That is the reality of life right now both in NY and NM. It made me sad and determined to make this event successful all at once. We watched the rain come down, enjoyed our pizza then headed back to the hotel. It was another night of Friends (perfect way to end the night if you ask me).

I woke in the middle of the night with an incredible urge to scratch the area around my ankles. I could not believe how bad my legged itched, rubbing my hands down my legs in the dark, I found that I was dinner for one or several very hungry mosquitoes. It was horrible. I couldn’t stop scratching and I thought I’d for sure wake up Josie. The next morning I asked her if she had been bitten. She had but at that time not as intensely as me…darn sweet meat. LOL!

It was Friday, September 11, 2020. We turned on the TV and the names of all who were killed in the attacks of 9/11/01 were being announced on the news program. It’s always surreal when I’m in NYC for 9/11 and because it tends to fall around NYFW, I’m often here on this day. One year, I remember heading to ground zero with Heather hearing the names be read as we drove up to the Freedom Tower. Last year, it was a normal day in Paris, France while I continually read about the posts on Facebook. I had scheduled my brow appointment at 11a.m. so Josie joined me. Instead of playing upbeat party music when Macy’s opened the doors, they chose to play a more appropriate yet somber, Michael Jackson’s Heal the World. And again, I was reminded of home and here and all around the world and how this pandemic has played out, but I think it hit home even more when we went to eat afterwards seeing so many homeless on the streets. There were many more requests for food vs. money and even though I heard the comment that there are services that can help feed the hungry, those organizations are stretched thin and while I seemed to hit obstacle after obstacle for the #EatOutToLiftup event. I had the resolve to let go of my ego and do all I can and bring all those I can to make it successful.

I wanted to hit Mood because they had been promoting a number of sales online. I was hoping the option was available in the store. I found a bounty of beautiful fabrics, but not quite the price point I was hoping for so after pursuing the options we headed out. We had reservations that afternoon for Dante, one of the original speakeasies in lower Manhattan. We hit the pavement again. FYI: if you ever want to travel with me know this, I walk ALOT.

We arrived at our location but our table wasn’t quite ready yet. I loved that it was a neighborhood restaurant and we had the perfect view of the Freedom Tower, quite appropriate on this day. There was a trio playing fabulous music. We ordered classic cocktails and I went on to order Italian while Josie ordered a breakfast style panini (I had deprived her of breakfast the past few days). We ate, drank and were merry. It was another beautiful day in NYC and I loved people watching in the West Village. Josie found a rooftop bar nearby, so after dinner we headed west towards the piers. We arrived at the hotel that hosts the bar to find out that it was completely booked, so we started walking back to the hotel. We walked through NoHo and SoHo and saw the cobblestone streets. The area known for the high-end boutiques, reminded me much of Santa Fe, where everything closes up by 8p.m. Trying to gather my bearings, Josie asked if we could get an Uber. I laughed and said yes. We had arrived in the East Village and a neighborhood I had stayed at a number of times the year prior. We got back to the hotel and tried one more time to see if there was an opening at the hotel terrace bar. I don’t know how we did it on a Friday night, but there was. We sat at the bar and had a great bartender who know how to pour a drink and another who caught eyes. We had cocktails after a fun and beautiful last night in NYC, we went to our hotel room and The Proposal was on.

It was the perfect way to end the night except I got the munchies. I went back down stairs and ordered a plethora of food for us but got back to the hotel to find Josie fast asleep. I went to bed to find my mosquito bites had multiplied. This time I put toothpaste on them in hopes it would stop the itching (it kind of did but not really).

The next morning I woke, took a shower, packed my bag and ran out. We had an extended check out of 12:30p.m. It was after 11a.m. and I wanted to head to the Nintendo Store to get my boy something. It was cooler and there was a breeze, but when I stopped in the sun it was quite warm. I headed north 14 blocks to Rockefeller Center, walked into the store, had my temperature taken, immediately found him the perfect gift, paid for it and realized I would have enough time to walk to Macy’s and get my girls a few gifts from Story. I got there just before noon, headed to the mezzanine, picked up a few fun things then chatted with the sales colleague before heading back to the hotel. I walked 30 blocks and shopped within an hour…basically, your New York Minute.

We checked out, jumped into an Uber and were back at LaGuardia within the next hour. While in the car, I read a message from my dear friend. She asked if I was in NYC. I said yes, but that I was heading back that afternoon. She said she didn’t have the courage to travel yet. While I completely understood where she was coming from, it made me think of another message I had received from another dear friend. When I was on the plane heading to NYC, she said, “You only live once and sometimes you have to live to LIVE instead of live to die. Be safe out there. Love you.” I was anxious about going but I was also in dire need to be able to travel again. I took all the safety precautions possible. NYC is very much a part of who I am and I had to see the current state for myself and as surreal as it was (sometimes reminding me of moments of I Am Legend), it still gave me all the feels of home. Plus, I was much more worried about getting West Nile Virus than COVID-19 (hope you read this as a joke).

While this September, there was so much fashion lacking than what I normally find in NYC. It was still my urban jungle, my soul filling experience. It also put into perspective what I can do back at home, supporting the #EatOutToLiftUp event…and bring some fashion to that event. Cheers to another Ms. Adventures!

With Light and Love,
Dara Sophia

I ain’t too proud to beg….I hope you will support the #EatOutToLiftUp event. Hopeless + Cause Atelier will be participating with a small show at Fork & Fig, 6p.m. If you’d like to watch it, please purchase the DINE IN option or support one of the other dining times at Fork & Fig, Hollow Spirits, or Tako Ten. Not in town, you can still support raising fund for the non-profits by purchasing raffle tickets. Click on the image or scan the QPR code below. PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!

I woke up Sunday in a funk. It was day six of my work week. It’s been too hot. I haven’t been sleeping well. And honestly, I’m just a little melancholy about not being able to travel, having Sunday dinners at my grams, going to concerts, etc. etc. etc. Poor me right!?! But still they are legitimate feelings.

However, I decided to remember what I’m grateful for and to leave that funk at home (I decided I’d work it out Monday on a run tomorrow plus I’d be seeing Ang). When I got into Macy’s and logged on to email, I had a message from someone I wasn’t expecting one from. She was shopping for a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON in her life and chose to ask for my assistance instead of shopping online. I hit the floor and found options. We talked on the phone for a moment as I processed her purchase (with curbside pick up). I was totally floored when she mentioned that she noticed my posts and my positivity. This interaction totally got me out of my funk and finally inspired me to write. When I started writing this blog, it was initially entitled, “The power you have is, YOU.” And while I believe this to be SO incredibly true, it’s also what and who you bring WITH you.

I’ve been continuing my French lessons on Duolingo and listening to French music constantly (I’ll share my favorites at the end) and it is such a beautifully romantic and throaty language but the one word that has been popping up over and over and I love the way it sounds is: Avec. It is pronounced a·vèk. It is a simple but powerful word, translated into English, “with”. It has been resonating so much lately.

We just wrapped up my favorite month of the year. I don’t normally tell people my birthday, and not because I don’t like celebrating it, I celebrate all month. I don’t say it because I have the “Christmas in July” birthday. It’s the day after Independence Day and as a child I loved it…I thought the whole nation was prepping for my special day, but as I entered my teenage years I found it was hard to schedule anything and especially if it was on a weekend because most people were either were out of town or spending time with family, so I have instead taken the casual approach. I invite friends to get together for drinks….that way no harm no foul. This year was even more so ehh…so I decided to give instead and was constantly reminded how much I am loved.

This year, I wanted to do something different. I don’t know if I told you about the dream I had a few months ago. There was a long family-style table out in a field. That field reminded me like one of the fields within my family’s ranch, sitting at this table were more than 20 people from different parts of my life. I was serving them the homemade Italian meal I had made and as I sat down, I listened and laughed along with the lively conversation and at the end of the dinner Red Light Cameras began to play. This dream occurred in late April and as I sent it out to all those who were at my table we all reminisced about missing social interaction.

So I decided to do it, the next Sunday Super was going to be in my quite large back yard. I planned out the menu. Cleaned and organized the back and looked at furniture. I sent out invites with the caveat that if the invitee didn’t feel comfortable going out, that was fine. I also asked that they not come if they were not feeling well or traveled recently. I wanted to ensure the safety of everyone attending.

The Monday before this Sunday Supper started with dinner with my friend, Eilene. I was celebrating her belated birthday and she was celebrating my birthday early. We opted for Scalo and oh how I’ve missed that restaurant. It was incredible and for a Monday night, by 7pm, the seats were full yet socially distanced…which was a good sign. It had been 5 months since we had seen each other last. As we caught up on life, we enjoyed the incredible menu that Scalo has to offer. However, on my mind was this upcoming Sunday Supper. Earlier in the day, I got a text from my KK and she was concerned with the number of people attending which had been playing with my conscience. My concern was if it got too hot and people wanted to come indoors I’d have a harder time with social distancing in my small casita, so I reached out to my friends at Hollow Spirits and asked if the private room would be available. It was and I got to work on the final details. Unfortunately, Red Light Cameras was not available.

The morning of Sunday, July 5th started with me hosting brunch. Honestly, I love cooking family style meals (so much so that when I retire I hope to have a small casita in a big field and once a month hold a family-style dinner).

I invited my minis, Jeremy, my brother, and Yvette, my SIL. I agonized over inviting my aunt Lisa and my gram, but I couldn’t take any chances, so I made them their own meals that would be delivered. Jeremy and Yvette brought dessert, my favorite, Red Velvet cake. I was interrupted once by the ring of the doorbell and the delivery of beautiful flowers from one of my BFFs, Laura, all the way from Cali. As we ate, we laughed and shared stories. It was a fabulous morning and I sent everyone home with lots of food.

After their surprise delivery, I received this response from my gram and aunt. My heart melted. I continued on on that afternoon making desserts for dinner. While Hollow Spirits was going provide the drinks and meal based on my Italian family style menu, I wanted to bring the desserts. I forgot how long it took to make cream puffs. LOL. I arrived a few minutes after 7pm and needed to set the scene before 7:30pm.

I arrived to a beautifully decorated space. I added flowers, hand sanitizer, and name placards to the seats. Around 7:30pm, I invited the guests in. I purposefully sat people where I did. I wanted to ensure they got to know each other and why they were important to me. There were childhood, reconnected and newly made friends. It was a small group and unfortunately, we couldn’t all sit together to mingle as normal, but as I looked around, I saw people talking and laughing at their tables and that made my heart happy.

At the end of the evening I got up, for a champagne toast and dessert. I went through the group individually and talked about how we met as I’ve done for years. I talked about my wishes for the upcoming year and how I wanted to share with them that they too may want to adopt them.

May you always be safe and healthy
May your body be nourished by things that help you grow
May you have fire that sparks your soul
May you be surrounded by those who love you and bring out the best in you
May you find a reason to celebrate even when the world seems dark
May you find beauty in everything
May you laugh until it hurts
May you choose selflessness over selfishness

I received a few black and white photos ‪from Adolphe. I met Adolphe 6 years ago when he came in to take photos for an article the Journal was writing about me at the boutique. However, one his most recent photos stopped my breath. It was of the protests at Tiguex Park and it was of women fleeing when shots were fired. One of the women was my KK. Adolphe was celebrating his wedding anniversary that day that he was called into action, he was not able to celebrate with his bride that evening. I invited him and Gabrielle and were honored that they could join me for this dinner.

I couldn’t help but think of the quote, “Life is not about the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” There’s something magical when you see joy on someone’s face and you had something to do with it. Sometimes the best gift is what you do for others. This day was that and a bag of chips! 

I continued the celebration the next day with my BFF, Ang. She took me to Santa Fe and it really felt like a quaint European get away, but sadly, what is known as the height of tourist season in Santa Fe wasn’t found on this day. The streets were quiet with only a few people out. Tomasitas, known for its long wait time for patrons, was a quick wait even though it was only open at 50% occupancy. Had a lovely lunch and headed over to the plaza where we accessed the Terrace at La Fonda and the beautiful view that is normally reserved for events. Our day was filled with conversation and laughter (primarily Ang laughing at me and awkward shenanigans).

As the days progressed, I wanted to do something fun for my Macy’s clients, colleagues and the community. I hosted a new bedding drive to support Beds 4 Kidz Albuquerque. I received tremendous support. I also worked with my fellow board of advisors at Fathers Building Futures to properly dress a client that completed the program and was going out for job interviews. When Macy’s decided to donate dresses to non-profit organizations, I jumped at the chance and asked if I could organize the donation to Locker #505. And because of the incredible support of the planning committee from the National Hispanic Cultural Center Foundation, I styled and donated two dresses to two beautiful volunteer poets for their upcoming virtual Maravilla Gala. That’s not all, there is a huge community even that I started planning again…more to come and HOPE you will provide your support.

I ran contests for clients and community members that shopped or interacted with my social media with prizes made up of my favorite products at Macy’s and for colleagues that shopped with me, shared assisted sales and/or made referrals, they were entered into weekly drawings for my favorite local products and services. I planned a Macy’s employee appreciation night at Fork and Fig and Broken Trail Distillery. Matt, from the later, was such a huge supporter as I was building Hopeless + Cause Atelier, I thought it would be a fun place for our employees to let off some steam and support two incredible local/neighborhood businesses (and even though it poured rain that day, the clouds seemed to disappear in time for the event). These events seemed to go over well by the interaction I saw.

What I do, I don’t do alone. I depend on others immensely and I wanted to show those around me HOW MUCH I appreciate them, especially during a time of closures, layoffs and CEOs receiving bonuses (yeah, I said it). I know what my strengths, weaknesses and opportunities are and I work on them every day, but WITHout others, I wouldn’t be who and where I am. And this reminder hit me twice last month.

First, I know the COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted plans for everyone. For my passion project, Hopeless + Cause Atelier, it meant a pause on potentially being a designer on Project Runway and Paris Fashion Week this September, but I refused letting it stop my desire to create and empower others.

H+CA was featured in another international fashion magazine (thank you Harper’s Bazaar UK for including this designer from New Mexico in your August Issue). I have always believed that if you work your ass off, surround yourself with the right people, and believe you deserve the best, the universe follows suit. I can’t wait to see what’s next, but until then, I’ll be enjoying my international model friends posting their magazine videos because I won’t be getting my copy until September (darn you again COVID-19). All of you reading this, thank you for believing in this little atelier and supporting my dreams!!

Then a few weeks later, I received a call from a writer with the Albuquerque Journal. I was to be receiving the recognition of the Businesswoman in Fashion and Design and honoree in Retail Services. The writer asked me about mentors. I started talking about my original mentor in fashion design, my grandmother. I continued to talk about Jennifer and her early support. I talked about Jamie who constantly supports my dreams through her blog/videos and even many times flying out to my shows. I talked about the community that surrounds me from models, to beauty professionals, to other creatives. Honestly, it’s WITH others that I have achieved so much.

While my life motto is la vita e un dono, I plan to die young as late as possible which means experiencing life to the fullest and not using the excuse that I’m too old or it’s too late for me to do that. But I also believe the youthful souls around me help to keep me young and I’m not saying the 20 and 30 year olds, but those youthful souls in their 50s, 60s and beyond. While individually we bring ideas, values and life experiences–an uniqueness to the table–but the collective “we” brings change, brings vision to life, brings beauty to the world.

As I go into the last few months of the year, I will keep this in the forefront of my mind–AVEC AMOUR. I am beyond words on how grateful I am to have the CUSTOMERS I have, the COLLEAGUES I work with, the SMALL BUSINESSES and NON-PROFITS I partner with, and especially my FAMILY and FRIENDS. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! You help me get out of my funk and focus on the important things. We can all do something that costs nothing: be kind, be grateful and be positive about something…especially in a time when we can forget to be.

And thank you, Governor (she was my customer from Sunday that reminded me of this), your role is a difficult one at any given time, but during this pandemic…I can’t even imagine!! So doing even a small thing like shopping for your VIP helps alleviate something, I’m honored to.

Oh, and I booked that trip to NYC…so if anyone wants to travel WITH me…

Avec lumière et amour,
Dara Sophia

P.S. Here’s that playlist I promised

I was reminded this week, after seeing a very adorable photo, of a very poignant moment in my childhood. I was in the first grade when a parent came in and provided a special treat to the class. She volunteered to paint our faces. I remember everyone being so excited by this. All the girls were having their faces painted like princesses with rosey cheeks, red lips and blue lids. It came to my turn and mine seemed to take longer. When the mirror was lifted, so I could see the finished product, I saw a white face, red lip and black star around my eye. My face immediately fell because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be a princess, but instead I was the starchild (Paul Stanley’s rock-n-roll character from KISS). I had to ask. The answer has stayed with me until this day. She said, “you aren’t a princess; you’re a rockstar.”

I’ve thought about it several times throughout my life (some may call it an adverse childhood experience…I call it enlightenment…lol, really). But as I’ve had a little time to really think about it, I had an epiphany of sorts. Princesses have everything handed to them when they are born. They expect everything to be given to them as part of their reign. They are born or married into their title. Yet how many stories have you read and seen about the princess running away from her life?

Now the rockstar… The rockstar on the other hand has created her life, constantly growing from what she’s learned about herself and the world around her, living sometimes unconventionally and testing those boundaries. The rockstar doesn’t always make the right decisions and sometimes royally fucks shit up, but if she is true to herself, she shakes it off, apologies when necessary and then comes out with her next hit. She lives from a place within her soul, raw, pure and true, looking at the world around her to see how she can add beauty to it through her creations. The rockstar doesn’t sit in her ivory tower waiting for her prince to come.

Earlier in the week, I was provided the opportunity to return to Macy’s. I have been looking forward to this moment for two months, and while excited, I was also apprehensive. Could I ensure my health and safety and those around me? It’s been over three months that I’ve been able to hug my gram and aunt only seeing them from a distance. I know going back into the public this would prolong it even more. I’ve seen the videos and news segments on the company and the protocols they have implemented, I feel good about my company, but I’ve also seen how the act of wearing a mask or not wearing has become of “a violation your freedoms and constitutional rights” by some and for some the extreme of it’s my body/my right, comparing it to abortion. I think to myself, “do you think this is a joke?!?” Maybe these people have not been impacted. Personally, my uncle was hospitalized with COVID-19. Thank God he recovered, returned home, and the rest of his family wasn’t affected. However, I’ve also heard from others whose loved ones weren’t that lucky.

Then there are those that have compared the disease to the flu and how the flu has killed many more people, then I saw a post by someone I completely respect. He stated, “Lethality over time overlayed with society’s response. <flu statistics> 80k over 24 months with everyone going about their lives. <Covid-19 statistics> 100k over 5 months with the country on lock down, travel stopped, public gatherings halted.” via Alex Flores.

And I understand the impact to the economy. I have been blessed to have qualified for unemployment (something I have never used before), had my medical insurance paid for by Macy’s through the end of June, and not have many bills. I’ve had past experience of living paycheck-to-paycheck and working with the working poor so I empathize with those small business owners or self-employed who have been devastated economically during this time. However I commend the governor of New Mexico, who is thoughtfully opening up the state. We don’t know what this virus will do yet I’m happy she is erring on the side of safety. Because I have been blessed, I have created a balance of supporting my community by purchasing products from small businesses and local restaurants. However because I also wanted to have a job (that I love) to return to, I also purchased from Macy’s during my time at home.

It kills me every time someone posts, shop local only…because corporations will come through this but small businesses won’t. I believe, and have been an advocate for many years, that you should always be supporting local and small….but you should be doing it every day, not just during this pandemic. To say that larger entities will be fine, just isn’t true (ie: Pier 1, JC Penney, Neiman Marcus…). I found out that about Nishi closing in NYC. 😔This East meets West Italian fusion restaurant was my introduction to Momofuku back in February 2019. I had an incredible dinner filled with mouth watering pasta (keto cheat day) and lustful wine pairing, laughter and conversation. When I visited NYC, this past February, I walked right by it one day and thought about that night, but also thought I needed to go back. Unfortunately, that won’t be a possibility.

I was taken back to that post www.HopelessCauseAtelier.com/I-needed-a-fix. I had tried to order that wine, but had no luck so I opted to reach out to the winery, what I found was an incredible connection. I wrote an email stating:

Cheers!

I hope this finds you and yours healthy and safe. I am writing today because I fell in love with the Arbe Garbe 2015 at Momofuku’s Nishi pasta pairing dinner back in February 2019…so much so that I wrote about it. “The third round stopped me in my tracks. The risotto melted on my tongue with its richness, but even more so I fell in lust with the wine (if you can lust an inanimate object). The aroma was so delicate, floral and honestly, seductive. I kind of wanted to dip my finger in it and rub it behind my ear, but I refrained. As I sipped the wine, it was buttery, crisp and delicious. The vine came from Sonoma, but had roots in Italy. I constantly brought the wine glass up to my nose just to inhale its aroma. We continued the evening talking, laughing and learning about the food and wine presented to us. I told him I needed to walk after and asked if he had time to go get a drink. Before we left, he gifted a bottle of the Arbe Garbe.” ‪

A few weeks ago, I had attempted to order a few bottles of the 2018, but it seems you don’t ship to New Mexico. Today, I found out that Momofuku is shuttering the Nishi location in Chelsea. That and missing NYC something fierce, I craved your wine even more. If it’s not possible to ship to NM, where I can find your wines?

I wasn’t expecting such a thoughtful response.

Hello Dara Sophia,

Thank you for your beautiful message.
I tried to answer earlier, but decided to click on your link first so I got sidetracked and tripped out on your blog for a few hours!
A few lifetimes ago I have been in fashion retail and considered going into fashion design myself. Life played out differently for me, but my passion for fashion still persists.
I absolutely love your description of the Arbe Garbe 2015, I would say one of the best I’ve ever read, including acclaimed wine writers.
We don’t ship to NM because we don’t have a lot of following there so far. For this time, please go ahead and place your order. Keep shining!

I will be receiving the wine this week. I will be saving it until the time I can enjoy it with others. This exchange reminded me of the importance of connection. Since, I can’t see most of my loved ones I have found other ways to let them know I’m thinking of them. Whether it’s through text messaging, social media, drive by parades, socially distant long walks, picnics, hikes and Friday Fundays, baking and delivering or having gifts delivered to them. I have tried to keep in contact one way or another with my friends and family all over the world. However it’s been hard not to physically hug and touch.

So after two months (or 64 days), this Friday I returned to my role at Macy’s. What I’ve learned during this time…

While I LOVE my solitude, I NEED my people…like the air I breathe. Not being able to hug, touch, and show them my smile is not being human.

I LOVE to cook, bake, experiment….CREATE. This is my happy place. I now understand why my grandma hums as she cooks. I like trying new things and what I LOVE most is seeing the eyes, of the people I cook for, roll back in enjoyment.

After so many recent let-downs, I could not find my enjoyment in fashion design until I saw the smile on my dear heart’s face when we had her graduation dress fitting this week, and I received requests from two admired photographers, who wanted to collaborate…then all my sadness from not moving forward with Project Runway and Paris Fashion Week went away. Poof! 💜 While life won’t always give you what you want, it will give you what you need (thanks Rolling Stones).

How much I LOVE NYC and still want to move there, even after everything.

We are all one crisis away from ultimate destruction and discovery.

When facing mountains that test your stamina, commitment and fortitude, if you have the right mindset and people on your team, you will enjoy the beautiful view from the top.

There is balance in everything…if you love greasy fast food French Fries, don’t let someone shame you, if you’ve been blessed during this time, help your neighbors, support those who need you in whatever way you can.

Enjoy moments with the people you love…laugh wholeheartedly, cry, tell stories of the past, make plans for the future and stick to them life is TOO SHORT.

Be surrounded by beauty, music, kindness and big dreams and not the ugliness that is SO sensationalized these days. You never know who you are inspiring.

That I have free will and while I don’t like to be told what to do, sometimes you’ve got to go beyond yourself and think of others (even when you can’t breathe, that breath fogs your glasses, and the straps hurt your ears).

While the future is uncertain, I don’t have time to waste on worry or fret. Life will throw obstacles in your way, things may not work out as you hope, plans may change, but don’t give up on you and your ability. Those obstacles will help you work harder, better, stronger.

That I AM A ROCKSTAR!!

My first day back, totally kicked my butt. I don’t know that life will return to what it used to be, but I am okay with what I can be. La vita è un dono 

I’ve always been one to take risks, even when I didn’t think I was. I’ve believed in pulling up my own seat to the table if there wasn’t one carved out for me. I believe in the power I have to create the world I want to see and the voice to share that vision with others while caring and supporting their needs. I am going forward on this Memorial Day with this reminder.

Be a rockstar, go forward doing what you believe in and do what is right, not what you think you are entitled to (I’ll save the story of the soldier for another day).

With light and love,
Dara Sophia

Bon jour! Comment ça va?

It’s day 298 of quarantine here in my casita…while it feels like it, it is actually my 20th day and I’ve been officially furloughed from Macy’s. I knew this would be coming when I heard that the President called for everyone to stay at home until April 30th.

I am so incredibly blessed and thankful for those that reached out to see how I was doing after the news hit. Honestly, I was sad that I couldn’t get back to doing what I love and the people I work with. However, I was in complete agreement that this was the right decision. I have what I need to tide me through. I am at home with Kiki and Chibi. We walk daily and spend time on the empty golf course soaking up the sun when it is out.

The first week, I let myself go through all the emotions. I have been following the Keto diet for the past year and haven’t had carb cravings at all, until I had been sequestered to my casita. I’ve baked more than I did at Christmas. I didn’t keep up a daily routine and let my fitness fall to the side beyond taking the pups for a walk. That was partially for my sanity but it has been a necessity because Kiki can no longer walk on her own. Not only can I tell that she loves being outdoors by the way she wags her tail, but it is also vital to ensure she goes to the bathroom outside and not on her bed.

The gloomy, cloudy and windy weather picked up on my mood and fed into it. I let myself feel all the feels. I didn’t get upset with myself for feeling this way, but I also didn’t become that emotion. I gave myself the space and time to work through it, still journaling and writing down what I was thankful for because there is still so much I have and can give during this time. It wasn’t until I watched a Youtube segment by one of my favorite authors, researchers, and story tellers, Brene Brown, that I was able to pull myself out of this dark place.

This interview was a reminder that it is okay to not be super productive during this time, but for my own sanity I had to set boundaries. I reduced my time on Facebook as I realized it feeds my anxiety. I instead decided to post on Instagram. I would post photos of things I found beautiful to me: places I traveled and wanted to travel, things that inspired me an things that made me smile. I started following more accounts that fell in these categories. I made a commitment to check in on friends and loved ones. And as I wrote in my journal about what I was grateful for, I added a list of suggestions for things to do so I felt like I had a sense of accomplishment since I no longer had my usual routine. I am still planning on Paris Fashion week for SS21, so in working toward this goal, I’ve committed to 10-15 minutes each day learning French on Duolingo. These commitments helped me feel like myself again. However, I also made the commitment not to shame myself if had an off day.

I still haven’t heard from Project Runway. In fact, I saw the casting company extended the date to April 1st, and then to April 8th. I don’t know what that means for my application, but nothing makes sense right now. Although this time at home would provide the perfect opportunity to create and design, I think my mood had created a mental block and I could not drawn enough inspiration to design…well, until I came across a fellow designer’s post on the material he designed.

Up until this point, I had been playing with the notion of roaring into the spring and summer collection, but that roar came to a screeching halt. As I was scrolling through my feed on March 28th, I was stopped in my tracks. This vibrant image spoke to me by its broken beauty, separateness and how solitary items, when pieced together created cohesiveness and a full story. I reached out to the designer, Benton Burford, whom I follow because of his beautiful design (he’s primarily into interior designs), to see if it would be possible to get fashion fabric. He immediately responded and was excited by the opportunity to collaborate. It then made me think about a couple of designs I had been playing with.

I had been playing with positivity and empowering words. I have wanted to work with a graffiti artist to design on fabric for about 5 years, but the last person I had contacted didn’t follow through and at one point when I tried to create the script on my own. It was quite laughable. As serendipitous as life happens to be, I had been connected with a local chef, Bryan Romero, to work on a culinary fundraiser. I started following his account because as I said I wanted to follow beauty, and his culinary creations were indeed that, but what I found is that he also has a fine arts background and on a few of his stories saw that this included street style graffiti so I asked if he would be interested in collaborating. I thought his script on fabric would pair beautifully with Ana’s tattooed art, whom I was already in the process of collaborating with. Chef Romero went on to suggest an artist friend of his, Berto Lara, aka Blando Bland, and my mind was blown. I see all these artists and their contributions to what I would create not only in a ready-to-wear, street style look, but also very glam and high fashion…the heart of my design aesthetic of edgy-demure. As I started pinning these images to my Pinterest Board, a beautiful theme came through…chaos. In this random disorder with irregularities…there are underlying patterns that have come through. Colors, patterns, silhouettes started to fill my mind.

It made me think of what is happening in the world right now and chaos theory or the butterfly effect and how a small isolated event can affect the bigger picture. How artists from NYC, Texas and NM can impact what I plan to create and for the first time I was excited. I started playing with material again.

I started dreaming again. This time with a table in a field filled with friends and family. I was hosting a dinner that I had made (and no one got food poisoning). As I sat back and listened to conversations, laughter and good cheer, I realized that this was important to me. As the glorious sun set, Red Light Cameras began to play (random I know, but it was my dream).

I woke that morning with the desire to share that dream with the individuals who were in it. It was my way to let them know I was thinking of them and even more importantly for them to know to be prepared for an invitation on the flip side of this pandemic. That was a good morning.

This morning, I woke with the realization that life is filled with the good, bad and the ugly. If you’ve been following along for a while you know about Kiki’s health. Today, I understood based on the fact that she didn’t eat or drink, that I’d to have to put Kiki down and my whole being shattered. I haven’t cried this much in two years and as I type this blog, the tears once again stream down my face. What the FUCK is up with April! I made this decision to not be selfish anymore. As much as I pray for a miracle, I know this is the right thing to do, but because of the nature of the world right now I had to schedule this appointment. That action broke me and luckily I could communicate with the vet via email. Which I know I will be going back and fourth, high on emotion, so if I don’t respond or step away from the world right now, this is why.

I will be enjoying every last walk with her, holding her in my lap and looking into her big buggy eyes while I can. She has graced my life with her personality, attitude and love. Yes, I feel her love. It’s hard to feel like God. And as much as I complain about not being able to work, see family and friends, and being free to do what I love, I am so incredibly grateful that I have been home to share this time with her. This is a reminder that we all have good days and bad days, but it is what we choose to take with us through learning will help us grow to better human beings.

There are so many things I have learned during this time. And even as one who lives life to the fullest, this experience at home has helped me to appreciate relationships even more and to focus on what’s important because it is so fleeting. I plan to create even more beauty and love in this world. And what I’ve learned the most is in all the gravity, lightness, and chaos, that life has to offer, I hope you will remember how beautiful it is.

Merci d’exister, c’est tout

With light and love,
Dara Sophia