I woke to what I thought was the sound of screams. My eyes popped open and my heart was racing. I didn’t know where I was initially. The screaming started again and I realized it was the howling from coyotes. I immediately thought, “Where are my pups?” As I woke, I realized I was in my bed and they were safely in their beds. I took a deep breath and listened more to their midnight melody. While I’ve said how much I love having wildlife all around my casita, this evening it woke me in fright. Once I controlled my breathing and realized all was “ok”, I fell back into a deep slumber.
That was a few weeks ago and I couldn’t shake it, so I decided to research the spiritual meaning of coyotes. What I found is that the coyote often symbolizes the trickster or joker. However, according to spiritnimal.info, its symbolism is associated with a deep magic of life and creation. Another interpretation that I found and LOVED, “If you are seeing a coyote in your dreams, it means that you are very protective towards your family members. Coyote is also believed to be the harbinger of life and the symbol of new birth. It is an animal who is associated with cleverness and deception. A coyote is a transformer and a shape shifter.” dreamatico.com/coyote.html
It was kind of perfect that the hallowing sounds woke me. It was the jolt to my psyche that I needed. I’ve been in this creative purgatory not deciding whether I wanted to descend or ascend in the reality of pursuing this goal in fashion. I’ve been feeling this way since the beginning of the year, setting goals to ensure I kept on track, but just not feeling it which honestly just sucks! Then I recalled a book I bought and read a little over a year ago, The Crossroads of Should and Must…find and follow your passion. I opened it, having forgotten what I originally read, and this was the first thing I saw “I was sound asleep when the sign arrived.” Chills. Right?!?
“When you decide to look for your dreams in real life where do you go?” Elle Luna, The Crossroads of Should and Must
According to the book, should is how other people want us to live our lives. When I was stopped by a stranger in NYC, the woman told me all these incredible insights that she felt the need to share with me. One of these insights was the jealously that surrounded me. I remember I found that peculiar and laughable. Then it was reinforced recently. Someone told me they were resentful because I choose to live my life to the fullest. I don’t choose to settle, and why should I? I mean it sincerely; don’t I deserve the best?!? I’m not asking anyone to do it for me. What I am asking for is a prayer, some support, a high five when I succeed or a hug when I fail epically.
“YOU don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts. You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you’ve got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth. But that’s all.” Cheryl Strayed
#truth fo-shizzle! Must, according to Luna, is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are our most authentic self. It calls on us on a deep level and it doesn’t accept compromises.
Was that howling the interruption I needed? Or was it the reminder that there are things in my life that try to trick me to not follow my passion, to pull my attention elsewhere rather than the focus I need. Is it what’s going on in the world around me dragging me down? Then totally intrigued by a tweet by W Magazine recently, No Guts, No Glamour, I realized it was something more. It was me coming into my own.
“When you meet a woman so connected to a raging beam of life force, you understand exactly the measure of that power. A dangerous woman should summon the furies of talent in the service of a cause. Women’s power is too potent to waste on selfies.”
Believe me, I know I have the attention span of a 4-year old, spreading my time and energy over numerous projects at one time. I tend to multi-task and volunteer for too much rather than letting others take on additional responsibility. That was it. I decided to let go of the drains and focus on the fountains. I put together my last show with the intention of raising money for a local charity but to also build my portfolio for applications to runway shows. I applied for Austin Fashion Week. I didn’t make it public. I only shared with a few people that could keep me focused.
I found out this week I have been accepted and will be showing on May 19th (I’d love that high five, actually, a hug is good too).
I also received several messages from friends and fans, of my work, to apply for another prestigious fashion platform. So, this weekend, after I work my commissioned orders and create my look book for Austin, I will complete the application.
Right now, my “day job” is using all the skills I’ve learned throughout my professional career to work with some of the most courageous people I know. It’s hard and challenging because I want to bring the best of my skills and knowledge to the table. AND, it’s totally fulfilling. However, I have gotten to a point where creating is saving my own soul, and my therapy, so I schedule 20 minutes to 1 hour per day for my calling. Whether it’s designing, creating, writing, or making these flippin-fun little photo based Flipagrams about fashion, I decided I won’t get any closer to improving myself or my offerings if I don’t invest this time. Plus, this creation work helps with my sanity when I can’t take the craziness of the world around me.
“To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.” Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist
Maybe that howl was reminding me of something more. Maybe this spirit animal was screaming at me to remember deep magic of life and creation…to get back to my must.
With light and love!