“You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last.”Seneca On the Shortness of Life
Have you missed me? I have missed writing to you, but honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say that was worth reading. The holidays came and went. I spent generous amounts of time with loved ones and really tried to be present. However on Christmas night, I had a full-blown breakdown. My daughter was able to walk me back from the edge and I realized I needed to be vulnerable. I pride myself on being strong, but because I’m human I had got to a breaking point and just needed to get it out.
I spent the next couple of days, feeling a little SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder…not sad, all my verbal diarrhea of raw emotion was expelled Christmas night). While I was enjoying the snow that hit New Mexico (and loving it because the only time I want the snow in the city is Christmas through the New Year holidays—and it was the perfect gift), I did have a stint of cabin fever, so I lived vicariously through one of my BFF’s and her adventures in NYC. My smile was from ear-to-ear and I felt like I was part of it, especially when dinner one night was at the Mermaid Inn. That conversation led to discovering Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, which is now on my calendar (I will save the story of the mermaid and her importance to me for another day).
I was (and am) excited by the new year, yet once again my creative juices were lacking. I was blessed with a few custom orders and created more items for the branded store, but I wasn’t feeling it. So, on New Year’s Day with the traditional greeting, I reached out to friends and asked them for help (it’s an ongoing project so more to come). I started writing a couple of blogs, but I couldn’t complete them, either I felt like my heart wasn’t in them or I couldn’t convey my point. Returning to work after the holidays, I was able to build on the momentum that I had slowly started before the holidays. I followed up on meeting and pushed, politely, to advance my agenda, but still creatively–nada, zilch, zero, nothing!
Then, at recommendation of a friend, I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (yes, I was two seasons behind). Mid-century New York City, Greek tragedy, the lead character seizing her life by the balls, incredible fashion, and the BOWS. It reminded me that today is the day. Seize the opportunity. Carpe … Diem. I started to move and relish in snatching opportunities.
- I uncovered an email from Hearst Publishing for the opportunity to be published in Elle (yes, the same publisher of Bazaar).
- I was invited, and applied to an exclusive behind the scenes New York Fashion Week accelerator at Parsons and a conference hosted by the Tory Burch Foundation (acceptance and cost of attendance would be the barriers).
- I surprised the kids with a quick road trip—because I selfishly wanted them to myself.
- We traveled to Egypt, New York and Rome (all down the same street) and I got to see my boy smile in the professional home of his idol.
- I used a gift and I read about living in the moment (thank you, Lori).
- I used a gift and found my next show location (thank you, Cathy).
- I made a date for NYFW.
- I became 917.
- I made a commitment to write.
- I inquired about financial coaching training.
- I made my way back to yoga.
As I read, Seneca, I was reminded that “putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. Meanwhile, death will arrive, and you have no choice in making yourself available for that.” I learned just how precious today is as I talked with loved ones and saw the fragility in life around me. And then I came across this:
It is a worthy watch about A mother and son’s photographic journey through dementia and again I was reminded about what Seneca wrote, “so you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles: he has not lived long, just existed long.” As a result of these reminders, I incorporated into my daily journaling and gratitudes, an addition of things I am doing for me. They are simple things like going for a walk, drinking water, writing in my blog, or scheduling time with someone I haven’t seen for a while.
Live for today, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Un jour est aujour’hui — today is the day.
With light and love,